IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-29 17:00:47 +0000 UTC]

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-03-30 03:19:58 +0000 UTC]

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-30 23:30:58 +0000 UTC]

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-03-31 01:39:06 +0000 UTC]

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-31 03:35:23 +0000 UTC]

What drama?

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-03-31 13:18:52 +0000 UTC]

relationship drama.
It's been over for a while now.

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-31 20:50:46 +0000 UTC]

oh I am sorry to hear that, hope your atleast doing better now

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-04-01 00:25:41 +0000 UTC]

A lot better~

I'm more happy with myself than I've ever been.
Been happily single and DnDing.

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-04-01 09:11:50 +0000 UTC]

Always good to work on yourself, believe me I been there after me and rosemary split up so I get how freeing it feels to get out of situations like that

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-04-01 14:59:04 +0000 UTC]

Yeah.
After going through years of clingy demands and manipulation. I eventually just dumped my ex.
She was chatting to people behind my back and one day, one of her friends called me abusive especially towards my ex.

When I confronted her about this, she basically gave me a I want my cake and eat it too response. "I personally don't think you are but I can see why others would say that", it was clear she was trying to fuck with my head. So I dumped her immediately after she confirmed it. Yet somehow, they all believe I abused her? despite the fact she would scold me for even remotely leaving her alone for a day. I couldn't chill with my family she was getting so bad.

Everything was always my fault too. I won't sit here and claim I wasn't without a nasty temper, yes I did say horrible things. But I always tried to stay honest, ya know?

So yeah. Summary? Sometimes being Single is great. I have a chance to make up for lost time, she demanded from me day in and day out. I've actually never been so surrounded by people before, I was more lonely with her than on my own. There's alotta people who like to hang with me in my own home town. Sometimes just having friends is better than being inlove.

I'm sorry to hear about you and Rosemary but you're right, sometimes it ain't meant to be and you both grew better from it. I'm glad to hear you're both still friends, I certainly couldn't do that with my ex after the drama.

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-04-02 05:00:53 +0000 UTC]

Unfortunately, that story has changed with me and rosemary.

I found out she did some things that were not much different from what you went through and I only found out because a friend of hers told me anonymously on tumblr what she was saying and doing after we broke up.

I only found out the extent of the shit she did behind my back in the last few months and found out she was the reason why when I was dying of cancer none of my friends would respond to me even when I called them.

I wanted to contact them to say my last goodbyes because I thought I wasn't going to make it.

She literally took away my chance to say my last goodbyes to everybody because she was still mad over me breaking up with her because I felt we both had become too toxic being around each other.

Literally, she proved I was right but also made me realize how badly she had fucked with my head making me think I was toxic too because she was always so angry all the time and it was always somehow my fault when it wasn't.

She outright did a cancel campaign behind the scenes I didn't know about until recently that been going on since 2018 to get people to "get away from me," by lying to everyone saying I abused her.

I didn't even notice until I was told after the update video by that friend because I never looked at my sub count but sure enough when I looked at my socialblade there a sudden drop in subs that was consistent until the update video.

She still didn't tell people she lied about this even after the update video so apparently that is what sparked the friend to tell me and say what was going on because they knew something was up for such horrible claims to sudden be completely ok with a person like that after just a few conversations.

She was keeping this lie up for while but because I don't care about numbers or stuff like that, I didn't even know I was apparently canceled for being a domestic and sexual abuser even though I never actually physically met her because she was so scared to come out as gay to her parents and when she finally did she never told me about us being together, I was just her "special friend."

I was her dirty little secret for years and I just let it happen because she would always string me along with the hope that one day she would finally tell her folks and we can finally be together.

Well, what a fool I was because she never ended up keeping her promise that when we both turned 18 she would tell her family and we around arrange meeting up so I could attend her highschool graduation to cheer her on.

Her justification for all of it was "I didn't respect her mental health."

We both have asperges so I genuinely don't understand what she meant by that because I waited on her hand and foot every day for 6 years even before we started dating because she was all I ever cared about.

