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Vigilo —
31:12N, 121:30E
Published: 2011-11-28 11:04:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 7851; Favourites: 125; Downloads: 282
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Description
my Dear i just noticedmy balcony is shaped
like wings
and the wind is billowing
the moon up, up to-night
in her dusty purple garb
and i think
no Dear i do not want
to leave here: where men
build bridges over oceans
and live inside of mountains
like river dragons
where the sun shines
not at all at noon but gleams
like an orange at sundown
where the moon walks home
surefooted to where my neck
cannot crane
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Comments: 118
Chapa,
Thank you so much, first of all, for the lovely critique. It means a lot to me, and I'm very flattered that you spent some time on this poem to help me edit it, so thank you, very much!
I'd agree with you there, as regards to the line "as the terrace of night". (And I definitely agree with you that contemplative poetry is powerful - very much so!) I've left it for now, as as you said, because it's difficult to trim, and I'd like to see if there's anything I could do with the stanza, but I've a feeling I will remove that stanza entirely.
I've just reread it twice or thrice now, and I'd agree with your reasons, especially the repetition. I'm still going to see if I can merely change the stanza itself, as I want (like? enjoy?) the reference to the Huang Pu river in "yellow waters", but if not, the stanza is definitely going.
Thank you so much for your kind words and help! I'm glad you thought the piece worth critiquing.
Vigilo
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Thank you so much - I'm so glad you thought so! 
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Your wonderful words are featured here: [link]
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So glad you think so - thank you, lovely!
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Hello! Your piece has been featured here . Kindly 
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I love the golden colour throughout the poem. I imagine lanterns floating above moonlit water; gorgeous. Actually, there's a lot of dusk, too, in the night, the moon, the terrace. Lovely.
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Thank you so much for this lovely, lovely comment! I'm glad you enjoyed reading the poem and that it got all those images to mind - your comment is probably more poetic than the poem itself! Thank you very much.
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You're very welcome 
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I think you've captured the spirit of Shanghai here. It's been eight years since I've been there, but it feels like yesterday reading this. The Chinese tradition really adds an authentic dimension to it as well. Congratulations on the DD.
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I would be delighted if that were the case! Eight years is a long time - I'm utterly flattered, and very glad, that the poem took you back to Shanghai regardless. Thank you so very much for the lovely comment!
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*Chinese tradition references.
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And (sorry, I forgot) belated congrats on the DD! Very very well-deserved.
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Thank-you so much! 
(I might be a bit slow in replying to your fantastically lovely comment, so apologies in advance - it's not because I'm busy or anything, just 'cos I like to keep loveliness in my inbox and because I'm a slow replier 
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No worries! Take as long as you want, goodness knows I've got comments piled up from weeks ago XD And you're very welcome.
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Oh my gosh – I wasn't going to comment on much stuff tonight and I read this, lurking, and something just struck a chord in me instantly – perhaps it's the "my Dear", the palpable sense of love and character that shines through. You can really feel the love of the place here, all mixed up with perhaps romance or perhaps just... love of the place. Or perhaps I'm misinterpreting entirely.
I think the bit about river dragons and building bridges over oceans is lovely, it really struck me (and that's a lovely story about the dragons! I have it in a book) and the end stanza is stunning – I know you used "crane" as in a craning neck, but something about that with "surefooted" close by made me think of the actual crane bird as well.
tl;dr this is an absolutely beautiful piece, V. You should be proud.
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YOU ARE AWESOME. And this comment is lovely. And I've been rereading it for seven days - a week! eep, sorry about the late reply! - now, and it's always lovely and happifying and wonderful. And I'm saving it and putting it in a folder. Or something. Because I am beyond flattered and glad and all of those things plus bewildered that you enjoyed this and found all of that in this poem, which is exactly what I hoped other people might find, and I'm glad!
And no, no, no you're not misinterpreting. At all.
I'm glad you like it! (really? That's wonderful! Which one?) and also, you are SPOT ON. I love the word "crane". It always makes me think of those white birds (or are those storks? No, no - they're cranes), and then I love it when I remember it's also used as a neck thing, and then again when I remember that for me, whenever our whichever ship stopped at a seaport, the cranes would lift up the containers and all the cargo, SO! I'm glad you caught that. "crane" is one of my favourite words ever.
tl;dr I love you ridiculously for your loveliness and Sol-ness and eeee.
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My reply is even later, so you are totally forgiven. 
And the book was um, a book about dragons – Dragonology I think it's called. It's an awesome book, I got it for a birthday present when I was 12 it's where I learned to read Anglo-Saxon runes. 
I love you more in your V-ness and you're awesome.
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Dragonology! I've wanted that book ever since I got its brother, Wizardology! (The writing's okay, but the cover and the cool format are awesome - they have those little popouts and they're done really epic - just see the amazon link [link] for pictures, it's so COOL! Gosh, I'll have to badger my mum into getting that book for me now. Runes. So epic.
NUU. You more!
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Yess the covers of those books are so beautiful! 
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I want that book. It looks so beautiful. Wow. Wow. I'll have to wait for my birthday or something like that and then badger my parents. Because that looks amazing. So much jealousy - you lucky thing! 
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and i think
no Dear i do not want
to leave here: where men
build bridges over oceans
and live inside of mountains
like river dragons
splendid!
congrats on the DD as well.
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Thank-you kindly! Your comments always delight me. 
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a great piece! especially after I've read the explanations for all the Chinese references. Also, congrats on your DD!
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I'm so pleased - and flattered - that you enjoyed reading! Thank-you very, very much!
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Please say no more.
I can say no more.
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Thank-you so much darling!
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the shapes and textures that tug me through this peace are breathtaking, lasting. brilliant work.
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Your comment is so beautiful; I'm sure it doesn't do my poem any justice at all - thank-you so much for the lovely words. I'm utterly bewildered, and so very flattered, that you enjoyed reading it. Thank-you!
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Even the last word is magical, and I love moon-poems, I have been hooked by this lovely poem! Congrats on your DD too
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Thank-you so much for the lovely comment. I'm glad - and immensely flattered - that you enjoyed the poem! I have to say, I love moon-poems as well, and I was mostly inspired to this by a lot of moon-related poetry I've been reading (as well as Shanghai, I suppose 
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THANK-YOU! I'M GLAD YOU THINK SO!
That was an enthusiastic comment.
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Thank-you so much, Rain! I'm so glad you like it!
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Amazing! I like all of the symbolism in here, especially relating it back to Chinese traditions. Wonderful job and congrats on the DD!
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Thank you for the lovely comment! I'm so glad - and extremely flattered - that you enjoyed the poem! I love relating things and referencing things, and I'm glad you saw that as a good thing rather than a hindrance. Thank-you so much!
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You're very welcome
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wow this is beautiful
and i think
no Dear i do not want
to leave here: where men
build bridges over oceans
and live inside of mountains
like river dragons
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