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| angelic-syndrome
angelic-syndrome
♀️
[42529682]
[2017-05-14 19:32:56 +0000 UTC]
"ଘ 私は天"
(Sweden)
# Statistics
Favourites: 150; Deviations: 10; Watchers: 49
Watching: 60; Pageviews: 5192; Comments Made: 608; Friends: 60
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: Clock-heart // komunhorangi // pourmeacupifgalaxy // nmcf31Favorite movies: Grease // the Truman show
Favorite TV shows: Hetalia // 13 reasons why // osomatsu San // South Park
Favorite bands / musical artists: Elijah who // black bear // anyone really
Favorite books: Homestuck (( comic )) // you before me // Eleanor & Park
Favorite writers: Jojo moyes // rainbow rowwel // Andrew hussie (( comic ))
Favorite games: LoZ link between worlds // street fighter// tekken
Favorite gaming platform: DS // Xbox
Tools of the Trade: Traditional
# Comments
Comments: 60
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* w e l c o m e *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
☁️ No need to thank me for faves // llamas // watch
☁️ Please note me if you want to commission me or anything such
☁️ I'm open for random RP (( I don't mind RPing here but I'd like it more privately ))
☁️ Feel free to speak with me
☁️ And lastly ,, if you don't reply here your blocked for life <3<3
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Thanks for the watch
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hope you come back, soon!!!
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lso i'd like to add something to my last reply XD Your art looks adorableee!
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fahsjslsl you're like the sweetest person ???? Thank you so much hnnnnn this means a LOOOOOT to me since I p much hate my art ;;
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Oh my thanks o////o whyy do u hate your art?! It looks like HELLA good.
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youre welcome <3 aaa its just so messy and I feel like My anatomy is crap and Im not happy woth IT ;; but oml Thank you!!
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Oh I totally get that, I think everyone has like a state or period when they don't like their own art (like me OTL //slapped) but maybe after a lot of practicing you Will like it more? I still love ur anatomy tho. and your again very welcome!
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Thank you so much for the watch! It's much appreciated and I'm also really glad you like my art! I Will try my best to improve even more in the future. Have a great day!
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aaaaa you're more than welcome ?? Your art is really gorgeous and I hope to see more of it in the future <3<3
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Amggg i'm very honoured to hear that!
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q w q thank you so much?!?!!!! This means so much to me <3
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Your very welcome!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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gajsoaiqlal OML THANK YOU YOU AMAZING BEING!!!!!!!
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your art&aesthetics are perfect
thanks for existing
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Somehow this made My day even better than it already was ,, Thank you <3<3
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of course 
i'd like to talk to you!
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Aghsjsk thanks you're such a sweetie UuU
aaaaaaaa I'd love to talk to you too you seem like a really nice cinnamon bun <3
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it would be awesome to be your friend <3
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I'd love to be friends with you too oml !!
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that is very good to hear <3
note me whenever u like.
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omgg,,,,,i've never came here to look at your art before but it is literally so beautiful??? i'm sobbing
also you like hetalia??? holy shit boi,,,,me....gerita is my lifeblood fuck
anyway i'm rlly bad at talking to people because i live my life in a constant state of anxiety but ya...ur art is good and you are too <3 <3
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really ?? Omfl thank you ;; 0 ;; asfdhdjd
Yeah hetalia is literally my life rn (( and always has been )) <3 <3 afshsh me too omg q w q gerita is all I n e e d I also ship the crap out of AmeriPan ;; w ;;
Aww no that's too bad :''( I used to be extremely anxious irl but then I kinda just said fuck it and stoped caring for anything really which I can't say it's the best but it feels a bit better at least haha ,, but seriously omg ?? Why are you so kind to me I want to die like holy ?? <3 <3 and your spriting was like gorgeous ?? <3
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ahhh h h thank you!!! hopefully my spriting will be just as gorgeous when i finally get it back on track
i try to be kind to everyone because i know what it feels like to feel like everyone is against you )': i pretend i don't give a fuck tbh but i give lots of fucks
ameripan is pretty cute but i honestly ship america and italy,,,but no one ships that rip me
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Sorry for the late reply i did reply earlier but like My phone bugged out or something I guess q w q
Haha no prob !! Yeah I'm sure of it your sprites are really amazing <3
Yeah I feel that all too much ,, I pretend not to care but I really do sometimes ): well I really do hope you don't have to feel that way since you truly are amazing <3
Yeah I have never heard of them but like it sound really cute ?? Haha I think I have a new ship now <3 I really like Lithuania x Belarus I dunno their shipping name since I'm not that much of a fan of it but it's still nice to think about for Some reason haha ,, btw do you ship ships like ameriCan ,, UsUk or Franada ??