I feel so betrayed and hurt and I wasted so much of my life with her because I was stupid enough to believe she liked me or even cared about me.

But instead, she turns around and tries to claim I did things to her she knows I would never do because of how much they have broke me as a person and how painful those moments were to me and she knew that.

I thank god I left when I did because being single during that time and alone is actually what I needed to work on myself and because of that, I was able to heal more from my trauma that I can actually function like a normal human being now.

I even found my wife eva, who I can't imagine my life without. She gave me the love and respect I didn't know I so desperately needed because she actually saved my life from my family trying to kill me by getting me out of that situation and built a home for the two of us to live together in with her own bare hands. I never felt so loved and cared about before in my life, she stood by my side through thick and thin and god damn I owe her everything for it.

So, believe me, I understand exactly how you feel.

Do what you have to so you can heal because you're going to feel so much better by the end of it and may even find something that you didn't realize you needed before that may complete you as a person.

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-04-02 13:56:01 +0000 UTC]

Jesus.

I don't even think my ex would've done that, like my ex was a snake in the grass but if I went through what you went through. I'd like to imagine she'd just leave me alone. (Which thankfully, we've just been ignoring each other for an entire year now.) I personally think people judge to quickly on the "Abusive" claims. They dive in with little facts and little knowledge, the issue with these claims is how god damn effective they are. Want someone cancelled? claim they abused someone.

It's why I never really believe anyone anymore on the subject matter. Unless there's actual large amounts of proof. I have to be honest, I can't even say we've been through the same thing. I was never really dying though I was dealing with a large amount of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder to which my ex par-took in making it worse. What better way to cure to depression and fear of the world by making that person feel like they aren't any good and just isolate them from everyone.

Though I can't imagine going through what you went through. Your potential last moments and someone tries to rid you of your last words to those you enjoy being around. That's just beyond fucked. I did have a friend who also exploited a girl while she was in hospital though. This friend is now besties with my ex, so I guess I can't complain. I dropped multiple "friends" last year along with my ex who all seem to be questionable people.

My mental state was more at stake than anything else, when my mother almost died from three cardiac arrests, went into a coma, was quite harsh towards me, hit me a few times and I had to be a carer for her. I already was doing badly because my mom has been different since, she never truly came back. And then down the road my step like brother got murdered, roughly my age, grew up with him. It was just too much to bare honestly and I will admit, it still is hard.

I guess if I could argue one thing for my previous friends and ex is that, none of them went through losing someone to a murder case. So I can't blame them for not being sympathetic towards me because they couldn't even comprehend to understand how much it truly messed with me. I lived in a constant state of paranoia, kind of like a prison. I had thoughts that one day, my neighbours would violently kill me too. When I went to work, it was night every time I finished my shift. I panicked like fuck when people was also heading home because I was afraid I'd get murdered too.

The only half decent friend actually noticed this and kept telling me to go to therapy. Which I eventually ended up doing and yeah, it helped alot. My therapist was really nice, she knew the right things to say, right things to tackle. And within a month or so, I was stable enough to go on without help. I feel braver again and more at peace with myself. Guess if there was one friend I sort of regret dropping, it was that one who pushed me for help. But she's besties with my ex and the others, so eh doubt things would go well. 

Alotta them are gossipers, guess it was too late for me to realise that friendships with backtalk are doomed to eventually turn on you. But better than never, I've got a small ring of friends who have been nothing but honest and supportive like fuck. We all do dungeons and dragons, stream video games, and this is only my internet friends. I got friends in town who text me just to come out and see them. I've developed a crush on a girl in town but I guess I'm not really ready yet but she's very nice and likes alotta the stuff I like. So fingers crossed for me.

Anyway. It's good to hear you've found someone who cares about you. Sometimes you need better people to remind you what you could be missing.
I don't think I'll give up my freedom for awhile though.

I have like seven more years to catch up on, lol.

