V-kony [2019-09-19 18:20:28 +0000 UTC]

THX 4 the fav!

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KaidokJ [2018-11-03 08:49:13 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 27: Thunder - Any thunder-box in a storm

Using a thunderbox is a risky thing in the land down under. A rusty tin shed exposed to the elements, the Australian outhouse was home to a whole number of fun creepy crawlies. I’m sure some of you might have heard of the term “red back on the seat”, well, it’s actually a thing. Thankfully, modern plumbing has significantly reduced one’s risk when squatting on the throne, but even then, it’s not without its perils. An example. Up in Northern Western Australia, there is a large sand goanna sometimes called a bungarra. It’s dangerous, but not deadly, for the most part. Anyway, I know someone who used to live up there and one day they went to use the loo (bathroom) without turning the light on. Only just barely sensing that their butt was imperilled, they turned the light on and inside the bowl was the large head of a bungarra, watching them. Apparently these enterprising lizards climb up sewerage pipes looking for clean water and get stuck. It’s quite an ordeal to get them out, but nothing compared with the shock of finding one in the first place. Anyway, just thought I’d share that. Although it’s probably best if you try to forget it the next time you really need to go number two. Might make things harder for you.

-ParanoidPooper

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KaidokJ [2018-10-23 05:52:12 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 20: Breakable - By the power of Grayskull

I had the power of Grayskull once. It was nice. And really useful for opening tough jar lids or that time I had to help a friend move house. It also came in handy when a raging horde of interdimensional hell fiends decided to invade my apartment bathroom. I still have no idea what they were after, although I suspect my toilet sit cover was the likely target (it’s enviably soft and fluffy). Glen, from marketing, can’t keep his hungry eyes off it whenever I host the weekly game of corporate mandated snakes and ladders. Team building exercises are the worst, am I right? Anyway, if I had to put money on who sent those infernal imps, I’m going with Glen. Ralph, over in accounts, is giving me good odds so fingers crossed that I win the pool. As for the power of Grayskull, well, I kind of lost it to unsavoury individual in a game of high stakes, backroom SNAP! But I’m sure he’ll put it to good use.

#MyMoneysOnGlen    

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KaidokJ [2018-10-16 05:39:46 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 13 - Guarded a.k.a Priceless Pickle Caper

The delightful fellow on the left, a one Alan Beauregard Yance XXVII, has, believe it or not, never played a game of hockey in his life. Can’t stand the game actually. Too many passages of play between fights, apparently. However, he is an avid supporter of team loyalty. And although he knows nothing about the Pathological Unicorns as a hockey franchise, nor has he ever seen one their games, their dedication to lax sportsmanship, hyper aggressive harassment of elected officials, and fanatical counter-indoctrination of pigeon migration, as evidenced by their team mascot, is something he cannot ignore. He wears their colors in solidarity of these ideals. The guy on the right, Hognork the Defenestrator, used to work mall security. He doesn’t like to talk about it.

When they aren’t protecting solid gold fermented cucumbers, they’re hitting the streets. Don’t worry, they wear gloves so the asphalt doesn’t tear up their knuckles. And they do all this in search for the goat that murdered their father. And no, they’re not brothers. That would be ridiculous. They’re fathers were brutally murdered on completely separate afternoons. By the same goat…

#VengefulBuddyCopMoviePitch  

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KaidokJ [2018-10-16 05:28:59 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 11 - Cruel a.k.a Solve for X

Kids today are always complaining about how hard mathematics is and “I’ll never use that in real life.” Well, that’s just hogwash. Back in my day, we did quantum factorial prestidigitation using only 3/7ths of a second hand abacus, which we shared between six and half students and one advanced potted turnip, all before breakfast. And then, once we were done, we asked teacher for geometric polyamorous substandard integers, just for fun. This was back before these fancy pants innovations like paper or finger counting. Back then if you wanted to calculate the statistical probability of surviving to sixth grade, you had to use your brain power and hope you carried the one. Those that didn’t, died, eventually, of old age, many, many years later. So take note youngsters, learn your numbers well. It could save your life.