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oh gosh thank you!!! you're wonderful too, you're so nice
lithuania x belarus is so good omg
tbh i love sealand x latvia, like, literally so much...they're so good....it makes me cry
and i love sisterly ukraine x belarus tbh, like belarus literally killing someone for making fun of ukraine? i honestly just love ukraine cause i relate to her sooo much,,when i was reading her wiki my mom went, "how did they get you in an anime?" haha
i actually hate ships like ameriCan, UsUk, and Franada?? i view them as incest,,but i do ship them like, in brotherly ways n stuff??? like i rlly like ameriCan but w/ like protective big bro america? and UsUk and Franada w/ like father & son stuff or brotherly stuff
sorry i'm saying stuff so much omg (/_\) i'm so awkward when i'm talking to people
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afhshsjs <3 <3
Ahh yeah I like Latvia x Liechtenstein too omlll <3 yeah I like sisterly ships like no romance but just you know sibling thing haha ,, really ?? I can relate more to Russia or America tbh haha !! But tbh I really like Ukraine she's so precious ahhhh
Oml yesss thank you !! I have always wanted to say this but ships like that makes me scream on the inside like I hate them so much ///< but seriously tho it's so nice to be able to talk to someone about this haha <3 <3
No no noooo you're not awkward you're really cool haha !! It's ok I prefer long convos instead of really short ones haha
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hhhh thank you i try not to be awkward
it's actually good to find someone who doesn't like usuk and franada and stuff like that,,,,with homestuck i always feel like the odd one out because i don't like shipping rose/dave or jade/john romantically,,,i also hate stridercest but for some reason it's majorly popular? it freaks me out idk lmao
i also hate davekat so like??? i feel odd as hell cause everyone loves davekat but i just can't get into it,,johndave will forever have stolen my heart
but w/ hetalia i relate to ukraine because she's so awkward and stuff but she rlly enjoys helping people and is actually super kind >////< she's such a sweetheart and i relate to her on a deep level
i'm like a ship queen haha, i have a million ships from a million different things lmao,,
i really hate romantic usuk and stuff? my friend rianna actually hates it too!!
we're actually going to a con for three days in two weeks and we're gonna cosplay yandere simulator, homestuck, and hetalia (: i'm gonna be info-chan, jane, and ukraine haha,,,i decided to choose the coldest nations in hetalia to cosplay in summer though and it still makes me laugh
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tbh yeah me too !! I mean I kindaaaaa enjoy davekat cuz it's canon but I mostly love derezy (( Dave x Terezi )) idk why but they're my main otp in the homestuck fandom <3 <3 idk why but I don't like Dave x john all that much I guess it's cause john said he wasn't gay or whatever but everybody men has their own opinion so it's ok with me haha <3
Haha me too tho omg !!
Is nice to see that I'm not the only one hating romantic UsUk ,, the same goes for Dave x rose I do ship them but more in a non romantic supportive step sibling type of thing ,, were you know Dave supports Rose and Kanaya getting together and vise versa !!
Really ?? Wow that sounds extremely fun ahhh me and my friend might go to some cosplay convention on summer vacation ,, were not sure yet but I'd go as Terezi and she as Karkat haha <3
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i honestly don't usually like canon ships!!! i'm actually not even a big rosemary fan, lmao
i rlly love jane/roxy/calliope and by the hs snaps recently it seems that might actually be canon!!! which would legit make my life better? ngl i love jane/roxy/calliope
i really never liked daverezi! i sometimes have these characters where like,,,i can only ship them w/ one character and that's all? dave is that character,
like for hetalia the character is germany
and then generally the character i ship that person with, i ship that character with like EVERYONE
i ship italy w/ basically everyone and i ship john w/ anyone i can get my grubby hands on
i also ship rosekat (rose x karkat) and rose/aranea which are like,,,non-existent in the world lol
i love dirkjane a lot! most ppl get pissed because "oHnononono dirk is gay u can't!!!" but he's still fictional so? tbh i can do what i want
ahhh yes me too! sibling bond dave/rose and jade/john is so good...
i'm going to awesomecon in washington dc !! i'm majorly excited haha
ship wise i also love meenah/aranea? basically i waited forever for meenah to kiss the serket and it was the wrong one
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I love rosemary tho q w q but yeah I love Roxy x calliope // Roxy x Jane aghshsjs im not that much of a fan of triple ships other than hajime x nagito x nanami from danganronpa <3
What?? Omg I love derezy tho ,, yeah tbh Germany is that character for me too like shipping him with anyone else it's just uncomfortable ... ahhh I love rose x arenea too <3 <3 they are perfect for eachother !!
Yesssss oml I love jade x Dave ,, I also ship Dave sprite x jade in some sad stuck au just cause I love crying about stupid things haha <3
Yeah I love the two of them together like ahhhhh and I also love aranea x porrim aghsjsks
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hrk
i can't stand davejade? romantically tho! dave<>jade is awesome
i guess dave<>terezi is pretty good too, i just can't really ship dave romantically with anyone but john because it makes me uncomfortable lmao?? i know it sounds weird but to me john is just,,,who he should be with
johndave was my first homestuck ship tbh so,,it's hard to beat that out
aranea x porrim is radical !! omg,,omg
i prefer meenah x aranea but aranea x porrim is nice too
one ship i really hate is cronus x mituna? i know a lot of ppl like it but it upsets me b/c cro has been pretty mean and cruel to mituna in the past and it makes me angry seeing them shipped together
tbh !!! i ship kankri<3mituna majorly hard,,not a ton of ppl do but i think it's so cute?
