AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2015-09-16 09:22:41 +0000 UTC]

Hey, thanks!

I've been doing pretty well, thanks. Mostly just working and doing all the old things I do. You know, good old non-boring activities which produce exactly zero interesting things to say about them Gaming, modding, guitaring, not drawing anymore though. I enjoy it, got some cool people to kinda share the modding hobby with now, too; I don't know how to put it, slightly more interested in it people than I usually had to share it with. Been playing lots of games of my mod and maps lately, which is great. Kinda working on all sorts of complex things in terms of that, lots of programming and whatnot, which is always exciting for me. Even started trying to replace that game's AI completely for a while, but dropped that because I don't play vs AI very much anymore and it's obviously a very far reaching project. Besides that, I can't really force myself to actively learn new skills without having some kind of payoff like being able to play the produced results with friends. I guess I'll be changing my job soon, or going without a job for a while, to focus on what I want to work on in the future. And primarily also for the reason of being able to do some learning type stuff, maybe do a personal project. But I think I said the same thing last time. A year ago

But yes, we didn't talk for a year and I have almost nothing genuinely interesting to say, unfortunately.

And what about you? Wanted to ask, what's up with those journals? heh. Hope you're doing well.

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AGameAnx In reply to OlivierAccart [2014-12-30 19:19:23 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome! Have a happy new year friend

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OlivierAccart In reply to AGameAnx [2014-12-30 21:45:14 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, you too !

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AGameAnx In reply to Nuggie-by-the-sea [2014-12-16 09:11:14 +0000 UTC]

Oh hey! Doing pretty well, thanks! Just keeping busy. How about you? No blogs for a while, what's up?

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Nuggie-by-the-sea In reply to AGameAnx [2014-12-16 12:42:28 +0000 UTC]

Busy, busy, busy with work. (bah!) Been doing some technique practice though. Will probably do a blog on it over the next few days to avoid a massive gap.
I sent you a note a few days ago by the way. T'is big.

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AGameAnx In reply to Nuggie-by-the-sea [2014-12-16 12:52:06 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I got it, don't worry. It's cool. And I'll try to reply soon. Sometimes it happens that I'm not in a very talkative mood lol, so I avoid replying then, sorry. Besides, it does take a bit of time, I am probably obsessively scrutinous when it comes to actually finalizing that stuff. I've been mostly spending my time doing useful things these days so haven't got around to thinking of interesting stuff to write and take the time I suppose. Sounds like a bit of a lame excuse but oh well.
Good luck with your practice ^^

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Nuggie-by-the-sea In reply to AGameAnx [2014-12-16 16:55:32 +0000 UTC]

Ah don't worry about it. Take your time and reply how and when ever.
Thank too.

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AGameAnx In reply to staino [2014-10-14 05:49:51 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-09-16 09:48:42 +0000 UTC]

Hey. Thank you very much!

I'm doing well, thank you, nice of you to ask. Still enjoying my old hobbies and stuff, apart from drawing Sadly, I don't think there's a lot of interesting stuff to tell you about because pretty much nothing's going on. It was one of the dullest summers ever for me Just working. Finally got a week vacation though so I'm enjoying my birthday and rest heh. How about you?

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-09-16 10:38:45 +0000 UTC]

Well, there’s stuff going on with me but not like THAT much (I always want more stuff).  I think the last time we talked I was about to move to a different flat (rented room in a flat basically). And I did. And now 3 weeks ago I had to move again. X) Yes, I keep moving and moving, this is the 3rd place in 13 months and at the end of February I am moving out from here, too.  I think I also mentioned the writing stuff, altogether I have been published in 4 books, all of which are still from small publishers who do not distribute their stuff in shops but only online. And an article of mine was also published online. All of these were competitions basically. There’s another going on as well and I am quite anxious about it because it would be a better stuff and I would be so anxious if I failed, meh, I’d not even talk about it. So this is what I have been sort of doing instead of drawing and painting, I am having another phase now. I was thinking about buying a keyboard and taking up piano again but stuff has changed almost one day to the other like 3 weeks ago.  You know, I have this job, it’s good because I earn good money and the coworkers are nice but otherwise it is boring and dull and it takes up 8 hours every day. And that’s just not what I wanna do. It wouldn’t make sense taking up another job because I would probably earn less with something very similar. What I liked doing the best was going to university. Not that I felt better during uni than now, I have felt better in the last 1 year than ever before. So I decided I will go back to uni next September and here in Budapest. Ofc, this is not simple, no one from my family would support me financially as they have never really done that except me living home. so I have to save up as much money as to live in a cheap flat and I could be a full-time student. I would have a part-time student job, ofc, but I still need a lot. It is possible to save up that much, but it’s not gonna be as easy as now but that’s what I wanna do. I don’t want to look back to my life and say, hey, I was working at that company 8 hours a day and that’s the thing I spent my life with. Free time is not enough for me. So basically I would go to another bsc, Russian Major, yes, this sounds extremely funny to you. It’s not like being an English major that everything is in Russian, the language is taught from the beginning. But I was learning in during the last year of uni, I have always wanted to learn it, and now I am taking it up again after a long break.  So I would learn literature and linguistics. I would study for a year and then go back to work somewhere to collect money again and then go back to uni and that’s how I would finish 3 years in 5 years. It sounds complicated and all that, I am ranting a lot about this but this is still just the sketch.
Otherwise I spend time with my boyfriend and partly thought him I got into a really great community which is organised by a quite famous musician I have been listening to for over 5 years (it’s complicated). And I am still going to those weird wacky lectures and other get-togethers And I also met all the girls whose blogs I have been reading for years, all those with who I was in contact online. I only met them like 3 times and not all of them all the time but I am planning another meeting. It’s sort of hard to get us all together due to work and uni. You know, I work from 2 pm to 10 pm almost all the time because that is what I prefer (we work in shifts). I still haven’t managed to make friends but  I would like to have some and it’s good to be with those girls. I1m better with people now but far from good and it’s really frustrating not being able to be around people or have some friends I can rely on.  And sometime or still often it happens that I do not do something because of being sick and such stuff.  The spring was really bad and I also had 3 wisdom teeth removed one of which was basically a surgery, these were not only expensive but bad. Sometime it was really bad and had all sorts of health problems but a lot has become better or just different.

During summer I had a little holiday, 5 days in a camp out in the Big Plain in July, it was with that community I mentioned. Same for 2 days not far away from here at the Danube in August. I wish I could go for a trip abroad and to the sea but there wouldn’t be anyone who would come with me. But from now on I will not even be able to do that due to extremely saving money.

So I guess that’s all about my rant, that’s most of what’s happening. It’s not that much for one year,  but a lot for me, always wish there was more.  This was a really long rant, and not so well-constructed, sorry.

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-09-17 07:34:54 +0000 UTC]

Ah, great to hear you're doing so well.

Best of luck with your book competition submission, it sounds very cool indeed that you're getting published.

When it comes to how I feel about my job, it's pretty much the same as you. Totally understand but at the same time switching it is kind of a big step that's hard to take. I had a job opportunity at IBM (of all things). Didn't take it cos it seemed to be focused a bit too much on presenting oneself to other people as opposed to actually programming. It involved travelling to other countries and walking around in a dapper suit trying to pitch oneself to different project leaders. Not my cup of tea. But at least the interviews went really well. We yapped pretty much about random things for an hour on the 2nd interview with their senior programmer or something. Pretty funny how quickly I can connect with like-minded people but not to most others, heh. They said there's no doubt about my abilities and were impressed with my English Nice ego boost and it would be nice to have IBM as one of the places I worked in for my CV but then the 3rd interview guy basically talked me out of it because he told all about their department: what it focuses on and about all the traveling and self-advertising. So he said to think on it and call him in a few days. So I thought about it and declined.

It's great that you want to study, go for it. Can't say I can completely connect to you on the whole idea since I have always had many own ideas of what I want to study and always loved my own free time. You know how that goes with me. Might also be related to me being completely addicted to computers, but whatever One of my ideas nowadays is to quit the job and use the money I've saved up to just live a few years without work and study stuff on my own. I have had a few ideas for my own projects, too. But unfortunately I find it really hard to flesh these ideas out to the point where I would be comfortable with actually quitting the job and trying to realize them. It's very difficult, or maybe almost impossible, to do it, especially for one man projects. My friends suggested joining some startup to just enjoy my work more, but I don't know. My current work is a bit of a dead end and is barely profitable for my employer as well. We have a few promising projects coming up but the promise of good projects has been there all the time without any real payout. The maintenance of all the old crap websites can get really tiresome and perspectives for the future are minimal. But at least I can work at home 2 days a week and only work not more than 7 hours.

I don't know why you say it's funny to me that you're learning Russian. The more appropriate word would be "fun" because you being able to communicate even basic things in Russian was really really strange to witness. Otherwise it's hard to see why you need Russian as far as your career might go but obviously I know pretty much nothing of how that might work for you. All I can say is that if you feel like learning new things that's really great and you should go for it then.

