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Description
Please Wake Me Up
A Torchwood Fanfiction set after 'Cyberwoman'
Lisa's death is crushing Ianto, what can Jack do to help him?
_______________________

On a silent night in Cardiff, somewhere deep below the Roald Dahl Plass, in a dark and blood-stained room two men were struggling.
"Leave me! Don't...don't separate us! Lisa!"
Jack had tried to separate the young Welshman from the corpse of his former lover but this proved to be an even harder task than eliminating this threat in the first place. The corpse should be put into the mortuary but Ianto wouldn't let Jack even come near her, defending her blood smeared body like a lioness her child.
"Ianto, Ianto she's dead! She won't come back, do you understand?"
That was the moment Ianto's fist connected a second time with Jack's jaw line and that in a rather unpleasant way.

What a hook!
Jack couldn't really remember the last time someone hit him with such force.
"You could have saved her! Killer, murderer, monster..."
Jack's split lip was bleeding again but all he cared about was the young man who kept on hitting him, punctuating every single word with a punch even when his body began to fail its duty. Every hit got weaker as his anger subsided and left nothing more than grief in the young man who simply collapsed and cried into Jack's chest.
"I couldn't, I'm sorry."
Jack was gasping to regain his breath, it had been years since he played human punching bag the last time but he knew that in this case it had been necessary because Ianto needed to get rid of his anger.
"...So sorry..."

Ianto's fists were clenching into the fabrics of his shirt, staining it with his tears and Lisa's blood but he didn't care.
Oh how much he hated the man who was wrapping his arms currently around his shaking body! But there was no energy left for struggle. Every hit, every punch or any other physical abuse he could think of turned into a heart wrenching sob as painful memories of Lisa streamed back into his consciousness.
Ianto cried, cried all the tears he forbade himself since Carnary Wharf as long as Lisa was alive there had been hope. Everything what was left now was a giant hole in his chest...aching, straining and burning while his tears ran blood-red trails down his hands...his blood stained hands...

Dr. Tanizaki...Ianto nearly choked when he tried to breathe but the guilt was pressing deep into his lungs, rendering him unable to breathe properly. That poor man...it was his fault...his fault alone, he should have never...
His lungs were burning and his mouth felt dry, so incredibly dry...even if the rest of his body was drenched in the wetness of his sorrow while violent sobs surged their way up his shaking body.

And Jack never let go, no matter how hard Ianto dug his nails into the captain's chest. He wanted to hurt him...make him regret his hollow apologies...his whispered words of nothingness but even this resolve weakened with every progressing minute until there was nothing left...absolutely nothing.He hated Jack so much for killing Lisa, for being her cold and cruel executioner...and for being Jack.
He hated the fact that Jack's whispered nothings calmed him down or that his arms steadied him while he let himself being lulled by his unmistakable scent. Jack bloody Harkness.

Jack looked down when Ianto's body suddenly went limp.
No insults or sobs escaped his lips anymore; anger and grief had made way for apathy.
He pulled Ianto slightly back to look into his eyes but the young man seemed to look straight through him.
"...please..."
Jack couldn't hear what Ianto was mumbling so he leaned forward just to hear a litany of "...Somebody wake me up from this nightmare..." and it tore his heart because he knew there was no way to comfort the broken young man.

This wasn't real, this couldn't been real.
Ianto was dreaming, yes, just dreaming. He would wake up and Lisa would be lying next to him, telling him to wake up unless he wanted to run late for work and he would simply pull her closer to him and tell her how much he loved her. She would just smile, give him a kiss and state that he was a sappy fool and he would just laugh and tell her he didn't mind as long as she stayed with him...
Carnary Wharf, all those months in Torchwood 3 and Lisa's death seemed so unreal they had to be a dream, a sick figment of imagination caused by bad pizza leftovers and beer...
It had to be a dream because Jack's lips were touching his and Ianto didn't struggle.
Jack wasn't real, this kiss wasn't real, Lisa's cold corpse lying next to them wasn't real, not even the silent tears which were currently rolling down his face were real. Nothing was real, everything was just a dream.

