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| StitchpunkGem
StitchpunkGem
♀️
[43275575]
[2017-08-07 22:49:01 +0000 UTC]
"You shall(not)protect the future"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 1303; Deviations: 755; Watchers: 75
Watching: 54; Pageviews: 55410; Comments Made: 9665; Friends: 54
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: Jhonen Vasquez, Gustav Klimpt, Edvard MunchFavorite movies: 9, My Neighbor Totoro, Airplane, Kungpow: Enter the Fist
Favorite TV shows: Steven Universe, Madoka Magica, Invader Zim, Elfen Lied
Favorite bands / musical artists: Alice in Chains, Tool, Mozart, Edvard Greig,
Favorite books: Watership Down, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, I Feel Sick, The Little House book series
Tools of the Trade: Wheat and goats
Other Interests: Sewing(a little)
# Comments
Comments: 385
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Thank you so much for adding my illustration "Crystal ball #186" to your favourites. It means a lot to me!
[My other websites: Twitter | Tumbrl | Pixiv | Instagram | ArtStation | TikTok ]
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Thank you for the fave! You're welcome to visit my gallery for more watercolors
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...Watercolors? Why? Also, I'm not a big fan of hugs.
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Hidden by Commenter
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Please, I don't want or need anyone, especially those who don't value my own thoughts no matter how deeply I think into things.
I know why you're really here; you want to know where that drawing went. Are you even really a fan of the 1995 version of "Ghost in the Shell"?
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I wasn't there over the drawing, I just randomly thought about you in my spare time and decided to check up on you.
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I saw you favorited that drawing out of all the art that I have and you probably noticed that it's gone. Seeing as you don't have any drawings of "Ghost in the Shell" in your favorites, I assumed you merely favorited it out of pity, or seeing that it's also the only thing of mine you favorited, you thought that was my only work worth favoriting. Also, the status update I made and the emoticon with it when I had to take it down. So, are you really a fan of the 1995 version of "Ghost in the Shell"?
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Ok firstly, it wasn't out of pity. I favourited it simply because I felt that besides from one of the girl's arms being a little short it was a fairly decent piece. That's honestly why I favourite a lot of pieces usually because they look nice. I haven't returned to check on the piece but rather to check on you. I commented on the status I think it was to make you feel more confident in your work because I genuinely see potential in it. Also, the reason for why I only favourited that piece in particular and thus haven't followed you is because I wasn't sure if you were going to scream at me thinking that I have an obsession with you because the first time I commented you blocked me for some reason I couldn't comprehend. From that I just assumed that you don't want me to go around favouriting your work in fear of being accused of stalking or doing things out of pity. It's not like me to bring up my personal life in conversations of this nature, but I once was obsessive with someone and from that I fear becoming that attached to individuals or coming across as such. So statements like "what do you want" or "why do you want to talk to me" make me worried about coming across as creepy, so I kept my distance like you wanted me to. Except in the small instances where I sometimes check to see if you're alright because you seem sad most of time and I want you to be welcomed involved in the fandom. We have so many nice people here like Koriama and Jgal and a lot more who would love to have you featured in their community projects.
No, I'm not a fan of ghost in the shell. I don't hate it, in fact I think it looks good and is definitely worth a watch. But if you were to also check quite a lot of my favourites you can see that sometimes I favourite pieces from properties that I don't consider myself a fan of. Why, because I think they look good simply. To me it just feels that you are making an issue out of nothing. I'm not mad at you but I think it's fairly ridiculous that I would do things "out of pity" and I don't necessarily know whether I should keep my distance or not for your own sake.
Again, you are a interesting person. I like how you incorporate Japanese fashion and culture into your work, I do like the vaguely spriritual nature of it. I feel that you are eccentric which is a desired attribute in the art world. The issue is that I feel that you can unpredictable which honestly makes me walk on eggshells around you. I understand that you need your own space, we all do at times. But I often feel unsure on how to act around you. I don't mean this out of spite and I honestly don't want to hurt you. But again, I'm uncertain on how to not hurt your feelings, maybe the fault lies within my lack of understanding of other people. Because I do have a hard time reading how people feel and working around that without being too ignorant to it or overly invested trying to negate that individual's feelings, that's how I operate.
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I edited my reply, by the way.
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Are you kidding me? You honestly think I'm loved or even liked here? Do you think anyone even listens or tries to understand my extremely different thoughts?! They hate me! They all hate me, and none ever value or even understand what I have to say or think! I don't care about those people anymore, because they never really cared about me from the start. Not only that, but when it comes to fans feeling the same hopes or despairs I do, all they ever did was tell, never proved, and they've always let me down or left me! Because of all that, I don't judge 9 fans or people in general by the amount of kindness in them any longer, but by the amount of ignorance and hypocrisy they have. There are so many fans like that, and it drives so much pain, despair, and anger into my soul, I've grown to hate this fandom as much as they hate me. They're not lovely or nice, from all I've seen them do; they're the most loathsome, shallow, careless fandom I've ever been in who barely acknowledge my existence, and when they do, they usually criticize or hate me more.
I don't think you find me interesting at all, and I'm sure you especially dislike my 9 art because it's so "pessimistic", and haven't bothered to try and understand what my drawings mean, no matter how good they look or how happy or hopeful they can be! That's why I think you favorited that one drawing because you thought it was the only one worth favoriting. It just makes me feel worthless, hated, and unwanted.