and for an upgrade to that i love kankri<3mituna<3latula
i also like porrim<3aranea<3meenah
in case you couldn't tell i'm a huge advocate of polyshipping lmao !
i really love nepeta<3terezi<3karkat tbh,,i love katnep (it was my first troll ship ngl) and neprezi. karezi is okay??? like i was never a huge fan of it but i saw the signs and stuff
it's nice to see another rose x aranea shipper around !! i'm actually a kind-of well-known fic writer, but i haven't written anything in a while??? you've probably never heard of me unless you use ao3 and even if you do you probably still haven't hahaha
i love writing so,,,i wanna have a book published some day
but one ship i get weird looks for is rose<3karkat<>kanaya<3
there's this show i really love called scorpion !!! i dunno if you've ever heard of it,,it's on the network cbs?? tbh the ships in it are so fcking pure <3333
sorry this was so long i tend to babble !
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I completely understand !! Dave is like the one I ship most characters with hehe
Asgahjsj me too tho !! I mean I understand why they would ship it but to me it just doesn't seem like they would have a healthy relationship ,,
I'm not a huge fan of poly ships but they're ok ,, I don't like Cronus x kanrki but like everyone ships them and ima ok like gahaks why ?? I just can't ship Cro with anyone without getting mildly pissed ,, the only ships I like are cro x meenah but only to an extent since meenah x aranea is life <3 and also cro x porrim but as well as before only to an extent
And yes omg karezi and neprezi are my life !! I also like scourge sisters
Really now ?? Haha I don't have ao3 ,, what is that ?? Ahhh I'd love to read yours fics oml I'm sure your amazing since you're really good at writing ,, at least what I've seen from your comments <3 <3
Well I ship Karkat <> kanaya <3 rose
Ahh that ship gives me life tbh hnnnnnn I haven't really heard of that ship before tho ,,
I've heard of it but not really seen it !! What's it about ??
It's ok sorry I haven't replied I just haven't been able to plus I'm not that active because of school but we end now on the 16th so I'll be able to finish everything soon <3
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(i keep having to re-start this comment b/c i didn't like the sound of my other starts, it's just like when i write ahh)
wowie, you don't get out till the sixteenth? my schoolyear technically ended on june 6th, but i was done a few days before that. i do cyberschool since my anxiety is bad enough to the point where even thinking about stepping foot in my school gives me a mini-panic attack. i reply fast during the schoolyear too though because i do school from 6am-9am, it's not that hard so i always do a lot of schoolwork in a really little amount of time
what grade are you going into? your profile says you're 13 (damn, you're only a year older than my younger cousin - he's not even close to your maturity level, though) so is that eighth grade?? still a middleschooler. darn, you're making me feel kind of old here (i'm technically a twelfth grader as of the end of this schoolyear, i'll be 18 in less than a year now)
!!!! okay so ao3 is actually an abbreviation for archiveofourown.org, which is the best site for fanfics in my opinion. here's my profile for it --> archiveofourown.org/users/xpha… i know you aren't a big fan of johndave, but maybe my works can change that (; a lot of people say my opinion/execution of their relationship has switched them to it
if not, i also dabble in janeroxy, character-centric fics, there's also some katnep there, some random fills,,etc
upon logging in i just found i got berated for writing dirk in a straight relationship, even though he's canonically gay...i don't get how that's different from shipping johnrose b/c she's canonically a lesbian (kanaya too) but what do i know lmao
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit i have a chance to talk about scorpion,,,i'm gonna cry
okay so it's actually based on true events !! it's based on the life of walter o'brien (supposedly, he has an iq of 197) and his team of geniuses called "scorpion". p much they work for the government (homeland security in technicality) and solve really hard to crack cases and stuff. they also just do stuff that's really helpful, like in some episodes they've saved peoples lives and stuff? it's so good tbh
and the ships in it are literally the purest,,,there's waige, quintis, and megan/sylvester,,,,,they're all so pure
quintis is the og though, they're married and everything
here's a link to the wiki for it --> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scorpion… it's so good i swear !!! i love it so much
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oh I see ): that's too bad ,, I mean you're lucky to be at home all the time but I really feel bad for your anxiety since being anxious is horrible !!
Well I'm 14 now in July 21st so that means I'm beginging 8th now in august <3 really your 18 ?? Haha I didn't know ,, when is your birthday ??
