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| Inksmith
Inksmith
♂️
[1042876]
[2004-08-16 07:45:16 +0000 UTC]
(Canada)
# Statistics
Favourites: 36; Deviations: 19; Watchers: 33
Watching: 11; Pageviews: 6171; Comments Made: 1679; Friends: 11
# Comments
Comments: 136
Haven't seen you around much lately! I miss our intriguing conversations.
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I miss you too! Could I find you on MSN?
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yeah, pretty sure.
but, despite the fact that im online all the time, i barely use it.. HAYHAIUHAIUHA add me if u want. the email is at my gallery
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Yeah, I'm all songed out after that lyrical masterpiece I pulled off for Christmas.
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Pesty took ballet? 
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maybe i should do that a third time, for good measure.
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Heh, you handle double posts so well. 
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I had to re friend you, because you weren't showing up on my list ;_; And I luv the Ink-man!
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Don't ever leave me!
No worries, I'm not doing anything here.
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I wouldn't dream of it. 
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at least you didnt say twice twice. and i didnt say twice thrice.
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But thrice only once, you can be sure.
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Recent visitors option availabe for paid accounts down at the bottom left.
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I might have to harm you for liking the mathew good band, because i know him and he treated me poorly, and my older sister (they were engaged, and he made her nearly bankrupt, and then harassed her at our house calling everyone horrible names.) He is morally bankrupt.
I hate him with a flaming passion. =3
i replied in the forum by the way XD will try to check it more now that I am getting a bit less busy =3
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Wow. I didn't know he was such a dick. Now I feel bad for buying that CD. 
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I found Death Cab for Cutie; pretty good for a fix at least.
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Hi. I still hope you are doing well. Best wishes.
Amie
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Hi. Sorry I didn't reply the first time: I've just been checking to see if I got any new comments or notes and then moving on, so I missed it.
The celebration of life for Taber was yesterday, and I was shocked at the number of people that showed up. It's strange, how when you know a person, and even if you're very close to them, there's people that also know him or are connected to him that you have absolutely no inkling of. I think the official number was 280 people, so not bad for a sixteen-year-old. There were his Cadet colleagues, teachers, relatives (even my grandmother, aunt, and cousin on the other side of my family), friends of the family, and probably dozens of other relationships that I never had an idea about before.
My mother and grandmother especially were pressuring me to get up and say something in the days leading up to it, and frankly it got very aggravating, because I didn't want to. I don't really know whay either; I guess I couldn't think of anything to say and I don't like public speaking. But while I was sitting there, watching people get up and talk, I thought 'I wonder how many things Taber turned down that he'll never get to do now just because he was a little afraid?' So when the MC asked if there was anyone else, I forced myself to rise from my seat and walk over. I didn't have anything prepared, just a vague fuzziness of emotion and memories. I told them what I just told you, about how opportunity is fleeting, and that he inspired me to seize the moment, and then I shared a funny story about Taber that got probably the biggest laugh of the day. Afterward, people told me I looked very comfortable and relaxed, which is weird because it was one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done.
So now I guess the story's over, at least for me and most of the rest of the people. His family still has to grieve and accept his death, but that's a private manner in which I will not likely play a significant part, perhaps a hug or a sympathetic shoulder here and there. His circle of friends welcomed me quite readily, and we have plans for a Taber Carpenter Memorial LAN Party, which I thought was an absolutely hilarious and fitting idea. I could go on forever, about how I managed to get his NES working when only Taber could do it before, or how we guessed his computer password with the tidbits of information we had between us and access to the right research materials.
Anyway, I've run out of steam here, not so much for lack of subject matter so much as lack of... focus, I guess. I still feel weird about this whole matter, like I'm not doing something right. I cried my bit in the hospital, but compared to everyone else I've been a cold fish, and I'm terrified of that. I think I've already mentioned this to you, but it still worries me, and I don't think there will come a point when I will just 'break down' and grieve proper. I don't even know if this is a good or bad thing anymore; maybe I no longer believe death is final, or something, that there might be some sort of existence after the fact. I don't know if I articulated that very well, but the thought itself isn't much more organized. So maybe he's still stickin' around, or off having fun somewhere else and digging holes in the sand like he used to.
Thanks for dropping by my page and asking about me. Actually, that's funny, because that's what Taber said in the hospital when people visited: 'Thanks for stopping by', so that's what was put on all the cards and invitations as a sort of final thought. But, and this may sound weird, but I think I need to work it out, I had always thought of you as kind of a cynical person for some reason, and now I don't know if I totally had you wrong, or if you're sometimes cynical and sometimes caring, or anything. At any rate, I'm still doing well, better than average actually, and I'll ferret those best wishes away for a later date sometime when I need them more, so thanks in advance for those. 
So much for losing steam, eh? Well, thank you, first and foremost, for everything; you're a beautiful person in every sense of the word and I'll treasure my friendship with you as long as I live, and if I'm right, beyond that, too. Everyone should be so fortunate in their relationships. Merci beaucoup, mon Amie.