Otherwise it sounds really great with your meetings and stuff. People keep telling me to go somewhere on my vacations too but same story - nobody to go with. I don't even want to though, I just want the rest where I can focus on my own stuff a bit. I still can't get used to the work schedule and it's really frustrating not being able to focus as much as I like on all the hobbies of mine. There's this stuff I've started learning related to games programming. It's really 'high tech' when it comes to that, but I do so much programming all over the place that after a few months I've completely lost all motivation for this new thing. You know, besides 7 hours of programming at work I still do modding and stuff. Speaking of modding, I've recently created some complicated things when it comes to that. I do wish I could brag about it in a bit more detail but it would be really hard to get you to understand the specifics #firstworldproblems

Anyways, that's a lot of text as usual from me. I find it really hard to talk about stuff that I'm doing because I'm not doing anything that's even remotely social or interesting to other people. That's just how I am, doing stuff for myself and not caring about the outside world. But it's frustrating to type it out in any sort of detail because unfortunately I am not indestructible and the endless erosion on my shell from the outside world does get to me nowadays (rofl, that's ONE way to put it). But that's the reason for the late reply, sorry.

Again, a good day to you.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-09-20 07:47:09 +0000 UTC]

Hey, sorry for the late response, but you know, workdays…

Yep, that job you mentioned doesn’t sound like your cup of tea. But I guess it is worth trying to find new jobs which are similar to the one you have right now but better. You can’t lose anything with trying, going for an interview, and in the end the other one might turn out to be better. Especially if you can’t really see your future where you are, or maybe not even the future of the company itself.

As for studying, it is much better than working, and it is not only studying itself but that whole lifestyle where I don’t have to work 8 hours a day. Ofc, I would work a student job 2 days a week or something like that. But when I use to go to lectures, wrote essays, read studies, I felt like constantly growing and learning through that, even if it was something I did not find too interesting. While if I work, I just do the same stuff over and over again with little or no difference, and even if I learn new things, it is not that kind of learning or growing we have at university. I just liked that better.

As for Russian, besides me liking the language, it is extremely useful. There are many jobs you can take, if you speak Russian. And ofc, I do not know what would come after 1 year of uni, I would probably end up in the same kind of job I have now, but I do not really care about that, for a year it is ok. And if I can practice the new language at the new workplace, that would be great. But I do not know how I would improve over time. You know, learning a language is not like having a course at uni when I read stuff sometimes and prepared for the exam. Here it is extremely important to do it every day, if I am a beginner, because that’s how I can learn it, everyday, maybe just half an hour or 15 mins, if there is no time, but continuity is absolutely essential. It’s like forming new habits.

But then it’s funny, we basically want the same thing: collecting money and quitting the job for something better. Those startups sound great, too… Is it others’ (your family’s) opinion why you postpone quitting and doing something else? I know it’s harder if you live with your family, because I don’t, but then again, it is financially secure, you basically have nothing to lose. While if I screw up, I lose my job, nice rented room , and have to go back to my mom to Pécs… not being able to meet anyone I have been around here in BP. And it’s harder to save money while paying rent and it comes with a little less free time, if I run the household myself. But then what, I don’t want to do the same boring stuff forever, I still have to try going somewhere else, doing something else.

Funny thing, in the last few days I got to the Hungarian Nerdfighter facebook group, and there is gonna be an event on Sunday, s othat was quick. Ő_ő I am really looking forward to that, this is also a way to try to make friends, which I should really do, you know. X)

Maybe it was obvious but otherwise I want to say it, I have been to a H.I.M. concert and it was phenomenal X) absolutely phenomenal. I think there are just no words for it. I have been listening to them for like 8-9 years, I can’t even remember, and now there were here (prior to that they hadn’t been in Hungary for 13 years). It was totally amazing. And we were quite close to the stage. I still just can’t believe I was there, it gave me so much, something I can’t really fathom but it’s just amazing.

I was also wondering, how is your cat nowadays? The one we still have is doing fine, she turned 16 this spring. and how is your sister doing, does she like uni? Or has she already finished it? (Mine is doing her PhD.)

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-09-22 17:17:51 +0000 UTC]

Well I did go to their interview, two trips. They pretty much were ready to give me the job. It obviously doesn't hurt to go, minus the nervousness and stress part But, as I said, they went rly well.


I know what you mean when you say work is generally a straight up destruction of brain cells and enthusiasm lol. Studying is definitely a great way to force yourself to improve. I've always told you that that's an important feeling too. I believe I used to use a word "achievement", which you really disliked But that's also why it can be great to keep trying to improve at art. Besides that, I have been entertaining the idea of somehow forcing myself to do useful stuff rather than just relying on doing it organically and when I want, so I guess we're even similar in that as well. Generally speaking, I am quite productive these days, but the problem is that I'm focusing on the wrong things. I'm focusing too much on the old and not moving on to really doing something productive and conductive to career progression, heh.


I understand the stuff with learning a new language. I think I don't have any right to know English as well as I do as it all just came to me through being exposed to the language constantly rather than actually learning it. The school gave the initial push and then it was a matter of starting to be able to interact with other people and being able to understand lyrics, movies and games. I think it helps immensely that English culture is so rich and easy to submerge oneself in. I don't know if I can say the same about the Russian culture. I used to like Russian music and film but now I don't enjoy it whatsoever. There are some film critics I like that praised a few Russian drama movies but I've never heard of those movies. Somehow Russian pop culture feels like a specifically exaggeratedly terrible part of American pop culture, but not as rich. Those movies were miles away from pop culture stuff which is why I have never heard of them, I have a much shorter reach into that type of thing when compared to English stuff. But even having in mind that I respect the opinion of these critics a lot I'm not drawn to these movies at all. Maybe it would be easier for you as it would be a novelty to watch foreign movies from a completely new culture, but yea, heh, it seems I have grown to have some kind of automatic repulsion from it. Come to think of it, it might also be related to the risk of parents or sister asking about it, lol. But you may also enjoy the Russian literature, which is obviously quite famous and great, but another thing that's not for me. Overall I'm unlearning both Russian and Lithuanian nowadays due to communicating very little in those languages. 


My family has no say in anything anymore, I only voluntarily ask for their opinion. And I pay them a good amount of "rent money" so it's not like I'm completely risk-free as you said. They have a lot (used to be half a year) payed to them in advance too, which is quite funny. I've become their new source for getting in debt with, but they can just tell me not to pay them for a while rather than pay me back. I'm not angry at it though, I even feel good about it, as I have bought almost nothing with my money so far and it's just sitting idly in my bank account. It's better to let them use it. But anyway, they wouldn't let me just sit around and do nothing and as long as I don't do that, I don't have to really respect their opinion too much. Their opinion seems to be way off reality and way too paranoid anyway.

But it is good when they agree. For instance, I used to think that my salary isn't high enough and that most people would think that I'm being lazy and making a mistake for not pursuing higher paying jobs and jobs that would look good on a resume, but that's actually what my family backs me up with quite a lot. They say that a comfortable job position is quite good and the money is enough. Considering me being all anti-capitalism and stuff that's pretty good that my parents aren't completely money hungry, even if it's not their money. Well, obviously, I earn more than my mom and almost as much as my dad who works a grueling 8-12 hr job through nightly hours and countless other issues. And I work 6-7 hours in a nice office with air conditioning, a good group of people and ability to work at home. So it makes sense that they say it's fine. On that topic though, I still believe that comparatively they earned much more than me when they were young and if I was to stop being so immature I would at this point start thinking of creating my own life rather than sitting at home and being happy with this dead end job. It's a huge circle of doubt and depression, kind of. If I quit, I don't know what I would do because I don't feel very good about throwing myself at a full time job which requires my full attention, I don't feel like I have enough confidence to start my own project, and that thing I mentioned about startups - it's just something my friend suggested I do, I haven't researched it very much. Startup means no stable income - high risk and reward. But since it's high risk usually you can be much more free about how you want to approach the project and you play a much more creative role than simply completing orders, kind of. I mean programming is inherently creative but nobody will notice the small things that you do, they just want the base functionality and mostly don't get wtf is going on. So startups are supposed to be more fun and interesting that way as you aren't really pleasing any clients for a long time but are instead working on a larger singular project with ambitious like-minded people. But overall it's just as questionable as everything else and would also require my full attention. More to the point, there are additional issues like my shitty health and energy that are at play here, which makes me lean towards a self-employment thing much much more than I probably ever ought to be.

Maybe some of these issues could be alleviated if I finally got a proper vacation. I have 4 more weeks stacked up even after this week of rest I just had. In 2 years I have had a total of 4 weeks vacation, one week at a time. On the last one my grandma died, so that was great, and this one passed so fast I didn't even notice. Coming in on the job today was annoying as hell somehow.

And I realize that I'm whining terribly, lol. My apologies. I could rant about this endlessly, it takes up a lot of my thoughts nowadays.


It's great that you're going out and having fun. Cool that you enjoyed HIM so much. Maybe I should check HIM again, but I'm pretty sure it's not my particular taste. I have been enjoying Moby a lot nowadays but I think it has started to die down a lot due to me listening to it too much My concert going endeavors have pretty much stopped after Metallica cos my friends don't listen to the same music and I won't go alone. Both them and I are too picky. Randomly, I have started listening to Metallica again these days, especially their older stuff. Fun. Still playing their songs on guitar, too. I'm learning Call of Ktulu nowadays. It has pretty fast parts and I feel I'm improving a lot through them. I also learned almost all parts of Holy Wars by Megadeth. All parts except the Mustaine solo. It seems he has improvised it when recording as it's quite incoherent and very fast, there aren't very good tabs of it and he doesn't seem to be able to replay it himself lol. I can only play the first run-up thing and then I string together random bullshit for fun whenever I play it lol. As it usually happens I have hit a tiny wall because of tabs being horrible and quit on it for now. But yeah the song is quite fast and unique, I think. I also finished learning the solo of My Apocalypse but that's another one that's layed out in a way that it'll take much more time before I'm able to play it without mistakes. Overall I'm enjoying guitar very very much nowadays, I play every day and I am not just playing riffs and songs but learning solos and stuff, which are two completely different things. What an awesome instrument - the more you play the more you start doing things automatically and it feels really really great. I still can't learn very much by hearing or improvise though but the learning process itself has sped up a ton, which adds to the enjoyment a lot.


