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Young-Artisy — Writing
Published: 2012-12-19 23:29:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 211; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description
Sit, read, write, and think.This is a masterpieces beginning construction.
Analyze, erase, judge, and critique.
Greatness takes time, practice, and instruction.
As the words come together you start to believe.
Without faith there is a higher chance of destruction.
The conclusion is strong and your point is complete.
The story is now ready for the audiences consumption.
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Comments: 3
the person who commented before me said everything I was going to say, but in the last line it should say "audience's" rather than "audiences"
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Really cool poem. I like your strong sense of rhythm here, and the way you end-stop every line. I'm especially fascinated by sentiments like "Without faith there is a higher chance of destruction" and "As the words come together you start to believe." There seems to be a real depth of idea and feeling in this poem that's just ready to bubble up to the surface. That being said, I have a few suggestions for how to improve this poem. In the second line, did you mean to say "This is a masterpiece* beginning construction" or maybe "This is a masterpiece's beginning construction"? Also, the progression of thought in this poem reminds me of some of Shakespeare's sonnets. Have you thought of expanding on the poem, to include more concrete images to balance out the weighty ideas, maybe even as a sonnet? The last line would make a great last line of a sonnet. I could totally see it fitting into a couplet. This poem is also an accurate representation of what it's like to sit down for something. However, I'm not sure your tone conveys completely how you feel about it. Sometimes in this poem I feel that a big word, like destruction, could be easily replaced with a littler, less brusque, word, like failure (in the case of destruction). I mean, I understand that you need the big words for the rhyme and rhythm, and so don't think of this as a prescription, just as another idea to help you edit this poem.
By the way, if you appreciate the comment/critique, could you take a minute and vote for my poem to help me win a scholarship? Just send "They Dreamed They Were Oysters" in the subject line of an email to votejustpoetry@comcast.net . You can read the poem on my profile, you can also read the rest if the entries at justpoetry.org
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