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whisperingshadowz17 — no matter what
Published: 2010-04-20 16:37:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 185; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 4
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Description Look away
with glassy eyes
knowing, no matter what,
someone will be hurt.
The pain is always there
like a crutch it
holds up the sorrow
helping it to limp on
into seclusion.
open wounds
making healing impossible
letting the infection spread
to the rest of the body.
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Comments: 4

lost-in-the-highglow [2010-06-18 18:47:43 +0000 UTC]

I really dig this. It's vague and narratives something totally personal to the reader. It deals with issues everyone's experienced. Ironically, my only recommendation is to edit the end a bit (perhaps much to happymegs dismay : p). I feel that the line 'keeping healing impossible' sort of hinders the groove of everything before it. Suggestion,

'open wounds render
all healing impossible
and let the infection spread'

Putting words like 'all' or 'and' to being lines helps them start smoothly.

As always, a very good poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

whisperingshadowz17 In reply to lost-in-the-highglow [2010-07-04 17:59:08 +0000 UTC]

Yeah the ending is usually hardest for me because to tie it all up and make it sound right and flowing is extremely difficult but, thank you so much

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

happymegs81 [2010-04-26 02:20:50 +0000 UTC]

Oooo, the ending is really well done. :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

whisperingshadowz17 In reply to happymegs81 [2010-04-26 13:19:44 +0000 UTC]

Thankies, I think it's pretty self explanitory even though it's not in a direct context.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0