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Vibrant-connotations — Survival in Abandonment
Published: 2010-08-16 14:03:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 312; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description We'd been on the train for around eleven days, never stopping. Just going around and around, hoping that we wouldn't be caught by the plague that covered the country like dense smog. Jack and I had to be the last two left that weren't part of the infected.
One by one the population of Great Britain fell to the unmentionables, it started somewhere in the Midlands and seeped its way through the cities and the towns, the villages and the farms. Until there was no one left. Even the other countries had abandoned us. We were completely alone.

****

Yawning, I stretched my arms out; enjoying the release it gave and pushed my burlap sack away from me. I looked along the aisle and chuckled to myself when I saw Jack's foot poking out from under the seats. I did tell him that if he slept on the seats, whenever the train jolted he'd be thrown from them and on to the floor. But he just shrugged and insisted, "As long as it makes you laugh, Alice, it doesn't bother me." And that made me smile all the more. It was a weird relationship, but I loved it anyway. My own bubble of happiness in a world gone mad So I clung to it as tightly as I could, afraid that he would be torn away from me like everything else.
Looking up, I could see the world shooting past and I took in the sunlight that spilled through the plastic windows. I heard Jack's clumsy footsteps and giggled as I went limp, pretending to be asleep.
Confused, He jabbed at my side, forcing me to open my eyes.
"Morning Sleeping Beauty, What's for breakfast?"
"Oh well, dear Prince we have a mighty fine selection for you today!" I jumped up and ran into the first class seating area and dug through the cooler that was taped to the seat.
"Hmm, cold baked beans or Radiated Pink Ladies?"
A toothy grin met my question "Tsk, that's easy, baked beans."

Meal times were always silent, I think you need that. When you're trapped with some one twenty four seven, you need that "space" the "alone time". Or you'll just end up resenting them. But today something had changed, he was babbling worse than a brook, cracking jokes and spinning lines, and it made me feel so uncomfortable.
I was right to be wary because half way through one of his stories he broke off.

"Georgia would have loved you, y'know. I seriously miss her Alice, its killing me." He stood up and tossed the can out of the window and walked away, opening the doors separating the carriages and walking through.
I was completely caught off guard; we had made it clear when we met, that talking about the past would only end up sending us mad. We needed to stay focused on the here and now; it was the only safe way to maintain our future.
I decided to finish my meal before going after him, there was no point wasting food and it's not like he could go anywhere. So dubiously I followed the path he took and was surprised to see him in the next carriage just staring out of the window, his eyes devouring the English countryside.
"Jack?" I stood at the door, sub-consciously tugging at my ragged T-shirt. "Do you want to talk about it?"
His eyes flicked towards me and he sighed. It was his idea to bury the past and I doubt he wanted to be contradictive.
"No, Alice its fine. I'm sorry; I just got a little erratic." He got up and gathered me into a desperate hug. Although I wasn't sure which one of us needed it the most. At that moment the train stopped and the force of it was enough to send both of us flying down the aisle. Gingerly we got to our knees and crept to the window, it was difficult to see very much. Outside, we were surrounded by dense woodland, which clouded our vision and made it near impossible to scout out any of the diseased.
"Maybe the electricity has blown?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer.
"Shouldn't be, these new trains are solar powered, and if the sun went out, that's when we should really start to panic" Jack turned me towards him, cupped my face with his hands and softly caressed it. He smiled, but it was a false one, his eyes proved that. Normally a pale blue, they had grown dark and icy, he was trying to protect me. But from what?
Realization hit me. His grip on my head and been keeping me from seeing what was really happening, I began to panic. I tried to pull away and turn my head but he just yanked me towards him protectively, shielding my eyes from what was leering in from the outside.
"It's going to be okay Alice" He whispered. "Just don't look up"

