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WhatAmItoYou — Hiding in Blank Notebooks
Published: 2012-03-12 20:22:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 133; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description
She's very beautiful if you squint your eyesBut the girl never smiles in her moonlight embrace
Instead her crystal blue eyes remain on the page
Unable to glance up or notice those around her.
She smells like sugar, the blue eyed girl named Amelia
Crystallized sugar and honey on warm days
But the darkness is still there as she stares
Never willing to look up from the blank pages
Of the notebook he was meant to give her but never did.
She used to come to school and talk to people
Actually letting those around her see those eyes
As classmates complimented her beautiful blond hair
But honestly that doesn't matter to Amelia in the slightest
And now she's ostracized so no more compliments
Moist dirt after a thunderstorm is the color of her eyes
The one who does her best to come by from time to time
She comes over to talk to the girl who never looks up
Mostly just to tell stories and laugh at nothing in particular.
The visits were merely because of a shared acquaintance who had died
It's hard to forget rolling down a hill into an oncoming car
Especially difficult not to remember Amelia's rescuer on that dark winter night
But love never blossomed for him and the artist left the girl alone
Letting her crystal blue eyes see something horrible for the first time
But naturally it won't be the last as he drew pictures of those eyes
One day he was going to give Amelia a notebook full of drawings of her
But he died before drawing a single picture in the book with blank pages
Soon after this is when she began to receive an unwanted visitor
The young woman with dirt for eyes and orange puke for hair.
The little blond girl who refused to look up would wait
Patiently waiting until the woman would leave
It's a long waiting game when the dirt eyed girl shows up
Her scent like freshly cut grass in the spring
But her appearance being more of a homeless brat.
She calls herself Carlee and only drops by for a visit
Only to live in the past and tell stories of the present
The blue eyed girl doesn't even nod and just clutches her notebook.
When Carlee came over with a boy in tow the crystal eyed girl grew angry
Amelia's fingers dug into her palms and her eyes glared daggers into her book
Never once did she look up even as Carlee spoke about her boyfriend
An idiot named Seth who has no business entering her life...
Either of their lives really.
Crystal blue eyes couldn't take it anymore and soon they looked up
And then wished they never did.
For someone who wants nothing to do with the world...
It still hurts when the one you love moved on to someone else.
Comments: 21
Interesting...
As for lesbian..? Who would care, we live in a society which more and more embraces that sort of thing, as it should. Apparently someone in my business class who knows me from High School is a lesbian. I only mention it as she's the only one I know personally. Seems kind of sweet, I'm glad she finds so much happiness in other people
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The poem is not one of my best, obviously.
You'd be surprised how many people care. The speaker doesn't mind... because a girl chased after her and she was just so happy to be chased after. Too bad that girl became taken soon after.
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It's not for you to judge if its your best or not!! Besides I just reread it and it's much MUCH better on a second rereading. I'm not surprised, much like music there's been songs which are HATED the first time I listen to them, loved thereafter (or slowly, slowly loved after many repeats).
Taste is so subjective.
I particularly like the way she casts people off. She seems a bit bitchy to me, indifferent and cold, with a raging passion waiting for the wrong person. Waiting for someone who can ruin her to come along and scar her forever. I guess we all know people like the second, but I don't think I've read it with the first.
Again, it's interesting!
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I pretty much love how you see her, makes me like her more ironically enough.
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It's not for you to judge Damn I'm such an arse. Perhaps it's better to say:
It's not for any man to judge
Or even better:
No judgement holds intrinsic truth
But best of all:
Opinions are like diseases, you can't help but spread them. Sorry to have been so rude!
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I question the words "shared acquiescence" here, but don't dare question too hard because it might have been intended. (I learnt my lesson on this sort of thing by meeting a friend who purposely plays with words and misspells some).
This is a fascinating idea. I notice the recurring theme of eyes & hair colors in your writing - nothing wrong with that of course, but it's very interesting.
