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Description
I'm surprised people like me, im borderline suicidal, im basically depressed when im in my head alone, i should probably be dead by now

My head is a very dangerous place to be in, people should know this, i can't stand the quiet, it makes me panic and break down because when its quiet my brain thinks a mile a second. I hate being quiet yet i myself am a quiet person, though im like this because if i speak wrong things come out of my mouth and I fucking want myself dead every time that happens.

It's sad to say but when im alone and im in silence i think about how great life would be if i wasnt alive, i wonder what a gun feels like in my hand, i wonder what a bullet feels like piercing my skull, though ive had a dream where i was shot in the head and it didnt feel that bad, i wonder if it feels like that?

People have told me to let out my emotions because if i bottle them up im going to break (even though i do that already) but every time i do open my mouth to speak about my emotions i make my girlfriend sad, and i hate doing that so i should just shut the fuck up and suffer in silence, though it wouldnt be the first time doing that, im basically a pro at it

So from now on im going to put vents on to my scraps so no one has to deal with them and i can still vent them out

Sometimes i just really want to die, but them i remember all the people in my life who love me and who i love and then i start to wonder how their lives would be if i would kill myself, that probably wont happen but hey when i was younger i didnt think cutting would happen.....we'll see how my life goes....

Description
I'm surprised people like me, im borderline suicidal, im basically depressed when im in my head alone, i should probably be dead by now

My head is a very dangerous place to be in, people should know this, i can't stand the quiet, it makes me panic and break down because when its quiet my brain thinks a mile a second. I hate being quiet yet i myself am a quiet person, though im like this because if i speak wrong things come out of my mouth and I fucking want myself dead every time that happens.

It's sad to say but when im alone and im in silence i think about how great life would be if i wasnt alive, i wonder what a gun feels like in my hand, i wonder what a bullet feels like piercing my skull, though ive had a dream where i was shot in the head and it didnt feel that bad, i wonder if it feels like that?

People have told me to let out my emotions because if i bottle them up im going to break (even though i do that already) but every time i do open my mouth to speak about my emotions i make my girlfriend sad, and i hate doing that so i should just shut the fuck up and suffer in silence, though it wouldnt be the first time doing that, im basically a pro at it

So from now on im going to put vents on to my scraps so no one has to deal with them and i can still vent them out

Sometimes i just really want to die, but them i remember all the people in my life who love me and who i love and then i start to wonder how their lives would be if i would kill myself, that probably wont happen but hey when i was younger i didnt think cutting would happen.....we'll see how my life goes....