There was only one of them pressing its face against the window, but that was more than enough. Its menacing face with skin torn down one cheek was oozing with a foul liquid that dribbled down its discoloured face and onto its skinless collarbone. Its matchstick fingers were scrapping greedily at the windowpane trying to find a way inside, I could hear it inhaling deeply, trying to catch our scent. It began to move along the carriage, and stopped when it found the door. Scratching and howling was all I could hear when it attacked the door in a wild frenzy.
I couldn't take it any more; the panic took hold of me. I didn't want to die. Not like this.
I pushed myself away from Jack and clumsily ran to the train door. The creature and I stood there, breathless for a moment, taking in the sight of one another, adrenaline running through our veins. It felt like the world was moving in slow motion when the creature's rotting arm broke through the glass and started reaching for me. It was so close to me. So close I could literally feel its hunger, clawing at my heart and calling out my name.
The predators hazel eyes were hypnotic, gold rings circling the coffee coloured iris. I found myself reaching for it, welcoming its presence, until Jack shoved me to the floor and braced himself for the slaughter.
But almost as suddenly as it had stopped, the train started to move again. As it picked up speed we could hear the creature wailing in pain as the wind tore at its delicate flesh, separating it from the arm already inside the train. I felt sick and looked up at Jack who was almost in tears.
"Don't ever..." He helplessly began. "Be so reckless again, it's not only your heart it will break."

It was awkward after the attack, awkward glances, awkward pacing, and worst of all the awkward silence. So just to escape it, I wandered to the farthest area of the train and bedded down, throwing old rags on the floor to make it more comfortable. I rested my head on my old gym bag and drifted into unconsciousness.
I dreamt about everything. My mind took to wandering the halls of my memories, reliving my mothers birthday, the day I got lost in the supermarket and even when my dad came home after getting his dream job. They were all so happy then. Before it all happened. Before I met Jack.

******


My head was spinning; I knew I couldn't out run them for long, not in my physical state.  I wished I had listened to my PE teacher when she said cross-country would eventually be the key that would keep me alive. Oh bitter sweet irony, how I loathe thee.
I screamed into the darkness that surrounded me, hoping that someone, anyone could hear me. However, it seemed that I was screaming at a brick wall, quite literally. I had gone so completely blind with fear I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going, and managed to wind up stuck down a small alley way. I turned around and forced my tired to eyes focus on the opening, I could see the infected trying to search me out in the darkness, the golden rings of their eyes illuminated further by the moon, causing spiderlike shivers to race up my spine.
Frantically, I turned my back on the diseased creatures and traced the wall with my fingers trying to find a foothold so I could climb up. Instead my hands found fingers, long and thin encasing my own and pulling me high, on top of the wall and into uncertain freedom.
"Show me your eyes!" I hissed as I was pulled up onto a ledge but my command was only met by another.
"Move it!" The male's voice said as he pushed me into a small hole in one of the nearby roofs.
Straightening my back and struggling free, my eyes slowly adjusted to the poorly lit room, they darted from one corner of the room the next in an attempt to get an idea of where I was.
We appeared to be in a room with an apex roof, causing it to look smaller than it actually was. In the farthest end of the room I could see my saviour and strange girl deep in conversation, each looking and pointing at me in turn. I was too exhausted to be insulted by their lack of trust, not that I could say I blamed them in the countries current state.
I lent my head against the wall and slid down so I could sleep a while; I closed my eyes and started to drift away.
"Hey," a sharp jab hit my side. "You dead?" The boy was standing over me now, shadows half covering his scarred face.
"If you don't mind me asking," The girl appeared from behind her companion. "How many days has it been since the start of the plague?" She cocked her head to one side inquisitively. She looked so young, I felt bad that such innocence had to witness these horrific times.
"I think it's been around five months now since the first signs of the outbreak, but I can't be certain. I spent most of that time running for my life, I hardly had the time to mark off the days on my calendar" I scoffed.
"Ouch, Georgia, this one has a sharp tongue eh?" The older boy looked at me sceptically before continuing. "I'm Jack, and this is my sister Georgia," he stopped to indicate. "Seventeen if that makes any difference, and my sister here has just celebrated her eleventh birthday."
"Oh I'm so sorry! Its just I've been running for hours and feeling a bit rough around the edges. I'm Alice, seventeen also and charmed to meet you I'm sure. Oh and Happy Birthday sweetie." I produced a tired smile.
In the back of my mind I couldn't help thinking that it was odd, almost wrong to be able to talk to people again. Every fibre in my body seemed to be screaming, needing to know the answers to a thousand different questions; was I still in danger?
Jack was lovely; he told me that it was an unspoken rule with them that they didn't talk about what had happened. And I happily accepted it, I felt that the past was a dangerous road that only fools and the fearless dared to dwell upon. Georgia however didn't warm to me quite as quickly. She kept her distance and made a point of avoiding me as best she could. It seemed like she thought I was a threat to her little homestead. But it didn't matter, I didn't plan on staying with them for very long, I wanted to keep moving and try and find a way to get out of the country, to start my life again and just to forget.