#NotJustForNerds    

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KaidokJ [2018-10-13 02:39:49 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 10 - Flowing a.k.a Time stops for no man

I’ve never been much of a nature lover, well, there was this one time, at band camp, but never again. However, I do occasionally like to match wits with Mother Nature in a friendly game of Will This Kill Me, or camping as some people like to call it. But you’ve got to do it right. None of this glamping business, with the fancy tents and modern technologies, like fire or clothing. Camping is about survival and awakening your primal instincts. You just can’t do that if you succumb to the weaknesses of underwear or flashlights. It’s all about respecting nature. How can you expect a three week old, dead, rabid, zombie koala bear to maul and eat your intestines if it has to rip its way through your jeans as well as your abdomen? I know. It’s completely unrealistic. Sure, their claws are sharp and the zombie virus makes them abnormally strong, but jeans are a tough material to tear and their cute little hands are so tiny. Can you really live with yourself knowing that because you couldn’t bare it in the wild, an insatiably ravenous, unholy marsupial might starve? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that on my conscience, which is why I always expose all my vulnerabilities to the infinite dangers of the great outdoors. Just to keep things sporting.

-OverlyExposedOutdoorsman    

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KaidokJ [2018-10-12 05:31:13 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 3 - Roasted a.k.a Hot Snot

Hot Snot was my call sign during my prodigious time in the Air Force. Admittedly my tour of service only lasted the time it took me to sign up, after which the medical examiner determined that I was unfit for duty and was given the medical discharge from a three week old dead cat and told to leave immediately. In case you are concerned that I don’t take military service seriously enough, I want to assure everyone that the cat was given full honors and a state funeral. CPOTUS even attended. I feel really proud that I got to be part of her noble sacrifice, but now I don’t know what to do about this Flaming Boogers tattoo on my forehead.

#NoRagrets  

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KaidokJ [2018-10-12 05:20:09 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for choosing AbsurdAir, your captain for this flight is KaidokJ . I have no license, I’m considered legally blind and I’m easily distrac… Wait, what was I talking about…

But not to fear. There’s a good chance we’ll never make our destination, but since this whole flight metaphor is just a weak attempt at a humorous anecdote, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Ah damn, I just shattered the illusion by crashing through the 4th wall.

Anyway, thanks for the watch.

I’m sure you regret your choice by now, considering this madness is basically what you signed up for, but since all tickets are non-refundable, welcome to Crazytown. Quarantine measures come into effect upon arrival.  

On a more serious note, here’s basically the run down. Posting regularly (fingers crossed), free funny stories in almost all fav replies, and an intro to Kevin the Llama in the Llama Badge reply. Also, if you haven’t already heard, I’ve been designated Kevin Llamason’s official biographer, so you can check out what he’s been up to in The Kevin Chronicles . (Unfortunately “The Kevin Chronicles” are currently on hiatus, while Kevin gets a handle on his pinecone addiction. In the meantime I hope to experiment with a new format in the near future, so keep an eye out for that)

So that’s about it. Thanks again for flying AbsurdAir, and I hope you enjoy the ride.  

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KaidokJ [2018-10-12 04:41:25 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the fav on Inktober 4: Spell a.k.a Hocus Bogus

I take great issue with people who believe that magic is real. All that hocus pocus, abracadabra, Petrificus Totalus, business is nothing but superstitious claptrap. The problem I have with these people is that their beliefs have made them weak minded. Believing in magic is the simplest explanation for the seemingly unexplainable phenomena that happen all the time and it shows a complete lack of imagination. A perfect example happened last week. Sally Swartz, she lives just down the street, well, her warts mysteriously disappeared overnight, and no one could explain it. Right on cue Uncle Gertrude chimed in with “it’s magic”, and the conversation quickly devolved into a chicken casserole cooking battle that left everyone questioning their sanity. As you could tell, Old Gertie is a bit of a crackpot. It wasn’t magic. It was obviously the result of Sally sleepwalking three blocks to the docks, where a team of elite dermatological walruses performed a covert operation to remove what were clearly secret spyware disguised as butt warts. Butt warts that were developed using cutting edge “medical science”. Now, that is how you explain the inexplicable. Science, son!

#MadForScience #Sciencesplaining    

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kanyiko [2018-10-05 15:33:43 +0000 UTC]

Many thanks for the !!

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MathiasEdgyBoi [2018-09-29 08:53:51 +0000 UTC]

um...thanks?

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shiroxhiro [2016-10-27 06:18:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the favorite

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