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wastedemotion β recollection ---
Published: 2002-09-10 20:54:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 429; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 73
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It never used to bother me before.I used to know,
or liked to think..
I used to believe
that you were just as lonely,
just as sex-deprived.
You were getting just as little contact as I.
And at least that part was your fault.
But I was wrong as usual.
Plan for hope and happiness: Part B.
Blinking red light says that it failed too.
And apparently, this is just another
to add to the list of my faults.
Because it's my fault
for caring at all.
For "loving" you,
whatever that is.
It's my fault for melting
when you called me "hun",
such an overused and pathetic pet name.
But still, you had the advantage,
being the first.
It's my fault
for starting it all
when I really wasn't ready.
For letting you keep going
when I should have made you stop.
For letting my past control me,
thinking you were just like the others,
same motives and all.
But then again,
maybe you were.
I sure as hell can't tell.
It's my fault
for hating me
It highlights all my flaws.
Why couldn't I pretend
to love my body and the way I look?
It seems like such a simple task.
It's my fault
for breaking down
when I could have held it in.
For scaring you off,
making the relationship so "confusing",
giving you a reason to leave it behind.
It's my fault
for letting you go
when I wanted you to stay.
For letting fear control me
and ruin my last chance.
It's my fault
for thinking that pain
could really just
melt away.
But I'm glad
that I'm so easy to get over.
I'm happy for you.
You've found a replacement.
It's such a relief
that you don't miss me
like I hoped you had.
And it's such a good thing
that I'm so full of shit.
How else could I write
endings to poems like this?
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Comments: 8
there is nothing like the pain from your 1st love...
& it is always our own fault...
very good, keep it up...
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"It's my fault"
Why place blame on anyone/anything?
I want to say that it is "beautiful and evocative of many emotions", however, those words, my comment, would sound clichΓ©d and trite.
But in all honesty, I think what you've written is so beautiful.
And just so you know (if you at all care):
Being honest, open, truthful, and opinionated about anything, yourself and/or others, is no reason for someone to leave you or give up on you.
The way such things end up may make you feel that way, however, it is not true. You may feel as if being open and critical (of yourself, for example) pushed someone away...this just is not true.
Someone who truly cares for you would not be pushed away...someone who is worth your time would not leave you.
The people that were meant to stay in your life, stay...always.
Beautiful poem.
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::retrys for an "unboring" comment::
::begins soft background music::"rightclick>select all>backspace" Ctrl-A> Backspace does the same thing.::starts juggling fire sticks:: (been there, done that before) ::sexy stage dancers step in and begin dance routine:: An all too familiar story in a new view, I like this one, so many emotions and full of interconflict and questions. ::full scale fireworks display begins:: (Even if that sounds like I enjoy your struggles) You convey well in written word ::drops fire stick and catches pant leg on fire, runs back and forth across stage and in despiration puts leg into janitor's mop bucket much to the standing ovation of the crowd::
::bows::
thank you very much
ANOUNCER: "zer0load... has left the building"
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"rightclick>select all>backspace" Ctrl-A>Backspace does the same thing. (been there, done that before) An all too familiar story in a new view, I like this one, so many emotions and full of interconflict and questions. (Even if that sounds like I enjoy your struggles) You convey well in written word
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*sigh* i know the feeling so well, so many should haves and what ifs. The truth is things are never so simple black and white that only one person is responsible. Usually the the destruction of a relationship both parties hold atleast some portion of the blame. It always seems easier to blame your self though, I mean after all, atleast that way there's no one to argue with you. *hugs you* You're a sweat heard dear, and any guy would be lucky to have you. One day you'll be with a guy that realizes and apritiates that.
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this is nice, it's a window allowing us to view many things through a short poem. it tells a way-too-familiar story. a story that many have lived themselves. The ending stanza really drives home that frustration that we feel when we can't do anything about the situation, i think.
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