The next morning, soft voices around me grew louder and more tainted with aggression. My limbs felt heavy and still ached from the game of cat and mouse the day before, so I wasn't pleased to be woken up before the sun had even shown itself.
Groggily, I lifted my head and was struck dumb by the site of Jack and Georgia forcing themselves against the attics door. The tiny oak panel was bending under the pressure from the other side, jumping about on its hinges like a jack-in-the-box.
"They've found us!" Jack gasped. "We need to make a run for it, grab that bag and head for the hole you came through last night."
Obediently, I took the required bag and headed out the door into the crisp spring air. The night before this area had been crawling with the diseased, but that morning it was completely dead, if you'll excuse the pun.
"Run!" I heard Georgia squeal behind me as she pushed me off the ledge; I was sent sprawling on the cobbled floor hitting my knee hard in the process. But it didn't stop me, I'd had too much practice at this game of hide and seek, I had the advantage. The three of us sprinted through the deserted streets, hearing the howls of the infected that we past.
Looking back over my shoulder, my eyes confirmed what my heart feared the most. The diseased had poured into the streets after us. Their crippled limbs, dragging in our direction, were becoming scuffed and torn by the uneven stones of the pavement, spilling out yellowing liquid onto the grey floor. Their bones occasionally snapped under the strain that they had been put under and caused the infected to stumble over themselves. But they had the consistency that humans lack, even the healthiest human being cannot run at top speed for longer than a mile and we hadn't eaten in days. Georgia had to keep stopping and taking water from her brother's flask just to revitalize some of her energy.
While we had stopped, an infected crashed into the wall beside us, narrowly missing me and smashing its head onto the red bricks. I put my arm up to shield me from its dangerous blood and pushed away from the wall, back into a blind sprint.
A short while later, Jack came up from behind me with the force of a charging bull, hooking my arm and pulling me along with him, insisting I was moving too slowly.
He swung me around a building and pushed me onto a low rooftop, safe from harm. Glancing around, I gasped when I realised Georgia wasn't there.
"Where's your sister, Jack?" I asked while frantically clawing at his shirt, trying to pull his huge frame onto the rooftop. "Where is she?!"
"She stayed behind." He said bluntly, not daring to look me in the eye. "They grabbed her while we were running, I couldn't stop them. I couldn't do anything. I'm so useless." With that final statement he broke down, his body racking with the waves of sobs that erupted from him.
Shrieks interrupted his tears; it was Georgia appearing from behind a wall, pulling against the weight of a thousand hungry souls. Her baby pink dress was now ripped and dripping with deep red blood. Her blood. Greedy hands reached out for her beautiful black hair and jerked her backwards, dragging her along the stones towards their gaping mouths.
A neck extended against her delicate torso and bit down, hard. Soft red lines filled the valleys of her silvery skin and found their way to the floor.
Stifled whimpering was all that escaped her lips as the disturbed beings enveloped her tiny body and swept her away in a wave of horror.  
We spent sometime staring out into that deserted street, refusing to believe what had happened. The fresh memory burnt its way into our hearts and began to fester there, reminding us that this life, our life, wasn't a game. It was a test, a test that we were not prepared to fail.

