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| Midnight-Clematis
Midnight-Clematis
♀️
[42589460]
[2017-05-22 08:32:44 +0000 UTC]
"I’m in hiding. Sorry."
(Unknown)
# Statistics
Favourites: 21; Deviations: 0; Watchers: 31
Watching: 51; Pageviews: 4787; Comments Made: 769; Friends: 51
# Comments
Comments: 132
You’re very welcome, how are you doing?
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I’m ok. Sorry for the late reply. Merry Christmas.
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That’s good to hear.. and don’t worry about it ^^”
Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too
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Hello, I know I've never seen your art, but I know you are friends with quite a few of my friends (I'm new to DeviantArt btw) so I hope you're okay, are you okay?
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Oh, hello there. Bit late for me to say welcome to DA, but I salute you and wish you luck all the same.
I’m not really sure I would count as a friend for most of them. I’ve most certainly not been a good or reliable one...
I am in many ways not ok, but I’m hanging in there. I’ll be alright. And yourself?
Oh, and I don’t think you’ve missed anything by not having seen my art.
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Welcome. ^^
I haven’t gotten very close with anyone but Viki really. And I don’t think I’ve met you before, so I’m not sure how you can judge how nice I am with such certainty, but thank you even so.
I hope things turn out ok for you. Don’t be discouraged, and don’t lose hope during the difficult bits, you can get through them.
... ...I really don’t think it was very good. But, again, thank you.
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Don’t I know it! She’s terrific. Absolutely the best friend I’ve ever had. She has done more for me than I can tell. I don’t deserve her, really.
You seem like a nice person yourself. And I hope you will continue to draw. You have a lot of potential I think. God bless.
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Trust me, I don’t think I do. I can’t tell you what she has done for me, it is so much more than I could ever have asked or hoped for.
But perhaps the kindness and selflessness of people like Viki isn’t something that can be deserved. It is a gift and gifts are not earned, but freely given.
Don’t think of it as needing to be “good enough”. If you enjoy drawing, then draw and have fun with it. The more you do it the more you will improve.
And as for a gift for Viki, trust me, she will definitely like it. What’s most important isn’t really how good or bad the art is, but what it represents. There was a time a while back when I had some pretty bad artist’s block and I just couldn’t finish any of my drawings. They were all rough sketches and pretty bad ones to boot. But Viki loved them anyway, because I had drawn them for her and it was my way of saying “I love you”. I don’t think she is capable of disliking someone else’s gift to her.
I say this because, while I’m sure whatever you draw will be great, I also know that it is not easy to convince someone that their art is good. Just do your best and it will be more than enough for her.
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Mhm, she’s great at appreciating other people’s work and effort but not her own. I’m sure you’ll do great.
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So many of us are like that... but your worth as a person is not measured by your abilities or accomplishments.
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Gurl, what happened to all of you gorgeous art? :0
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. . . I deleted it.
sorry.
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Oh... why?
do you want to talk?
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I feel like I’ve already done quite a bit of talking and explaining to other people... I’m ok. I guess. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter.
Anyway, I’m not going to be sharing my art here anymore. Or sharing it at all. Sorry. You can unwatch me if you want to.
And as for why... There are several reasons. One of which is just that, well, my art isn’t any good. And I don’t really feel very comfortable with sharing it. Even more so now.
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Hey... look if you don’t want to talk then don’t. I just wanted to know if you’re ok...
im kinda sad to hear that you’re not going to be posting anymore... but if you want my honest opinion... I find your art unique and lovely. It’s so cute and precious like you have no idea <3
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Nah, it’s ok. I’m ok. Mostly. Thank you for asking, I’m sorry if I worried you.
I’m not posting for the foreseeable future, but I’m keeping the account around and I might, someday, return to sharing my art. Perhaps once I have improved considerably. Don’t hold your breath or anything, but I don’t think I will be gone forever.
Aw, thank you. I feel kind of guilty for disappointing all the kind people who have expressed genuine enjoyment of my art. It feels like I let people down, even though I know that it probably isn’t a big deal to anyone. I suppose I should post a status that actually informs everyone of what’s going on, rather than have people being all confused and concerned...
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Ok. No don’t worry about it, I mean I was a bit worried but hearing you’re ok makes me feel better.
I really hope you do get to share your art again.
No problem, anytime you need to talk or anything like that you can always come and talk to me.
Look, don’t worry about it, I can understand and I’m sure the others will as well... and I think that the status post is a good idea...
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Yeah, I appreciate your concern.
Well, look on the bright side, even if I’m not sharing my art with anyone, I’m still going to be drawing. A lot. It’s something that I really enjoy doing, even if I don’t think I’m any good. And I’ll be improving. And the better I get, the more likely I will be to feel comfortable sharing it. At least that’s how I’m hoping it works.
Yes, ok. Thank you.
