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| Kikuruka-chan
Kikuruka-chan
♂️
[14233103]
[2010-06-27 17:26:54 +0000 UTC]
"Agressive freak"
(Lithuania)
# Statistics
Favourites: 18002; Deviations: 4; Watchers: 84
Watching: 339; Pageviews: 16457; Comments Made: 4194; Friends: 339
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: Yasuli(that amazing Finnish girl) and itaXitaFavorite movies: The ones that make you shiver ]: )
Favorite TV shows: Ellen, ofcourse
Favorite bands / musical artists: Evanescence( Amy Lee <3) ,Metallica, The Gazette, Nirvana, Depeche Mode
Favorite books: I don't read them often, but... I love good books with unhappy endings and mysterious characters
Favorite games: : D BDSM anyone?
Favorite gaming platform: Bed ?No...ohhh....
Other Interests: Eating(xD) , stalking people, drawing, writing poems...Or just being a douche bag : P xDD
# About me
What does it take to be a person... a good one?( Sometimes I need help, most times I just cry, one thing I sure know, I will someday fly~ )
# Comments
Comments: 2779
Omg! I have missed You so so much, I can't even... You see, I'm in my last year of school so I have lots and lots of work to do T.T
I'm quite fine, though. What about you, Darling? : 3
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Oh! I understand! Good luck with that!
Fighting for survival---no...not really...I am just working my self down to help my dad.
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It is all my pleasure, Gorgeous : ]
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Some kinky and naughty stuff that turn me on. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to tell, Boy. ]: )
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Hey darling!
Thank you so much for the on
Shougeki Gouraigan : Geki : Happy Technology
Shougeki Gouraigan : Geki : Hikaribito
Shougeki Gouraigan : Geki
YowaPeda : Onoda Sakamichi : I Will Catch Up!
YowaPeda : Onoda Sakamichi
Litchi Hikari Club : Dentaku : Science Boy
Litchi Hikari Club : Dentaku : Input Number 6-6-6
Endless : Death: Come With Me
Endless : Death : Look Into The Eyes Of Death
Sleepy Under The Shade Pt.2
YowaPeda : Toudou Jinpachi
Litchi Hikari Club : Dentaku
Endless : Death
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You know I love everything You do (let's laugh at how ridiculous it sounds). I'm very bad...just so so...
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What happened? You really make me worry
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I think, it is better not to know that...
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Now I am even more worried. Are you ok????
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No, I'm not, I've mentioned this before.
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That was a ritorical question. What happened?!
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As I've told You before- it is better not to know that... But I'm not that bad anymore.
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Look...I lately made skype. I would propose you to talk to me if you want, but I feel we are not that close anymore, since you barely even write to me. So it might be pointless.
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The fact that I don't write to You that often anymore doesn't make us less friends... I barely write to anyone anyway. I still do love You as a friend and I will no matter what. I'm not that often online, but Imma note You and send you my skype nickname.
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I am worried about you.
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Don't worry about me, I'm too tough to lose myself. I'm used to sheding into pieces and being born again.
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Phoenix?
I am still worried
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Heyho dear! <3
Thank you so much for your 
We're glad you like it!
Wish you a great day! :3
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Llama! and...and fave...and watch...(o.o) I don't know what to say..thanks!~
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Ye, haha, or trying to, the whisker marks is all I did tbh xD Just the result of me having a crazy moment, thought, why the heck not?
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It is so f*cking good! Really, I am not kidding. It looks much more realistic than the other ones, I bet that's the reason why. Nice eyes you have there by the way : D
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Damn thx man, I'm flattered! I don't cosplay because there simply isn't any cosplay groups near where I live, sadly xD Else I would have liked to be doing that. Meh, blue eyes are common, but that's why I found Naruto to be an easy character to imitate
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Same problem here. I used to prepare cosplay costumes, too bad there weren't any cons neither people that'd have cosplayed with me so I ended up giving up on it. I have blue eyes as well but I hate them, 'cuz they're ugly, but Yours are really pretty .
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>.< Sucks thinking about that again, I was pretty sad when I found out it would be a waste of time to do it. I really do envy those people who have a couple of close friends they can just chill and cosplay with, none of my friends are into it, and the few that do like anime live so far away, buhu.
I see nothing wrong with yours (assuming that's a pic of you on ur profile), but hey, we are our own worst critics you know. Don't hate on yourself. My eyes are just big, big and crazy. That's why I have a habit of making weird faces, like in that pic.
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Exactly... I have put a lot of hope into it, but in the end it turned out to be unsuccesful anyway. You know, it is better to at least have friends. I don't have any (except one here on DA, but he lives reaaaly far away, and I am not even sure if I'll ever meet him). On the other hand, I am a little bit jelous of those lucky people too.
