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Weretiger101 — The Care and Feeding of Drow

Published: 2004-12-27 05:12:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 26590; Favourites: 419; Downloads: 484
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Description The Care and Feeding of Your New Pet Drow!




Thank you for shopping at the Underdark Exotic Pet Store! Remember- mind flayers, drow, svirfneblin, deurgar, aboleths; whatever you fancy, we have it!


Your drow may start out small –common sizes range from three to five inches- but soon it will grow up to a ten inches tall!  Remember that your drow needs space, so keep it in a proper sized cage.


Your new drow and you!
Your relationship with your new drow will start as soon as you see that special one in the pet store window, but by now you should have brought him –or her- home.  Carefully remove your new drow from the carrying case by lifting him or her out by the scruff of the neck with your fingers.  Gloves are advised, as your new drow will likely be disoriented and may react with violence and/or darts, knives, scimitars, short swords, polearms, longswords, and snake whips.  If your drow does try to attack you, shake it gently while uttering a calm reprimand.  The drow are an intelligent race, and they will likely hold a centuries long grudge against you for doing this- but no worries, because they already hate all non-drow races!  Now place your drow in his pre-prepared home, which should be spacious enough to accommodate him.  Preferably, the cage should be several square feet, and layered with false rocks, which can be purchased from our store.  Your drow should receive a name within the first few days of arriving; as it will be easier for them to recognize it.  They will eventually learn to come at command, and it is possible for trainers to teach them complex tricks, such as skilled fighting on command or making toast.


Let your new drow adjust!
Your new drow will need to take in his surroundings, so let him explore the rock crevices until he finds a small space to call his own and settles down.  Now you should set down his food and water- not too close to his little nook, but not all the way across the cage.  Let the drow ‘discover’ the sustenance- it gives them a feeling of accomplishment.  Now you should remove your drow from the cage and let him adjust to you.  First, remove all of his weapons, then let him sit in your hand for a while.
Note: If you have bought a drow priestess or sorcerer (only sold to advanced trainers and breeders) then you should take appropriate precautions to shield yourself from spells.
Remember, your drow is a crafty fellow, and will likely try to escape.  A drow can disappear in your home in the blink of an eye, and if you don’t find it quickly, it won’t be long before household animals become sacrifices to Lloth, and a small colony will group under your kitchen sink.  


The drow around your home!
A good way to make your drow more comfortable is to attach a small collar and leash and lead it around your house to explore.  Do not be alarmed if your drow tries to escape and curses you.  This is normal behavior for a drow in captivity.  Do not allow your drow around anything pointy, hot, cold, anything involving magic, firearms, anything dull, sharp, or with an edge, fireworks, explosives, stoves, anything furry, anything with hooves or paws, glass, alcohol, drugs, spiders, or mind-logic games.  Also, never expose your drow to coffee, tea, soda or anything caffeine related.


Companionship!
Drow are a social species, needing others of their race to play and scheme with, torment, oppress, and kill.  Be sure you learn about the drow hierarchy before introducing more into the same environment.  A good group of drow includes one female for every two males.  Don’t worry if you see torture or blood, this is normal drow interaction! When you buy a drow, remember that they will usually pine without other drow around.  This is not always the case; a drow that shuns the companionship of others should be kept in a separate cage.


Disciplining your drow
Drow are intelligent creatures that are quite capable of distinguishing the difference between right and wrong.  A spray bottle is a handy tool in disciplining your drow.  When he does something your don’t want –biting, talking with his mouth full, or using a needle to affix rodent an insect heads around his cage- spray him with the bottle and firmly say ‘no’.  Your drow will quickly learn that if he is to stop this humiliating treatment, he will have to kill you in your sleep. This is why it is important to make sure the cage is shut tightly.


Your drow’s needs!
Your new drow is a unique creature.  First, make sure that his cage is kept in a dark area, away from direct sunlight, which can lead to mental and even bodily harm.  The cage needs to be kept moist.  Also, it is a good idea to keep some toys in your drow’s cage- good examples are young moon elves or shrines to Lloth.  Also, it is suggested that you do not feed your drow after midnight, as it can lead to indigestion.


Have fun with your new drow and follow these instructions well.  If you treat your drow right, your relationship will blossom and grow!


At Underdark Exotic Pet Store, all our creatures are grown wild in the expanses of the Underdark and some areas of the Forgotten Realms.  They are then hand- harvested singly and chosen as the most excellent representatives of their race available in today’s market.

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Comments: 190

MorganDonovan [2015-07-28 16:21:00 +0000 UTC]

Ok, this is sick, twisted, and wrong...and funny as heck!

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Kittandragon [2015-07-10 22:12:11 +0000 UTC]

Can I get a Drizzt pet? LOL!

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Siolan [2014-09-21 18:44:48 +0000 UTC]

!!!

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cloudwing12 [2014-07-25 04:19:57 +0000 UTC]

I'm getting 10.

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Yasmir [2013-09-17 05:58:46 +0000 UTC]

Hmmmm...so that's what happens to my cat. Lol, jk. Awsome work!

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immasweetslovinggirl [2013-09-05 00:58:00 +0000 UTC]

this needs to be a story now...

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Kim-Uzumaki [2013-08-22 07:04:55 +0000 UTC]

Does being a woman and a feminist help when buying fmale drow? Because I just bought 5 and I will buy males after they are ok with me. XD

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GaleTheChocobo [2013-04-25 05:48:11 +0000 UTC]

...And now I'm curious as to what a Drow would be like on caffeine. o.O

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fanglish [2013-02-09 15:24:55 +0000 UTC]

Epic indeed.

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dA-ShadowRanger-dA [2012-10-05 01:28:38 +0000 UTC]

May I just say...Epic!

