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vanilla-coke — Silent Embrace
Published: 2002-09-03 17:08:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 437; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 68
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Description
Silent EmbraceSpider webs, silk in moonlight spinning
Life is a race, some loose and some are winning.
Is this true... all this loss and envy?
yes, now just watch.. this is just the beginning.
Oh no, what now?
Shows' over.. stand up and take your bow.
Loosing control, but how?
I'm just a faithless man, now.
Godless and alone in this world
around and around my thoughs twirled
a beautiful silence.. somtimes comes
then into that blackness, she succumbs.
Heroin in her viens.. she tells me that she itches.
shh.. be quiet. She bites her tongue while she twitches.
What can I do? She'll need an abulance soon.
I've been with her since midnight, it's going on noon.
Rushing into the ER, the doctor needs a blood pressure stat.
A syringe in a plastic bag.. a cop says "I'll need that".
a tear rolls down my cheek. Trisma just set in.
Life signs are failing. Death will now begin.
A breathing tube down her throat, electrodes on her chest
I can't do anything but watch, I hope the doctors are doing their best.
Now In the waiting room, my mind's final test.
She took too much, now in critical care.. who woulda' guessed?
Next morning, she's now a little stable.
I got her some roses.. left them on the table.
Pushed back her hair, and just wonder why...
But no need for sorrows, I'm just glad she's alive.
I'll wait here, still, even though it's been all day.
I just want to talk, I have some things to say.
She opens her eys, light hit her with a boom
there I was.. praying.. the only one in the room.
Maybe she'll know now, maybe she'll see why i care,
all these years she's put me thru pain.. never was fair.
it's okay now, she whipes the tears from my face
In a hosptial bed, I was happy, in a silent embrace.
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Comments: 4
Very openly expressing one's feelings are soul cleansing and your words reflect that VC. I like it. It's honest and direct.
My only comment would be one word correction. Many people often type "loose" for "lose" and so you did. But no biggie. The bottom line is you don't want Teeto to lose her battle for life and self respect. I commend you for your continuing support in light of it all.
Good work, hope she will read it too.
never be the first one to stop hugging!
T2
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I really like this poem? and who freaking cares what category its in, some people are morons. Well whatever i really like good job
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=/ damn... heh... i can't give any critique on this other than there are very few poems that have ever effected me, i thought i was going to have to wipe my own face for a second there. i have a cousin who's been thru rehab a few times for heroin and an uncle who died of an OD so it lands pretty close to home. very nice poem, don't add favs often but i think this will fit perfectly
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i adress this from a poetic perspective...not a personal one...take no offense.
the subject matter, imagery, and diction are great. from that perspective this was a good poem. heres its downfall.
you have chose a commonly used, but very difficult rhyme scheme when dealing with longer poems. if you MUST rhyme, try using a rhyme scheme that doesent rhyme every line. such as AbAc instead of the traditional AABB. this will go leaps in bounds for this poem.
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