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Protests
[7623187]
[2008-06-20 19:46:09 +0000 UTC]
"Nothing to say."
(Unknown)
# Statistics
Favourites: 6053; Deviations: 14; Watchers: 64
Watching: 848; Pageviews: 20579; Comments Made: 1498; Friends: 848
# Comments
Comments: 1667
I am sorry if you were someone vulnerable.
The power that I thought you had...
... again I just don't understand the foundations for my actions.
I'm not even a bad person.
Luckily I think there is nothing I cannot live with.
So that's good.
Whether you were a man, a woman, or whatever, I am sorry for troubling you. Things become... horrible. It is not a succinct definition, hence the word 'horror' although 'horrible' is even less succinct. Like a cheap horror movie turned into a cauldron of emotion.
Again, thanks for your time, I appreciate it.
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My brain has a small cluster in its core,
it is stronger than prose, and no words can break it.
But emotions can,
the sound of someone's mind through a tunnel,
is equal to my entire mind.
Things can be equal but weaker,
as an innocent brush stroke.
Yearning for more as my bristles
touch some wall, some floor.
I feel like brushing away my tears,
on many surfaces,
because my tears have already dried,
my vision is near worthless.
But with priceless value I continue,
What is next to do?
And my obsession isn't just with you.
Everyone who has ever been,
is like a cutout of my soul,
in a glowing light, serene.
Things I have said,
working their way through,
all habitual, it never shines,
I live in a mad room, not made to be a mad room
Live in the gloom as the sun rises,
don't see the radiance,
don't even look at its innocence,
just a nucleonic sadness,
and a batch of insolence.
Meant to forge a soul that makes sense.
Many people, many minds, and many different sizes.
I thank you for being part of my troubled developments. I hope that the thoughts we are capable of creaing as beings, is sufficient, but it isn't necessarily that clear.
Sorry if that is no good. But anyway, it's time to stop bothering you. I realize that your feelings about this are very unclear to me, and I'm sure you would want to get rid of all this nonsense.
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It's as though my DNA is cowardly. First it marks itself somewhere, or in many places, then it worms about and disappears as leftover moisture does. It's strange to see something cowardly want to propagate. But, when you think about it, viruses aren't brave.
Anyway shouldn't this be a climatic climax to my s**t poetry?
I often wonder who I should judge people, but there are indeed some people who already know to judge like a cow knows to walk, and such wouldn't trip over its own milk, but its own bulls**t.
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Actually you're probably right, I am the one who has nothing to say. That's because I stand on a podium, and the podium is a con trick to begin with. And yet if you grab a sensitive anxious and socially awkward person and shove them on a podium, perhaps the audience might throw litter at that person, or they could enjoy the person's rambling and his hesitation.
Enjoyment is a strange thing, but chances are the show is over.
You are at least amusing to me though.
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I also suppose that technically a new discovery beyond quantum physics might make me feel different. Quantum physics is the closest thing we seem to have towards "anything can happen," but such a conclusion would probably be flawed.
I'm just not sure about this universe. Does it simply repay hard work? No it doesn't. You actually have to do nothing, in a void of nothingness, to get anywhere.
Nobody can train for eternal nothingness, and it makes no sense.
But that's enough on this subject.
Apparently if I find a solution, I should be able to implement it quickly rather than wait. It's ridiculous.
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There is one thing that would make me say: "aha," but I won't tell you what it is.
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Also, it's odd that it says you left in 2008, when I think you left in 2009.
Anyway, I don't really understand people's interests. If I don't understand what interests people, then I can wait until the thought comes that informs me of why people aren't particularly interested in me. It's probably for silly reasons, but also because there are so many people to choose from.
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I realise now, and I've surprised myself by admitting this, but what I did was wrong, and you did the right thing by avoiding me.
I told myself that I was innocent because I remember saying that I didn't want anything sexual. But that leaves the question: what was I after? I knew you as a friend who had lied about her age and never revealed his/her true identity, and I thought it was okay, though unusual, under the law, to pursue a relationship. Nothing ever happened, as we never did meet, or talk again after a certain point. But it was sheer ignorance on my part. Why didn't our education system tell us that any action is wrong, not just sexual? I can see how this led to my confusion.