Ah, my cat. My cat is doing very well. He's healthy but getting older. There are two little problems he has with his health, I guess, hopefully they aren't actually serious. He sometimes overeats cos he's asking for it too much and he's so cute that everybody keeps feeding him. You know, the puppy eyes look and also he's standing up on his back feet and 'dancing' with his hands heheh. Other times he's licking his fur very much, I think it means that he has overly dry skin or something. I told my parents to take him to a vet as it was suggested on the net that it's usually hard to diagnose and does warrant a vet trip but they're lazy. It's annoying. But thankfully it has gotten much better in regards to his fur nowadays. Also just giving him a bath always helps a lot. Otherwise he's extremely adorable and friendly nowadays. He follows me around all the time, jumps on my laps all the time. Sometimes he gets on the back of my chair and sits around with me while I work, other times even on my laps while I work but I can tell that he's uncomfortable heh. Every time we have some kind of holiday he always sits on a chair together with everybody at the table and if there's no chair for him he jumps on my, or if I'm not at the table, on somebody else's, laps instead. Also happened on my birthday, heh. He has also become much more cuddly than he used to be. Every evening when I watch a movie or something he jumps on, pushes his head against my head and tries to fall sleeping while purring violently lol. You can hug him and place your hands on him (as opposed to just patting him) and he doesn't mind, whereas he would've hated that before. I realize that the hand is pretty heavy though so it's not like I'm doing it a lot. So yeah, cat is being a super cute cat.


My sister is still in uni, I don't know if she likes it or not but she doesn't complain. She had practice so she was working at some bank in a department where they're seeking out people that are in debt. As she describes, she wasn't allowed to do anything serious at all so I don't know what she was even doing other than sipping tea and looking important, lol. Probably various paperwork. They offered her a position after she was done so she's still staying there this month, finally for a salary. Her studies are going without any problems. When she had programming she asked for my help and then she regretted it immediately. Doesn't ask for it anymore. The story was that after a few weeks of minor question the deal finally came to explaining something in-depth. So I explained it very precisely about 3 times and she still didn't get it so obviously I said wtf and she obviously thought that I wasn't explaining well enough. It's still the old brother-sister thing where we can't really talk to each other and instead resort to very quick exchanges when trying to convey information lol. Explaining something in detail puts tension to a pretty high level I suppose and so  I guess she just chose to do stuff on her own after that. Or maybe there isn't any programming anymore, that could be a better explanation She studies statistics, you know. And what does your sister study and write about for her phd?


So yeah, wall of text. As you are probably the one who suffered most from my wordiness can you point out where I go wrong exactly when explaining things that makes it so lengthy and tedious to read? That would be great. lol, Anyway, jokes aside, thank you for reading if you did. Have a nice day.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-09-29 12:57:53 +0000 UTC]

Hey, sorry for not answering for THIS long. I know it’s annoying, I also find it annoyed when people don’t answer me for this long. I was doing night shift last week and I would have had time to write you during work but I do not wanna bring this page up there because it is too personal. And then in the weekend I went to Pécs but I was there only for a day. I caught a cold and now I’m kind of quite sick and down and I didn’t even go to work today. I really wanna go tomorrow, it’s so bad feeling like this.

Well, I’m still REALLY far from watching films in Russian or Russian films, same with books. These things come only slowly. After the 2 lessons I have had so far I realised that it’s really great to have these lessons with a teacher because my bad pronunciation is corrected and we discuss texts but 1 hour a week preparing only from this lesson is hardly anything. I still hardly learnt anything besides preparing for the lessons now especially because I am sick. Now I just can’t concentrate on anything and I couldn’t even fall asleep normally.  But I guess the mass culture (rather than pop culture) is terrible everywhere, also in Hungary, but there are good musicians and books and stuff which also belong to pop culture.

I often think it would be really great to have a 6-hour job instead of 8 because then I’d have a lot more free time, those 2 hours really count. I mean, I wouldn’t do it for lesser money, because I earn more than my father (and mother) ever has but you know, I am imagining a world where 8-hour working days are only 6-hour long. that would be way better. Well, comparatively my parents did not earn more when they were my age, probably yours also did not, but the world was somehow different, financially they must have been in a better position because bank loans were different and did not kill off people, they had the chance to take loans with reasonable conditions while now we do not and that’s why for eg I am probably never going to own a flat or a house. Sometimes when my workmates or others are talking, they mention how much their families support them financially in buying a flat and stuff and it’s saddening because my parents did not even want to finance my studies and once I start studying again, I can only count on myself. And my mother’s answer to these problems is that she had an own house when she was 26 (so basically this means that the present situation is my problem and not hers). Yeah, part of the story is the fact that she did not accomplish that herself but her parents gave the lot to her where they built a house, half of which was built by the parents, and again, the different loan conditions. My sister and I are working much more and have accomplish much more than them but we are worse off financially – even I, comparatively to their young age, even though I have a surprisingly well-paying job. So that’s that. I’m not complaining or anything because I was able to spend money on important things which have been extremely useful for me over the last 1 year and now I’m probably going to be able to save up to going back to uni for year so I’m really lucky. But yeah, it’s actually something I have been and I am working for a lot.

I can really give no guidelines regarding the situation you are in – whether to quit the dead end job and start something else, not as if you had wanted my advice, I know. But nowadays I’m often thinking and asking myself – is this what I wanna look back on? That I tried / did no try something? I don’t wanna get stuck in the present situation. I see my workmates and some of them are 30 or over 30 and I ask myself, is this what I wanna so when I am over 30? Ofc, I can’t know what’s their background and why they are here plus there is a huge unemployment. Ofc, maybe I will be working on a helpdesk again even if I complete uni but then at least I did something in the meantime I really liked. Yep, plans again, I kinda feel weird or anxious talking about them, I feel like if I talk about it too much, I will jinx it and it won’t come true.

As for the concert, I would have gone alone to HIM, I was planning to go no matter what, originally it was only me. But then a girl with whom we mutually read each other’s blogs also wrote she would come. And then a third one came who, I also “knew” because of her blog. Maybe I did not mention but I wanted to go to Within Temptation as well but I could not because I was really sick with the flu but so much that I even passed out somewhere. So I had to decide not to go and sell my ticket they day before the concert. I was really devastated because it takes years until they come back. So because of this I was even happier to go to the HIM concert and it means so much to me. I also wanna go to a Nightwish concert sometimes. J That’s not going to be difficult either, I am full of people who like NW even more than I do although I am also a great fan. X) Their new album is coming out next year so maybe next year they will go on tour and they always come to hungary (not like HIM who check in here every 13 years… X) )

I am really sorry for your grandmother. I know this can be terrible. Was it you mother’s or your father’s mother who passed away?

It’s kind of compulsory to take off all the days at my company otherwise the company gets fined. X) Not as if it was hard for me to take the days off. But it’s different for us: we work also on holidays, national holidays as well so this way we have lesser days off than others. For eg if I wanna go home and don’t wanna  work on Christmas, I have to use my days off to get away while others can take the days off plus stay home at Christmas. So for eg last year I was home for the 24th, 25th, but on the 26th I was already working, also on the 31st.

I’m really glad your cat is doing fine. Ours is also ok, I think I said she is 16 but this weekend I asked my grandmother and she said the cat is 17 and then I remembered, yes, she must be because of the year she was born in.

My sister is doing her phd in political sciences. She teaches courses at uni, writes stuff, takes part in all kinds of work at uni and goes to give lectures at conferences and all that cool stuff.

Well, I guess you “talk” this much because you don’t really talk to others? I mean, I also don’t talk to THAT many people especially voluntarily and when I was out with my internet friends I was talking SO much I felt ashamed afterwards because maybe I did not let others talk enough. But we had so little time and it’s so rare I’d feel the urge to talk a lot to a group of people (there was the 4 of us) I am around but they are so nice people and I wanted to share so much. But I also asked a lot and I would have wanted to ask even more but didn’t have the chance to. 

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-09-30 12:09:46 +0000 UTC]

Hey.

Too personal? haha, why are you always so afraid of anything personal. Do people constantly stare at your screen from behind or something? Anyway I'm not really annoyed. But it's true that the more you wait the more awkward it becomes to continue the conversation. Conversation that I was thinking about a week ago but maybe I'm thinking of something else this week or have forgotten it already. The engagement kind of disappears and I have to refocus again when you reply. I find this interaction in general awkward enough anyway. But it's no big deal, really, it just sounds worse when I put it in words.


Sucks being ill. Get well soon. Once we changed our office I haven't really been ill for 1.5 years now which is really good. It used to get kind of cold in the other office so I caught quite a few colds. Now I'm cold-free for a really long time though. Knock on wood, as everybody is suffering from colds nowadays, the wave has started, I really hope I don't catch it. Did I mention that I had 40 degree temperature last year? That was kinda spooky. I was ill all day, playing games, despite the constant runny nose. Not working because it was pretty bad, usually I'd still work at home. But when it came to bedtime. So after a while I suddenly started being really cold and shaking quite violently while in bed. My sister woke up from me shivering lol, though didn't say anything until I told her myself to go get mom. And mom just got me some water. Then after a few minutes I proceeded to puke And then suddenly everything was completely normal again. I find this whole thing extremely hilarious for some reason when I talk about it. I don't at all feel like I was ever in danger or anything but the fact that I was uncontrollably shaking and then threw up just because of high temperature is somehow surprising me in a very funny way. The way it all became completely normal after that has granted a very good feeling somehow too. Strange stuff.


