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Description
Maybe there is a reason why you must check the doors, the windows, the space under the bed before you can even think about going to sleep.  Maybe there is a reason, but you really don’t know it.  As it is, sleeping doesn’t come easy to you, with millions of major and minor thoughts buzzing through your mind all at once.  You can’t stop thinking.  There are inspirational thoughts, paranoid thoughts, reminiscent thoughts, wondering thoughts…

You wonder if the front door is locked, so you check it.  You wonder if there are still donuts in the fridge, so you check it.  You wonder if that graffiti you left on that bridge in Italy is still there, so you ditch this dump and run across the sea to check it.  You check what you can because there are some thoughts that come by that you cannot check on, no matter how much they will nibble at you, no matter how much you will wonder in the middle of the night.

You wonder if your sister ever truly stopped being angry at you, and if she means it when she smiles.  You wonder what those new memories make her think of you, and you wonder if she still remembers the time you two put dye in Father’s shampoo, only to have it backfire on you.  Probably not.  You wonder if prayers really work, and if a prayer would help you fix the whole mess that is your family.

Probably not.

You wonder who is in the shower at this time of night, and you wonder where your clock is so you can actually see what time of night you are wondering about.  You know one thing for sure: it is not Todd.  You wonder if he will ever get a clue and notice that Wanda does not like him.  You wonder if he really believes that clipping his toenails beside her is a form of flirtation, and you are sure that you were not the only one who wanted to laugh when one flew into her eye.  You wonder if you would be dead if it were not for your ability to get out of places on such short notice.  You wonder what would happen if you squirted Todd with hand soap.  Would he die? You wonder if a mutation can kill a person.

You wonder if Lance could die from his headaches, or is he just exaggerating them?  You wonder if you should apologize or something just in case.  You wonder if Lance really meant that hateful thing he said to you today, and you wonder if he wonders the same thing about what you said back.

Probably not.

You wonder if Freddy is really hungry when he eats, and if he isn’t, they why?  You wonder what would happen if you ran full speed into his girth.  Who would that hurt more? Probably you.  You wonder if people would come to your funeral, and if they would cry.  They don’t like you very much around these parts sometimes.  What if they don’t come? What if you are buried alone; what if nobody loves you?  What about your father?  What about your father?

You wonder if your father will ever achieve that dream of mutant superiority, and if he does, then what? Will he become one of those loving fathers you see on cheap TV? Do you even want that? Probably not.  Sometimes you wonder what it would be like to not wonder at night, to not have to check the things you can and dwell on the rest.  You wonder what it would be like to have such a horribly slow mind that the only thought before bed would be, “I wonder what tomorrow will be like.”  You don’t want that.  Right?  You don’t want that at all.  You don’t know what you want.  You are always tired and always frustrated because you cannot check on the things that matter most and you cannot go to sleep.

The only thing you can check on is the front door, which you aren’t sure you locked properly the last time.  So you get up and you check it again.

It is the only way you can sleep at night.

END

Description
Maybe there is a reason why you must check the doors, the windows, the space under the bed before you can even think about going to sleep.  Maybe there is a reason, but you really don’t know it.  As it is, sleeping doesn’t come easy to you, with millions of major and minor thoughts buzzing through your mind all at once.  You can’t stop thinking.  There are inspirational thoughts, paranoid thoughts, reminiscent thoughts, wondering thoughts…

You wonder if the front door is locked, so you check it.  You wonder if there are still donuts in the fridge, so you check it.  You wonder if that graffiti you left on that bridge in Italy is still there, so you ditch this dump and run across the sea to check it.  You check what you can because there are some thoughts that come by that you cannot check on, no matter how much they will nibble at you, no matter how much you will wonder in the middle of the night.

You wonder if your sister ever truly stopped being angry at you, and if she means it when she smiles.  You wonder what those new memories make her think of you, and you wonder if she still remembers the time you two put dye in Father’s shampoo, only to have it backfire on you.  Probably not.  You wonder if prayers really work, and if a prayer would help you fix the whole mess that is your family.

Probably not.

You wonder who is in the shower at this time of night, and you wonder where your clock is so you can actually see what time of night you are wondering about.  You know one thing for sure: it is not Todd.  You wonder if he will ever get a clue and notice that Wanda does not like him.  You wonder if he really believes that clipping his toenails beside her is a form of flirtation, and you are sure that you were not the only one who wanted to laugh when one flew into her eye.  You wonder if you would be dead if it were not for your ability to get out of places on such short notice.  You wonder what would happen if you squirted Todd with hand soap.  Would he die? You wonder if a mutation can kill a person.

You wonder if Lance could die from his headaches, or is he just exaggerating them?  You wonder if you should apologize or something just in case.  You wonder if Lance really meant that hateful thing he said to you today, and you wonder if he wonders the same thing about what you said back.

Probably not.

You wonder if Freddy is really hungry when he eats, and if he isn’t, they why?  You wonder what would happen if you ran full speed into his girth.  Who would that hurt more? Probably you.  You wonder if people would come to your funeral, and if they would cry.  They don’t like you very much around these parts sometimes.  What if they don’t come? What if you are buried alone; what if nobody loves you?  What about your father?  What about your father?

You wonder if your father will ever achieve that dream of mutant superiority, and if he does, then what? Will he become one of those loving fathers you see on cheap TV? Do you even want that? Probably not.  Sometimes you wonder what it would be like to not wonder at night, to not have to check the things you can and dwell on the rest.  You wonder what it would be like to have such a horribly slow mind that the only thought before bed would be, “I wonder what tomorrow will be like.”  You don’t want that.  Right?  You don’t want that at all.  You don’t know what you want.  You are always tired and always frustrated because you cannot check on the things that matter most and you cannot go to sleep.

The only thing you can check on is the front door, which you aren’t sure you locked properly the last time.  So you get up and you check it again.

It is the only way you can sleep at night.

END