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| TyrantFang55
TyrantFang55
βοΈ
[28153348]
[2013-09-06 05:31:13 +0000 UTC]
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 109; Deviations: 27; Watchers: 39
Watching: 11; Pageviews: 14374; Comments Made: 896; Friends: 11
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: Don't know -- too many to choose fromFavorite movies: Ridley Scotts "Aliens" series
Favorite TV shows: Anime -- "Bleach"
Favorite bands / musical artists: No real favorates, but I prefer rock music
Favorite games: Dishonored
Favorite gaming platform: PC
# About me
New to the writing scene, just fresh out of my teens. Raised near the coast. Kinda the secretive type.# Comments
Comments: 76
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Not sure if you'll ever see this, but know that you're missed.
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In the likely event that I don't remember later... Happy Birthday.
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Hey man, been a while. You still around at all>
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It seems like you have stopped writing your stories some time ago, a shame really. Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed them and it was some great writing
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Will you try to find the time to finish the hunter and hunted story ?
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So I just found this chronology in the Felarya wiki www.felarya.com/wiki/index.php⦠and I remember there was a moment in the story where some of these events were pretty relevant.
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Happy birthday Tyrant. I wish you best of luck for whatever you put your mind to.
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Sup. In case it wasn't apparent earlier, you are missed.
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Do you still function? It's no fun not having a sparring partner lol
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For the record, whatever revisions you have in mind, I'm not all that attached to what I had Fel say. Some of his dialogue got really petulant in places, so if you have any alternative ideas, by all means.
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It's been almost a year since our last interaction. While I would like an update on the story, that's not what I'm asking for now. I consider myself very patient in waiting for my fellow writers, in part because my own updating habits are just as frustrating, if not more so. All I'd like now is some assurance that you aren't avoiding me. I read a fairly recent comment of yours some time ago showing that you had read my latest Felarya story, so I know you still come here from time to time. If you can take the time in engage in heated debates, why not a "Hey. Sorry for the delay, but still working"?
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It occurs to me that, several month ago, you said that you'd post in a week an update of what had been going on. Frankly, I miss our sessions.
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Hey. Are you having issues with Notes as well, or is that just me?
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Happy birthday buddy, hope to see more from youΒ Β
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Happy birthday man, keep up the great work as always as well.
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I forgot to say how much I enjoyed the final interaction Fel had. It just felt so natural.
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I'm about half way through the chapter. Considerably fewer errors than usual, though you still have issues with then/than.
I'm also digging the addition of the risk Jillian has to go down the route of revenge and how this is a pretty normal thing in Felarya. Might it be possible to work in that Fel went through the same thing, but he did choose revenge, against the whole world.
Second question: Do you want to split up the publication of this prologue or do you want to do it all yourself?
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I forgot one thing. In the epilogue, Fel is wearing a cast around his side where the thing snapped. Even he has visible injuries like everyone else.
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I recently heard that George RR Martin, the writer of the Game of Thrones books, usually has about 1500 words in each book's manuscript. I just counted and our collab has about 83000.
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Could you resend? I was messing with other notes and accidentally deleted yours.
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No prob - I know the feeling, believe me.
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I was thinking that, since the point of the Super's fight is to buy time, that it would make sense to take the time for a formal introduction, as all respectful martial artists do.
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Hey, the Fav is appreciated bro. thanks!
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Oh, and I finally came up with a name for the diamond ships. The Marquis.Β
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Something just occurred to me. Fel and Camilla's fighting style is rather similar with the tendrils and even their blatant insanity. For most of this story, we've been following Fel, Irena, and Delso and bouncing between each. Since Fel has been absent for the last few parts, I'd like you to hold back on posting until Fel can be written in. I think it would be awesome to have Fel's and Camilla's fight back to back to further the comparison you're drawing between the two.
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Sure - already have something in mind. When Fel reaches the Whistle, one (or even two) of the five remaining enthralled Lieutenants will be there waiting for him. Perhaps even the head-thrall himself, watching from the sidelines to try and gauge Fel.
It could also be something that the Kadar might put Delso on a watch-list for, since, if he can actually kill someone like Camilla - even though he's being aided ... Well, given the similarities you yourself listed, Fel will probably have them take notes to avoid whatever weaknesses Camilla had that were exploited.
I'm guessing that this scene will be right after Camilla's insane conversation to herself - good as place as any to start.
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Yup.
Pretty much, though Fel's power is a bit different. Come to think of it, Camilla could probably be vulnerable to a lightning rod of sorts since she has energy tendrils. She used energy absorption to get in, so Delso comes up with doing the same thing to get her out.
Yes.
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Expect a delay on the grounds of family vacation.
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That's okay - gives me time to progress on the "Camilla boss fight."
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After taking a second look at the first chapter you sent, I found a way I can still contribute. I got all A's in my technical writing class and will now proceed to proof the story. I'll send you updates on the stuff I have issues with.
For instance:
...
These spaces between paragraphs seem to indicate pauses. However, they feel really confusing when the writing style also includes
***********************************
Secondly, is it Delso or Deslo? I know I've asked before, but I'm seeing it spelled both ways, and not two paragraphs apart.Β
Other than that, there are just a bunch of really small mistakes, which shouldn't be surprising given where this was written. However, these little errors do add up, so I'll do what I can to catch as many as possible.
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Delso. Strange - I thought I fixed those typos.... huh.
As for the writing style:
.... = pauses.
********* = a page break.
I've always had a bit of an OCD writing style, and it kinda shows.
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Also, should Fel cut back on the swearing? It seemed ok at the time, but now I'm having second thoughts. Which would you prefer?
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I personally don't mind either way - it's your character and your race. Their language is up to you.
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Kadar is more of a culture than a race. There's no single species, but races from across Felarya who immigrated.
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I stand corrected. Still, your people, your rules - as I said, I've got no issue with swearing.
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"Where...... am I?"
....
"Did... Did I... die?"
With a stunned gasp, Irena Xeres bolted upright, gripping reflexively at the center of her forehead, shocked to find it intact and unmarred. A moment later, she let out a startled yelp, the realization dawning upon her that she was no longer in the village square. Instead, she was in her fishing cabin at the Lake of Arrows, miles away. On the bed, she saw the unconscious form of Jillian, still sleeping peacefully, oblivious to what was taking place.
In this section, it appears that Irena, the elf is talking. However it seems to be taking place at her cabin where the fairy is staying, but I thought she was just shot back in the elf village. What's going on?
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