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XGamerGT03 — Blood Forge Teaser 1
Published: 2004-09-23 21:26:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 95; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description Talon's family was definetly considered to be of the nobility. they

owned two large tracts of land and a third on which a haunted castle stood.

Though, Talon was considered to be the black sheep of the family. Instead of

living the great and simple life of the nobles he choose to work in a village

nearby making nothing whatsoever. Whatever anyone asked of him he would do

without hesitation and quickly.In his harshest times this would help him.

Often since Talon was the age of 16 he was seen every night with one

of the pesant girls name Claire. Rather wise for her age she was very

spirited and her black hair and blue eyes. All of which had caught Talon's

attention when he first met her and ensnared his heart, he would stop at

nothing to have her.The two looked the opposite Talon with short brownish hair

and grey eyes, and Claire with her black hair and blue eyes, but everyone

knew that one day they would marry.

Talons family was outraged when they heard of this. Only a few months

after he began to meet her each night he was thrown into a store room to rot

for eternity. He lived on though, the passions of his love burned in his

heart, and he knew he would get out one day. However one night a few weeks

later, he had found a way out. A secret passage, but he did not know the

horror that would await him.

After his escape from the castle he believed that he was free for

good. Then as he turned to face the castle he saw it. The entire stone

structure ablaze. And what more the village in which Claire lived now being

torched by the army that had torched his home.

In a rage he grabbed the swords of one of his fallen friends.. though

he was unnoticed at first at second glance Talon realized it to be chris his

long frined, Chris now scorched beyond recognition. And thus Talon's charge

began, he was determined to survive and save Claire. As he ran through the

city Talon spotted claires house and bashed the door in. On the ground lay

Claires father. His chest split wide open and his internal organs spwen

across the floor. A horrific look upon his face right at a cut that formed a

cross and two fang marks on his throat.

Talon then looked around to find various body parts spewn around the

house and finally got to a locked door. He looked down and saw another of his

friends. Ben had a spear through his throat and blood caked on his face.

ben's chest too had been split oepn but everything was gone. as if it was

just blown away. The two fang marks visible on the neck. Then he heard nosies

behind the door.

"There all gone, everyone, ben, father, and Talon has to be dead, ow

could he have survived." Claires voice says then sobs.

"my daughter, nay Talon could not have survived that devil, a female

vampire. No a vampire at that, i never even though they were real."Clairs

moms voice says. Talon then leans against the door.

"Your giving up on me that easily, maybe i should be dead but alas i

am not."Talon says and then slowly opens the door. He then looks around to

find that it is the only room unharmed in the whole village. He walks over to

Claire and kisses her and then looks towards the marks on the wall. "You used

the holy spells on this room, and the vampire fled. She will pay for this."

talon says and then walks out of the room. "They are gone and we need to

flee, i am the last of my bloodline, i have a place we can go." He then

leaves and prepares a team of horses and another of his friends, James.
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Comments: 3

XGamerGT03 [2004-10-13 09:24:31 +0000 UTC]

DANG IT, my mom deleted it again.... i finally had about 50 pages and she deletes it...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sisandbro [2004-09-25 05:52:19 +0000 UTC]

hmm.... well, the story is really kewl, but there are a lot of parts that you could have elaborated on, such as the entire sequence of the burning village and stuff. some of the parts are good to read, and there are some good word usages in there, but overall, i don't particularly like how the story is written.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

XGamerGT03 In reply to sisandbro [2004-09-25 13:44:34 +0000 UTC]

OOO thanks for that now i can get to work on those parts, i wrote this in like 30 minas from the book i had started so its gona be alot better once i fix it up and everything. Village burning deffinetly one to work on i knew that already but thanks for the comments. I'lll get the vampire part i promised up really soon.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0