Ohhh yeah I've heard of it before but I never really used ao3 for some odd reason ,, I just stuck with wattpad which is ok tbh
I'll go and read them right away ,, if you can make me change then I'll reward you haha <3<3
Yeah the fan base is pretty aggressive with ships and such ,, I mean anyone is allowed to alter things and create AU's in my opinion at least so I don't think it's weird for john to be gay ,,
Agahsjdk this sounds amazing since I love that type of thing !! Why haven't I seen this before ahhhh ?? I'll watch it after school ends then I'll have plenty of time to waste on shows <3 <3
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omg this is actually pretty cool!! my birthday is april 21st, so you're exactly 3 months away from me, birthday wise !!!
i used to use wattpad a lot! mainly during my one direction phase, lmao, which we don't talk about. ever. just like my creepypasta phase (which ended when i was around your age!!)
i honestly headcanon john as aro/ace?? i mean he was kinda interested in girls i guess but he just doesn't seem...in...to relatonships i guess?? i have quite a lot of headcanons for character sexualities, but i'm not gonna get upset if you find a character to be a different sexuality than i do
i'm actually not at home all day!! you see, i can't stay at home alone, either; my paranoia is so bad to the extent where if i'm by myself for too long, i basically have a panic attack? it's rough. my dad owns his own business, so i go with him there (it's a computer business)
omg i don't know?? but scorpion is so good !!! i'm finally caught up?? i honestly cry at it a lot but tbh i'm super emotional, so, i cry at like everything remotely emotional? tbh i cried at the movie big hero six every time i saw it,, im
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wow that's so cool !! Well happy late birthday hhaha ,, my sisters birthday is on the 12th of April ,,
Yeah I recently got out of the creepypasta phase which was a pain haha
Tbh that seems really plausible I mean I still see him as straight but like ace/aro it's hard to describe >~< ahah well that is good to hear ,, I mostly follow the canons with relationships and sexualities but at times I just like to throw random head canons in there for no reason <3
Oh that must be horrible !! I feel so bad for you ,, if i may ask is there anything you do to prevent paranoia // anxiety ?? I have small panic attacks in school but I can mostly just go to the bathroom and cry ,, it's mostly just frustration and anger cause the teachers at my school treat me like garbage and I'm just so scared of getting bad grades because of my dad ,,
I cry tons too ,, like it could be a comedy with some tiny emotional plot but everything gets good in the end but I'll still be crying haha ,,
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well, happy early birthday to you !!! holy shit, your sis is born so close to the sacred date...4/13...i'm jealous
i was actually born two weeks late, my birthday was supposed to be april 7th, haha
seems you're following the same phase structure as me, haha; i got out of creepypasta not long before you, and into homestuck when i was 14 - but it's been like 4 years and i'm still into it so idk what to do anymore,,,let it consume me
no, i get the straight but aro/ace thing !!! like i'm like,,bi but aro/ace??? i think girls and boys are both equally as cute but i don't want to date them or do the sex with them...i just feel really warmly for them,,
i will kill the teachers at your school,,free of charge,,,they will die
jk i can't even kill a spider tbh, but that makes me sad for you omg :c and the fact that you're afraid of getting bad grades because of your dad upsets me too, because you shouldn't be like,,physically afraid of getting bad grades because of how your parents may act about it (a lot of kids nowadays have divorced parents and step-parents, but i have both of my biological parents and they've been TOGETHER for 20 years and married for 16) and my parents are both great people
i cry when i'm angry and frustrated too, no worries yo
well, when i'm paranoid and anxious, i usually find something to distract me? like writing, making sprites, or listening to music? (i could give you a whole list tbh) and when i still felt like i needed to self-harm i would draw marks on myself with sharpie where i would've hurt myself,,,i used to be rlly bad with self-harm, so make sure you never get to that point; i went untreated for,,,hmm...9 years i wanna say? i used to not sleep, be suicidal 24/7, be paranoid all the time, and all that jazz
if you're having real mental stuff you gotta be sure to tell people !!! i ended up going through an in-patient program twice and an out-patient one three times + multiple therapists and psychiatrists
i'm luckily a looot better now, but i'm still anxious and paranoid
shoot got off track for a sec
yeah, when i'm anxious or paranoid i like to write, make sprites in photoshop, look at pics, listen to music...it also really helps me to have someone i love nearby/message someone i love? if you have friends, messaging them could def help you take your mind off of things. and if you don't have friends, well, you can always message me on here (granted i'm online)
i also like to keep doors/cabinets/etc locked? my attic door is locked, my basement door is locked, the cabinet with all of the sharp objects in it are locked,,etc. it helps you if you have things shut and locked to feel safe? i know claustrophobia is rlly bad for some people, but one of my favorite things to do to get calm is huddle into a tight space (usually under my blanket, but i have taken to balling myself up in corners before) while i listen to music and or read fanfics. organizing and cleaning is also really helpful for me
and fidget spinner are actually mighty helpful for anxiety? i know they've become kind of annoying and a dumb trend, but the real reason they were created was to help people with anxiety/autism/other disorders...the spinning and the fact that it's something you can hold in your hands can be really, really calming tbh. listening to the whirring sound the spinner makes while you have it on your hand really calms me! methodical noises tend to do that, like the ticking of a clock or smth. i also like to listen to music and listen for the background music, rather than the words. picking something like that out and focusing on it is super calming
same tho,,,the show could be hilarious for the entire episode and one sad thing could happen and i'd be sobbing
also SHIT this was long so rry
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Thanks !! And haha yeah Ik she was supposed to be born then but my mom changed it ,, it's a bit confusing but I thiiiiink my sis was born two weeks to early or it was just one week too early ,,,,
Haha yeah tbh I'm into like tons of dif fandoms and I've been in like every phase imaginable hahah <3
Tbh I've been questioning my sexuality a lot and once I came out as pan to my bff she kinda pushed me back in the closet and told me those chooses are to be made when I'm 20 so yeah ,, but I don't have romantic feelings to any gender and I reaaaaally can't imagine me having intimate relationships with anyone either so I really don't know,, I mean I don't care for gender or sexuality but like I wouldn't be able to do anything with them either soooo ??? Sorry I'm confusing it's probably just a phase and I'll grow out if it haha
Haha thanks they're such a pain !! Yeah I can't kill insects either it makes me feel extremely bad and I'm just a big wuss hahah ,, yeah but they're starting to get the whole grading system now but they still freak when I get a D in a subject ,, my parents really spoil me and they're totally great it's just that they get upset really easily which is sad ):
Well I'm extremely paranoid and the slightest thought could get me all jumpy and I'll be on the verge of tears by just a thought which really annoys me so I try to listen to music as much as possible to just have my mind to focus on something ,, well that's great I try to do those things too ,, as I said before music really helps but it's still not enough ,,,, well before I was just really angry with myself so I used to cut my skin open with scissors but my parents found me out and they were so angry with me but luckily we put all that past us so we try not to mention it.
