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xnooneleftx — What You're Up Against Part 2
Published: 2005-09-08 12:14:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 1979; Favourites: 36; Downloads: 202
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We trade liquor for blood, in an attempt to tip the scales.You hate it when I drink so much, when I go out to wash these feelings away. Seriously, I don't even understand why you got so shitty tonight. How did I hurt you, I didn't even say I was going anywhere, you just left assuming I would. God.
I'm sorry I'm so difficult or confusing or whatever. You know I am not the most stable human being, I'm prone to this sadness. When I feel stuck in this job, unhappy in this house, so distant from my friends and far away with you. Nothing is alright, this is all I feel like I can do to make it die down a little. I'm sorry your voice on the phone or your picture on my moniter isn't enough, doesn't help me feel any closer.
This isn't you I'm talking to, it's a reciever. It's not your face I'm looking at, it's a computer screen and it's not you I'm holding it's a bottle of beer.
I don't even blame you, it's not you I'm so horribly depressed over. It's the distance between us and I know it drags you down too. Sometimes I find myself badly equipped to deal with how far away you are.
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Comments: 34
Bright eyes
brilliant work. Great capture of a common but not so pleasent experience.
Yeah i'm in a long distance "something" right now... him in the uk and me in norway and.. yeah i guess i kinda maybe sort of know where you're at. but then again we're not a couple so, maybe not.
Annyway I really hope you're not all sad these days and that things are going better for you.
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wow this drawing is made so well!!! u r so good at it. I hope u'll get over the drinking period, soon...
It's not good....
DOn't loose it all...
(fuckin shit now i'm listening to Anathema "lost control" because of u 
It's just cause of the drawing and your depressed mood....
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...Pain comes in a lot of forms and is most usually a really shitty way to have to feel (in pain). I, however, admire you keen fuckin' abilitiy to rip peices of yours out and slap it on page. To put it up for the intarweb at large to see and love or hate as they will because, hey, you felt like artsing and posting and whatever else. I am consistantly impressed with your work. Like. Always. Distance is...ugh. Distance can be really painful and it never really gets any better with time or with less distance. (I've been seein' a guy for like 5 years on and off now. We used to live 3000 miles away, now it's like 2 hours. it still doesn't hurt any less.) Hopefully things'll work out for you. i really hope they do. You seem like a brilliant person to know.
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" We trade liquor for blood, in an attempt to tip the scales."
is that bright eyes? i swear i heard that in a song the other day and i cant remember what i was listening to
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Yeah, it's an Attempt to Tip the Scales off Fever and Mirrors. Also the only bright eyes song I can play at all on guitar.
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you will you will you will you? is a pretty easy song...dunno if it means anything to you but, its the only one i can play. hehe
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I just had a listen, sounds very hard. I am possibly the worst guitar playing person you may ever meet.
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well as long as you play the thing, you will get better, its psychological physics...
if you are into "indietronica" (or what the hell ever) you should check some of my stuff out @ Onesweetdream
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True story too, I sleep in gutters and alleys on some long drunken nights. It's not so bad on warm summer nights, but in the bitter cold of winter it's pretty horrible.
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yeah a good friend of mine got kicked out of his house so he sleeps at a park. or sometimes in his girlfriends tent.......i get really worried about how hes gonna make it during the winter....there isn't anything i can do i've already tried......so yeah just keep your head up and focus on the present instead of the future.
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I do not claim to know your pain, only that I am able to empathise with it.. I once had a long distance relationship.. it didnt work.. I need the person beside me or I do stupid things...
Word to the wise.. Long distance takes patience and self confidence. neither of which I have.
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Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It's very difficult, I don't know how strong I am, I guess I'll find that out through this.
I think anyone who's done a long distance thing can understand the difficulties of it and the hard times it brings.
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I honestly and truely hope you are able to pull through your bad patch. I sympathise completely with what you mean about the 'intangibility' of the relationship. You can know (and I mean -know-) in your heart of hearts that everything is fine and wonderful, but without a true face to see or a real body to touch, sometimes it can all feel like a hollow husk (superfluous) of an entity.
