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warnawani β Justice-00 [Cover]
Published: 2012-08-24 06:22:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 1185; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 8
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Description
Assalamualaikum...Alhamdulillah....i've finished the comic
This is the cover page for the comic
sorry for the grammar
i'm not really good in english....
btw thanks a lot to my friend, FarhanaF3 for helping me a lot in the storyline and translation from Malay to English^^
enjoy!
Thank you for reading!
For fictional heroes manga contest: Muslim-Manga
Page 00 YOU ARE HERE
Page 01 [link]
Page 02 [link]
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Comments: 19
Thank you very much! i'm really happy^_______^
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ooohhh....really? i didn't realize it...huhu
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the costume i guess..looks like a bleach assassin..
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In my honest opinion, the drawings aren't that bad, but the story is kinda weird. First of all, it's too fast paced. Like I have no idea why the heroine is a heroine. For example, I don't get why that girl is doing what she is doing, the social protocol, I guess, would suggest her doing something else than being a heroine right of the start. Therefore there should be first a lead up to how she became a heroine and or better, why she had to. The conflict is poor. I mean, nobody is going to have sympathy with that guy, ever. But you kinda make him look like a good guy, which I find disturbing. Furthermore the concept of the story doesn't fit an islamic point of view, which is suggested through that girl wearing a hijab; it's one person bringing down justice in a way that it seems justice comes only with that person alone, but it should be suggested that Allah is the one who brings justice <-- this can be implied with the build up story of the character, there is a difference between fulfilling a role and becoming a godlike being, a good example are the characters from the Anime Naruto for example. For an example of how a islamic character could be developped, I guess, you could look for the battle of bedir, the first battle of the Prophet Muhammed s.a.v. against the mΓΌsrik from Mecca, where the angels aide the muslims to gain victory. The enemy, for example, reports that their men lost the heads without even a blade touching them and etc. One could use such patterns to build up a story. There are other real life examples like that, but I won't go into that now, but I guess you get the idea. I'm not saying use angels or such phenomena to show off the character is superior, I guess I'm trying to explain the principle, where many factors gather and result in a conclusion WITHOUT the main character having uber or superior powers.
Furthermore, you could accentuate the characters individual reactions and emotions way more, you know, like more close up shots, more drama etc. At the moment if feels very dry. The fight is just laughable, lol, there is no real conflict, it's like two girls trying to slap eachother.
Everything seems so fragile about that story.
Aye, in NO WAY, NO WAY I'm trying to diss your efforts, I'm trying to give a constructive criticism so you can improve. But your story telling kinda sux 
vesselam.
PS: please don't hate me.
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Akhi, I don't mean to butt in or be rude. But I've noticed from a number of your comments, recent or old, that they can be very rude and unconstructive. This is no way at all to help an artist progress.
In a criticism the way a person describes an artist's work should be realistic- here you've made it sound like this comic has come from Iblis himself.
A criticism should include positive things firstly. Why? To stroke the artists ego? No. This is because everything has positive things, and if you highlight what is good as well as the bad, not only will the artist feel more motivated, but they won't want to scrap their art altogether, but will try to build on it.
Secondly, the bad points must not be exaggerated. I mean - 'The fight is just laughable, lol, there is no real conflict, it's like two girls trying to slap eachother.' seriously akhi?? Exaggerating the weaknesses in a piece, and then adding insult to injury with things like 'lol' is no way to go about writing a constructive criticism. No way at all.
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If you have been following my comments than you should have realized, too, that in my most comments I actually do give artist something to advance on with their art.
And among professionals you will see this kind of "harsh" and "direct" talk, too. A professional artist knows how to take it and apply it it, amateurs don't. Amateurs only want to hear stuff like "Oh very nice, oh I like the hair, Oh I like... bla bla" bullshit that ain't constructive and is actually more harmful than what I do.
I do give honest and direct critque, I do use dark humor to make some aspect more clearer, and the fight is laughable and is like two girls fighting eachother. I do say good stuff where I see them, but for a rising artist expecting too much good stuff is in my opinion nothing but ridiculous.
Furhtermore if I wanted to insult and really hurt someone, I'd be more open about it. But the story made me write this critique, there is a reason behind the madness. And I for sure wouldn't have tried to give suggestions how she could improve herself.
Additionally, she didn't mind it and even thanked for my honesty, so what's up with you? Mind your own business. I'll give a damn about what you think of my comment if it's on your artwork, but this ain't, furhtermore I support artists I believe in, as I did with warnawani, and not only by commenting on her artworks.
PS: It would be nice if people wouldn't wrap up dialogs which I've officially ended like 5 - 6 Months ago. I don't care about your opinion on this matter, the timestamp for caring is long overdue for this artwork. And if you're not going to lead in with SelamΓΌn AleykΓΌm etc. don't call me Akhi.
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Not really. Did you even read what I said about why someone needs positive things? It's not so they feel good. It's not so that they don't give up on art either. It's because if you give only negative feedback, the impression given is that what they have done is a complete fail, and so they will likely move onto a completely different field should this repetitively occur, and they'll completely scrap what they've done well. What is professional is to give the points to improve and also say the things that were done well. Not lying. I'm not telling you to say things like 'ooh I like everytings omg'. You see- you keep exaggerating.
And don't go telling me that your critique is professional. Short, concise critiques are proffessional, yes. But critiques that are heavily weighed down with opinions aren't. Professional critiques are ones that are thought out and written in such a way that they would make a big impact.
'Additionally, she didn't mind it and even thanked for my honesty, so what's up with you?' Can't you tell that she's trying to modest herself down? I take my hat off my head to her for that.
Plus, actually, you did give me a critique like this on a deviation I deleted. Before you think I'm being sour, I'm not- it was a while back and I think it was bad. But it wasn't constructive or professional. I can see that now.
Besides, telling me to mind my own business huh? I was honestly trying to bring something that would make you a more helpful person in the community, just like you were trying to give to warnawani.
And as I said before, this is a recurring thing I have seen. In both recent and old works in the community.
Yes, it's good that you are having good intentions. But from what you've written, it just seems like you had a laugh at people's work. Adding 'I believe in you' at the end of a critique weighed down by opinions and rudeness does nothing.
Well, if you hate me calling you akhi that much. And yes, I should have said salam
Assalamu alaykum.
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one more, why i should hate you? ^_____^ i'm really grateful for you help
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I believe in you and I am looking forward to your next story.
vesselam.
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thank you for your comment. it make me realise about the poor storyline...sorry... actually, yes, it's too fast paced. the real storyline is really long so i need to cut it. and the rest...hmmm...i need to improve next time.
thanks a lot!
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