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cjhell
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[9565033]
[2009-02-02 22:17:40 +0000 UTC]
"colin"
(Unknown)
# Statistics
Favourites: 448; Deviations: 47; Watchers: 555
Watching: 27; Pageviews: 16691; Comments Made: 1896; Friends: 27
# Comments
Comments: 59
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Hiya! We talked earlier today, and you asked me to give you some comments of what I thought of your work. ^-^ First and foremost, I've noticed a huge difference from you first stories from the ones you have now. You have gotten so much better! The only issues I noticed in your newest stories are:
- You used your (possessive you) instead of you're (contradiction of you are).
- A general rule is that you stick to either writing out numbers (ten) or listing them numerically (10). It usually looks more professional if you write them out. However, numerically is fine if there are a lot of numbers.
- Dialogue can be tricky. It's best not to use "said" repeatedly. It also helps to use dialogue in stories, since it allows the reader to connect better with it.
- When describing things, commas are needed. An example of this is: "She was a simple, sweet person." It's a grammatical issue often overlooked.
Out of what I've read those are some of the issues that really stuck out. Your writing is excellent, and I really loved how descriptive you are! I hope to read more of it again soon! Good luck, Colin! ^w^
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this
really
works!!!!
1. To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3
times!
2. Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and say
it to your self 6 times!!
3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!!
4. Think of something that you want to happen between you and that
1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!!
5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you scroll
down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but that wish.
* *
* *
* *
Now make one last & final wish about that one wish that you picked.
After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what
you wished for will come true within in one week!
u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your
crush!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance. Now
pay very close attention this important message!
Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1864 and if you
break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these
stories.
First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got this same
chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she
got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal.
And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car
crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened
and her mom would be alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was
short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51
people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd
grade. The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for
him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out,
and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up
and married each other to live happily forever.
Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only
me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out withthat
special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-
1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!
10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!
15 people- your crush will say they like you
20 people- your crush will ask you out!
25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
30 people - Your crush will have sex with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!
Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more!
Now, complaining cus u dont have any
friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat
room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch..... you only
have 1 hour
I don't actually believe in this I just wanna be annoying XD
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hiya, thought you might like to check out my store
sellfy.com/crushitcomics
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Thanks for the fav! Let me know how you like the story.
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its no truble your a welcome friend
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Thanks for the Sango fav! Be sure to check out the rest of my gallery as well for some great GTS stories!!!!
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no problom comment my giant spanish chicks please amaya
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I just read it dear, I'm sorry to say I'm not into that kind of reading. D: Sorry about that!
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its cool not everyone is but
i hoped it wasnt the worst youve ever seen?
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Oh no, definately not the worst
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thanks for faving 'A Hard Week'! I'm glad you liked it!
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Thanks for the fav. ^^ Don;t forget to fav the original author as well!
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Hey. Buddy. Re: your comment on Darien's last story:
Fuck. You.
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