Be strong, be stronger than I was and dont give into the temptation of the easy body nearby, the gentle face next to you. Know what your heart does, she loves you and wishes to be with you.. otherwise you wouldnt be where you are.
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you'll soon see her, think of that insead of drinking.
and im here if u need to talk.
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hehe, thanks. You're always supportive, thanks for being there for me.
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most certainly a good peice for a great song
we are destructive people, and kind makes you wounder why we let life get the best of us.
meh well is either case yet antoher lovely picture with an excellent outcome and lots of feeling and meanings behind it all.
I really enjoy your art, because I can relate...ok I'll stop now LOL
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Heh thanks. It's tough when everything gets you down but y'know I probably wouldn't want it any other way. I mean sometimes it just feels so horrible that when some small good thing happens it makes that feel so much better. It makes it all worth doing. When your chips are down and it feels like nothings left but yous till push on and you come out of it a better person... or a more experienced person. I guess, while it's painful - ultimately I like the whole disaster rollercoaster.
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wowsa i agree completely
i liek rollercoasters O_o lol
even if at the moment i fell like i am putting my life to shit but either way it makes us stronger, if we live through it that is
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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thats probably the hardest drawing to look at.
Don't do this to yourself, you have the world... stop ruining it by drinking it away.
You have a girl that you love and loves you in return
and you have friends that surround you and support you always.
Your doing what you want t do.. and no one is holding you back.
You just have to stop thinking about shit.
fuck, I don't even know the situation... but I've seen you like this before and I've spent many a nights watching you act this way, and if your friggen ex-girlfriend still cares. Imagine how much the love of your life cares!!!!?!?!?
ps: please don't be cut at me for writing this, i know it's not my place to say this stuff.
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I'm not and I've been meaning to apologise to you for just cutting you off. I've said before y'know, I'm not very good at dealing with ex's, but I know I hurt you and I just want you to know I'm sorry about that.
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ahh Darren, don't worry about me.
I think we have both moved on... a lot.
but thank you anyway.
ya know, i would still like to be friends, honestly.
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Actually, I feel like I should explain that a little more. Sorry for the double post. I'm in a long distance relationship, in as much as I'm in the UK right now and my girlfriend lives in the USA, and we've been going out for almost 2 years now. I worship the ground she walks on, but as yet I haven't been in a position to move across there and be with her, so a lot of the time we've been 'together' have been via the telephone and the internet. I've felt like that passage above many, many times; Depressed, paranoid, sick, abandoned. I know the feeling that the picture is conveyng, I've felt like letting myself go like that again and again. And yet, when she smiles, I realise that it's worth it. I suppose that's what they'd call love, or that's what I'd have myself believe. One can only hope and pray that we can struggle through these things, together. I give you my utmost support and admiration.
Ry x
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Wow, 2 years. THat's crazy. I mean crazy in a wonderful way, I don't know if I could go on 2 years like this. The pressure continually mounts and I dunno. I'm fairly self destructive when the right mood comes around, this whole thing is much more stressful than I ever thought.
Sometimes I'm full of hope and then the next moment I want to stop it all so my head can just be peaceful and alone again. I care for her so much though that I don't know what to do.
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Tell me about it. My girlfriend just started going to college, and now she has no time for me, what with studying and her newfound freedom and friendships. The abandonment issues are incredibly difficult to deal with, and I'm not sure how much longer I can go on myself. Trying to stay positive is hard, too, when you're sat staring into a computer screen talking to yourself. The only thing you can really do is focus on your goal of being together and keep yourself busy with other things; Work, drawing, whatever keeps your mind off the situation. It is pressurised and it is difficult, but it's worth it for those brief periods of togetherness. It's worth it for the conversation, the beauty of intimacy and the kissing, holding hands moments. It's worth it, but it's difficult. Stay strong.
Ry x
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