And the abuse I hurled at you when I saw a guy on your profile rather than you, was a bad decision on my part. Sure, you said you were a compulsive liar once, and it seemed like you could have been lying all along, and yes it was immature of me and irresponsible, but I did the wrong thing. Abuse is never good. I am however more mature now, so I don't behave like that anymore. I suppose the problem is when immaturity becomes something political.
You were also right to walk away. It's taken me 7 years to realise this. It's because had you decided to continue talking to me, that could be seen as pressuring you against your will. So being friends wasn't an option.
I'm not a bad person, but some of us make genuine mistakes growing up. I'm really sorry that this had to happen to you. Many of us take the wrong risks in life, and many times we say it's just a slip up in human nature, or a genuine crime. It depends who judges.
I like to think that on a scale of things, my crime wasn't the worst, and it was made all the more confusing by identity factors. After all, technically I still don't know who you are.
I may sometimes leave a message becauese I miss you, and even though I wouldn't have much to say, we could talk one day if you like.
Good bye I suppose.
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I sometimes think of things I could have said, such as, if I were smarter, could I have magically said the right thing?
I want to meet someone smarter than myself. It's not that I am the smartest, it's just that human knowledge can only go so far. What do I truly not know that would make me feel something beyond: "aha"? Is all knowledge just a flickering lightbulb after a certain point?
I sort of thought maybe you were smarter than me, but observational evidence suggests otherwise. There is nothing you can do for me, because I don't truly know you. I just remember knowing you to some degree when my mind was still expanding, and for that, I felt like I knew you much more than I do now, which is a pitiful end. And I suppose that even if I had emotional amnesia, I would still want to briefly exchange something with you. Loss doesn't always dictate true feelings.
And maybe I've matured. Yet I realise that as I become a better person, the people around me don't necessarily become better. I still feel a fight with the opposite sex, or with the opposite political interest. How free should females be? Why have these online profiles made me see such a bad picture? My natural instinct is to believe that women are warm and caring, but most of what I see shows them to only care about personal gain and strength, and clearly even feminists mostl just talk about empowerment. Women have already learned to care, now they just need to empower themselves. More = better and strength = defiance. Is there not an automatic sense of defiance in being a prominent feminist? What are women truly defying when they are being themselves? That is the secret question.
If a man is himself, does he want more and more, or does he just wish to be satiated? It may be that men and women want more of different things, but 'self' for each will never be equal between them. Who wants to be more like themselves? Do I want women to be a romanticized image of themselves? Must they have an image at all? I think so, but I don't know what. I would never ask that a woman be more like herself, because that requires effort on her part, of breaking through a mental barrier, performing the action of a rational agent. Then, I suppose I do not seek for women to be more rational. I think, what I want, is for human beings in general to push us forward into new eras of thinking, beyond intelligence as we know it. For that reason, women, for me, are simply that fantasy. It is never enough just to have a pretty woman. But I think between both sexes, there is always a contest of intelligence, always relying on unspoken rules. What do women have that men don't? There must be something, but it can only be expressed when we move forward. If any sex realizes it is superior, does it not want more of that superiority? Possibly not. Superior is not synonymous with 'advantage.' In the future, for our survival, advantages are gained, but not superiority. In our current era, we have superiority and order, with the question of self, and a constant question of: "what more can be gained?" I wonder, if females are inherently good or bad, or are just fully susceptible to whatever phase is at hand?
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I suppose my version of cold logic is simply cold, not purely logical.
I've always felt that when I'm cold, I'm full of emotion.
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I think I was a bit silly saying that I knew everything. If there is more than one universe, how could anyone know everything? The universe keeps me awake for a while at night, makes me get up late, etc, but lack of companionship also does the same. It's funny how the two work together. One could be empty, the other full, but I will never know. Although I'm hoping for a full universe. That would be like poking someone's fat stomach and feeling their heart beat. It would bring emotionless satisfaction. I think our senss go beyond our emotions to some extent. A flood washes over your face, and cold logic sweeps you away further in its depths. But cold logic couldn't exist in the womb. In the womb we are told to survive, in a flood we are told to die. It is between dying and living that we find satisfaction, both the absence and presence of cold logic. So where does cold logic belong? It is really just washed up memories in the midst of its own otherness.