You're probably right. And, yes, I will post a brief status that explains what’s going on.
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Well we all improve and I’m glad that you’re continuing to do your passion. I really hope you do post your art again and I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks so.
You’re very welcome <3
Ok...
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WHERE ARE YOU!??!?!
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I’m still here. Sorta. I’m just... not sharing my art anymore. Sorry.
My deleting everything had nothing to do with you or your month long absence, and it’s actually a very recent development. Like, it’s only been two days... I didn’t mean to disappear on you or anything, and I’m sorry if I have disappointed you.
I might possibly start posting my drawings again at some point, someday, maybe. Who knows what the future holds? But for the foreseeable future, I’m just going to be lurking in this corner and not showing anyone my art.
That’s the second time someone has called me a bean, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it. . .
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:c ...ah...
I wish I could hug you soo tight.... and somehow convince you that what you can do, is really beautiful... face to face (and buyin' u an ice cream bc i can)
even I... i'll be honest, can feel jealous about your nice style, and ideas... all them just unique.
You don't disappoint me, im really glad that i find a cool artist like you, kinda proud of what can you do, is precious, even if you think is not...
I hope we can talk more about this, we are friends right?
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. . . I’ve lost confidence and gone back into hiding. Sorry. I might return someday when my art doesn’t suck so much. ...maybe.
Smol bean? Erm, excuse me?
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No... your art does NOT suck at all... if anything, yours is amazing! Please don’t go...
Sorry... I call a lot of people my smol beans.....
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I’m sort of sticking around, mainly to talk to Viki... But I’m not going to post anything. Sorry.
And my art isn’t amazing. Even if it was, which it isn’t, I deleted it all, so you have no evidence. Like, really, I deleted everything I’ve ever drawn digitally. It’s all gone...
No need to apologize. I’m just not very familiar with term. What does it mean...?
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I really want you to stay... I guess you being here to talk to someone is better than you being gone completely... but you draw so well.... a lot better than anything I can EVER do...
I honestly don’t know other than it’s not meant to be mean.
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I kind of wanted to just fade away into the background, and I almost decided to ignore everyone. But... I also felt terrible for even considering ignoring people and I didn’t want anyone to think that I had . . . you know. If I knew someone like me and they just disappeared like that, I would be worried about that person doing something . . . extreme.
I really don’t think I draw well at all. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to earn any of the compliments you or anyone else have offered.
And you shouldn’t think like that. Especially with the EVER. Even if you were terrible at art, which you aren’t, you would still improve and get better at it with enough practice. And you’re actually very good, especially considering your age.
I didn’t think it was intended to be an insult. It just... I don’t know. I’ve never been called a “bean” before.
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I was worried for a while.... I really don’t want you to just “disappear”... I care about you. You deserve every single compliment you get.
You’re a lot better than me; I highly doubt I’d be as good as you. My best friend is younger than me by a month or two but she draws so much better than I’ll ever be. I try to practice but I never get any better. But you... you are way more awesome! You deserve all of your watchers, your friends, your compliments, the love you get! You may not see it, but I do.
Ehhhh you’ll get used to it. Hopefully.
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. . . Thank you.
Again, I’m not better than you. And comparison is the killer of joy. If you enjoy drawing, then draw. It doesn’t need to be a competition. Just have fun.
I don’t deserve them. I’m not awesome. I hate myself. Yes, logically I know that my perspective, warped and skewed by depression and self hatred as it is, is probably inaccurate. I know that I can’t completely trust my own judgement. But my drawings still look awful to me. There is a difference between knowing something, and believing it. And I just don’t believe that I am anything but bad at art.
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You’re welcome
And you are. I know you don’t see what I see, but you really are amazing in every way. And, besides, if your art was “bad”, which it isn’t, it really doesn’t matter about that. Like you said, if you enjoy it then draw. And if you believe you’re bad at art, that’s your belief. Mine is that you are so good at it.
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Damn, I’m a hypocrite, aren’t I?
In any case, and regardless of the quality of my art, I’m done sharing it with other people, at least for the foreseeable future.
But, in the name of gracious acceptance, thank you anyway.
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I’m a hypocrite. Like, a major hypocrite. ^^”
But... you being here not posting anything is better than you not being here at all....
And you’re welcome 💙
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Yeah, I guess. Ah, well.
Thanks for checking in on me, and I’m sorry for not realizing that me deleting everything might concern you...
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Heh.
And you’re welcome. I’m just worried about you..... I don’t want you dying or something and I won’t know...
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I understand why you would be worried, and you had every right to be. I do struggle with self-harm and suicidal ideation.
But, I have promised not to kill myself. And I intend to keep that promise.
Also, I’m not alone. I have people who care about me, a lot, and I don’t want to hurt them like that. Even if most of the time it feels like they would be better off without me, logically, I trust them more than I trust the depression.
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