MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Laulaubi [2016-09-04 16:07:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the cool artwork!

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to hubert61 [2016-09-04 16:09:23 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the cool pictures

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to zippip [2015-12-19 06:03:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for writing them!

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to zippip [2015-09-10 15:26:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for writing such beautiful pieces. :3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Malleni-Stock [2015-07-25 03:09:01 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! I look forward to seeing what you upload in the future!

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Toshinden-fanclub [2015-04-07 17:12:58 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm, maybe :3 What are you looking for?

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Toshinden-fanclub In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2015-04-07 17:21:22 +0000 UTC]

Two girls, resting after bellydancing, i will describe the costumes and characters.

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Toshinden-fanclub [2015-04-08 18:15:30 +0000 UTC]

Okay, shoot me note with the details :3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to TheBrokenKnight [2015-01-07 22:13:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! x3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to pqphotography [2014-10-13 02:10:56 +0000 UTC]

I love your colors <3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to LaLunatique [2014-09-25 01:17:41 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome x3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Ulysses182 [2014-07-04 07:44:33 +0000 UTC]

Its beautiful <3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to zippip [2014-05-02 20:05:06 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for writing it. x3 I don't usually go on dA for literature or poems, but I like your haikus.

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-01-27 00:48:23 +0000 UTC]

Maybe. What do you want?

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-01-27 05:07:55 +0000 UTC]

My Creepypasta OC Stabby X3

stabby-fan-club.deviantart.com…

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-01-27 21:38:41 +0000 UTC]

Hm.... Doesn't look to hard. Do you have some kind of deadline, or just whenever I can get it done by? Also, note me some details about Stabby and her story

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-01-27 22:34:25 +0000 UTC]

redrumkat.deviantart.com/journ… here's her story X3 though I'm still waiting for my email back back from Creepypasta

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-01-29 22:44:58 +0000 UTC]

Alright, I'll give my hand at it ^_^ I think there's a little more editing needed to be done with the story though. I tend to blab my criticism to whoever I think needs it, but I'll ask you if you want to know it, first.

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-01-29 22:48:01 +0000 UTC]

^w^ very much so, I'd rather you tell me 

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-01-31 00:03:55 +0000 UTC]

You have the benefit of revealing it's a note, so you can use that to your advantage in multiple ways!
One way is to write a description of the note or notebook. You could have some kind of set-up where it describes the note or journal on a table, and then go into it's contents. after that, parts of it can be damaged so some details are missing, which makes readers more curious. Like, if some details about the father's death were muddled from the ink or paper being worn, and some small things about Kayla's appearance.
Example: "The second daughter was short and slumped, her head lowered as if\f you avoid eye contact, but her eyes stilled peered out of her stringy brown hair in a glare. Her eyes were..." The scribbling of the notes becomes too hard to read.
This style isn't for everyone, since it's hard to know when to stop.
If you wanted to make the story even longer, you could add a different protagonist exploring the situation from outside the note. Creepypastas are generally pretty short, but don't let that affect you too much.
The guy writing this is giving and extraordinary amount of detail for a very traumatic event I'd assume many would see in a blur, so this gives you lots of options, too. You can describe splashes of red and feelings of the house rocking around him, making it hard to walk and focus. Blur out some of the transitions and add a sense of what he's feeling. Smells, nausea, shaking; if you can get your readers to think they smell blood, it's a pretty cool thing.

The only other things I have to mention are a few spelling and grammar errors. You also have a habit that I have pretty bad, too; You keep switching your past and present tense. If you comb over you story and pay attention to the verbs and adverbs you used, you might see where that happens. As a note, all of it should be in the past tense.
Oh, there is another thing; Your main protagonist is described as a back-water redneck, but he doesn't really act like one.
Your story has 4087 words in it.

You don't have to listen to my suggestions but I really think you should comb back over your grammar and tenses. Editing is the worst part to do, especially doing it yourself, so if you have a friend willing who also writes, maybe they could give it a look over.

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-01-31 00:33:47 +0000 UTC]

^^ thank you, and yes I know my Grammar isn't the best always ...

but thanks for the help I guess I should start editing now XD

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-01-31 22:48:58 +0000 UTC]

Np!

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-02-01 01:50:45 +0000 UTC]

I think I'll keep that in mind when I write the second one XD

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-02-04 05:03:43 +0000 UTC]

My tablet isn't working, so I'll have to take a rain check on that commission xD Sorry

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-02-04 06:08:38 +0000 UTC]

XD oki doki

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to redrumkilla [2014-02-04 12:08:36 +0000 UTC]

I'll get to it when I can.

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redrumkilla In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-02-05 03:50:24 +0000 UTC]

XD K

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to sugarxKAT [2014-01-08 02:24:57 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!

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sugarxKAT In reply to MidevalExponents2sqr [2014-01-08 06:24:33 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome <3

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to ItsBrandonAllred [2013-12-08 01:08:29 +0000 UTC]

Np!

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MidevalExponents2sqr In reply to Korupo [2013-07-11 04:53:57 +0000 UTC]

You earned it!

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