Well, I don't really remember how I started watching movies in English. It was tough at first and most certainly required subtitles. So I guess it was mostly games and music then that taught me the basics. Doesn't matter, you'll get the hang of it. Mostly, Russian language doesn't have any dumb rules that you simply have to know about so as long as you get the basics you should get going really fast I think. I hope I am not just saying that because it's my mother tongue


Yeah, your parents do sound a bit like dicks, but so do mine in a very similar ways very often. Probably they don't particularly mean it, it's just that it's an annoying topic and they don't know how to express frustration.

Anyway, my parents didn't need any bank loans. We got our flat for free, and we were even offered a house, which my dad didn't take. Being a family in USSR was pretty nice in my country. Also being a family of a school principal was a bit of a big deal as well. Overall they were all treated really well financially and in general in USSR. Obviously it's the main reason for why they have that bias towards USSR being a great thing that should come back.

When I say comparatively I do mean comparatively. If you normalize the income by inflation they'd be miles and miles ahead of me at their time. The issue with their salaries sucking now is that neither my dad nor my mom have higher education. I must've told you about this before. My dad didn't go to uni, he literally ran off the entry exam because he was like that. And the job he had, which is the same job he has now, was paying very well. Obvious lack of planning there but compared to our current salaries, even considering that the crisis is on us, it was still way higher.

I earn 2k (580eur) per month, my dad earns 2.2-2.5, mom 1.5-1.8. A normal programmer job pays around 3.5. I do website stuff now, I had an opportunity to rise up to work with Java at IBM which would pay up to 5k. 5k is extremely high, nobody gets that much out of people I know, kindof a dream amount of money. But it's the stuff that these popular programming language programmers get because that stuff is really valuable for companies. I have 2 year experience I could get in to quite a lot of places now, I just don't try. I asked for 2.5k at IBM, my friends say getting 3k is pretty easy but I always suck at asking for a better salary. Of course, there's also a problem of me imagining a lot of these numbers and the number of opportunities where higher salaries would be possible to achieve for me as I have very few friends that have a good idea about such things. But yeah, my salary is quite tiny for a programmer. I'm still quite happy with it. I mean, it's quite good money for short hours. Working 8 and getting 2.5 would barely break even I think. Then there's also the travel time and expenses problem. Though it seems that many companies do embrace the work at home stuff... IBM certainly does. Either way, it's really hard to quit this job. As I said, the number of factors that go into thinking about this is just enormous. I could list them on and on but I'm gonna stop boring you with it now.

In regards to your question of "is this what I wanna look back on" I have thought about that. I have been coming to a conclusion that I would never end up feeling happy at any job. At least as long as it's not a game development job, but even then it would be really difficult. I am just too detached from this world to really care for all the dumb stuff that you have to put up with at your workplace. This whole topic of freedom, money vs mobility, money vs opportunities, how it works with one's productiveness and usefulness to society, the whole zeitgeist movement stuff - I think I disagree with the zeitgeist philosophy on this. It seems to be that the world isn't nearly as dumb as they describe and I sometimes hate myself for really wanting to be a lazyass nobody who does nothing, backed up by saying that I'm just being creative and doing what I like. But that's the truth, I'm effin' lazy. The fact that I have these demons so to speak opens my mind to the reality that the future zeitgeist movies describe is not anywhere close to us and a lot of the criticisms leveled at them are true - people are highly flawed. And moreover, when you consider what is being done currently, it's not as bad as it looks. Obviously a lot of things are being overlooked that could be fixed with very simple measures but at the same time a lot of large issues are being solved at a steady pace. I'm really torn about being a protestant to things anymore, even if a silent one. Really, I've become very numb to life in general and I stopped really expressing any strong opinion about anything. I find that I have no real right to bitch about anything serious because I have not nearly enough knowledge of everything and most likely never will. Just random thoughts, but it ties in surprisingly strongly to the whole thought process of keeping this job versus not keeping it. I think this job is a strong common ground between the two extremes and I should be much more happy about my situation. It's a shame that I turned out to be so negative about everything and it's a shame that for some reason I am feeling pressured by the small salary whatsoever, as I have everything I need and I don't need the money I earn right now at all. Anyways, enough of this long pointless rant.


I have never ever fainted in my life. I haven't even been intoxicated or light on thoughts much. Though I guess my constant state of lack of sleep is a bit like that, or a lot like that. Anyways, that sucks so much. I think within temptation is one of the coolest bands around nowadays. Good luck with NW.


It was my mother's mother that passed away. Both of her parents did, both of my dad's parents are alive and reasonably well. It's quite surprising considering both of them were younger than my dad's parents. My dad's parents are generally much more healthy while my mom's parents used to have a bit of a drinking problem... Their family is generally much more disadvantaged than ours was, so yeah. My grandmother had a serious issue with her heart and was in a hospital for a few months. The problem somehow affected her leg too and she was in pain so she needed to be medicated. Was a pretty rough patch, but her death was even less expected as she just started to get better. Though doctors did warn us about it being extremely volatile and that she needed an operation really badly. We didn't choose the operation because she probably wouldn't have survived it. Open heart surgery, yeah. Good thing is that she died in her sleep completely painless and even stressless, you know. Just went to sleep and didn't wake up. Probably the easiest way to go, minus all the hardship with pain and hospitals heh. I knew these grandparents much less than my dad's ones, it was a bit strange how separated they were even though they live just . Also I used to get really strong allergies in their house due to grandpa being a smoker. I would return home with a really red eye and runny nose while everybody celebrated their birthdays at their place. I used to love to get away from there. Really quite a shame considering they seemed to really want to be liked by me and stuff. Not like I disliked them but it's the good old thing of not showing it ya'know. Anyways no real regrets, just general thoughts. I helped them out and never was not nice or anything, it's ok. So that's that.


Our cat is 14 or 15. Good to know that he will probably still stick around, such an awesome little friend It's really funny how well we understand each other nowadays. He listens to stuff I'm saying all the time, though he definitely has the good old mind of a cat that likes doing what he likes before anything else. But it's now mostly that he really shows that he wants to do something until he makes sure that I understand it and still won't let him do it. It's really cool to see how smart he is. He even tries to trick me sometimes into giving him attention and then looks guilty when I point it out. Or annoyed. He is ridiculously similar to me I think lol. It's hilarious and adorable. I so much wish I didn't have my stupid allergies so I could hang out with him as much as possible. I feel like I need to push him away way more than I normally would if I didn't have the stupid allergies. And then he also becomes more distant and stops hanging around for a while. It's really funny to notice these things but yeah it also sucks that I have to do it. There were times that I came to work with a really freaking red eye and everybody said wtf. Apparently that stuff can stay even through the night.


My walls of text - I don't think it's a problem of not having anybody to talk to. It's just the way I interact. I think if I don't do this, then the interaction is not even worth it. It can actually make me really angry when people don't respond correctly or don't listen, or close stuff off before I'm done. It's funny that I brought it up as a bad thing and now I'm going to try to justify it in a way. Many facets to it. I do think it's quite weird. If I was coming to my page randomly and saw these completely enormous walls of nothing but text I'd think that it's very weird and inappropriate in some kind of way. Another thing is that I feel like I'm boring people to hell as I'm not very interesting at all. It does tend to be way too much about myself, in a boring way, because I'm so boring and don't do anything. So that kind of confirms your theory, but I also do the same when talking about games, about our mod, about movies, at work, in any discussion or about any interest I have. It is definitely quite a conflicting type of thing, it recently appeared to me that I have to be really careful with people who don't know me when expressing myself because this can easily be considered a terrible and highly annoying personality trait. Otherwise, I don't even have that much that I would specifically like to share. I find the conversation itself the more important part. Kind of the process of it is more important than the conclusion or result. I like the discussion part... Oh wells, whatever. You will probably have a good laugh about me saying it like that, considering our older conversation. Doesn't matter.

But oh god, this time it got even bigger o.O


Bye now and, as always, best regards

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-02 14:11:29 +0000 UTC]

Hey.  Well, you know, it is not only that this is personal but it is just simply on a webpage that can be accessed without any passwords. Ofc, I use facebook at work but that is with a password, so that’s why I did not want to write to you there. And I did want to write to you yesterday evening when I started feeling better but then my sister called me and gave me 2 pages to translate urgently. So that’s what I had to spend my evening with, sorry. X)

I am feeling better now. I went to work on Tuesday but then I had to stay home on Wednesday and Thursday... I totally hate it. I will go to work tomorrow for sure because I hate being ill so much because I have to earn money to save it up. Mehh. But now I’m feeling much much better but still a little sleepy.

The thing with watching films or reading is that I hardly know any words in Russian, I don’t yet have a basic knowledge of basic words I could get around with. So this will only come with time, practice, and learning. And reading, discussing next texts during the lesson, that’s the most efficient way to learn.

As for the USSR, being Russian in a non-Russian country belonging to a Russian-lead union (empire) sounds like a thing that comes with benefits. I know the present system is light years away from being anything close to perfect, but it was sort of worse then because if you were born into the right family and lived a that did not deviate from their ideology, you were praised, but if you thought and did different things, your life was constantly inhibited by the police, leaders, institutions. So it’s not good on either side. If advantages are granted to some privileged due to political reasons, it depends on the individual whether to take those advantages which such a regime offers them.