Yeah but I'm extremely scared to tell people cause I don't want to seem like a schizo like when I told my bff about the things I experience when I go to bed like saying those things out loud just sounded so stupid and uncanny so I try not to talk about it with people ,,
Haha aww thanks !! I have some people to talk to but I love talking to you equally as much <3
Yeah I always check under my bed in the closed at least twice before going to bed it makes me feel safe for some stupid reasons haha ,, yeah I'm extremely claustrophobic so when I get my sleep paralysis I get so afraid it's hard to explain
It's ok I like talking to you !! But sorry for late replies it's rarely I'm on here anymore but I'll start finishing up adopts now on summer break before we travel <3
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don't worry about the whole having to check thing; my mom actually has to sleep in my bedroom with me because if i'm alone, i get so paranoid that i physically can't sleep. my parents spoil me too; i'm an only child, though, haha
actually, figuring your sexuality out at your age is pretty normal, and it most likely isn't just a phase - i discovered i was asexual when i was about,,,11 or 12 i think?? and i am still physically disgusted and sickened by the thought of sex. i figured out i was somewhere on the aro/grey-romantic spec when i was like 13 maybe?? and i'm still aro, i pretty much don't feel romantically for people, just warmly affectionate !!
i actually got forced into spilling what i was experiencing when i cut my wrist with scissors. i used to self-harm a lot tbh - mainly i would pull my hair, bite my nails until they'd bleed, scratch myself until i either cut my skin open or had red marks for hours. i pick my lips a lot still, it's a really big anxious habit of mine and i need to chill on it
my anxiety was untreated for so long that i started having blackouts? like one time i blacked out for hours, and my parents/therapist/etc told me that i was talking all about a book i was writing and i was genuinely confused. like, what book?? i'm not writing a book
i get the paranoia, one time i was so afraid of sleeping in my room at my first in-patient trip because it was dark, completely silent, and all i had was a small night light. i was also in the laaaaast room, right on the end. i actually got off of my bed and curled up in a ball in the corner of the room. i cried for like 30 mins before someone figured out i was having a breakdown and consoled me. i used to hear voices, see shadows, etc etc. i used to hallucinate quite a bit, but it's better.
i also used to only sleep 2-3 hours a night, and sometimes not at all. well i tried not to at all, but i usually ended up falling asleep eventually. i'd wake up really frequently and get up and check under my bed, in corners, behind the shower curtain, out my window, down the hallway, and a lot more
this is kinda out of order but if your friend isn't accepting of you she isn't a good friend; she should accept you no matter what !!!
paranoia is a rough thing. i'm almost 18 and i can't sleep by myself, stay home alone, go places w/o parental supervision, etc etc. i can't even drive yet. legally, i can't drive until it's been a year since my treatment (it's getting close now !) and a psychiatrist signs off on it. it's bad but it's also better for me tbh
in-patient wasn't too bad tho,,there was this rlly young kid (like 12 maybe) and he let me tell him all of this stuff abt homestuck lmao. he was super attached to me tbh. there was also this really nice nurse the first time i went in-patient who knew what homestuck was and saw it on my shirt, so she printed me some homestuck coloring sheets 'cause i wasn't tired ooo: and another lady let me print out johndave pics that i hung on my wall which brightened my day tbh
basically all i did was sleep tho?? i really didn't like being in there, but it was beneficial to me. i was a danger to myself and others (i started having homicidal thoughts after a while, along with my suicidal ones) so i was in there for the best i guess
i'm glad you like talking to me ! ! ! some people kinda hate me, i've lost a lot of friends and screwed up a lot of bonds. in fact i just recently lost a friend of 3-4 years, but the friendship just wasn't working. i was stressing myself majorly about holding the friendship up because he wasn't putting any effort forth
it's okay the replies aren't fast, mine aren't that fast either!!!! are you traveling somewhere cool?? my con is coming up this friday-sunday, and i'm going on vacation in august! take your time replying, it doesn't insult me or anything <3 <3
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Yeah I've actually been trying to rebell against myself by not really checking closets and bed before going to sleep to reassure myself that there's never gonna be anything there and what not. It's been kinda working tbh ,, oh yeah I have a younger sister I really adore her but she gets on my nerves most of the time !!