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Traihexalon [2012-09-24 23:50:30 +0000 UTC]

I think I found a new buiness venture/ hobby for my not-quite-good-guy DnD wizard.

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bretonchick [2012-09-09 02:14:35 +0000 UTC]

"Your drow will quickly learn that if he is to stop this humiliating treatment, he will have to kill you in your sleep." I laughed so hard at this xD

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Circe3173 [2012-08-08 05:06:03 +0000 UTC]

I want a male! >.<

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DieRomantic928 [2012-07-26 05:29:25 +0000 UTC]

Ok, this is really cute. XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

VampireMint [2012-07-01 03:16:32 +0000 UTC]

I would LOVE a male drow! THIS IS HILARIOUS! Boredom=Funny creativeness involving dark elves and other creatures of fey.

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SupremacyRain [2012-03-16 00:58:16 +0000 UTC]

Shocking! It made me laugh really hard!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

elf1lover [2012-02-22 15:38:14 +0000 UTC]

THIS IS COOL!I WANT ONE .

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BobMorane1712 [2012-02-01 17:10:38 +0000 UTC]

Great. I had much fun reading it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Cheshire-Shadow [2012-01-05 11:57:17 +0000 UTC]

I would get a few, except there are few places in the house that are sufficiently dark. Oh, well; I could always cover the cage with a big, black sheet while I'm not home or something to that effect.

By the way, what happens if you get a group of only males or only females?

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jay-ultica In reply to Cheshire-Shadow [2014-08-26 23:15:10 +0000 UTC]

males will likely build a seemingly feral hierarchy while females will likely kill each other for power

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XeonDarkfire [2011-12-26 04:19:34 +0000 UTC]

but what if you want have fun with her whean she is older - looks around -

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almost-sane [2011-11-09 07:17:58 +0000 UTC]

lmao too awesome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

needfer [2011-08-09 02:20:52 +0000 UTC]

Hilarous I love it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BaphometPanzer [2011-07-31 08:41:08 +0000 UTC]

XD Nice!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Rose-Hunter [2011-07-25 01:50:21 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

godgjodillo [2011-07-24 06:37:20 +0000 UTC]

someone should make adoptables lol

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Villinesfamily [2011-07-16 20:19:29 +0000 UTC]

wow i need one of them where can i find that store

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PandaProjectile [2011-07-07 04:54:34 +0000 UTC]

This slightly offended me *plays as a Drow* >.>
Funny though but my character was rather mad and started going mindless the second I read the name "Lolth" >.>
xD

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yoru-magi [2011-06-21 14:16:58 +0000 UTC]

This made me laugh so hard. I love the 'Disciplining' section.

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TheShadowDragoness [2011-06-19 04:50:38 +0000 UTC]

haha, i can imagin me getting a little drow priestess,
me "awww your so cute and little, and adorible ...bla bla bla"
her""
later that night i get in bed, go to sleep and diddnt realize the cage was open,
the next morning im smaller than her and shes keeping me as a pet...
hmmm mabey i shouldnt get a priestess...

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IceHeartAlchemist [2011-06-15 22:41:13 +0000 UTC]

Now I want a pet drow!

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Josha1407 [2011-06-13 06:12:40 +0000 UTC]

Brilliant!

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nightlydemon [2011-04-21 18:55:55 +0000 UTC]

That's so mean! T.T Illith ran away and now Ican't find her! I think that pet store picked her up and sold her to someone else!

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angoukohaku [2011-04-18 04:38:20 +0000 UTC]

FAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh gawd! ahahahaha! I can't stop laughing

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fruhest [2011-01-31 22:40:33 +0000 UTC]

Pet drow??! :@

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Jathal [2011-01-17 22:31:19 +0000 UTC]

this is AWESOME! all i want to do now is grab my pencil and draw the part about the spray bottle![link]
[link]

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tzigany [2010-10-25 18:17:19 +0000 UTC]

Now I want to caffeinate a drow. Badly.

I can imagine a colony of them under the kitchen sink...

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Sundrew [2010-10-22 17:34:14 +0000 UTC]

haha, that's awesome

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NapoldeInLove [2010-10-08 07:13:44 +0000 UTC]

... This brings me back, man... brings me back to the good old days of care-and-feeding guides...

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SanaPet [2010-10-05 04:41:22 +0000 UTC]

Would you care if I made a flash game of this for my programming class? Pwetty pwease?

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PoweredByCokeZero [2010-09-12 03:25:09 +0000 UTC]

xD Now I REALLY want one.

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animorph4ever [2010-09-02 20:31:44 +0000 UTC]

This is the most amazing pet care guide I have ever read. I want a pet drow now. Awesomeness.

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SanaPet [2010-08-23 03:30:06 +0000 UTC]

Ohh! Coolness. -goes to see if you've any other instructions from the Underdark Exotic Pet Store-

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Evertide [2010-08-16 10:34:22 +0000 UTC]

Do you get a refund if it succeeds in murdering you?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

06tmason [2010-07-26 18:39:54 +0000 UTC]

damn i want one now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dinnin-Darkheart [2010-07-20 02:56:44 +0000 UTC]

Man, where can I get one?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Shiovra [2010-06-03 23:17:51 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this was great.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

revengepending1 [2010-06-01 00:45:14 +0000 UTC]

lol. this is soo funny. drow rule. plz make some more. ps, i whould totally shop there lol

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KiwiBliss [2010-05-17 23:08:10 +0000 UTC]

This was absolutely hilarious. Thank you for the fantastic laugh.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mourningsympthony [2010-05-02 15:29:22 +0000 UTC]

I want one, where is this stores location? Mothers day is coming up and I know my mom above anything would love a Llolth cleric, what better catfoo- erm companion?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0


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