Well, if you wouldn’t feel happy with any jobs unless it is game development, then at least you know what you would feel good about. I don’t even know that for myself. But maybe taking a different job which is not yet game development would be the first step on the way there, it might be a long process but one step closer to the goal. I really don’t know how that industry works though but other jobs might offer bigger opportunity for development and learning. But if you don’t want to take a full-time job, then yeah, there are many things to consider for you. But it’s really good you know what would be good for you, I think. I know others who feel detached from the workplace stuff and people in general. I also feel alienated at my workplace or with my colleagues although they are nice and helpful people, really. I just don’t like to go out with them for a drink or anything like that I have my own weird people to hang out with once in a blue moon. But I would like to have real friends, too.

Hm, I have been also thinking about this thing where “I should be feeling much better and more grateful about my situation than I do” because I also have this good type of job, finished uni in 5 years, have a good rented place. But you know, I still want more in an indecisive way. Nowadays  have come to the conclusion that it does not matter that there are wars, famine, child labour in the world and most of the people my age are in a worst situation in my country, I still have to compare my “needs” to my situation. So if I don’t feel good in this, it’s ok to not feel good about it. I should just start searching for something else or more. But I don’t really know what would make me happier because all my creative trying are somehow failing one way or an other, I think. For eg I liked playing music and painting for some time but not anymore. I liked writing a little and appeared in books/online but I don’t have any new ideas and I have never really been that good at it, I cannot really advance. So I think if I was good at one of these, and I could achieve things, that would make me much happier. I would like to be successful in something or something like that. I see all these creative people around me and also famous ones, musicians, writers, etc, and they had accomplished so much by the time they had reached my age. So it just sucks. I cannot really find that thing I would be good at, this writing stuff is not the real thing either, I think. Basically this is one of the main reasons I wanna go back to uni: I felt creative there, it is a creative thing to do but not like art, you don’t have to be an artist to research and write essays. It’s somewhere in between, I liked doing it really much, I liked that lifestyle, I wanna go back. This whole working and “adult” lifestyle sucks (well, the kid life was not all glorious either) in a way and I don’t want to do this forever, but if there is no real way to quit, at least I would like to do something I like so I wanna study again. That’s my solution so far. Though there is still 11 months of “drudgery” until then.

I have been thinking a lot about an “ideal way of life” or what that would be. I haven’t managed to figure it out yet. : ) I think staying at a uni and going for phd is something good because then you stay creative in a way. But in order to do that, I should have stayed in Pécs because in Budapest I would need to pay an extremely high fee no one would pay for me and staying in Pécs was the last thing I wanted to do. Now that I wanna start studying again I think it would not be possible to go for msc because that will have a higher fee and maybe I won’t even have enough money for finish a 3-year-long bsc in 5 years. But it is good to try! I can’t really think on anything else. Going and working abroad… well, I don’t want that, I have all the stuff I like here. And out there I would do the same: work 8 hours a day something I don’t enjoy extremely because I don’t even know what it is I would like to do. : ) Ofc, there is more money, but I live fine here, too, and that money would only be good for saving for something like uni but again I don’t wanna leave. There are also people, also in Hungary, who go and live in these semi-self-supplying communities. They dig ground, work with animals, harvest vegetables, bake bread all day. They live in a nice community and in a natural and healthy environment. But I just can’t imagine myself doing anything like this, I would feel I’m out from the world and doing what they do is also not what I’m good at or what I wanna do either.  Soo… I don’t really know. It’s weird to be stuck here on Earth.

There is a really good video from john Green about all these: www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lkn8M…

This has given me a lot of thoughts and it sounds comforting anyway, I like this way of thinking.

Just now there has been a kind of new one where he refers to the previous video. It’s interesting to see he, a now world-famous famous author, video blogger has the same questions:   www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv-ceI…

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-02 15:56:11 +0000 UTC]

I still think you're too paranoid lols. Nobody will really care, I think it's quite childish to be afraid of this stuff. The world isn't about you and otherwise this is the type of thing I'd be afraid for people at school to find out about but now I don't really care. I find that people past 20 are almost never making fun or any big deal of other people's business as it is highly inappropriate. Maybe it would be the cool thing to do only at school lol but it isn't with adults. Anyway doesn't matter.

I understand you're not ready to watch movies yet, I got it from the last time. I was just saying that once you start learning it hopefully it'll become relatively easy to progress, especially if you become interested in some of the culture. But really it's your choice how to do stuff, I was just randomly shooting thoughts that came to mind.

It's true that my grandpa probably got his principal job because of all those things you've described but otherwise I don't believe it was as terrible as you make it out to be. It's true that we probably got slight priority on getting the flat but they did have to live for a few years at my grandpa's place. Free flat was a standard thing that was available to all families, I believe. I don't know if all families got it but according to my parents they did. All of them still had to work their ass off at their time, it's a bit insulting to only look at the dark side of it all. And my mother was polish, not Russian. Either way I think we've had this discussion about USSR about 2 or 3 times in the past and I mostly agree with your stance.

People at my workplace are fun but it's the same story that I'll never go out somewhere with them. I don't rly wanna talk about the whole getting friends topic, it's frustrating to me.

I totally understand your feeling of trying to do more, I think that's great that you feel that way. I think I might not even have that feeling half of the time nowadays. Meh, what's the point of dancing around it: I am quite depressed nowadays lol. Stuff has been going only downhill, mostly because I'm an idiot and can't force myself to take the right choices. But there's no point going into detail with this either and doesn't feel good to. Just thought that it was becoming weird not pointing this out while describing things. If this stuff was gone then most likely it would be much easier to get out of bed in the morning and I would enjoy my job much much more, along with everything else.

I'm not going to lie, some of your points about the goals of life seem quite strange to me. First of all, it feels very strange that we've gotten into that topic at all. But otherwise, everything seems much simpler to me. As stupid as that sounds, to me, everything is about me. At least right now. And not comparatively to other people. Yeah, definitely not about some world issues and not about money. But also not about being specifically great at something. Besides, that stuff already came to me, for the most part. Not finding inspiration for using it can be a bit frustrating, I'm not really focusing on that nowadays either. But yeah that stuff came automatically simply by following all the other general guidelines that I've put for myself. Eh, I don't really want to continue this topic either, seems a bit redundant and pointless. Man, I'm really talkative today.

I really don't like the vlog brothers for some reason. I have tried liking them many times now, but I don't. The whole theme of giving advice on youtube generally frustrates me to hell. These are just kids who got famous for no good reason in my opinion, most vloggers are popular for no good reason. Even celebrities with amazing personalities don't go broadcasting their life and advice to everybody. Even if these dudes do have great lives I find watching them a huge waste of time. Also, they have a damn annoying way of talking. I usually love listening to people talk, like, it can be therapeutic sometimes to me lol. But these guys for some reason half-shout, or like in that video he had a nerdy voice+flu voice. Ugh. And I really dislike the way they joke about stuff. How can you make these dry jokes while there are so many cuts everywhere, it just doesn't work. Lols, anyway, I'm going to annoy you with pointing all these things out, but that's how I feel about them. It also perfectly explains why they would have such questions. I mean, why wouldn't they? If they didn't, that would be very weird. It's not about what some celebrities with great lives do to me, never is, I don't look for some prodigy or muse at all, not like I think you take them for that. But the point is, this is always why I am super skeptical about other people giving such advice. It's never useful when it's generalized to all hell. Again, somehow the process of uncovering this is key. Simply watching some vlog or reading blogs is not going to help whatsoever. Okay, I know they aren't about that at all, and that 2nd vid was mostly about being frustrated like we are, I'm just saying that some people might very much view them for that. And when a channel becomes as popular as theirs it's really not personal anymore either, even if they are honest. Just think of how many running jokes there are on such channels and how ridiculous stuff becomes at times just to give people something fun to watch. They're entertainers, not philosophers or "real people". I mean, all these effing cuts in their vids, it's so obvious that they do that stuff in a very professional way with a ton of edits and 'choosing of words'. Sometimes it's educational in a very specific way, then fine, it's worth watching, I saw some cool educational vids from them too. I have to admit, they are generally very smart and stuff, but most of the things they talk about are still very simplistic and are common sense. Not for me. I am not saying I will think less of people who watch them either, it's just that the whole topic gives me this kind of feeling. I unsubbed from other vlog channels too, I used to watch some of them, I think you suggested them but they ended up rly boring after a while.

To the first vid - I'm pretty sure you posted that one before. I saw it that time. I generally agree but it's very obvious and the jokes that are put all along the video made it really hard to watch for me lol. Also, I don't particularly feel like I have to surround myself with other people. One or two good people would be enough, as long as they felt the same way about me. Unfortunately it appears that even that is really hard to do. Arghblhghrl. Stuff.

Anyways, here's a bunch of negativity for you to read. Enjoy! Sorry, I guess not the best day or something. You have a good one.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-03 21:39:33 +0000 UTC]

Hah, ok, then maybe I am paranoid indeed. It’s not really about being made fun of but rather people getting to know more about me. I never really give away personal details that much and all that stuff, they probably think I am dull and boring. Not as if I was the most exciting person in the world but I can be quite entertaining for myself, you know, I am me. Ok, now I sound like someone with a split personality. Otherwise other colleagues also seem boring to me… While they surely aren’t, I just don’t know much about them or they are just not my type of people. For eg there is an absolutely huge workplace party today and it never occurred to me that I’d go there. It’s a good thing this time they did not ask why I was not going, at least I did not have to make up an excuse. X)

Wanting more can be good indeed but I can suffer really much due to not knowing what that thing is I want more of. Or I just don’t know what to do in general  and I am not even talented or that talented or anything. So then sometimes it just becomes like endless suffering and all that much. I am really extremely frustrated and whiny sometimes about my whole life due to my job and the lack of money to be a full-time student for 3 years straight and all that. But I guess most “adults” are feeling the same way, they just don’t recognise it or if they do, they think it’s normal and that’s just what life is. Well, as for me, I think I know that life is not (like) that but I have not managed to figure out what it actually is.