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You should feel great for siezing the opportunity to speak! I find that a very courageous thing to do- and I doubt I'd have the nerve to do it myself. It's so strange reading about Taber- everything you wrote about him reminds me of the cousin of mine that I spoke of earlier. It's so hard to imagine how such young people have to deal with their own mortality. Most of the time, they end up being bright, happy people with constant smiles on their faces. It is beyond my comprehension. Wonderful nevertheless.
Attending the funeral of a teenager is no easy task. The atmosphere is indescribable. I know it is something never to be forgotten... Again, I'm sure you will always feel happy to have spoken about Taber. I don't know what to believe about death either. I'd been a complete athiest for my whole life- until I recently thought about the shortsightedness of refusing to consider alternatives. It's hypocritical in the sense that I would berate Christians and other faithed people for doing the same thing. I don't, at this point, believe in any other alternative... I've just openly pondered possibilities of something more than nothingness. Who knows?
Your comment about me being cynical/caring really touches a nerve. It just so happens to be the one thing I am superbly sensitive about. Every time someone who loves me is angry with me (family or friend)- they seem to throw the idea at me that I'm an uncaring, completely detached person. I consider myself to be a very caring person... I just don't exude that, I suppose. I appreciate your friendship too! And your brain! So thank you. Oh, and, I have a french friend who calls me "mon amie"... 
Other than that, everyone used to call me Meow. You just made me remember that people stopped doing that. Hmmph.
Well, my sympathy is with you, hope you feel 100% soon!
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Yes, a lot of the people who spoke had a hard time keeping it together; it was hard. As for myself, I've always been an atheist, in that I don't believe in a creator god of any sort (although I know I could be wrong, and I guess that makes me a bit of an agnostic, too), but I'm also somewhat of a spiritual person, and I think that there are things going on outside our corporeal ken. I used to ridicule Christians and people like them for their blind faith, but I've come to respect it, even if I don't agree with it.
Sorry if I offended you with my comment. I've been called emotionless, myself, and it does hurt, because I believe I'm a caring person, but I guess I don't show that either. I think it might have something to do with my preteen years and how I was the butt of a lot of jokes at school, so I built this shell around me that I kept my emotion inside of, and it's been my defensive tactic ever since. So I suppose we're cut from the same cloth in that respect, be it for the same reasons or not. Why I thought that about you initially was because some of your poetry is quite acidic, albeit endearingly, and you've always had that dry wit that cynics are often known for, so I thought you had a bit of a cavalier attitude about you. I know I'm wrong now, and I like this 'new' version of you even more.
I am feeling better now, back to normal I would say, so thanks for your thoughts; it really made it easier for me knowing there was someone else out there who cared who didn't have their own emotional investment in the matter.
I wish my name was easier to make nicknames from. 'Gavin' doesn't leave much room for customization; the best I've heard is Shooter McGavin, after the golfer in Happy Gilmour.
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Well, I think we have much in common.
I've only known one Gavin before, and everyone called him tomato face. I won't call you that.
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Call me whatever you like, Shooter McAmie.
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Hooay for Agnostics!
... sorry, I read a... thread on differnt... deviation... *cough*
ANYWAYS:
Good stuff ye have in your gallery! Keep up the good work!
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Huzzah!
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Shyay, I feel welcomed... sort of...
Anyways: I positively adore the function of your brain. As weird as that might sound, I like how your head works. Very complex, and you aren't just beading long words together to make yourself sound intelligent. It actually makes sense... and you have arather dominant view.
I'm envious. -.-;
And you're Agnostic! Wheee... *dances* Hooray for Agnostics...
New hero, you are. X_x;
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Thank you, I've never been paid a more interesting or flattering compliment.
And yes, a rousing cheer for Agnostics! Our mantra: "Admit it, you don't know for sure either." Although if I had to choose, I'd go Buddhist.
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Blah, I rant. *cries*
Well, when I say a dominant view, the way in which you use your words sort of makes it seem like you're the right one... and it's intimidating. I wish I could do that... I dunno, perhaps I'm just weird. *shrugs* >.>;
Wheee! 'Rah for Buddhism!
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Hmm. Well, I am terribly elitist and occasionally assholish, although almost exclusively with immediate family members. I guess if you really wanted to win arguments solely by the merits of your semantics, you could get a thesaurus and memorize as many adverbs as you can, and whip them out in clusters during your speech. That's the key to an erudite monologue: adverbs. Adjectives run a close second as well (including "erudite"
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... my adulation for you just skyrocketed more than a couple of notches right there.
And, somehow, my cretinous/immature, thirteen-year-old brain understood that. Wow. That's new...
The more adverbs learned, the better, if simply put. Nouns be the second most essential, and verbs be the third.
...
as said before, I love your brain... as odd as that might sound.
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