Jaloyoloti In reply to tinyAlchemy [2013-09-13 16:24:06 +0000 UTC]

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Jaloyoloti In reply to KeeCarroll [2013-08-03 03:51:19 +0000 UTC]

HAY BABY. Sup?

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KeeCarroll In reply to Jaloyoloti [2013-08-07 06:15:09 +0000 UTC]

Oh you know. The ushe. School, work, and more school. 

How have you been?

I feel like I haven't seen or talked to you in a lifetime. I miss you!

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Jaloyoloti In reply to KeeCarroll [2013-08-15 22:00:41 +0000 UTC]

Playing games and sitting on my ass. I talk to a load of brits on a daily basis and play league of legends now. I'm terrible (as usual) but it's fun and I have people to play with. I'm just kind of eh here in Idaho. Not a lot happening. I miss all y'alls. Can't wait until I can move back.

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KeeCarroll In reply to Jaloyoloti [2013-08-19 03:44:24 +0000 UTC]

I've heard both great and terrible things about LoL. Is that where you met those dang Brits? We're supposed to be throwing their tea in great bodies of water, not being friends! 

Are you currently planning to move back? Is it dependent on money or what is it? I'd love to see you, it's been so so sooo long and I miss you. =[

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Jaloyoloti In reply to KeeCarroll [2013-08-20 17:12:03 +0000 UTC]

It is great and it is terrible. It's great to play with friends, terrible to play with random people who don't give a shit. And I met the Brits by watching Yogscast and then we chatted in a group and now we play games together. I've been into LoL for about three months and I've known these guys since about December. They're okay ut we get into weird arguments like what pudding is. :/

It's always my goal to move back but until we get things sorted its not going to happen- it's always the money. I've developed anxiety which pairs oh so lovingly with the depression so I'm having to get that dealt with before I work as well. The job market is still tough and I still don't know what I want to go to school for, or if I even want to go back to school. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait to come back even for a visit to see you.

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KeeCarroll In reply to Jaloyoloti [2013-08-20 17:29:32 +0000 UTC]

Pudding is entirely debatable lol. 

Yeah the market is really hard right now. I work part time for my aunt because I seriously couldn't find anything that wasn't fast food. It's like you have to have a college degree to work at the mall anymore. 

I was also really lost about school ... I bounced around for a year taking gen ed because I knew I needed to get a degree, but I didn't know what it should be in. I ended up at the Art Institute by some force of ill will and am finally having some direction, but the last year or two has been pure hell and has made me a really unhealthy person. 

I also developed some anxiety issues which then feeds into depression in my case. I started taking citalopram about nine months ago and it's really helped. I don't know if medication is something you would want to pursue or not, but the side effects have been minimal. 

I'm sad to hear that you're having issues ... I know you've had to struggle through some tough stuff for a really long time. I wish life could give you a decade-long break already. :[

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Jaloyoloti In reply to KeeCarroll [2013-08-21 00:34:09 +0000 UTC]

Or everyone else has thirteen more years of experience as a front desk host.

I'm scared to bounce around in school because I just can't handle the stress of the work load and the payout. I don't want to be paying off my debt until I'm dead, y'know? There are so many things that I want to be that I just think I'll be bounding around for years until I make up my mind or settle.

I've started Buspar but it's tough since I'm not huge on taking pills in the first case and having to take something three times a day is even tougher to remember. It's helped a bit but I think I need to go up on it or change to something else.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be struggling with this the rest of my life, more or less. I just pray it doesn't get any worse. I try to get out all my frustration and such by writing little pieces of prose now and then, trying to get the word out and help other people understand it all. Depression is such a weird illness to have.

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KeeCarroll In reply to Jaloyoloti [2013-08-29 01:33:32 +0000 UTC]

If you would ever have the opportunity to study abroad, DO IT. The student loans in America are like a sick joke. I don't think I'll be paying them off past a decade (IF I can get steady work) since I'm looking to be at 40k when all is said and done, but it still is not a fun idea to BEGIN my life as an adult with debt. 