You know, many don’t like Vlogbrothers, it’s totally fine. They basically make videos for teenagers, any I am not one anymore either I still like them, maybe because generally I am a little childish and all that. Ok, yes, I do not fully agree with the last thought of the video that the most important thing will be whom you are with but maybe they say stuff like that because they are very social and we have to consider that they are older and stuff just changes for older people, I think, you get old and you think about stuff differently, maybe family or family-like connections will become more important. I can’t know though. And “giving advice” or this type of advice is also a thing that not everyone likes, just like you also have a fully different way of dealing with a depressed state or any other challenges in life.

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-04 08:35:55 +0000 UTC]

Aye, I understand it. I also dislike it if people ask me anything about it or if they even read it.

This one time, some far family member, some lady I saw for the first time, said that she saw my DA profile and said that I talk in a very specific and nice way lol. I was like wtf... It was at my family's friend's party. Needless to say it was very awkward for me but mostly it wasn't bad or anything, it was nice that she was interested in checking my profile and seeing who I am. Obviously our conversations are even more leaning towards being completely awkward if somebody read them but I feel like it would still result in mostly the same outcome. If somebody did find the time to read even a part of it, they'd just find out a few things about who you are and mostly not say much about it.

Well we have the same type of thinking when you say everybody's boring, I guess. It's interesting because that whole set of sentences sounded like it came from me, not from you, so I completely agree. I don't usually have to make up excuses though, got tired of that. I just don't say anything at all or say it like it is (not that they're boring, but that I don't really feel like it).

It's a shame that you feel so bad about not knowing what to do in general. You can't possible think that you're untalented or something like that, do you? I think you have plenty of talent. It's you yourself who can't get content with your skills I think. Everything in life requires time and you just need to keep doing it on a daily basis, try to stay active. Even with all my depression stuff I've been able to focus on more melancholy things like guitar, movies and music. It's still living, you know, I won't regret this time as time wasted. So as long as you follow this type of thinking you should theoretically be alright, that's my idea about it. I do wish you the best of luck in finding your little thing you like though. I agree it's quite important to have a thing or two that's almost like an escapist paradise. A hobby that you feel good just going back to and disappearing into. I can't imagine living without that type of stuff.

Honestly, my life goal is mostly about accentuating everything around my hobbies, I think. It's no wonder that I do this stuff on a daily basis, my hobbies, it means it's important to me. And if I found people who extended the experience instead of diminishing it, I'd be very happy with that. That's basically how the thinking goes. It's never about some grand design or perfection, it's just about enjoying yourself I guess. Obviously you can always point out many flaws with all the thinking when it is described in words, but whatever, I just took a quick stab at it and a bit of a different angle. I actually never put it in words quite like that before so I guess thank you for leading me towards this little bit of personal realization lols. Again, it's not the entire issue put into a small set of sentences, but rather a small part of the issue put in a different, interesting to me way.

I still don't feel like I need any additional family connections whatsoever but I'm also childish just like you, or more than you. I feel like I agree with you that it's mostly a social stigma and evolutionary defect of a kind to have a necessity to have family lol. But not an actual important life goal. But obviously family-like connections can simply be described as great friendships, then it's different. Either way, I mostly agree with what you said.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-05 20:43:46 +0000 UTC]

Ok, I wouldn’t just announce that everybody is boring because that would be conceited of me. I just think some of them and me are too different and those who are not extremely different still seem boring because I don’t know anything about them since we just don’t talk to each other but I do not even want to talk to them. So it’s just kind of a superficial “judgement” from me in this sense.

This not-knowing-what-I-wanna-do-with-my-life makes me sort of feel like there is no centre to my life, there is no centre I can organise my things around. Ofc, a centre is not necessarily needed, but I just feel like that. I do think I’m not really talented. There are so many others who speak languages better than me, speak more languages, treat people with more professionalism in their job, dress better, get on well with others much better, put more effort in learning, have better ideas, can actually be creative, write, draw, play music better or just do these at all. I am just so much average at the moment that it even hurts and it makes me think about the whole situation too much. But I guess you just have to pick one thing and then stick with that and that’s all about it. I think I have ran out of ideas for writing for now or something like that but learning this new language can be something I can stick with and it can give me a sense of fulfilment and purpose. It’s just sometimes hard to find the time and motivation to do it besides an 8-hour job and all other things. Or maybe it’s not that, I do learn what I have to but I take only tiny steps, I could proceed much better with more effort and by giving more time to it. But I will see, I think I just have to stick with it and don’t overthink it all. Maybe most of the adults are just simply average but average is not a bad but a good thing. It’s just a simple normality. Many say all adults break by the age of 30 meaning they might have had dreams and grand ideas before but by 30 they realise life is not about that and the reality is just working an 8-hour job and having kids and that takes up all their energies and in the end they just become old people who worked through an average life. And some felt good in this life and some made it bad. I think people are not too right about this idea that people break by 30, I hope it is not true or at least there are many aspects of it I will not sink in like others do. So I guess I’m still more hopeful than them.


So now maybe it was my turn to provide a portion of negativity. X)
 

That attitude you mentioned, disappearing into the paradise of a hobby is great. People always say that this is the greatest attitude and the purpose of having a hobby and this is how it can give totally relaxation. I guess sometimes I just think of any hobbies like to tool to get attention but I guess I have mentioned that. I am going crazy and I want everything to have a purpose and something like that. X) For me I think it is reading that can give this attitude or feeling of being dissolved in something. But nowadays I have had even less time and energy for that due to language learning. But I’ll see, I guess I have already been thinking I will spare more time to reading so it will get better.

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-06 09:17:50 +0000 UTC]

I kindof do announce that everybody's boring sometimes But yeah obviously I didn't mean literally doing that. And for me it's also the awkwardness of not being able to joke around well enough and the language barriers that really impede my ability to socialize. But at this point I got pretty used to it and don't really care. I only wish it was more acceptable to be like I am.

Yep, that nonsense about some arbitrary number in human lives is indeed nonsense. I mean there's all the same pressures about around 25 to 27 in my opinion but it's mostly the outside pressures, mostly the social norm that's narrowing down, it's going to continue to narrow down past 30. Or kids, kids destroy dreams I guess I have accepted that I ain't exactly normal but I guess I did say in the very beginning of this that I do feel these pressures as well.

It would appear that you're combining many people's achievements when comparing yourself to them. Also it depends from your age and stuff. Clearly you have a very negative attitude when it comes to that. I can tell because I am quite similar and in fact everybody around me says that to me once in a while so I have to deal with it quite often. For instance, my mom constantly says that my sister is generally doing much more than me with her life etc, but I would have to disagree with that, she's just much more outgoing I guess. I find all her girly hobbies really pointless, whilst she didn't play the piano for many years now I think, so much for her paid lessons and a diploma. She did some guitar recently, I don't see her doing it anymore. She used to draw too. Nope, not anymore. She doesn't do sports, she doesn't do anything that interesting, really. But she does manage to polish everybody's nails these days because they bought some crappy thing to do that with. Yes, my sister is one of the smarter people that I know and she does really well in her social life and in uni, goes out a lot with her friends and helps around the house, but somehow I'm just not feeling it. My friend recently asked if she's quote-unquote smart. He really emphasized that word and explained what he meant, as in, is she "interestingly smart". I was put in a really awkward situation of not knowing what to answer.

Anyway, at the end of the day, some people are just really good at one or two things and others have different priorities. Being good at many things at once is also difficult and can be more valuable in certain situations. It's certainly more fun for yourself, I think. As I said, you have plenty of talent it's just it seems you fall into that same trap of being a bit afraid of learning new things or criticizing yourself too much. And then this is the struggle. Everybody has this struggle, even those who do a lot. This is the curse of the modern human existence. It's my belief that those who indeed do a lot were just advantaged enough to have had the opportunity to make those 'correct' choices with relative ease and perhaps the choices to do those things have even been made for them. Sometimes people are overwhelmed by the amount of choices and those people who are really good at something may sometimes just be forced to be good at that one thing. I'm fairly certain they will also have regrets about it and doubts as to whether or not that's really what they want and stuff like that. So yeah I'm just saying this because it's also relevant to me. I'm saying to both you and me not to worry about it too much, I have had to learn to do that.

Of course all this stuff doesn't mean that we should feel content and not do anything. Always continue to go for it, keep pushing yourself. If you can, do make some choices when opportunities present themselves. Maybe what you should try doing is asking for career advice or focusing on that type of aspect when it comes to learning new things. Doing everything organically is great but nobody has an infinite well of creativity. Sometimes people use tricks to get inspired or to produce results in the sphere they're already good at. It's really hard not to screw up your entire passion for it with this, but it's worth trying to push through the issues to get to the point of being professional at something where it just spills out of you, kindof. What were you writing about by the way? I'm quite curious.

