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Description
"There are sacrifices that must be made, rookie"

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...I don't know what came over me. This picture was taken ages ago. It is from what I could call one of my first actual photoshoots. Maybe even the very first one I had for DGM anyway. I hadn't been seriously into cosplay for that long and therefore wasn't constantly comparing myself to others that badly. Yet. There was no fancy stuff going on, just my dad and I, taking some photos at our yard at home. No pressure for the photos to come out awesome. No feeling awkward. Despite years of experience after having this photoshoot, I keep coming back to this particular photo and thinking "How did I manage this?".

I've been cosplaying Kanda for years, yet I'm hardly as convinced by anything I come up with as I am by this. There's something there that I can't seem to find these days. The posture. Calmness. Expression. Confidence. Such simple subtle things. I have very few photos of this shoot saved up, but all of them seem to give off the same feeling. Why can't I reach it anymore?

The way I see it, a part of cosplay culture has become this huge, world-wide, war for attention. People compare themselves to others. There are those that are below them in skill, they must not be taking this seriously, and then there are those who are perfect whatever they do, they were just born beautiful/handsome and I could never get there up to their level. When these thoughts take up your mind I dare say cosplaying stops being fun anymore. I'm not blaming anyone here, I kinda feel I'm at this point, too. Wake up! Please, ask yourselves; "Why do I do this? Why did I start cosplaying?" For me, that was my love for the characters that I wanted to bring to life. The joy of seeing their outfits coming together. Nowadays, when a con is coming up, I start despairing; What do I wear? Do I have to make a new costume? Is it alright to still use one of the older ones? Is it over-used? I've gained some weight, I can't fit into this one costume anymore, I'll definitely not look good as , I really don't feel up to start making a new costume, but what do my friends say? I said I'd cosplay with them...what do I do? And from there on, the stress just keeps piling up and by the time the con comes up, I've lost my sleep, used up considerable sums of money, am pissed as a bee for no reason at all, and just generally look like a miserable, walking, talking zombie.

After giving it some though, I definitely feel it should not be this way. I want to get that joy of creating something I love back. It's not a competition of who uses the finest materials. It's not a beauty contest either. It's just my personal way of showing my love for the characters that I love. And to feel good about it. I want to cosplay just the characters that I like. And make their costumes just at the pace I feel comfortable with. I want to get back to the way it was in the beginning, when there was no pressure of "doing it right". We've all been beginners once. They may not have all the skills we've gained through years, but, as I see it in many, they still have the joy.

This is just something that's been on my heart for a long time, waiting to get out. It feels good to finally write it down. If you're struggling with something similar, I hope this helped some. For me, it certainly feels like it did.

//end of rant

-----------------------------

I just wanted to say that I haven't done anything at all to this photo, it's just as it is. As I look at it, I can see how much my sewing skill for one has improved since then, like how the sleeve on my upper arm is way too loose (it had to be left that way so I had even some hope to actually move my arm). Now I know how I'd fix that, for example. I also see that I've gained much more weight than I'd like to admit, but I can't let that stop me. I'm still the same person I was back then. I still have the same aforementioned confidence in me. I just need to find my way back to it again.

--------------------------------

Myself as Kanda Yuu
Photo by my Dad

-----------------------------------

Kanda Yuu (D.Gray-Man) (c) Katsura Hoshino

Description
"There are sacrifices that must be made, rookie"

-----------------------------

...I don't know what came over me. This picture was taken ages ago. It is from what I could call one of my first actual photoshoots. Maybe even the very first one I had for DGM anyway. I hadn't been seriously into cosplay for that long and therefore wasn't constantly comparing myself to others that badly. Yet. There was no fancy stuff going on, just my dad and I, taking some photos at our yard at home. No pressure for the photos to come out awesome. No feeling awkward. Despite years of experience after having this photoshoot, I keep coming back to this particular photo and thinking "How did I manage this?".

I've been cosplaying Kanda for years, yet I'm hardly as convinced by anything I come up with as I am by this. There's something there that I can't seem to find these days. The posture. Calmness. Expression. Confidence. Such simple subtle things. I have very few photos of this shoot saved up, but all of them seem to give off the same feeling. Why can't I reach it anymore?

The way I see it, a part of cosplay culture has become this huge, world-wide, war for attention. People compare themselves to others. There are those that are below them in skill, they must not be taking this seriously, and then there are those who are perfect whatever they do, they were just born beautiful/handsome and I could never get there up to their level. When these thoughts take up your mind I dare say cosplaying stops being fun anymore. I'm not blaming anyone here, I kinda feel I'm at this point, too. Wake up! Please, ask yourselves; "Why do I do this? Why did I start cosplaying?" For me, that was my love for the characters that I wanted to bring to life. The joy of seeing their outfits coming together. Nowadays, when a con is coming up, I start despairing; What do I wear? Do I have to make a new costume? Is it alright to still use one of the older ones? Is it over-used? I've gained some weight, I can't fit into this one costume anymore, I'll definitely not look good as , I really don't feel up to start making a new costume, but what do my friends say? I said I'd cosplay with them...what do I do? And from there on, the stress just keeps piling up and by the time the con comes up, I've lost my sleep, used up considerable sums of money, am pissed as a bee for no reason at all, and just generally look like a miserable, walking, talking zombie.

After giving it some though, I definitely feel it should not be this way. I want to get that joy of creating something I love back. It's not a competition of who uses the finest materials. It's not a beauty contest either. It's just my personal way of showing my love for the characters that I love. And to feel good about it. I want to cosplay just the characters that I like. And make their costumes just at the pace I feel comfortable with. I want to get back to the way it was in the beginning, when there was no pressure of "doing it right". We've all been beginners once. They may not have all the skills we've gained through years, but, as I see it in many, they still have the joy.

This is just something that's been on my heart for a long time, waiting to get out. It feels good to finally write it down. If you're struggling with something similar, I hope this helped some. For me, it certainly feels like it did.

//end of rant

-----------------------------

I just wanted to say that I haven't done anything at all to this photo, it's just as it is. As I look at it, I can see how much my sewing skill for one has improved since then, like how the sleeve on my upper arm is way too loose (it had to be left that way so I had even some hope to actually move my arm). Now I know how I'd fix that, for example. I also see that I've gained much more weight than I'd like to admit, but I can't let that stop me. I'm still the same person I was back then. I still have the same aforementioned confidence in me. I just need to find my way back to it again.

--------------------------------

Myself as Kanda Yuu
Photo by my Dad

-----------------------------------

Kanda Yuu (D.Gray-Man) (c) Katsura Hoshino