I picked myself up and brushed off a clump of dirt that clung rebelliously to my left shoulder. It didn't make much of a difference to the tattered rags, but I made me feel better, more accomplished. With my bruised knee I gently nudged Jack's back, almost making his tired frame crumble. He slowly lifted his head and stretched out his neck.
"We off then?" He inquired nonchalantly. I will admit I was slightly taken aback with his placid tone, especially with the circumstances. But I didn't ask questions.
"I guess so, there's a railway track not too far away. I think our best chance is to follow that for a while."
I didn't get a reply or any verbal acknowledgement; he just stood up and started to make his way cautiously, but with purpose, over the uneven rooftops briefly looking over his shoulder to check I was following him.

There aren't many words to describe that short journey to the tracks. But I should think desperation would fit quite well. I remembered the town we past through that day; I had past through it once with my dad. I remembered beautiful streets filled with beautiful things. Vibrant flowers lined their gardens and the birds sung joyfully from blossoming trees.
However now it was a different story entirely. The fairytale town was now a putrefying nightmare, the houses were ransacked and crumbling, the once flamboyant flowers were gone and all traces of them hidden behind the wild weeds that wrapped their long tendrils around the crevices of the garden walls. As for the birds, they soon learned that this town was condemned to an exorable fate and that their bird song was better off elsewhere.

As we made our way through the streets and towards the edge of town, I realised that although I had been making sure my presence was unheard; Jack made no effort to hide his. In fact I'm sure he did everything to draw the infected towards him, which is probably why they found us just as we discovered the tracks with a train abandoned upon them.
My reactions honed from months of running, I grabbed Jack and bolted towards the train to try and find some cover. The diseased couldn't be seen, but their shrill, unmistakable screams were heard from almost every direction, bouncing off the walls and echoing through the streets.
"Great, trapped. How wonderful. How long do you suppose we have until they'll reach us?" I panted while glancing around as Jack pulled me into the conductor's cabin. However my questions fell on deaf ears yet again. Jack was too immersed on a panel in the dashboard to care.
"It isn't broken." He muttered under his breath, and then began to flick a few different switches.
"Oh and I supposed your a train driver now? How convenient!" I spat deridingly. I clasped my fingers around the blinds and peered outside the cabin window only to suddenly wish I hadn't. They had found us.
A head smashed into the windowpane, leaving long yellowing smear marks across it. This was followed by another and another, all for the same goal, us. Like starving animals they clawed and begged for meat, flesh, any sustenance to sustain their pathetic lives.
Then a triumphant squeak emerged from Jack, which I couldn't help but laugh at.
"I've done it!" He exclaimed as the train suddenly started to jolt into action. Astounded I watched the infected disappear and become smaller as we sped away from them.
I spun towards Jack, unable to understand how he had managed to do what most comic book characters did, save the day in the most unbelievable way.
"It was nothing, a flick of the wrist and all that." He gushed while patting the dashboard. "It's solar powered. All the driver had done was shut it down, keys were here and everything. My guess would be that he had just made a run for it." He stopped and looked at me, the despondency clear in his now cerulean eyes. "What food did you save then, we're going to be here for a while." He asked grabbing the satchel I had been carrying and diving in.