The worst thing for me is when I know for a fact I should take one choice or another and then I don't. I'm pretty sure you aren't suffering from such lack of spine. You seem to have put yourself forth very successfully, you used to tell me you're completely doomed. You are just very negative but you have the energy and the balls to do stuff, you know, therefore you shouldn't really worry in my opinion. You aren't yet broken but sometimes I think to myself that I might have broken myself through sheer inaction.

In case I have become too abstract, I'm mostly talking about the choices of my health here. I have recently started having some back pains, kindof goes on for a while now. I do a lot of stretches and whatever but still can't make myself do actual exercise and in fact stopped doing what I was doing before. Started gaining some weight. And I already mentioned it but my energy is absolutely terrible right now. I can barely force myself to work through the day and in the evening I just lie in my chair. On the weekends I do some stuff but mostly I don't want to do it or it's just PC stuff as always. Obviously there's guitar that fits in here and modding, I do those things mostly well enough and when I do do them I am fairly productive. Whenever I start doing something it goes well but I have this huge problem of not being able to just enjoy things that are at least a bit energetic on my own and this is my current struggle. I'm fairly sure it's not even such a difficult problem to overcome it's just that I'm not really trying. After my old schedule of going to sleep at 4 I'm still struggling to readjust to getting up at 8. I need at least 8 hours of sleep otherwise I'm half dead. When I do sleep, I sleep really badly because after not moving for most of the day my body refuses to spend even less energy and the muscles don't want to rest. So I've been having really crappy nightmares, constantly arguing with people in my sleep. Getting into really bad arguments too, where I'm completely feeling abandoned and mistreated and then that feeling can carry on a bit into the day. I've never experienced that before and it's strange to be a witness to it, knowing that i can improve it if I wanted, but not really trying. A few things are conflicting together. This is also another reason why I really want a good vacation or to quit my job for a while. I feel that I need some kind of a boost to be able to jump out of the hole or something. I've been trying to wake up even earlier to change my schedule, trying to force myself to go running in the mornings but nope. Usually I wake up and go sit half dead at my PC and then I almost fall asleep on the bus. I hate looking in the mirror these days as I look effing terrible. I'm trying to get to work at home as much as possible because my energy doesn't suck as badly then and I get to sleep a bit more which helps immensely. Still, double edged sword because I still can't force myself to make actual use of that and when I go to work at least I'm going out of the house and having a good walk. All these things are like a huge cycle of destroying one's health, energy and positivity.

Anyways enough of that pointless dribble. I don't know why I felt it's worth talking about because I actually don't feel like I need to discuss it, really. You might think that I'm half-lying when saying that but I only feel I need to discuss my problems when I'm truly lost and don't know what to do. In this case I kindof know what to do and what's wrong and most of the aspects of it so discussing it is a bit pointless. And then after finishing writing this I also remember the nature of these messages in general and it makes me cringe.

Can you top this amount of negativity? And by the way I didn't think you were that negative anyway. Bit strange, considering what I thought about your outlook on life before, if you can recall. Well, it's definitely a good sign.

Good day.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-07 07:34:10 +0000 UTC]

When you say girly hobbies are pointless, it is like when people (guys) look down on youtube make-up gurus while they would never hesitate a second to choose a make-up guru-like girl over a non-make-up guru one so their attitude and behaviour is just hypocrisy. But maybe you just find her hobbies pointless compared to what she did earlier. Ofc, you don’t have to go around polish everyone’s nail to polish yours nicely but when you do others’ make-up / anything, you just get better at it. But yeah, this would sound boring to me as well but as for her, maybe it’s just a phase, I can’t know. Using the world girly in a pejorative way is not a nice thing, but again, I can’t see into your head.

One thing I have come to notice recently is that opportunities do not really present themselves and things do not really happen but it has to be you who makes things happen. Ok, sure, there are things out of our control, both positive and negative, for eg, being said I have to move out from my previous flat or winning something and then not winning at another competition while you made the same big effort. It's especially true with people, they hardly gonna want to hang out with me if I don’t organise a meetup or I’m not going to meet new people if I don’t go to a concert alone. Books always start with something exciting happening: going to a new school, someone dying, breaking up with someone, meeting a girl / boy, inheriting a house / going on a great holiday / becoming a successful actor, etc, but most of these just don’t come in life (maybe they do come to some, can’t know) but you have to make them enter into your life, come into your space. This way it is sometimes better to think of ourselves like characters in a novel and ask, if this was an exciting novel read and loved by many, what would I, the main character do? Instead of asking what would happen next. This can make one do “crazy” things which are absolutely not crazy but normal but was out of one’s space before. And sometimes I am not fully looking forward to doing something or going somewhere but I know, if I didn’t go, I’d regret is, and regretting is worse than going. Maybe I’d come out bad in the situation anyway but going and not regretting is a less bad case.

It is quite logical to have back pains if you sit all day and don’t move. I read that this gives you a high risk of dying much sooner than others who move. Ofc, I also sit too much because of my job and hobbies or leisure time, I am not overly active. I understand that it is extremely hard to force yourself to do any moving like that, same for me, that is why I started going to work by bike from the very beginning because I have to get from A to B and why not to use a bike. But I also went biking just for fun, randomly. I also started doing some exercises which are good for the spine a long time ago, there was a video everyone kept sharing on fb and it turned out really good. Maybe I am inclined to back pain due to what I inherited from my parents and that is why I started these. I also tried running 3 times but I don’t really like that, I just tried it because there are so many people who would never try it and I didn’t wanna be like them. Same for all other sport-like activities. I have also been doing squats because that’s very good for the legs, so these were the 3 things. Very recently I have started doing aerobics (from a dvd) at home again but now I missed out a week again due to being ill. I don’t really like it but gaining weight where I don’t want to gain it or having back pain are worse. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad now but it all builds up and you can have it very bad at 40 and over that, these are not short-term investments. Many of the things I do is because I hear many people (especially colleagues, you know, I am around them 8 hours a day ) say they never wanna go a little sports but they complain about gaining ever a very tiny weight or going out of shape or having back pain and I just don’t wanna be like them. Many time it is much more effective to get motivated by people you don’t want to resemble – parents, family members, colleagues, old classmates, etc, you choose. So that’s that.

Hm, almost forgot. As for writing, I don’t really write about anything that would make sense, they are usually short and contain impressions. Ok, there are actual story lines and stuff built from scratches I had collected over the years and ran out of by now. Some are good, I guess, and stuff, some or most of them are awkward. One of my stories has been put out to a blog few days ago and another is gonna be on a website because it won 2nd place at a small competition. I am even gonna be sent some books but judging by the people and one of the writers who sponsored this, I am going to receive “popular” books from a really “popular” author who writes about fashionable stories in fashionable places with fashionable characters in a fashionable manner and with trendy paperback book covers. But you know, you can always sell these at local second-hang bookstores for good money… XD Ok, I’m kidding. X) I’m gonna read them most likely anyway… and sell them only after that

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-07 08:51:28 +0000 UTC]

I don't really understand you being upset about what I said there about my sister's girly hobbies. What you said makes very little sense in the context of what I said. If you tried just a little you'd get what I meant, you seem to be quite sensitive about just the type of words I used. Though I don't find myself particularly interested in delving into cultural definitions of statements and words right now. One way or another I'm usually very much on the women's side of this type of thing, as you should've noticed from our previous discussions about it. She already has a boyfriend for a very long time and it's not about the looks anyway. The whole rant of mine wasn't about it being a phase it was about the lack of substance of who she is, kindof. She isn't even doing much of the makeup stuff at all, the youtuber makeup artist reference was quite over the top. You just didn't get what I meant. What I'm saying is not very extreme at all, it's very nuanced and complicated. If she read this she'd probably be really upset about me badmouthing her but that's not what my goal is here. I guess the point is that she's very smart, successful, social and well looking but then that type of person still somehow creates the vibes that I've described and it makes me really conflicted about her and her goals in general, as well as all these traits and her life goals I've just listed.

About opportunities - again it seems you misunderstood the abstract point I was going for. What you're saying is true but it's a little bit sad that you took away so little from what I've said. There's no need to try to come up with a definitive conclusion on it all, I was just trying to be positive about it. Or I guess you just disagree with it completely, which is ok I guess. Either way, your points are very  true and specifically the one about thinking about yourself as a character. I think about myself in 3rd person all the time, that's why I criticize myself very much all the time, and that's also the reason why my previous rant about not being able to make the correct decisions even came about.

Ah yes, thanks, I definitely didn't figure out that my back pains come from me sitting around in a terrible posture all day and I definitely didn't know about these countless studies that pop about active life being miles better than static one. I don't believe that more evidence that this is a terrible thing to do is needed. Aaaanyway, it's great that you do so much exercise. I don't really know what to say about this other than I'm really glad for you that you manage yourself so well. Honestly, your life is pretty good from what I see. Really, try to be more content with who you are and stuff. Very few people actually have insane talent and all that, and it'll come if you keep trying. It seems great that you're changing your job and progressing, it seems very healthy, logical and good overall to me. And you should be proud for yourself being able to get through hardship and achieve what you've achieved while always trying new things and not shying away from doing the right things for yourself as well. Yes, I realize how cliche, pointless and stupid this sounds but I wanted to say it.