Wow really ?? Well I hope everything gets figured out as I get older ,, well thank you for clearing things up a bit <3 I don't usually think about sexualities etc so I guess this will sort itself out by itself
Well I scratch my skin until there are like red // purple marks al over them ,, I'm not really proud of my anxious acts since it's embarrassing if anyone would see them so I try to keep it hidden ,,
Wow that must of been terrifying ,, that thank god hasn't happened to me but I really hope it doesn't happen to you once again !! It must of been so scary for you I can't even imagine ,, things like not being able to control your body and such is just one of my biggest fares since I get sleep paralysis a lot ,,
I feel so bad for you !! Yeah I used to hear breathing and feel the breathing against my neck every night ,, it hasn't been uccuring so much lately since I try to avoid it at all cost by using earbuds (( it doesn't work but it consoles me a bit )) and having music playing in my room. I also used to see shadows kinda going into rooms etc so I would follow them cause i thought it was mom or someone but when I get there there's no one there ,, truthfully this doesn't scare me as much as the breathing
I sleep a lot like on the couch when I get back from school I slept like 5 hours then another 12 when I went to bed in my room ,, I can sleep anywhere and I really enjoy it except the whole sleep paralysis and the breathing against my ear ,, but even tho all this is happening it still takes me a maximum of 15 minutes to fall asleep !! I mostly fall asleep in like 3-5 minutes
Well I'm glad you'll soon be able to drive !! For the rest of the things I just hope you are feeling well that's all that matters <3 yeah I understand it's probably really hard to be feeling good when you have such severe paranoia
That actually sounds really neat !! I'm glad you had a nice time there ,, as of the little boy ,, what happened to him ?? Do you guys still have some type of contact as of today ?? And the nurse ??
Ohh I see )): I'm glad they treated you then <3 it must of been a relief for you when you got out ,,
Yeah I enjoy hearing you out!! Well me too tbh I lost most of my friends these last couple of weeks ,, it was mostly because they were making me all suicidal and stuff so I left them and now I don't have that many friends since the only ones I have are going to turkey for vacations )):
Yeah ahaha sorry once again !! Well yes I'm going to Miami <3 it's only for 2 weeks but I'm so excited !! Ahh I'm glad it doesn't <3
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sorry it's taken me a while to answer, i was just nervous and trying to think of something to say aah
i also try to rebel against myself like that haha, like if i'm taking a shower and i hear a noise i absolutely refuse to look out of the curtain bc i'm like "there's nothing there, and there never will be. gET it together dude you're good okay"
my friends get on my nerves heck as fuck but i love em <3 well usually, but my moirail has this bf who is an absolute fucking dick and she loves to talk about him aaaaaall the freaking time and it's so annoying
i don't really like sexualities/genders because i think labels are ridiculous?? i don't understand why everything needs to have a label nowadays, yknow? people are just people
i hate my anxious acts too, i'm tryin' to do better w/ em, the only one that really seems to be sticking around is picking my lips. it makes me feel better, but it's really unhealthy; i have sores on my lips in quite a bit of places
yeah, not being able to control your body is awful ): when i used to come out of blackout sessions and be told stuff i felt like, absolutely insane
sleep paralysis must be awful. maybe you could tell your parents about it, maybe they could get you some otc (over the counter) sleep meds? they make melatonin in 5-10mg doses otc and it can be helpful for stuff like urs,,i tried taking 'em but it didn't help so i take 75mg of trazedone to be able to sleep through the night
do you have a tv in your room or anything???? i sleep w/ the tv on because it provides light as well as noise, which tends to drive away visions of shadows 'n noises and etc
darn, you fall asleep fast!!! even with pills it can take me 30-45 mins to fall asleep, i don't particularly enjoy it once i'm up and awake, haha. i usually get up at 6:30 or sometimes prior to that and get to bed around 8-9pm. sleeping is fun and all but i love being awake,,,,if i'm woken up, haha. if not i can sleep till like 12. i sleep like the dead tbh, you could probably throw a brick at my head and i wouldn't wake up
if you don't have a tv, try to get a lamp or smth!!! even a night light could help; i know they're supposed to be childish or whatv but having just some source of light can be helpful,,,i sleep with the light in my hall on and sometimes a rainbow lamp and candles so ya
i try my best to feel good!!! it rlly upsets me when people who like have bpd/depression and stuff try to make their profiles on here all dark and creepy and upset and they try to act all upset & stuff...you can't get better if you make everything so sad always!!! it's hard w/ depression (i have depressive bouts) but you gotta try!! that's why my profile is always so flowery and pastel and such, i'm trying to make it all happy!