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It seems that the universe does hold something for me afterall. I did some thinking, and it makes sense to me now.
Anyway, would I really have anything to say if we were to talk? Probably not.
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Well, this little life of mine has come to an abrupt end. My mental limitations are now apparent. I know everything in essence, and I think the rest of the human race will soon be more like me, knowing all, advancing nothing as everything has been thought of. This leaves me feeling like my life has ended. But at least I'm happy enough to say that I'm bored, and also that talking to you wouldn't solve anything. How can I be lonely when I don't have anything to say?
Oh and I seem to want to listen to this song now that I know everything. It's not like the moon crashing into planet Earth in 3 days, but it has an end of the world melancholy to it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnHJR9…
If I can think of anything else to say I'll let you know.
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Sorry. I think what happened was I was wanting some improvement in my life, and I thought that making friends with you would help. I don't think it would help. What would help is if I could solve my mental problems. So many problems to sift through. The universe beckons to me to solve the impossible in my mind all the time.
People have different values. Humanity is far from being on a good course. Instead of allowing weakness, we promote strength rather than looking into our actual problems. There are people whose world revolves around sex, or being only interested in fickle relationships, or people who try and get rid of mellow expressions, or expressions that reveal weakness. We live in the land of the strong, and strength becomes a perversion.
I don't have much to say on the matter other than that my kind has to try and survive as our traits are elliminated by the strong.
But who is really superior? History determines that. Not what we put our faith in.
I am proud to be a weak man. Even intellectually I suffer weakness.
I can't write anymore. My mind can't produce any more.
What did I want from you? To see your face and to know you more personally. It never happened. I can't explain why. That's about it. It can't be more complex than that. Of course maybe there's some hidden complexity I missed.
I love sonic the hedgehog! I just wanted to say that.
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Sometimes we feel worthless. Always sometimes for me. That sometimes is always worse each time.
I think life in this universe is beautiful, but on this Earth life isn't because... I don't know. Survival will always be erroneous, illogical.
Why can't I write properly, or deal with my thoughts properly?
Can't I just survive?
I remember when you said you were a muslim. That must have been a lie because muslims can't listen to music.
This is how survival works, it tells lies. All lies. It tells me that I am worthless while giving everyone else the opportunity to do and say as they please.
I sort of want a space to write in. Maybe I like the idea of talking to myself and hoping that someone is listening. It feels closer to the surface that way, because it is my intention to be heard by only someone, narrowing it down through probability.
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Hello elzehh.
I want to say...
regret doesn't enter the picture; only, why didn't I Iook in your mirror enough? The picture becomes quite different. Looking in my mind's mirror, I remember you as a friend, probably my favourite friend. I know that people learn to compete as time goes on, but our memories are important. I have memories constantly circulating of my potential. You know, a memory that I have, repeating on the spot - of how I can shape my memories. I'm often looking into that.
Second, I'm pleased that I have the opportunity to write on your page -- to put my memory into circulation again, against the pitfalls of my 'promising' future. You provided me with a suitable battle; a figure to deal with that would be there in at least a few different forms for some time.
Forms are important; just as important as aging. I am 24 now. You are not much younger than me. I think that is what I can say for now. My hope is that either my memories bring promise or my memories dissipate and become something more useful.
I told my mother what I did. She didn't seem bothered. She just said "well she wasn't who she said she was anyway." Which I think is a fair comment. But this doesn't change the fact that my memories are here to be shaped, and maybe it's reaching the time where I want something to hold onto, as I've come back to you. I can see that you must have gained some sense of self from the whole experience.
The fact that I don't talk immediate sense, is just part of who I am. It doesn't take many declarations to say who I am however. I can be simple but dynamic. Maybe I'm highlighting this fact because I feel you're part of a clique.
I can declare what I represent, but not immediately.
People make choices, I understand. It's up to us to join the right group. I would benefit perhaps from being your friend again. You can reply to this if you want.