Well, what you said about what you write pretty much revealed nothing. It's great that you're getting recognized for it though, really. Receiving gifts always feels kindof like that to me, by the way. It has been a very long time since I received a meaningful gift, I think, I guess I mentioned that to you a couple of times before. People are way too nuanced nowadays, you should just appreciate the sentiment, I guess. As far as I'm aware, popular books are the more expensive ones too so hurray

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-10 22:06:04 +0000 UTC]

I think we have somewhat different understandings of opportunities and motivation. I just sort of wanted to highlight how it works for me more or less, but of course, it all sounds really abstract when putting it into words and telling it to others. And the other might not get it the same way because we just work so differently with these concepts which are abstract in themselves but it is still interesting to listen to others' ideas about these because it might give a new aspect to our approach. So maybe it was silly of me to go into such details of how I can sometimes feel about people around me and what effect they have on me, it can all be partly misunderstood or just not partly understood but it is all right like that.

I do not really like talking about the writing stuff. Sometimes I even think "the magic would be gone" (while there is no magic), if I talked about it. But there's just really not much to say about it, I cannot really put down my finger on the whole thing. I often think what I write is pretentious or cringeworthy and that it still gets recognition, while the one I think is better does not. But that's how it is, I shouldn't really expect anything. I do expect something or many things, if I "create" something, and that is something something I should not do because it can ruin the creative process. But most of the time what I write comes really from within and that's why the base are scratches and I put them together into something, an impression or a really short story. But doing it without expectations -- or just simply doing it at all -- is definitely something and a kind of attitude I still have to work on a lot.

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-11 09:24:06 +0000 UTC]

Well, I guess I think it's just worth considering all ways of looking at things and the more positive the better. It does help me to talk about them in short bits. But also, when I go in-depth, the thought does come up in my mind that oh man I'm discussing it but I don't even believe what I'm saying half the time. It's too abstract and complicated. At the end of it, it only ends up feeling worse. And I guess when you skipped the positive thing I mentioned and went straight back to quite negative one it clicked in me that I am not enjoying that. So I guess sorry about that.

There are a couple of good things that went on in these past days. Finished some projects at work, and I got accepted into alpha testing of my favorite game. Signed NDA and everything, got the main balance designer in my friends list lol. Talked to cool people about whom I knew for a long time. It is really uplifting to be in the list of hand-picked people alongside those 'giants' so to say. I've delved into some C++ programming yesterday, something I couldn't find motivation to do for a long time. Hopefully I can finish what I'm writing, I think everybody in the group could benefit from it.

It's strange that I haven't been talking to people for almost 2 years at all and then both you and verysmallindeed wrote at the same time. I feel rly conflicted about answering these days as I don't feel very talkative at all but I also can't refuse the conversation. I am trying to be entertaining and positive but it's hard. I am fairly sure my last reply to you was much more negative than it should've been. I notice that when I start saying bullshit you just skip over the entire paragraph in your reply, lol. It's fine, it's just that I find it funny and a bit disturbing in terms of how it is to interact with me.

I think I understand you in terms of your writing. I guess I wanted to find out the surface level details about it, though if it's really very abstract maybe I did find them out now. It seems very personal and stuff. I would easily understand why people appreciate it, no matter how cheesy you think it is. This is the great dilemma of famous people too - they want to express personal things but then everybody will ask about it and if they were to answer truthfully it wouldn't be as personal anymore, if they were to avoid these answers people could even think they're fake. I noticed some people just be completely open about personal things and say some cheeeeesy stuff. Like, they ask cheesy-ass questions so you'd expect the answer to be as bad, but holy crap it sometimes comes out almost completely inappropriate, I would never be able to just say stuff of that type to a camera.

You're like a real artist, by the way, you don't want to waste the spark that makes your art great, tell everybody you hate your art but in reality you love it and want to create more of it lol. It's great, I do hope you find inspiration for it, hopefully positive inspiration. Still, what I was saying is that sometimes you have to just be smart enough to create compelling stories, not simply work with your gut feelings. It's worth pointing out that when I talk about this I mostly have stuff like movie scripts in mind, rather than actual books, since obviously I don't read any. The personal/impression type stuff in writing is probably a completely different thing in this sense. I do not know how one would get enough recognition with it to the point of being able to do it for a living. I just think that I guess in every discipline in this world most people take middle steps to get where they want. Sometimes those middle steps are completely unwanted, sometimes they're really good and appreciated by a lot of people. I am not trying to really convince you of it, as it might be bad, I'm just throwing it out there, you know.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-15 18:22:08 +0000 UTC]

Hey, congrats on being accepted to the alpha testing of that game, that’s really cool! It will surely be exciting and interesting.

As for the conversation, maybe sometimes I just didn’t know how to go on with what you or I said and maybe I was negative or inappropriate and after that I just did not know how to proceed so I did not mention it in the next message, I think you do not have to say sorry for anything or I could also say sorry, so sorry, if it made the situation a little inconvenient.

As for writing about personal stuff, my only concern is people finding out about it. I mean, only few know that I do stuff like this sometimes and they still hardly read anything. I could write really inconvenient stuff and maybe people would assume it is true and they would be right. Sometimes I try to modify the details so that it would not fully be like the truth. But really, I haven1t done much of this whole stuff, I seem to be just talking about it and not actually doing it. X)

And yes, you are exactly right, you just have to be smart or inventive to find out random stories and then it is possible to include the gut-feelings into that. There is no way to control when the gut-feeling kind of writing pops into your head so I just jot it down to my small calendar I have with myself all the time and these can be “valuable” bits when actually creating a story. Btw I did try writing a real story and sort of totally failed with it but I think I might have mentioned that. Any,way that’s that. X)

I have heard that even those who write bestsellers can’t make a living out of that but in W-EU or the US they can, I guess. I read about a person who was entirely living on writing, he is not a bestseller-writer kind of writer and he seemed to be a terrible person according to the interview, I mean, based on what he said. X) So this is not an option to consider for anyone, I think it’s the recognition that counts.

У меня рандом вопрос. ты сказат фиолетовый или лиловый? моя учительница говорила ето лиловый но в словарье есть фиолетовый. лиловый болше чем фиолетовы? что ты дутаеш?

Omg, I was really suffering a lot until I typed this, it’s not like writing on paper with a pen.

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-16 11:55:21 +0000 UTC]

Hi.

Yeah, that alpha testing is very nice. The coolest thing about it is that what used to need to be done through various workarounds and through slow forum replies now gets done in real time with almost direct access to developers. Very exciting. But also to see them hard at work, testing everything and making many changes. The community keeps screaming about the lack of fixes and everything and it was very disheartening seeing that. I always said it's very likely that they're actually working pretty hard on it and stuff, understanding the difficulty of making these changes due to my own mod, you know. It's funny how many changes pretty much mimic exactly what the community wants. I don't really know why they make everybody sign Non Disclosure Agreements as talking about this without restrictions would be very nice indeed and people would probably feel better about the game. I mean, much bigger titles have started being very open nowadays, the open-source era is coming really fast. Oh well, at least I personally can be content. I guess I don't really care about the internet masses too much anyway, it's just a shame that this game is much less popular than I think it deserves to be.

I guess I knew that making a living off writing isn't entirely possible or within reach. I guess you also told me that before. Oh well. That technique of writing stuff down into a notebook seems to be very prevalent among writers. I find it quite cool in some strange way.

Heh, your Russian is quite funny, but very much readable. In my personal opinion I would say that almost nobody uses the word "лиловый" in their day-to-day conversations. I can't know how popular it might be in Russia itself as, clearly, I have many different language influences here in Lithuania than people would have in Russia. I mean, the word is correct, but it's something that more old-school people would use in my opinion. It's referring to flowers and is much more 'official', while "фиолетовый" is more of an international word and I would only use "фиолетовый" when describing that color in an everyday conversation. I was never good at all the colors, but I would pretty much never say "лиловый".

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-20 09:05:46 +0000 UTC]

Hi. Okay, I see, that seems a good explanation. Otherwise we use a word similar to лиловый for purple so that should be more easy to remember, but I already learned фиолетовый before that. And we also have a word similar to фиолетовый but it means a slightly different colour so that's why I was slightly confused. So thanks for the clarification!

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2014-10-20 10:05:51 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, no problem, I am glad I could be of some help. As always, if you need any help or have such questions feel free to ask.

So yeah, I guess that's all that's going on with me right now. The casual what's up stretched out for a bit, mostly because of all the gaps between the responses. You know, I was surprised you wrote the first long response yourself this time. But alas I'm still as boring as I ever so no new cool things to tell you about really.

Oh and as a side note, I don't really care about getting birthday wishes in the first place and certainly not for them being on my profile page so you can also message me in notes if you actually wanted to chat for a while.

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zemjendyw In reply to AGameAnx [2014-10-20 20:41:02 +0000 UTC]

Okay, well just don't say you are boring. Well, it was really nice talking to you too!

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AGameAnx In reply to AlexndraMirica [2014-03-08 22:33:26 +0000 UTC]

It's my pleasure Thank you very much for watching me as well!

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AGameAnx In reply to LateStarter63 [2014-02-24 19:53:57 +0000 UTC]

Very welcome! Your art is amazing sir

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AGameAnx In reply to NightmareGK13 [2014-02-16 18:45:21 +0000 UTC]

Very welcome

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AGameAnx In reply to KaiSaunders [2014-01-20 05:26:43 +0000 UTC]

It's always my pleasure to be able to receive cool art straight to my messages

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AGameAnx In reply to zemjendyw [2013-09-16 14:34:36 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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AGameAnx In reply to esayelemay [2013-08-16 15:27:58 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome ^^ I see you work hard and the progress shows. Keep on improving and sharing the cool art

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esayelemay In reply to AGameAnx [2013-08-16 20:30:16 +0000 UTC]

Aw, thank you so much!

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