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sometimes ... sometimes it feels as if i'm a stranger in my own mind.

i don't recall ever determining that i loved that girl but late at night when i'm too tired and my brain is too awake the reality of it all slaps me in the face.

i am in love with her so goddamn badly and it hurts. it hurts. i don't know when this happened or why or why i'm just now noticing it but jesus - i never knew i could miss someone this much. someone who i'd barely begun to know. perhaps it is just a distance thing. perhaps it is simply because i haven't seen her in a while or maybe it's because kitty no longer gets the same type of love and f ... well f is a special case in and of itself. i love her more than anything in this world - or are these just fake words and promises on paper? i'm not sure anymore. i don't know if what i'm saying is sincere. these words sound so hollow yet weigh so much. my shoulders ache from having their constant strain and my throat is hoarse from shouting from rooftops in the hopes that someone down below will hear my fevered cries and climb up to save me.

i want to fly but my wings are broken, i am broken. on the inside. if i were to jump the shattered pieces of me would jingle like bells and if one who to ask who broke me i would only be able to respond with, me.

i have broken myself. i have worn myself out, exhausted myself and damn near killed myself. these words are daggers inching deeper and deeper into my heart and my mind is teetering over the edge of insane.

i am so fucking tired but i have so much to say.

Description

sometimes ... sometimes it feels as if i'm a stranger in my own mind.

i don't recall ever determining that i loved that girl but late at night when i'm too tired and my brain is too awake the reality of it all slaps me in the face.

i am in love with her so goddamn badly and it hurts. it hurts. i don't know when this happened or why or why i'm just now noticing it but jesus - i never knew i could miss someone this much. someone who i'd barely begun to know. perhaps it is just a distance thing. perhaps it is simply because i haven't seen her in a while or maybe it's because kitty no longer gets the same type of love and f ... well f is a special case in and of itself. i love her more than anything in this world - or are these just fake words and promises on paper? i'm not sure anymore. i don't know if what i'm saying is sincere. these words sound so hollow yet weigh so much. my shoulders ache from having their constant strain and my throat is hoarse from shouting from rooftops in the hopes that someone down below will hear my fevered cries and climb up to save me.

i want to fly but my wings are broken, i am broken. on the inside. if i were to jump the shattered pieces of me would jingle like bells and if one who to ask who broke me i would only be able to respond with, me.

i have broken myself. i have worn myself out, exhausted myself and damn near killed myself. these words are daggers inching deeper and deeper into my heart and my mind is teetering over the edge of insane.

i am so fucking tired but i have so much to say.