As time passed, I searched for meaningful friendships, but I found myself to not belong very easily. I come back to you. I recall that you had an inner struggle, which was part of your maturity as a person. It's part of who you are. I have to struggle against nature too, because sometimes weakness carries itself, like leaves and twigs in a stream. Why does the stream allow for the left over bits to travel to some degree of freedom? Because my weakness is being left out of the depths of human interaction, the different social strata. Those who are strengthened are often chosen, and yet still, those who have been left behind, if picked up, can be strong, because it is rare chance.
So I ask, how does substance reinforce itself when we undermine it? How do the natural strengths continue to operate when humanity chooses its weakness? That is not a natural strength.
People treat nature not as nature, but as chance, whether poor, rich, strong, or weak. We think that just because chance still operates, nature is in check. I hope this makes sense.
It means that very powerful people don't rely on nature, they absorb nature and let chance carry them further, I, too, let chance carry me, but I do so in harmony with nature, because I absorb nature properly.
All I can apologize for now is my own declarations.
I hope wherever you are, you are well.
This is nature's way of saying: by apologizing, I continue to absorb chance. At last I've done the right thing. But not finally.
Nature tells me to stop writing, as my brain is tired.
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Hello everyone. In case any outsiders are wondering why this user has left, let me explain to you the information that I have: The user has been victim of hackers in the past, and people harassing her. She has anxiety and trust issues.
While some or maybe many people have bothered her, some get to her more than others. I think I am one such person. While I did quickly say sorry for what I had said, I don't think I was in a position to ask to still be friends. This is because she had already made it clear to me that she is vulnerable or not too trusting. So unless you are in a close circle of people she knows and trusts, you are unlikely to succeed at contact, especially if you have had past disputes.
No doubt this user has created accounts elsewhere.
What should have happened is I should have been forgiven for some nasty behaviour. It's actually an interesting case you see because I am not too trusting myself. I think when I did find a profile of hers that presented her as someone who she is not, including an identity that shows an opposite gender, I started to get a bit angry. This wasn't a good idea.
We were not to be friends again.
Of course, if you want to change that you can.
I suppose the lesson here is that people aren't always who they say they are; their intentions are never clear, and when it comes to forging more personal connections, you can expect a certain level of mistrust. In some ways, internet relations can be more delicate than in real life.
Still, a grudge is a grudge. Grudges leave unpleasant feelings. If you can settle this grudge then that would be good. I don't like being left with the feeling that I have hurt someone.
Of course, according to people who know, perhaps it was me who caused all this confusion and disorder, and panic, and whatever else. I'm not trivializing this fact, because those aren't good feelings and I don't desire to cause trouble to people.. but.. anyone quick to blame me or one individual must understand that the feelings of mistrust had been brought on by people before me.
So, if in fact it is me who is responsible, then I can surely say one thing: I've never hacked anything belonging to her, no profiles. Nothing.
The truth is I typed in her email on Myspace, which is in fact something one of my friends did to me a week prior to the incident.
I regret my anger and unpleasant remarks, but I did also apologize for the things I said, to no avail.
This user did have an IMVU account which apparently was closed because of me. I think this means about 1000+ contacts were lost.
People can be very clingy on the internet, so I should imagine that plenty of people were disappointed. Maybe you've had your own feuds, I don't know. All I know is that I played some part in it, and yet my intention isn't to damage anyone - I just want to reconcile with her.
So that's it. I hope this gives outsiders a perspective on what happened here.
If she is reading this then she can forgive me. I must say that a confession box culture is not the way to go. I think grudges are a very bad thing and that's why I go to some lengths to resolve problems I've had with people. I've done it with a few people and in fact that time in my life was slightly shaky; I was just all over the place with other people: I couldn't hold friends very well.. etc etc. But I have, in time, reconciled with these people.
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Hey, I'm going through my watch list, I'd just like to say thank you, I'm sorry if I never said it before, I really appreciate it
Awesome work btw
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Pink Harajuku I love these Japanese girls' impressive creativity. [link]
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thanks for adding me to your deviantwatch!
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Thanks alot for the watch! I really appreciate it.
You, have a great gallery yourself..
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I has a new account!!! just letting you knows!!!
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Thank you very much for the Watch!
I didn't notice till a moment ago.
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Thanks SO much for the 
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Thanks for watching me! I hope you continue to enjoy my new work!
~Miss D
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(Panda thanks you too!)
www.CustomCosplay.com
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