Jack knew that he shouldn't kiss Ianto.
He was taking advantage of the younger man's current state of mind...and on top of that he was kissing the man who swore to watch him suffer and die just hours ago but he just couldn't stop himself. Their lips were connected before he had even time to think about what he was doing.
He knew he wanted to comfort Ianto, who reminded him of himself. Grief, anger, despair and guilt...Jack knew all these emotions just too well. Nothing he would do now would take them away, Ianto would have to deal with them on his own but Jack also knew that feeling the presence of another person helped.
At least that was what he was telling himself when he progressed to kiss the tears from Ianto's face...his eyes...his cheeks...his nose tip and from his lips. The young man didn't struggle and still Jack felt like an intruder in Ianto's personal space only tolerated ...and he told himself it was okay, as long as he could give the other man something he could hold on to... His body was shaking and Jack did everything to steady it, Ianto's fingers were digging into his biceps while he drowned into Jack's kiss but this was alright too...because that was the reason Jack was doing it in the first place.

He brought Ianto to his quarters, never letting go of the man who was clinging onto him and laid him on his cot. Jack caressed and kissed the still shaking body until the shudders subsided. He could feel the other man tense but Jack wouldn't do it, not like that despite what everyone else seemed to think of him. He knew what to do.
"Sshh, I won't sleep with you. I just want to make sure that you are going to sleep, ok?"
Jack took a retcon pill out of his pocket and for a short moment their eyes met.
Ianto's eyes widened for a moment when he recognised the white pill but his surprise made way for resignation.
"You are going to take her away from me?"
Jack shook his head and smiled softly at the other man,
"You'll just forget the last hour and it will make you sleep, don't worry."
The other man just chuckled sadly "Liar, I know the protocols."
Jack put the pill on the tip of his tongue and gave it to Ianto through a deep kiss; he pulled back and planted a little kiss on Ianto's forehead "I wasn't lying."

The next morning Ianto Jones woke up in his flat without a recollection of how he came home and with a note of suspension on his bedside table. Tears rolled down his cheeks when the memories of the last day came back...it hurt, so much... but somehow...the urge to follow her was gone...
He had no idea why but something told him to survive even if it tore him apart... and while he padded over to the kitchen to make breakfast he wondered why he had dreamt of Jack.

***************
Days of suspension were hell for Ianto.
The first thing he did was rearranging his flat; he put all the things that once belonged to Lisa on a pile and stared at the legacy of the woman who was Lisa Hallet. Clothes, books, DVDs photographs...things he couldn't bring himself to put away before because he still had hope. He stared at them and found that he still couldn't throw them away. In the end he put her stuff into two parcels with her name on it and put them into his wardrobe.

His flat looked now incomplete somehow...
Ianto couldn't do anything else except sitting on his couch, letting the telly run in the background while the white walls threatened to crush him. That was the reason why Ianto started running. Five miles, every day. He put some mind numbing tracks on his mp3-player, laced his running shoes and just ran... until his body wouldn't move anymore. And while he lay on the grass panting and completely exhausted he wondered why he kept dreaming of the captain.

Jack was busy; Ianto's absence had created an unexpected workload for the rest of the team. Funny how easily Jack had forgotten how much Ianto really had been doing in the hub: Taking care of the creatures in the vaults and Myfanwy, administrative work, repairing, 'clean up operations', the archives, making coffee, ordering food...hell even dry-cleaning his coat! Jack felt like drowning in the sudden silence of the hub. There was no light-heartedness in the daily banters of the team; they even avoided eye contact when they talked to each other which made Ianto's absence even more noticeable. A cog was missing in their complicated clockwork of social interactions to keep everything smooth, Ianto was missing... and every single time Jack wanted to yell for coffee he felt it even more.