I'd forget three times a day too. Luckily I don't seem to need a high dose, so I just break it into morning and night to get a more even coverage. I've heard before of supplementary medications ... things that work with your "bottom bitch" pill, you know? I don't know if you would want to pursue something like that or not, but it could give you that even balance that you need if you can play with different prescriptions ... or so I've heard.

It's great that you have an outlet (mine is running or lifting, which is really just more of being pissed at life - I.E. PUNCHING IT IN THE FACE UGH TESTOSTERONE), and it's even greater that you are trying to help people understand the issues with mental disorders. I truly feel like our society would be better off if we could emphasize physical and mental health over productivity and capitalism, and some leeway and understanding with an issue that another person can't even SEE (versus a broken arm or failing kidney) would carry us a long way. Probably the only way to further public understanding is to help them empathize with the situation, since the people who do seem to understand either experience it themselves or help a loved one through it. 

It is really strange. I feel like I'm starting to level out a bit, but there's good days and awful days. It'd be nice if there was some kind of retreat I could go to ... feel like commuting into Seattle and attending school is making it worse. I need trees, nature, tea! Haha, that's impossible though. 

Hey, have you considered publishing?

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Jaloyoloti In reply to KeeCarroll [2013-08-29 02:09:19 +0000 UTC]

I would love to study abroad oh my lord but I wouldn't know where to start. :/ I'm just so blah about everything and this anxiety shit is not helping my need to get a job or go to school or do SOMETHING other than sit on my ass. I did online schooling and I didn't finish but I'm already 1.7k in the hole. I just can't deal with money issues. They've always been a problem my whole life and now that I have this fucking anxiety I just feel like burrowing underground until everyone thinks I'm dead. Le sigh.

I'm doing alright with the meds I'm on now, nothing major and just a bad day here and there; nothing like what I was going through several months ago. I finally got help which was good and something I wish everyone could get and wanted to get. It hurts my heart to know that there are people out there refusing the help they desperately need.
This Abilify I'm on with a new drug called Viibryd is working well for my depression. Eventually I might have to up my Abilify since I tend to get used to meds fairly easy but I don't see myself going south any time soon with the combo I have.

Everyone is so caught up in the BS of money and the American dream that they can't see there's a mental crisis going on. The internet is probably the best and the worst place to try and help get the word out. With so many loud, obnoxious, ignorant a-holes who think they know what they're talking about and hiding behind anonymity it's tough to show what needs to be shown without being discouraged. Luckily I've found a group of people who understand or at least sympathize with mental illness and we can console each other when we need it.

I think we all need a good holiday every once in a while. My cousin is getting married in October so my mom and I are going to drive to Spokane and stay a couple days. It'll be nice to get away for a bit. I've also taken up cross stitching which is kind of a nice zen way to deal with anxiety for me. Although tedious and demanding it helps keep my mind off of things and I get a finished product at the end to show off. Heh.

I've always wanted to do some kind of written stuff to show off and make money off of but I fear that I don't have the discipline to make a polished product that really deserves it. Again I just wouldn't know where to start. Like who would pay to hear me ramble on about my mental illness? Where would I find them? And I don't want writing about my mental health to become a chore to put out a piece once a week or some BS. Eh anxiety, again. It mixed with the depression just makes me feel like I'll never be good enough for anything worthwhile.

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Jaloyoloti In reply to LadyAngelWings [2013-02-14 11:14:03 +0000 UTC]

Oh noes~ Whatever shall I do? 8'D <3

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LadyAngelWings In reply to Jaloyoloti [2013-02-14 19:17:57 +0000 UTC]

I haven't the slightest clue!

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Jaloyoloti In reply to overcurrent [2010-05-15 14:00:26 +0000 UTC]

HELL YEAH.

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overcurrent In reply to Jaloyoloti [2010-05-17 15:34:20 +0000 UTC]

WHENNNN

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Jaloyoloti In reply to overcurrent [2010-06-16 22:16:30 +0000 UTC]

Drop by whenever, I swear I'll be free. xD

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