*****

I awoke as the train began judder and slow down slightly, the metal wheels wailing with the sudden change of pace. I jumped up and sprinted through the carriages until I came across Jack. The perfect picture of quiet dread spread across our faces. But there was no way of changing the fact that the train was stopping and that we were going to have to deal with the uncertain reception we would get when it did.
The train eventually grinded to a stop, with its font two carriages just inside a deserted station and the other four left outside in the woodland. We both walked towards one of the doors and vigilantly pulled it open to stepped outside.
The station was not very large but it held one humongous message for us. Danger, Run. Scattered about the quad there were discarded clothes, reeking with the smell of death. Sadistic messages were scrawled into the stone floor;
"They are coming, and we can't stop them."
This almost seemed to be a signal, the broken windows now held sweeping shadows that rushed past in haste and soon there weren't only shadows. There were the infected; they swarmed together in a sea of a hundred ravenous beings, all drawn together like moths to a flame. Jack and I were soon fleeting like deer back to the train and desperately pushed the doors closed again. We hunted for a place to hide, only to find a small square above us, which held some form of salvation. Jack leaped onto a seat and hurled his fist through the thin plastic sheeting. It smashed almost instantly, raining down on us in tiny shards. Jack then grabbed me helped me onto the dirty tin roof, I turned and reached back down into the carriage just as the doors were shattered by the screaming hordes, their skin taught and cut by the broken glass.
"Grab it Jack! Grab My hand!" I cried as they pushed their way towards him. Jack seized my hand and began to pull himself up towards me, I extended my other arm to hurl him up and wept with relief as I realised he was now half on the roof. But then my happiness was stolen, Jack's face tensed as he recognised what had happened, he looked down in total understanding to see that the unmentionables had taken hold of his legs and were now scraping and pulling him back down to them. Glancing back towards me, he allowed his fingers to gently stroke my face for the last time before violently disappearing down into the opening.
"Run Alice, Get out of here." Were the last muffled words that drifted from the room below. Sobbing, I picked myself up and ran across the roof, only to slip a few yards later due to the heavy moss growing on top of the train.
Wiping my tears carelessly with mud covered hands; I pushed away and ran up the steep bank at the side of the tracks. I began grappling with the roots of trees and climbing over the turf as I struggled to reach the top. I gave one last fleeting look towards my past, smothered with the sordid beings that were sent straight from hell to torture and torment us.
But looking out towards my future, my mood brightened. I could see the ocean with the sun setting just behind it, however between me and that one last shot at freedom was the post-apocalyptic world of Great Britain.

Could You Survive?
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Comments: 2

xlntwtch [2010-08-22 15:09:31 +0000 UTC]

Critique:
"Survival in Abandonment"

1. A post-apocalyptic tale about the UK being attacked by an unnamed disease that seems to turn those who 'catch' it into zombie-like 'creatures'... who also seem best-identified by either missing parts, thinness, yellow ooze, hunger, and/or eyes with brown irises and gold rings around them. Two survivors fight their way to stay both safe and sane in this story.

2. There are some errors, but I'm sure if you go back and edit a little more, you'll see them. A few times you wrote "...past..." when you meant "...passed..." and it's unusual to see a sudden "...you..." mentioned in the middle of a story, though I liked it at the end.
2a. There are also a couple of places where the verb tense changes to present-tense when the rest of the story is in past tense. I could see no reason for that to happen.
2b. I hope you also see where "...countrie's..." should be '...country's...' when a writer mentions one country as possessing something.
You'll see all the edits needed I'm sure.

3. I don't quite understand why a solar-powered train would suddenly stop after running for weeks, even in circles... but I suppose "the unmentionables" simply waited for it to pass them again and overcame it.
3a. I think it might be better to say so, if that's the case. Do you? Your ideas are your own to do with as you like, of course.

4. Mention of "the unmentionables" will, you might guess, bring to mind 'Harry Potter' books for many readers...though what a writer does with older ideas can always be new and it seems new here. I liked it. It's a little difficult to relate these unmentionables with 'family, relatives, children' and an entire country's population but maybe you like it that way.

Generalities:
A rewrite (possibly with a mentor, someone else to help besides comments) will help a good and active story remain so. The edits I think are required are relatively small. Everything is up to you as the writer. Even punctuation, which is also 'iffy' in a few places. Sometimes it's good to read your work aloud and see where you stop and how long you pause there... though I do recall a few typos (I think they're typos) where a period is simply missing.
It's a good story, all in all. (:
Keep writing and I hope you send more to...

...where I'm a Critic.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Vibrant-connotations In reply to xlntwtch [2010-08-22 20:32:57 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for taking the time to look at it.
I know its not to the point where it should be, but I think having a different set of eyes look at it helps to see where the improvements and errors are.
Personally, I've never read the Harry Potter books so I apologize for any similarities there.

Thank you again

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