It's a very good poem with great potential for a short story or novel.
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Oh no I just misspelled it!
Oh yes, this is definitely a recurring theme that I need to work on. I'll either keep it or I'll learn other memorable ways to describe people. Or I at least need to learn other ways as well. I'm hoping college will help me, maybe just reading more will have the same effect.
Thank you! I actually considered just making this into a short story. Carlee and Seth are the characters from the poem We're Not Special, You and I.
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I didn't remember the names, but I wondered about it, because the girl seemed to be similar.
My Death Angel in my unfinished novel goes under the name "Seth" when he's in one of his other forms. It's a great name!! Ihaven't got a "Carlee" though, and I like it heaps better than "Carla", which is the name of a second cousin of mine.
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Oh no I never mentioned names in that poem so it's no wonder. Someone was talking to me about it and then later I decided to make it into a story so I made up some names.
She hated the jokes about her first name so when she managed to escape her parents and run away... she told people her name is Carlee. Carlee a traveling maid for hire.
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I love the sound of the story!! You have so many ideas & such a fabulous imagination, although this story is not unrealistic in the least. My niece once worked as the receptionist in a doctor's surgery. A mentally challenged (is that the pc term nowadays? They change so much I can't keep up with them) girl got pregnant, gave birth and she asked the receptionists to choose a name for her baby boy. I forget exactly what ludicrous names they came up with for the poor baby, but the poor girl actually called him the names. Stephanie (my niece) thought that it was both disgusting & hilarious, but I thought that it was sad - which is why I've never forgotten her telling me of the incident, even though I've forgotten the names.
I love reading you talking about your characters and their lives. I wonder if they really exist in another dimension? (Yes, my sons do call me "crazy" & other synonyms, but we'll see who has the last laugh).
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That sounds completely terrible... I always pity kids with horrible names, and I've met some stupid girls at school who just naturally have terrible taste in names. Their names for their kids sound absolutely despicable! Completely disturbed, granted, like you, I've forgotten the names by now. They were weird and exotic and it was hard to say, probably just as well that I've forgotten.
I've considered that actually. I've actually thought that maybe I used to know all these people in an alternate reality. I had a theory that in another life my life was just so sad and terrible that I went into a coma to dream of a "better life." In this better life I still think of all the people I knew and loved and now to be able to keep them with me I write their lives down. That was my theory for a long time but when I saw my mom's reaction when I just told her about a dream I had like it... I knew I had to abandon the theory for fear of hurting her.
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I believe that the only true freedom that any of us have is in our imagination & our thoughts. Please don't abandon your theories - just be careful who you share them with. For all that I know, that theory might be totally true, because it sounds very reasonable, especially if it was based either on intuition or a dream.
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There's underlying things I want... that make me think that had to be true. Because no sane sensible human being wishes for a life full of pain, hurt, and loss. No one wants that if they like being happy and enjoy their life. But I have the feeling that that's how my life is supposed to be. That's part of why I believe in this theory so strongly when I allow myself to think about it. When I was little since I couldn't write well I told my stories through pictures and the story was exactly the same. Ever since I could draw I drew this picture of my friends crying out for me and being so upset when I chose to live here on earth without them and the drama and pain of living with them. In that world I was connected with people there. I could access their thoughts and emotions.
Sometimes I dream about that place with all my friends still there begging me to return while some of them... some of them understand why I'm here. It's a strange theory, but I like it. It makes me feel that it's alright for me to be happy here. It's probably why I'll never pursue my dream of having a hard life.
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I think that your life is here is quite hard enough already.
I believe (so far) that I chose to come to earth because somebody from my clan was needed here. This is what I've been told by my Friends, anyway. So I came to earth & they miss me & want me back, but they all know why I'm here & understand. It seems that I took on a difficult job that none of them wanted to do & they both respect me & pity me a bit for this, although some are still a bit angry that I left them for this amount of time - although time is different up there & virtually non-existent.