we can't exchange info in the in-patient program so i haven't talked to either of them since that,,sadly,,but i did give that kid the site where homestuck is on so he could read it cause he was like majorly interested lmao...he was kinda annoying but also a sweetheart so
it was a relief to get out,,,but i was rlly bad in it tbh. like they moved my room and i cried for an entire day straight
once i also slept for like 12 hours in one day?? they put me on this med called geodon that made me so sleepy but didn't help my mental stuff...we were having a group meeting and the leader goes "caelyn can you wake up for the meeting?" and i nodded and sat up and i managed to fall asleep sitting up. right there. i entertained quite a bit of people w/ it haha
i wouldn't be able to go somewhere like miami,,,i'm going to wildwood (in new jersey). miami is a plane ride and that gives me anxiety...well not even that just. miami would cause there's a lot of ppl there? i just recently came back from a con tho and it was packed and a lot of ppl wanted my picture but it was great !!! i actually ended up getting overwhelmed at a restaurant, lol. i get sensory overload if there's too much noise in a confined space, luckily the con was p loud but also very open
if they made you suicidal they weren't good friends, that's sucky ): the friend i just lost wasn't talking to me so i was tryin to hold up our friendship and it was rlly stressing me out
i'm glad you don't mind listening to me babble,,not a lot of people can do that,,my mom is gr8 at it and my friends are sometimes, my dad usually is
i love hearing you out n stuff too !!!
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Aghsjsk sorry for late reply again !! I always get a bit angsty since I dunno what to say so my apologies ,,
Yeah I have been doing that all too often and tbh it's working out for me I'm p proud of myself hahah
Yeah my bff has a crush on this dick and I haaaaaate him so much but I always try to make him indulge in some kind of act or conversation with her to help things going ,, she's reeeaply shy and doesn't like talking to boys
Yeah that's exactly how I feel !! I feel like it's useless labelling yourself and others ,, everyone is who they are and they don't need things labelling them just so they can have something to represent as ,, I hope that made since hahha
I understand ,, bad habits die hard I guess ,,
Well I have told them but they rad it and said it was just stress and that I should just sleep early ,, and I did ask for sleeping pills since I had insomnia before but they wouldn't let me since they thought I wanted them to commit suicide which sucks :V
I do actually !! But you can only watch movies on it and the other thing is I usually stay up until sunrise to sleep anyway hahha it's really lit up by then ,, the sun rises at 2-3 am
Hahah yeah !! Same here tbh I love sleeping since I've stopped hearing stuff now I mean they're not as loud as before ,, I go to bed by 1-2 am and wake up at like 12-1pm I sleep quite a lot actually hahha <3
Yeah I've been trying to tell my ex bff that ,, but she's been doing a lot of fucked up shit for her age so I avoid her ,, she has been drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes and she's only 13 ,, the list goes on trust me !! So I feel like I should just avoid any kind of bad influence ://
Ohh really ?? Why ?? That's so sad ,, I hope they're doing good then ):
That must be terrible I'm so sad to hear that !!
I have slept 12 hours to !! I just tend to sleep a lot hahah ,, wow that sounds hella scary for you but it must of looked funny hahah
Yeah I hate flights !! Like I have a mayor peanut // any nut allergy and I can't be in closed places with them cause it will cause a immediate allergic reaction and all that jazz ,, so I'm always stressing up and crap but it never happens ,, I'm also anxious that the plane will crash ?? Like I know it's more likely the food on the plane will kill you rather than the crash but still ?? Hahaha
Oh that's too bad ): I understand tho it has happened to me but that's because my friend always tried to push this girl off of me ,, she was a lesbo and clingy so my friend hates the thought of us hanging out so now she doesn't hug me in the corridors or talk or anything really !! She doesn't smile either but I'm sure that's more personal ): it made me really upset since she was really fun to hang around
Hahah yeah but once again sorry for the extremely late replies !!
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sorry about not replying until now even though i've obviously active, i just get really anxious about replying to ppl because i don't wanna sound stupid or anything (/n\)
my moirail, bless his heart, is dating this rlly awful guy. /: none of his friends like him, and i really don't either. at all. he's a really big dick, and he always says "well he's nice to me" but tbh in my eyes even if the person is nice to ME but they're a dick, i don't rlly want to date them. they've been dating since 9th grade i think?? (i keep forgetting you're so much younger than me, lmao)
he's really intimidated by me, i think. i told him i'd kill him if he hurt my moirail. tbh people tend to be afraid of me, not sure why? i'm a gentle bab
no i get what cha mean! labels are kinda just like??? stupid. people are people, yo, it doesn't matter what they might be "labeled" as
at least you've told them, that's always a step in the right direction!!! it's hard to convince parents about mental illness sometimes, 'cause it's become this "fad". like ppl say anxiety is super common, but it really isn't?? everyone thinks they have it nowadays, so that's what makes it so "common". honestly, anxiety to really high degrees can be rare (like mine) since most ppl get it treated when it starts.
well it's good you're getting proper sleep! i used to go to bed at like 1-2 am and get up at 5-6 am. i go to bed at like 8pm-9pm now and get up around 6:30am, sometimes earlier. on weekends i go to bed around 11-12am and get up between 8 and 10 am.