He knew what he was doing was wrong, but worry drove Jack to Ianto's flat every day.
The young man was brave, he was enduring as much as he could...until he reached breaking point. Every single time Jack let himself into Ianto's flat he would find the young man sitting on his kitchen counter, hands folded over his face and shoulders shaking.
"Ianto..."

Ianto never protested when he took him into his arms or asked him why he came and Jack was thankful for that. He didn't know it himself, not really. 'Making sure the employee was alright' was what Jack told himself every night and still he went farther than a real employer should go... but what was normal anyway?
Jack tried to tell himself that he was just doing it for the sake of the team; every night he held the young man until the tears stopped flowing.
Normal was overrated.
Every single time he gave Ianto a retcon pill with the younger man's silent consent and every single time he had this gut twisting feeling when he gave Ianto the kiss of oblivion because there was always something else beneath Ianto's tears. He could feel it when he watched the smiling man drifting off into sleep he could still feel it when he touched his own lips.
Sometimes he caught himself hoping Ianto would refuse the pill...and that scared him.

Still he came back, every night for the duration of Ianto's suspension and with every night Ianto's fits got better.

Both lay silent in his bed on his last night of suspension, lost in their thoughts...
"...You've been looking after me, am I right?"
Jack didn't reply; he just continued caressing the back of Ianto's head.
"...I've kept dreaming of you...and it got better...I..."
Jack took the last retcon pill and kissed Ianto's forehead.
"That's the last one. I expect you to cope without my nightly visits, understood?"
He didn't want to understand the meaning of the silent tear that was currently running down Ianto's face when the young man gave him a hesitant nod. Again Ianto gazed at him with that special look he used to give him with every retcon pill and Jack kissed him, knowing it may probably the last time they would be this close. Ianto smiled one last time at him, his lips forming a silent 'Thank you' before the drug kicked in, leaving Jack alone in his bedroom.
The next morning Ianto Jones woke up, made his breakfast and settled everything for work,
wondering why he dreamt of Jack again.

Description
Please Wake Me Up
A Torchwood Fanfiction set after 'Cyberwoman'
Lisa's death is crushing Ianto, what can Jack do to help him?
_______________________

On a silent night in Cardiff, somewhere deep below the Roald Dahl Plass, in a dark and blood-stained room two men were struggling.
"Leave me! Don't...don't separate us! Lisa!"
Jack had tried to separate the young Welshman from the corpse of his former lover but this proved to be an even harder task than eliminating this threat in the first place. The corpse should be put into the mortuary but Ianto wouldn't let Jack even come near her, defending her blood smeared body like a lioness her child.
"Ianto, Ianto she's dead! She won't come back, do you understand?"
That was the moment Ianto's fist connected a second time with Jack's jaw line and that in a rather unpleasant way.

What a hook!
Jack couldn't really remember the last time someone hit him with such force.
"You could have saved her! Killer, murderer, monster..."
Jack's split lip was bleeding again but all he cared about was the young man who kept on hitting him, punctuating every single word with a punch even when his body began to fail its duty. Every hit got weaker as his anger subsided and left nothing more than grief in the young man who simply collapsed and cried into Jack's chest.
"I couldn't, I'm sorry."
Jack was gasping to regain his breath, it had been years since he played human punching bag the last time but he knew that in this case it had been necessary because Ianto needed to get rid of his anger.
"...So sorry..."

Ianto's fists were clenching into the fabrics of his shirt, staining it with his tears and Lisa's blood but he didn't care.
Oh how much he hated the man who was wrapping his arms currently around his shaking body! But there was no energy left for struggle. Every hit, every punch or any other physical abuse he could think of turned into a heart wrenching sob as painful memories of Lisa streamed back into his consciousness.
Ianto cried, cried all the tears he forbade himself since Carnary Wharf as long as Lisa was alive there had been hope. Everything what was left now was a giant hole in his chest...aching, straining and burning while his tears ran blood-red trails down his hands...his blood stained hands...