This is the more "realistic" sounding part of my beliefs - from here on, it goes into the realm of the hard to believe & the "she must be crazy" type of thing. Yes, Andrew is just telling me that I'm nuts!! 
It's fantastic to know another person who believes in these types of things & who has come to earth for a reason that's different to mine but still a good one. How could anybody ever blame you for choosing a better life?
One of the things that is important to life, imo, is enjoying life, & although this sounds so easy, it's just what so many people neglect to do. They place emphasis on getting money, keeping money, having more friends than somebody else, buying all the latest fashions or the newest stuff & they fail to enjoy the simple pleasure of being alive, the enjoyment of simple things & living in a world that can be extraordinarily beautiful. Sorry, I'm ranting again.
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It's rare for people to agree with me on that much so I tend to try to think of it as easier.
That's an interesting theory. Wouldn't it be amazing if all these theories people have about why they're here turn out to be true? Wouldn't that make life more interesting and fun? But I guess that's just the silver-lining. It also seems as though it'd be sad for those left behind.
Definitely much more realistic than some of what you've told me.
I used to write these stories about it because I had this weird little fantasy that there was a world out there full of people who loved me and that I didn't have to work so hard if I didn't want to. In that world I was a princess (sounds stupid and corny I know but as a kid I was never allowed to be the princess or damsel in distress when playing with my sister and friends). In this world I looked after everyone I could and protected everyone I could manage to do while still attending to other duties. It's a little silly but the world I lived on was my first world, The World With No Name. It makes sense though because that world has doors to other worlds including earth and it has a memory room that can wipe or create memories. I don't go so far as to believe all the princess stuff but that was a fantasy I had made as a kid to go along with it. It was nice to dream of a place where I was loved most and that people went out of their way to make me happy.
I agree with you about life and what people tend to emphasize. I hope you're enjoying yourself
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You would probably be sad only if the friends that you left behind were in a worse place & destined never to get out of it, & you were in a better place. Surely your friends in the other zone will get out of it one day? Or when they're able to?
In my case, I'm in a worse place & my Friends miss me, but that makes me happy at the thought of reuniting with them & takes all fear of death away, except of course, for some worry about the people who I love on earth who will miss me. I am determined to still look after you all after death & yes, I include you among this number because you are my friend.
I think that if somebody has a good idea of why they're on earth, even if it's based on a dream or intuition, then it's most likely fairly true. Sometimes it might be a metaphorical image of where we came from, but then again - it might be totally the truth. I can't dismiss something that people feel strongly so easily.
I've been enjoying myself by drawing pictures!!
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I honestly don't know. If it's true then I really don't remember much about that other place.
That must be so much worse... but at least there's something to look forward to. And thank you so much for including me. It's just terrible to imagine one of my friends dying.
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Maybe those are past lives? That's what people would usually say, anyway.
I love your theory about God having a plan for all of us but having to change it, but I don't know if it's true or not. Maybe it's true for some people etc, and not for others? A certain amount of free choice is often bestowed apparently, so this could account for the above interesting theory, couldn't it?
I read once that people who are born with birth marks have them because they're scars that they carry over from past lives. I was particularly interested in this idea because of a very strange one that PL was born with. It was on the inside of one of his thighs, and it started out very brown, and then went lighter & lighter around the edges, with the lighter brown growing inwards until the birth mark was all only light brown. Obviously I haven't seen that area of PL for a long time, but I must remember to ask him what it looks like now.
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Yeah, I've heard about that too.
I think it really could and I find it kind of funny. Some people really don't feel that way and wouldn't it be strange if everyone had to be moved around? No, I think something didn't go according to plan.
Oh wow... scars from past lives huh. That'd be a strange place to get a scar in any case for PL
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If I remember correctly, he also had a small one on his chest as well. I've long thought of spear wounds, but perhaps it was gun shots or something else altogether. Maybe one day I'll get to know!!
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That would be fantastic, finding out which theories are right, wrong, or something completely different.
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