You can barely even see anything in that picture xD By the way, it looks much more uglier in reality than in pictures, believe me. I have a horrible eyesight and a horrible appearance too. A habit? That's an entertaining advantage in my opinion : D ! It's better than talking to a boring person like me that doesn't change his expression at all. I'm most likely like Sasuke at this point. Always the same '' -_-'' expression, no matter the topic 
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Well I can see your eye, and that is what you commented on. You did NOT just call yourself boring did you! Ow man, that is like tripping yourself! *hands you a ladder* get out of that hole already, don't waste your down there, it's so dark, if you stay there too long you may catch diseases like depression and stoneface-syndrome. As lame as it sounds, whatever u hate about yourself, fix it. It's a waste of time to wallow in that dark matter.
This may be horrible but that's what I like about Sasuke. Sure it would be awesome if he smiled and was a bit happier, but I just see his stone face as part of who he is. He wouldn't be Sasuke without it. Reminds me, I had a sorta crush on my stone-faced neighbor at the place I lived before xD She was Sasuke incarnate, sharp eyes, dark hair, sorta cold personality. I was attracted to that cool personality. I'm sort of too much like Naruto. I get worked up easily when I see people who are down in the dumpsters, sry for the rant dude.
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That's true.
You are kindof sweet, but I already do have depression for a long time. It becomes more and more obvious as you talk to me. That is one of the reasons people leave me behind- they don't want to get involved with my depressed self. Years and years of depression and suicidal thoughts ruin persons and, unfortunately, I am one of them. I definitely would fix it if I could, but it's impossible. Gender dysphoria/ I-am-one-hell-of-an-asshole syndrome and self-hatred are killing me for real.
But how do you know about that?
I like Sasuke for his cold(cool) personality/ sad childhood story and.... black hair. I am obssesed with it like crazy. He also reminds me of myself. Even though I am much more agressive most of the time.
I see, but, to be honest, I don't know what it's like. I have only had a crush or... adored a person once(because we had similar interests, were both pansexual ....), but I lost him because I am deep in my hatred trap. I don't ever feel happy.
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How could I possibly know anything about these things, hah. Well I thought it was obvious, I spent most of teenage years living in depression and hating the world because I felt so damn helpless, and anyone or anything that shied away from my yoyo-moodswings only worked to intensify that feeling of being rejected, even though they didn't really reject me, I was just oversensitive to my surroundings and took everything 100x times as bad as any other person would, and that could make me lash out/snap at people for hardly any reason. Been there done that, you know?
Gender dysphoria is common thing for people who are pansexual. You grow up bound by the barriers society puts on you, the norm, but when you slowly realise that you're too openminded for most of the world, (and that you can empathize with the opposite gender, but hardly understand your own), and you start to hide what you really feel and think in order to please others, that is when one starts to shy away and fear not being 'normal'.
I swing between being pan or just plain bi, because there are traits I find more attractive than others, such as I like androgynous people, male or female doesn't matter, as long as they are as andro. I came to the conclusion that I must be pan, when I remained asexual and even the most goodlooking people still made me feel asexual. Another reason I can't do one-night stands, I don't find anyone attractive unless I'm intrigued by their personality...personality is everything lol. And all of a sudden, I started noticing little things I wasn't able to see before.
I'm such a backwards person! Oh god...now I wanna draw Sasuke coz you talked about him xD
Amazing that you even found someone else who is pan tbh. I've yet to meet anyone like that! Sry for jumping back and forth, my mind is all over the place
Nothing is impossible! Believe it! Dattebayo~ (Sry had to do it!)
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I am sorry, but I am feeling horrible, so I will shorten what I want to say. Gender dysphoria is something I have as long as I can remember myself walking this Earth and, fortunately, I am going to change my gender as soon as possible, which would be at the age of 18(I am 16,5 now), but the problem is... I am not sure if I will be able to live until then.
I shouldn't bother you with my own problems, sorry...
P.s. I do read backwards even though I am not Jewish and I don't find it disturbing at all, so I understand your reasons for doing that .
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Damn, thanks for all the faves
I wanted to change my gender as well, but I'm not sure I can be bothered anymore, I don't really care atm I just want to be liked for who I am and not how I look. Btw, I wouldn't even respond if you talking about yourself bothered me ^^
Mind if I ask what your biological gender is, I can't really tell from just an eye and now you made me curious, damn that annoying curiosity, I know! ><. Ofc you can live another 1,5 years as whatever gender you are, if you have felt horrible all your life then that amount of time can easily be overcome. If I am bothering you, with my messages I'll stop since I don't mean to make you feel worse.
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I've written crappy fanfictions since I was..what...11 I think, ahaha, okay seriously, I am pretty crappy at it. You see, english is my fourth language, I taught myself by writing. I deleted my oldest fictions, because they were completely unbearable to read, but I still got a few old fics laying around on my ff.net account. Which I also warned people about on my profile. Fact remains though that I first got into fanfiction as a means to become a better writer, and although I have improved, I still get all shy about my writing (yes, I'm my own worst critic). My writing style reflects my personality a lot, a bit random and all over the place, and my grammar, don't even get me started on that, I'm beyond help. So god/or whatever you believe in help you if you ever find any of my fics.