Dr. Tanizaki...Ianto nearly choked when he tried to breathe but the guilt was pressing deep into his lungs, rendering him unable to breathe properly. That poor man...it was his fault...his fault alone, he should have never...
His lungs were burning and his mouth felt dry, so incredibly dry...even if the rest of his body was drenched in the wetness of his sorrow while violent sobs surged their way up his shaking body.

And Jack never let go, no matter how hard Ianto dug his nails into the captain's chest. He wanted to hurt him...make him regret his hollow apologies...his whispered words of nothingness but even this resolve weakened with every progressing minute until there was nothing left...absolutely nothing.He hated Jack so much for killing Lisa, for being her cold and cruel executioner...and for being Jack.
He hated the fact that Jack's whispered nothings calmed him down or that his arms steadied him while he let himself being lulled by his unmistakable scent. Jack bloody Harkness.

Jack looked down when Ianto's body suddenly went limp.
No insults or sobs escaped his lips anymore; anger and grief had made way for apathy.
He pulled Ianto slightly back to look into his eyes but the young man seemed to look straight through him.
"...please..."
Jack couldn't hear what Ianto was mumbling so he leaned forward just to hear a litany of "...Somebody wake me up from this nightmare..." and it tore his heart because he knew there was no way to comfort the broken young man.

This wasn't real, this couldn't been real.
Ianto was dreaming, yes, just dreaming. He would wake up and Lisa would be lying next to him, telling him to wake up unless he wanted to run late for work and he would simply pull her closer to him and tell her how much he loved her. She would just smile, give him a kiss and state that he was a sappy fool and he would just laugh and tell her he didn't mind as long as she stayed with him...
Carnary Wharf, all those months in Torchwood 3 and Lisa's death seemed so unreal they had to be a dream, a sick figment of imagination caused by bad pizza leftovers and beer...
It had to be a dream because Jack's lips were touching his and Ianto didn't struggle.
Jack wasn't real, this kiss wasn't real, Lisa's cold corpse lying next to them wasn't real, not even the silent tears which were currently rolling down his face were real. Nothing was real, everything was just a dream.

Jack knew that he shouldn't kiss Ianto.
He was taking advantage of the younger man's current state of mind...and on top of that he was kissing the man who swore to watch him suffer and die just hours ago but he just couldn't stop himself. Their lips were connected before he had even time to think about what he was doing.
He knew he wanted to comfort Ianto, who reminded him of himself. Grief, anger, despair and guilt...Jack knew all these emotions just too well. Nothing he would do now would take them away, Ianto would have to deal with them on his own but Jack also knew that feeling the presence of another person helped.
At least that was what he was telling himself when he progressed to kiss the tears from Ianto's face...his eyes...his cheeks...his nose tip and from his lips. The young man didn't struggle and still Jack felt like an intruder in Ianto's personal space only tolerated ...and he told himself it was okay, as long as he could give the other man something he could hold on to... His body was shaking and Jack did everything to steady it, Ianto's fingers were digging into his biceps while he drowned into Jack's kiss but this was alright too...because that was the reason Jack was doing it in the first place.

He brought Ianto to his quarters, never letting go of the man who was clinging onto him and laid him on his cot. Jack caressed and kissed the still shaking body until the shudders subsided. He could feel the other man tense but Jack wouldn't do it, not like that despite what everyone else seemed to think of him. He knew what to do.
"Sshh, I won't sleep with you. I just want to make sure that you are going to sleep, ok?"
Jack took a retcon pill out of his pocket and for a short moment their eyes met.
Ianto's eyes widened for a moment when he recognised the white pill but his surprise made way for resignation.
"You are going to take her away from me?"
Jack shook his head and smiled softly at the other man,
"You'll just forget the last hour and it will make you sleep, don't worry."
The other man just chuckled sadly "Liar, I know the protocols."
Jack put the pill on the tip of his tongue and gave it to Ianto through a deep kiss; he pulled back and planted a little kiss on Ianto's forehead "I wasn't lying."

