Comments: 18
Evtec5000 [2009-06-07 02:47:05 +0000 UTC]
Needs work, for sure, ill leave the the critiques to someone else tho
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XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-04 21:47:40 +0000 UTC]
I do try ^^ Just helpin' a friend ;]
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XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-04 00:39:44 +0000 UTC]
Aha! Some nitpicky critisism to add for this chapter. In the second to last paragraph, I think you could've used different words other than "small", starting with the 8th sentence. Errmm...I think that's all. yep yep. good work good work. x]
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XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-04 00:18:29 +0000 UTC]
This next chapter better have complimentary buttered popcorn >3< If not, THEN I DEMAND A REFUND! *angry face* ~have a nice day! <3
Aah yes...my mood swings..
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XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-03 18:31:11 +0000 UTC]
NOT GOOD ENOUGH! ACTION COMES NOW! AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A WRITER! jkkkk ^3^. I'll be waitin' for the next chapter!
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XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-02 23:59:10 +0000 UTC]
*sigh* Where to start, where to start *groan* Well for one thing...*rambles on about story*...jkjk! it's nice ^0^ Realll nice actually. Later on you can add some, i dunno know, some captivating essence to it, to bring the reader in more. Like a turn of events, rising point to the climax, you know? Make it so that they're drooling for more! Drool longer than the Nile! (you get the point) ^_~ Good job though!
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Xxgrammar-policexX In reply to XmarshxmallowX [2009-06-03 01:19:28 +0000 UTC]
This is only chapter 1...not much action in the first chapter. But i'll do better in the second k?
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Xxgrammar-policexX [2009-06-02 22:11:38 +0000 UTC]
Btw, for some reason this deviation discourages critique. But please, be as mean as physically possible about. Nitpick until your eyeballs drop from your skull okay?
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BananaxDiana [2009-06-02 20:15:47 +0000 UTC]
FINALLY! >.O
You haven't posted anything in a long time :[
How cute. Love the cute elegance in the story. ^^ (For some reason, I feel SA vibes when I read it...? lol)
I <3 Sariah~!!!!
And Jude...he's one of a kind x3
Nicely done~
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Xxgrammar-policexX In reply to BananaxDiana [2009-06-03 19:40:19 +0000 UTC]
And guess where the idea of Jude's cute self plopping his behind on my desk came from.
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BananaxDiana In reply to Xxgrammar-policexX [2009-06-03 19:58:24 +0000 UTC]
Mwehehehehehe *snort* lol
Andy-lion~~~ *sing-song voice* ^3^
"She blushed a furious shade of red. Why was she sounding like this? No boy had ever gotten her in such a state. Why was this one making her so flustered? He was just another pretty face, right? Maybe it was just because he was so close. Yes, that had to be it. She’d never gotten this close to a boy, and she didn’t know what to do. She calmed her nerves, and smiled."
Love this part. Can't wait for the rest :]
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