Orenji is my Sasunaru fic, and as you can see I started becoming active on dA after being a non-active member here for 6 years. That is because I draw situations and characters included in this fic. It helps keeping me on track, I used to have a horrible habit of abandoning my old work so now I'm trying to make up for it and keep myself more dedicated to finishing what I've started.
I'm honored that I'm an exception! I'm sure you could/will make a great guy someday if you are willing to stay alive that long, it is much easier for females to pass off as males, at least outwardly I think. So if you hate how you look, then testosterone will definitely save you, as for the lower part under the clothes, that one is harder to change I guess. Ftm have great chances of becoming extremely attractive people...om nom nom nom.
The funny thing about being weakminded, depressed and broken, is that I never really realised when or how I managed to drag myself out of that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still in it, but I think that the strength inside us never really leaves in the first place. Even you must have moments when you almost feel sort of okay, at least with the outlook of a future where you can become what you want to be. Think of it like this. You don't lose a thing by living and striving to become something you will like. But well, giving up and dying is a finality that can't be changed ever. Once it is over, it's just over. And nothing comes after. The end. (Unless of course you are a firm believer of reincarnation)
I'm glad, I don't bore you to death
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I am an anarchist, so no, I don't believe in reincarnation or any gods. Or... whatever you call them. I hope I won't seem rude if you worship something, but I think it's bullshit, I have always told myself that, from a very young age. Again, sorry if I offended you.
A thought has just crossed my mind... Maybe by any chance you are a neutrois person? Just wondering, nothing less, nothing more.
Your English is pretty good and I could say that it is even rich compared to mine. My native language is Lithuanian and I also speak Russian, but I would not say that I am a bad English speaker( Or am I?).
There wouldn't be a hot man out of me, though. I only want to have gender reassignment operation because it would help me to be myself, that's all I wish for. I lack body/mind harmony if you know what I mean.
I so hope that you are over it.........
Do not even say that word, everytime I hear it/ see it, my face appears in my mind : D
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Puuuhlease...me offended? Never. Swearwords and name-calling peels right off of me as well, you claiming to be well a boring, perhaps hurtful person never scared me in the first place. I'm immune, this is a new superpower I got after all that negativity in my life : D I don't believe in anything really, wait that is a lie...I believe in ME! I'm the most open-minded person there is, so if friends or strangers talk about religion and why it is important to them, then I'll politely let them have their opinion, I just don't comment on it, because I think it's too pretentious to go on a rampage and debate about stuff that I really don't give enough of a fuck about to have actual knowledge of.
Sometimes I think religion is a bad thing and that the world would be better without it, and sometimes I think it is good thing (for the people who need it) however I also just think that these people only cling to religion because they live in a box. They refuse to acknowledge other things in our world and prefer to hide in this carbon steel frame of their beliefs, because it makes them feel safe and good. Whatever makes them sleep at night and wake up in the morning with a clear mind, I don't care.
Neutrois...maybe. I don't hang too much with labels, but yes, I guess I can relate to that. I understand your need for harmony, and 'yes'. Your English is fine, couldn't even tell if you were a native speaker or not xD
Do you like to write?
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I do write poems and stories very often, because I am always alone(even if I am in a crowd of people, I don't feel like one of them or one with them), so I fill my emptyness with writing. I mostly write about boy characters's lifes (I have created them a long time ago and there appear to be more of new ones as the time passes). But what I think refelcts me the most are my poems, which are, unfortunately, filth with my agony, emptyness, lonelyness and anger, which is adressed to my own self. What I also do is sketching. I sketch in my notebooks during breaks at school/ home but I barely show my sketches to anyone, because everytime anyone sees them, the people become obssesed with the idea that I am either going to kill myself (which kindof is true), am an artist (that's hilarious, I have never ever been one and never will be) or just a lonesome freak seeking for attention. Indeed, I do lack attention, but not because I am the attention-seeking type of person, but only because no one ever feels a need to naturaly just... talk to me. Most of the people around me try to get rid of me.
I don't have an opinion about religion, it just doesn't exist to me. And I have grown in a society which is built from christians and christian values. Even my parents are christian, but my mother is very supportive and she is the only one that sees me as her son...... My father has just said '' I am not a father of such a freak'' and left me behind just like most of the people do...
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A few comments ago, you said you were a boring person who wouldn't express your emotions. You ooze feelings, man. I didn't think you were an attention-seeking person. Oh, and I just have to say, I'm not an artist either xP And I never will be, I draw for fun but writing is always what I will be most into.
That's a harsh dad you got. My parents have been separated since I was a young kid, so my dad isn't in my life. He hardly exists for me, I just have my mum, but obviously I live alone, and a few cities away from her. She's way more dependent on me than I ever was on her though. She's just sweet and understanding, but she is so kind that I feel people use her, I don't like that. xD
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