The next morning Ianto Jones woke up in his flat without a recollection of how he came home and with a note of suspension on his bedside table. Tears rolled down his cheeks when the memories of the last day came back...it hurt, so much... but somehow...the urge to follow her was gone...
He had no idea why but something told him to survive even if it tore him apart... and while he padded over to the kitchen to make breakfast he wondered why he had dreamt of Jack.

***************
Days of suspension were hell for Ianto.
The first thing he did was rearranging his flat; he put all the things that once belonged to Lisa on a pile and stared at the legacy of the woman who was Lisa Hallet. Clothes, books, DVDs photographs...things he couldn't bring himself to put away before because he still had hope. He stared at them and found that he still couldn't throw them away. In the end he put her stuff into two parcels with her name on it and put them into his wardrobe.

His flat looked now incomplete somehow...
Ianto couldn't do anything else except sitting on his couch, letting the telly run in the background while the white walls threatened to crush him. That was the reason why Ianto started running. Five miles, every day. He put some mind numbing tracks on his mp3-player, laced his running shoes and just ran... until his body wouldn't move anymore. And while he lay on the grass panting and completely exhausted he wondered why he kept dreaming of the captain.

Jack was busy; Ianto's absence had created an unexpected workload for the rest of the team. Funny how easily Jack had forgotten how much Ianto really had been doing in the hub: Taking care of the creatures in the vaults and Myfanwy, administrative work, repairing, 'clean up operations', the archives, making coffee, ordering food...hell even dry-cleaning his coat! Jack felt like drowning in the sudden silence of the hub. There was no light-heartedness in the daily banters of the team; they even avoided eye contact when they talked to each other which made Ianto's absence even more noticeable. A cog was missing in their complicated clockwork of social interactions to keep everything smooth, Ianto was missing... and every single time Jack wanted to yell for coffee he felt it even more.

He knew what he was doing was wrong, but worry drove Jack to Ianto's flat every day.
The young man was brave, he was enduring as much as he could...until he reached breaking point. Every single time Jack let himself into Ianto's flat he would find the young man sitting on his kitchen counter, hands folded over his face and shoulders shaking.
"Ianto..."

Ianto never protested when he took him into his arms or asked him why he came and Jack was thankful for that. He didn't know it himself, not really. 'Making sure the employee was alright' was what Jack told himself every night and still he went farther than a real employer should go... but what was normal anyway?
Jack tried to tell himself that he was just doing it for the sake of the team; every night he held the young man until the tears stopped flowing.
Normal was overrated.
Every single time he gave Ianto a retcon pill with the younger man's silent consent and every single time he had this gut twisting feeling when he gave Ianto the kiss of oblivion because there was always something else beneath Ianto's tears. He could feel it when he watched the smiling man drifting off into sleep he could still feel it when he touched his own lips.
Sometimes he caught himself hoping Ianto would refuse the pill...and that scared him.

Still he came back, every night for the duration of Ianto's suspension and with every night Ianto's fits got better.

Both lay silent in his bed on his last night of suspension, lost in their thoughts...
"...You've been looking after me, am I right?"
Jack didn't reply; he just continued caressing the back of Ianto's head.
"...I've kept dreaming of you...and it got better...I..."
Jack took the last retcon pill and kissed Ianto's forehead.
"That's the last one. I expect you to cope without my nightly visits, understood?"
He didn't want to understand the meaning of the silent tear that was currently running down Ianto's face when the young man gave him a hesitant nod. Again Ianto gazed at him with that special look he used to give him with every retcon pill and Jack kissed him, knowing it may probably the last time they would be this close. Ianto smiled one last time at him, his lips forming a silent 'Thank you' before the drug kicked in, leaving Jack alone in his bedroom.
The next morning Ianto Jones woke up, made his breakfast and settled everything for work,
wondering why he dreamt of Jack again.