i'm really impressed to see someone of your age who is so intelligent!! especially when you've even thought to avoid bad influences like your friend drinking/smoking. a lot of kids your age nowadays (i've got a cousin who isn't much younger than you, maybe a year or two, and he's an idiot) make rlly awful choices and try to grow up waaaay too fast. when i was around 13-14, i wasn't trying to act grown up or anything. (i've actually always been very mature for my age, when i was a toddler my grandma used to say i was 2 going on 20)
actually the sleeping wasn't TOO scary i guess?? i hadn't been sleeping very good so it was almost a relief. but after that first time as i continued to take the meds i'd go to bed at like 7pm and wake up at 6am, then i'd go take naps for hours proceeding that.
i actually tried to go back to school for??? two days, maybe? and then i came down with an ear infection & sinus infection and started sobbing while i was doing biology work and finally spilled to my dad that i was terrified of going back to school and that i didn't think i could do it. so they got me set up w/ cyberschool and the guy who runs it is super empathetic and understanding of my issues!!! it's rlly nice !
well yeah, it's more likely you'd die b/c of the peanut allergy than it would because of a plane crash!!! i mean, plane crashes are super-duper rare. i think i've read that it's more likely to be struck by lightning than be in a plane crash. and i once read this list of the most likely things to kill you, and being killed on black friday by violent shoppers was way more common than plane crashes were
aww, losing friends like that always upsets me ): i'm a little passive aggressive tho, so when i lose a friend i'll hang in their area just to glare at them, haha.
i'm allergic to penicilin/basically any meds in the penicilin family. i get a horrible rash, but that was when i was a baby, so who knows how much my symptoms have progressed by now. it sucks 'cause penicilin is the most common medication for minor illnesses like ear infections/throat infections/bronchitis/etc. i have to take alternatives
my stomach is also really weak. i can get sick just from eating a small, child-sized portion of food. i gotta talk to the doctor about it soon. i'm pretty sure i'm lactose intolerant, but i think i have more issues than just that; i've had stomach problems for years now, tbh. it's actually quite annoying
my moirail is way thinner than me, but he eats like 2 times the food i do? even w/ my small appetite i'm pretty heavy-set, but it runs in my family. basically all of the women on my mom's side are naturally plus-sized, rlly curvy and stuff
oh and your profile is rlly cute!!! i'm glad to see it so bright and happy; a lot of people on here that are struck by mental illness/claim to be struck by mental illness always make their profiles so dark, depressing, and sad ): how are you supposed to look on the bright side with such a sad profile??!
the late replies are fine! i reply late too, obviously. i'm just really nervous about sounding stupid or smth along those lines
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It's ok I understand me too tho q w q
Yeah I feel you tbh ,, I feel awful that my bff is so in love with this asshole ,, she herself knows he's a dick but she's still so in love with him and I just can't stand him at all !! He's hot but that's it ,, (( hehe yeah I'm 14 soon I'm p young ))
Hahah yeah I don't understand either I mean I've never met you irl but here you seem like such a sweet cinnamon bun ahhh ,, but people are intimidated by me too I tend to get over protective over friends and family etc ,,
Mmmhmm <3
Yeah but it's hard talking to them about it so we avoid the topic ,, I mean I think it might get over in a couple of years tnh i think it might be another teen phase for me ,, even tho a lot of kids do have anxiety ,, at least most of the ppl I know ,,,,,
Well yeah ,, the problem with me is that at times I can fall asleep in 5-30 min but at times it takes me 2hrs like today I fell asleep at 3 am and woke up at 6 am because of my mom going to work :// it's really a pain when this occurs but I fell asleep again at like 7 and woke up at 12 I'm a bit odd heh
Haha yeah ,, sadly most of the people at my school are like this ,, they smoke drink all that jazz !! I mean yeah I have been tempted to try but I would never actually do it ,, haha that's cute I'm not really mature at all
Well that's actually really great ?? Your parents seem to be very understanding and fond of you <3<3 it's p rare to have cyberschool here in Scandinavia or at least what I know of
Yeah I read something similar to that too !! I mean the thought still terrifies me for some reason ?? Like I also have this thought that I really wanna be abducted by aliens for some reason or just go to space but then at the same time I'm terrefied that something like that's going to happen at night hahah
Hahah yeah I'm usually the one leaving them and then wanting them back cause I realise I don't really care if they're a bad influence only that I have people to be around so my parents will stop complaining and thinking I'm being bullied at school haha ,,
Yeah that sucks !! It's the most common one ,, but what happens if there isn't any alternates to just what you need ?? Like what if you have to take pencilin ??
Well I used to get full by child size portions back in the day but now I eat "adult size" and for some reason I'm still really fit even tho I eat garbage and candy just about all the time ,, and my younger sister eats a bit less than me but she still weighs almost the same as me and she's a bit chubby which saddens me since she has a body complex ): yeah I'm lactose intolerant to its p annoying
Awww thanks !! I just love the changes you've made on your page and I'm thinking about decorating my page all pink later ^^
Haha it's fine I understand I feel the same <3
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