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-04-02 16:49:45 +0000 UTC]

Im glad you got help but even if those people never went through what you did doesnt excuse them for not being sympathetic towards you.
Like losing anyone is hard espeically if it wasnt of natural causes and them not being sympathetic on any level despite that shows how little they actually cared about your well being.

I am glad you got away from those people because sweet god who sees a friend struggling like that and doesnt try to be at least try to offer some form of aid are not people anyone should be friends with.

But glad to hear your getting slowly back on your feet too despite everything.

But yeah catch up because sweet baby jesus that genuinely horrifying to read that what you were going through during all that time.

As long as your doing better that all that matters because you should have never had to go through that sweet god.
I be upset to hear you didnt get better friends after that because no one should ever have to go through what you did and have friends who treat you like shit on top of that.

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-04-03 12:59:59 +0000 UTC]

I suppose you're right.

People without empathy will always just be in it for themselves and those who are too gullible will always be exploited. 
I'm getting there now, took me awhile to find myself again but I'm achieving better times now. Been doing tattoos, practising my art and got friends inside and outside of the internet. Things are still difficult but I'm not struggling anymore.

Yo, I'm upset hearing what you went through. I've often been the observer of people in hospitals but I know plenty about them. Visited my mom every day in critical ward and my dad was a paramedic. It's terrible to be sick in hospitals. I just couldn't even begin to imagine what you went through but you seem to have come out fine from it. That takes some fucking strength dammit.

You got my full respect.

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IWishForAFish In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-04-04 03:58:38 +0000 UTC]

Wait you do tattoos?

Oh that so cool! I didn't know you did that, I love to see your work sometime

Thank you but it isn't strength, I literally just learned how to grit my teeth and learn how it feels to become a rotisserie chicken.

I am not proud though because I fought until the very end of it and gave up, and that was when I wanted to say my goodbyes because until that point I wasn't getting better and thought I wasn't.

Then the doctor came in one day and told me it was in remission and I just sat there in disbelief because the news for months was it was going to spread and become stage four you may want to say goodbye to your loved ones to suddenly it was gone.

I still sometimes don't even believe I am really here right now, I still sometimes think I am in a medically induced coma, and this is the reality I wish I had before the coma like some sort of shitty 2016 cartoon creepypasta.

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to IWishForAFish [2020-04-04 13:09:46 +0000 UTC]

I do tattoos but I'm sadly not a professional and this coronavirus has put a wrench in the works. Quarantine means no potential customers.
But I had plans to do a new tattoo on my arm again. Just so I have more to show new clients.

well, regardless. I'm glad you're still here and kicking like the rest of us. You beat it and that's all that matters honestly.

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The-Bag-o-Douche In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-02-21 21:49:01 +0000 UTC]

Hippie barfdoi. Now please stopping being naughty and getting banned, I wonder why I don’t see your busty lesbo pirates in my watches and see you later you got booted.

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to The-Bag-o-Douche [2020-02-21 22:48:11 +0000 UTC]

I didn't get banned this time. I've actually been well behaved~ <3

I killed her. :3c

Thanks for the Deathisgettingcloser awareness day wishes~

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The-Bag-o-Douche In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-10 12:38:50 +0000 UTC]

We shit, since you killed her now what am I gonna do about this!? I can’t use this my video! Now I’m all sad...

twitter.com/thebagodouche/stat…

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to The-Bag-o-Douche [2020-03-10 13:38:42 +0000 UTC]

You draw her better than I do.

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The-Bag-o-Douche In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-03-10 23:58:50 +0000 UTC]

aaww. You're just saying that :3

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The-Bag-o-Douche In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-02-22 04:56:59 +0000 UTC]

We are all born to to die~

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AriesVyolet In reply to Reloadedhotshot [2020-02-21 20:08:16 +0000 UTC]

Happy birthday, dude!   

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Reloadedhotshot In reply to AriesVyolet [2020-02-21 22:48:19 +0000 UTC]

Aww Thanks mate~

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