I don't enjoy this fandom for what it is, because there's nothing hopeful to find. I don't want to partake in anyone's projects because I'm against the content and morals the projects are for, not to mention no one's invited me to their projects; no one would want me in them, being the monster I am. My experience with this fandom has been miserable, and it's because I question the morals of 9, and of life and death itself, which has lead me to feeling mostly despair, and drawing my true feelings; I do it so much, I break the status quo, and nobody can understand me for shit. It's made me smarter and has freed me from the confines of society, but it's also made me more miserable and misunderstood, but I don't want to be happy if having the opportunity to fix things means being restrained to the fandom's ways.
I know I've had some bad behavior before, but I choose to be who I am for reasons you, Captain Kidd, Avian Punk, Celestial Rainstorm, Gitchi-gee, Warrior Girl, or even Dat Book Sketch would never understand.
And one last thing: wubba lubba dub dub.
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If this is how you want to be then may this be the last time we speak to each other.
I have tried to understand but as I have explained it has been difficult. I don't hate you still and I wished we got along better, but if this conversation has proven anything it seems to us that we simply cannot understand each other. Perhaps it's for the better since I find you rather unpredictable and I prefer hanging around people I know something as meagre as a fav on their art piece won't cause a volatile reaction. Again, you probably don't know my past on here because it's not really something people care about thankfully, I understood what it was like to be outcasted because I new and young thus obsessive to the point of alienating people. I only got out of that rut after been banned for a whole year and a lot of work to get me to at least the semi respectable position I'm in within the fandom as of today. It wasn't me "being confined to society" it was simply the fact that I grew up. I wanted you to gave a nice time in the fandom, I understood your stance on 5x9, I also wanted to keep my distance as much as necessary... but that all seemed to backfire in the end.
It seems that you view yourself as some enlightened Rick Sanchez and see me as a mere "Jerry" so with that.
Happy holidays, StitchpunkGem and may the next decade be awesome for you.
~ Angel Taylor-Wilson (13thefreerunner)
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No... please... I don't want to be abandoned again... you're only making it hurt worse... please, let me try to explain and speak with you one more time...
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Ok, I'll give you one last chance. Everyone is entitled to a second chance after all and it's Christmas.
Only on the condition that you don't freak out at people over favouriting pieces or pairings, ok? If so, now we're on good terms because I don't altercations personally and I'm sorry if I came off as brutal. Sometimes I just can't deal with upsetting people.
I hope that you can take my follow, favourite and comment as a start of a good relationship on here. If I find anything interesting for you to join in on, I'll make sure to include you as well.
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The reason I hope to clarify a few things with is because as you can see, not only I'm afraid that you'll not understand me, but I'm even more deeply terrified that you'll leave me again because you don't understand my fears, anxieties, despairs, and others things, not to mention I've had growing abandonment issues over the past few months; you did come off quite brutally; more brutally than you think, I'm afraid, so I want to make some things for why I am the way I am as much explained as possible so we can makes things work, because I really do think there are some things you need to know that you really do not know. Please, trust me.
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That's fine, I'm happy to listen to any explanations and I'll try my best to understand
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The reason I freak out at people over favorites or pairings aren't for the reasons you think. My dislike for you-know-what was never really a conflict between which couple is better. This is gonna sound offensive, but it's really a struggle between ignorance and awareness, as well as a struggle for hope; it was also at first, and still is, a reminder of why people are always going to be alone in the end.
In that argument I made, I wanted to thoroughly explain why I don't doubt that you-know-what is overrated. Looking back on it now, though, I don't think I explained thoroughly enough. I would have to tell how I came to disdain it so much for anyone to truly understand, because my disdain isn't as simple as you think.
Also, I don't freak out at people's favorites if they're already 9x7 fans, because I at least know what to expect. As much as the extreme love for it annoys me, I've had friends who like 9x7 that I still care a lot for and/or deeply miss.
Aside from that, there's also other stuff: abandonment issues, why I push people away, religious crisis, and many other things that you can ask about.
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I don't mind you going into full details on anything, personally I would like to help you through whatever is bothering you.
Also, would you like any of your chararcters featured in Jgal's comic series? I'll send a link to the casting journal if you want.
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No thanks. I don't want to participate in anyone's comics right now.
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… If you're going to watch me... there's some things I need to clarify with you, that is, if you're willing to listen. Please?
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...Oh... I see.
My own personal journey isn't about growing up; it's about questioning everything and remembering those questions and answers for as long as I can, and maybe finding someone who does the same so I don't feel alone or crazy.
I do see myself like Rick in some ways. I'm not an atheist like him, but I still think life has little to no point. I may not be a scientist, but I still ask bigger questions to life, questions about religion, death, the possible world after death, both in film and real life. The questions I've asked and the evidence I've found have only made me realize how meaningless life truly is, and a lot of it has made me feel despair, and whenever I drew out my feelings of such things, or talked to anyone about it, most of the time, they don't understand, and sometimes grow further away or even leave from me, which adds to the depression. So that's why I think I can relate to Rick. However, that last phrase was actually to say "I am in great pain. Please help me". I know you can't help me, but I am hurting like you always thought.
Thank you...
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...You're welcome.
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