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whiteshaix β€” Atlantis 1-004

Published: 2007-03-17 18:00:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 2923; Favourites: 26; Downloads: 0
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Description Page 4. I only needed to finish the last panel here. But page 5 will take much longer.
As always, if you have good suggestions for the dialogues, let me know.

Oops... I forgot Zaleeya's tattoos in the bottom-left panel, but she's so small I can assume they cannot be seen here!

Edit: Translation fixed! ^^

Previous page: www.deviantart.com/deviation/5…
Next page: www.deviantart.com/deviation/5…

**This page didn't need much rework, I only cleaned some outlines. Skipping the inking step wasn't a great idea after all.
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Comments: 35

JeanLucCaptain [2021-11-11 06:46:27 +0000 UTC]

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Apsara-Silverwing [2009-02-02 01:54:35 +0000 UTC]

The page isn't showing up... I had a similar problem with page 2.
Just thought that you might want to know.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to Apsara-Silverwing [2009-02-24 15:28:12 +0000 UTC]

I'll check, thanks for the warning!

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Apsara-Silverwing In reply to whiteshaix [2009-02-28 22:31:31 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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MysteryMan91 [2007-03-18 23:18:54 +0000 UTC]

The second speech bubble in panel 1, the one in panel 2, and the speech bubble in the final panel just seem a little awkward. Sorry I don't have anything to recommend, it just doesn't read perfectly.

I think for the final panel, a little clarification of this 'charge' would help a little. Good luck!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to MysteryMan91 [2007-03-18 23:24:48 +0000 UTC]

Hmmmm... I'll think about it...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

MysteryMan91 In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-18 23:29:36 +0000 UTC]

Alright, sorry again for not being very helpful here...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to MysteryMan91 [2007-03-19 11:01:59 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm... For the red-skinned guy, what about "We came for it" or something similar? Oo I'm not sure anyway.
Perhaps captain Marsh in second panel could say something like "Set up of the new unit has been delayed"
Would it be better? Aargh, writing dialogues is a hard thing even in your mother tongue.
I'll try to fix last speech too, but they have been talking about that damn new squad for all the page so I don't want to repeat it again...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

MysteryMan91 In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-19 23:00:09 +0000 UTC]

Hah, I get ya. Yes, "We came for it" sounds decent, or maybe "That is why we're here!" The only change is the italics and some contractions, but it seems to make a world of difference.
And Cap'n Marsh in the second panel sounds okay with your previously said change, and I think in the last panel, instead of charge, say "...He wanted that command badly."

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to MysteryMan91 [2007-03-19 23:05:06 +0000 UTC]

Wow, page fixed! Thanks a lot! ^^

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

MysteryMan91 In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-19 23:59:13 +0000 UTC]

No problem, I'm glad to help!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Ilweran [2007-03-18 00:28:58 +0000 UTC]

Approfitto innanzitutto di questa pagina per farti le congratulazioni per la meritatissima Daily Deviation e__e////
E poi, per dire che seguo il fumetto con una certa affettuosa nostalgia Colorato così è splendido, manco a dirlo! Insomma, come al solito i miei complimenti vivissimi

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to Ilweran [2007-03-18 10:25:40 +0000 UTC]

Ahahaha magari prima o poi mi faccio disegnare un altro chibi-Jan! Era carinissimo!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Ilweran In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-22 23:10:13 +0000 UTC]

Awwww, grazie mille cara!! >\\\< sarebbe un onore!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to Ilweran [2007-03-23 08:57:18 +0000 UTC]

Appena usciamo dal periodo dei balzelli... Lavoriamo, lavoriamo, e siamo sempre spiantati.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Ilweran In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-23 14:10:04 +0000 UTC]

Forza e coraggio, cara!

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Kanuka76 [2007-03-17 21:14:39 +0000 UTC]

Gh di questa ricordo pure di aver visto parte della colorazione *brill*

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to Kanuka76 [2007-03-17 23:16:36 +0000 UTC]

...C'era anche Rej... ^^

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

rej- In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-23 15:46:35 +0000 UTC]

Sì, stavo per scrivere lo stesso commento di Kanuka!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

mayahs [2007-03-17 18:56:21 +0000 UTC]

me too, can't wait to read page 5

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

thewizardess [2007-03-17 18:46:28 +0000 UTC]

looking great so far, can't wait to see page 5!

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nekomukuro [2007-03-17 18:29:05 +0000 UTC]

Uao, non ho parole *_*

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to nekomukuro [2007-03-17 20:11:14 +0000 UTC]

Grazie! Tra qualche giorno dovrei riuscire anche a mettere la versione italiana sul mio sito (devo ancora costruire le pagine).

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nekomukuro In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-18 13:17:43 +0000 UTC]

Bene~ *_* ero giΓ  andata a sbirciare l'altro giorno, ma era tutto in costruzione >.< attenderΓ² *w*

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to nekomukuro [2007-03-18 13:47:46 +0000 UTC]

Eh eh... Sono giΓ  a metΓ  di pagina 5. Sto diventando velocissima a colorare (e meno male, mica posso passare sempre una settimana su una pagina! Oo). Appena finita mi occuperΓ² un po' del sito, devo mettere su almeno i fumetti e le schede di alcuni personaggi.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

nekomukuro In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-18 14:21:42 +0000 UTC]

Una settimana? o.o Tsè, le pagine del mio webcomic io ci metto una settimana a farle in scala di grigio X° dovessi farle con una colorazione di quel livello ci metterei mesi per pagina X°°° Buon lavoro

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 2

whiteshaix In reply to nekomukuro [2007-03-19 12:00:27 +0000 UTC]

A proposito... Molto carino il tuo fumetto... L'evoluzione dello stile dalle prime tavole Γ¨ stata notevole. La storia Γ¨ intrigante e i dialoghi spassosissimi... Soprattutto l'"elfo" mi fa schiattare!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

nekomukuro In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-19 14:28:33 +0000 UTC]

Grazie mille~ *^* mi sento onorata *-*
E beh, Darwi Γ¨ il piΓΉ popolare in assoluto per ora XD dovessi fare un sondaggio adesso penso che schiaccerebbe tutti senza confronto XDD spero di riuscire a tirar fuori bene anche gli altri

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to nekomukuro [2007-03-19 14:51:43 +0000 UTC]

Non sono affatto male, mi sembrano tutti ben caratterizzati, lui Γ¨ solo quello che mi diverte di piΓΉ. Forse Kai potrebbe mostrare un po' piΓΉ di carattere, ma Γ¨ una questione di preferenze personali, io vado matta per i personaggi un tantino "maledetti"...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

whiteshaix In reply to nekomukuro [2007-03-18 15:37:21 +0000 UTC]

E' piΓΉ scena che altro... Una volta mi prendeva un sacco di tempo, ora sono diventata velocissima a colorare.

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Caipirina [2007-03-17 18:23:14 +0000 UTC]

I agree with Larissa-Rasputin , is very good so far, I love how you color n_n

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whiteshaix In reply to Caipirina [2007-03-17 20:31:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Caipirina In reply to whiteshaix [2007-03-17 21:00:08 +0000 UTC]

welcome

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Larissa-Rasputin [2007-03-17 18:07:52 +0000 UTC]

I think it all looks good so far.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteshaix In reply to Larissa-Rasputin [2007-03-17 18:08:19 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0