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WordOfChen β Hero
Published: 2012-05-02 17:05:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 3597; Favourites: 183; Downloads: 13
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Hero:I stand upon the highest mountain
And call to the clouded sky.
I can hear the murmurs of heaven
As the light begins to die.
The world we used to believe in;
Once filled with the flowers to bloom.
Is now caged by its own animosity;
Like a twisted asylum room...
How long do we have to stand here
Pleading to the ignorant skies?
We can scream with all of our voices
But the heavens turn their eyes...
I'm afraid that waiting for a hero
Is simply not going to do.
Because love alone won't save us;
And I think you know that too...
Some things we have to fight for;
We cannot build on broken stone.
We must start by returning to origin;
And then we begin to atone.
Instead of hurting in hollows
Let us rise on eagle's wings.
I'd love to hear the song again;
The one that angels sing...
"To move along from where we used to be;
It is the heart we must try to find.
It may not be the heart of a hero;
But I think it will do this time..."
"If the world isn't ending, shall we try to start anew?"
-Chen Yuan Wen, 3rd May 2012
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Comments: 108
Thank you for enjoying it ^^
- Chennie
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Β VISION 3/5
The messages in this poem drive the reader to think about Ghandi's saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." However, there are a few rough spots that take away from the power of the piece.Β
ORIGINALITY: 5/5
The use of Nickleback's song Hero as inspiration and the last lines of the poem creates a tribute to them. But, that doesn't take over the poem. Instead you've taken the concept of the song and created a narrative that is easy to relate to. Β The lines that really struck me were Lines 15 and 16:
Because love alone won't save us;
And I think you know that too...Β
^ These lines get to the heart of the flaws in society- the lack of compassion and ability to truly give aid without expecting kudos or using the experience as a brag of how "Christian" or great people are. It really got me thinking about how I can start giving back to the world community - instead of waiting for other people to advocate for causes I think should be put to the public attention.Β
TECHNIQUE: 4/5
LINES 21 - 24
Instead of hurting in hollows
Let us rise on eagle's wings.
I'd love to hear the song;
The one that angels sing...
^ The construction of this stanza stuck out to me, taking me from the rhythm or the piece. I suggest omitting again so line 23 reads: Β "I'd love to hear the song;"Β
LINE 29Β
"If the world isn't ending, shall we try to start anew?"
^ The presence of this quote takes away from your piece when put at the end. It would function better if you put it directly under the title:
Hero
"If the world isn't ending, shall we try to start anew?"
IMPACT: 5/5
I can feel that the message, although not-veiled, is meant to sow the seeds of knowledge, to get people to open their eyes to the problems society faces - and the truth that one person cannot truly deal with every issue on his or her own. That heroes are fiction and it's up to us to set things right. Β That's the reason I think Stanza 5 (below) is the true "heart" of this piece, and that's what I connected to the most.Β
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Hi, I'm new the whole poetry scene, this is mainly due to me finding nothing I see myself being able to associate to. Not that I'm saying I drink shots, as I liked your poem how "I comfort myself" haha, but I do find comfort of your writing this poem. I like how for me, the poem reads of how your not going to get anywhere by relying on would be heroes, but on yourself sometimes. Very nice work! Thanks for writing a piece I feel fits myself.
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Hi, I'm new the whole poetry scene, this is mainly due to me finding nothing I see myself being able to associate to. Not that I'm saying I drink shots, as I liked your poem how I comfor myself haha, but I do find comfort of your writingin this poem. But this peom, I like how it shows your not going to get anywhere by relying on would be heroes, but rely on yourself sometimes; this what screams at me and I feel more empathy with it. Nice work, and thanks for writing a peice to help fit how I feel hehe.
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Beautiful poem I'm amazed by your ability... Keep it up!!
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Thank you for enjoying it ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Hi, i just wanted to say i thought your poem was beautiful, and i'm wondering if you would be interested in submitting it to a magazine i'm involved with. Our theme this month is "Heroes", and this could fit in well as we are looking for any and all interpretations of that theme. So if you'd be willing to submit this or any other work you've done, then it'd be great if you could check out my journal for more info, and for the email address for literature submissions 
Thank you!
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I would be honoured to submit this piece in to your magazine. Do contributors get a free e-copy of the magazine and if not, where is it sold? This will be my second time being published so it would be nice to be able to verify it :3
-Chen
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Hi Chen! I'm glad you're interested. The magazine is a non-profit publication so it is available free for everyone
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Aye, thank ye, very glad that ye enjoyed this piece. Yer welcome ta check out all the others o' mine ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Thank ye, I'm very glad ye enjoyed this ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Deeply sorry for taking so long to reply to you, I've been absolutely bogged down in work T^T
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interesting but i think you could have done better. Dont ask how because I cant match your skill or style.
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Well, honestly yer actually probably right about that
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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As long as you know 
And better luck next time
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A Nickelback-based poem? By God, I think I love you.
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Arrr do ye now? Well I'm happy ta have yer affection xD
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Awesome! Just awesome! I wish there were much more words for describing your wonderful poems!
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Arrr thank ye Linda, havin' yer comments is more than enough thanks (well, comments, faves and the whole deal xD)
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Hehe, as always, you're welcome.
I'm glad they're enough thanks. Because I want to show appreciation of your awesome works!
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Arrr ye show plenty Linda and I'm always honoured by that ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Arr thank ye, I'm very glad ye liked me work and I hope I continue to impress ya ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Only 10 members a month are picked from all our members to be featured. Your images will go into our Feature Folder and be on our main page all month as well as be part of our First Friday Feature.
This image has been picked for our First Friday Feature go here to see the [link]
would like to congratulate you!
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Thank you so kindly for this honour ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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I really loved this. It was beautiful, expressive, but still simple! Thanks for sharing! :]
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Arrr thank ye, I'm very glad ye enjoyed it ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Thank you my dear friend :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Thank you, but I'm not yet. Perhaps one day I will be ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Thank you kindly :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Yep, it's a pretty good song :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Arrr thank ye ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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Ye arr very welcome! I am in the same boat (forgive the pun) sorting messages and trying to write at the same time.
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Aye, now that's a dilemma we share me friend :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Aye thank ye kindly :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry for the late reply, I'm slowly clearing messages
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And now I'd love to see you write poems like this for some more of their songs, because their stuff and yours is rapidly becoming something I'd even dare say I'm addicted to. 'Lullaby' would be an excellent one I think you could weave something beautiful from.
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