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matsaada
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[1224411]
[2004-11-10 07:38:24 +0000 UTC]
"Matthew"
(Australia)
# Statistics
Favourites: 0; Deviations: 18; Watchers: 79
Watching: 0; Pageviews: 4020; Comments Made: 1485; Friends: 0
# Interests
Favorite movies: I have to say Rocky 4Favorite bands / musical artists: I like songs not the bands.
Favorite games: Ummm.... AFL 2004
Other Interests: any sports, music, going out and relaxing( I'm just a bit lazy)
# About me
Current Residence: AustraliaFavourite genre of music: anything
Favourite cartoon character: Johnny Bravo, if thats how you spell it.
Personal Quote: "Here's to alcohol: The source of, and answer to, all of life's problems. "
# Comments
Comments: 138
what up.
Hey, whats going on? 23/female.. come chat with me on this website CLICK HERE
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hey check out that blog i tried to show u yesterday lol.. CLICK HERE
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SEE WHO YOUR SECRET LOVE IS FOR VALENTINES. I JUST FOUND OUT MINE.
CLICK HERE TO FIND YOURS
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What's up
I took this new free iQ quiz my friend showed me. you should check it out. just CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE FREE IQ TEST
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LOL everyone should see this ... it's HILARIOUS just Click here
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nice gllery, man... BTW I think i accidentally replied to your comment to me before... THAT "mwuah" was intended for someone else... hahaha...
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Hey cool stuff, your australian and my age too, awesome .
----
Dodge duck and dive ill be fine
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wow dude, i usually dont have the extra time needed to visit others galleries, but today that was different, just letting you know i viewed it man!!!!
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You have some good poems here... I look forward to seeing some more from you... maybe some that dont rhyme in future?
Keep going!
Laura xx
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Woah.... are all your poems are romantic poems? Do you have any poems about other things, like human nature or something? But anyway, you have great poems.... I love the rhythm and rhyme... I'll put u on me watch list 
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wait wait wait, what the fuck. is that all you do? im looking at a few of the peoples pages here who has commented here and i look at their poems and find the one you commenbted on and they ALL seem to like... say something short and like... good... like
HEY AWSOME or somthing like that, all followd by a,check out my most recent work if you have time
all of them say that? do you like just bullshit everyone and seem nice to get more like people to your page? i hope to god u dont really do that, just on me and the few people i saw... damn man....
and no one else thinks thats a bit... self centered.... rude... concideted.... um BAD??
sorry if IM wrong... goddamn.....
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Hello, you know what? I came here on your effective use of that obnoxius phrase and my first reaction was quite literally "What the heck is this?" a lot of people seem to be saying nice work, nice stuff, etc, but I beg to differ. Out of curiosity, how old are you? It says your 18, thats good, lets move on from the elementary poetry then. I would say its sweet and all, but the strangulated usage of rhyme chokes whatever praise I had for your heartfelt message. Now, because I did intend to atually give you an honest critique and also some advice on your work (I was taking some time to ponder on how I would actually do this, sorry if you were looking for an instant reaction +fave/+watch from me, show me some work put into your pieces), I do intend to lend that much to you.
In my honest opinion, I don't even think you have mastered the use of Rythmn and Rhyme in your poetry, despite your excessive use of it. Consider this:
Cause with me, you’ll never have to think, “Do I really love you;”
Or will I always be there to help you through.
Can you count the sylables in those two lines from JADES POEM?
The first line has 13, and the next has 11; "you" and "through" do rhyme well, but here is the hitch:
The sylable difference makes it sound so horridly forced, its like Celine Dion trying to Rap, do you know who Celine Dion is? Well, nevermind, that wouldn't help you, but even rappers stick to a symple sylable count, hence the reason you can notice the vocalist keeping beat during their verses. Even if this isn't a lyric, imagine trying to say this to your Jade, or imagine her reading this in her head. Your words would come out quite stressed and then all the conveyed feelings are gone with that kind of work. Also, another technique when using ryhme, you don't have to resort to the last sylable to end it, often times, you can use words whose middle sylables also rhyme. In addition to that, you don't always have to ryhme the very next line! I suggest you look at the writing styles of reknowned poets, rhyme isn't everything, so use it sparingly, and most of all, wisely. Study ryhme scheme, use letters to represent the ryhme and plot it, here is an example:
Jade, I think your beautiful, friendly and kind, a
Plus so much more, which is why your such a great find. a
I care about you more than you wished someone would, b
And I’m pretty sure more than anyone could. b
This demonstrates the most basic of all ryhme schemes, try to mix it up, some suggestions can be abab, abcb, aaba, etc. If you look about it deep enough, you'll find that there are some pieces out there where the ryhme scheme helps to structure a sort of narrative into the poem, yes, a story can be told (even if it a little one) quite well using only ten sylables a line for 14 lines. This is called a Sonnet, using Iambic Pentametre and it has a ryhme scheme that follows this set pattern: abab cdcd efef gg. Note how the last two lines are a ryming couplet? In shakesphere's plays, the last lines of every scene was a sonnet, using the ryhming couplet to signify the end of the scene for curtain drawers to tell by ear, when the curtains were required to be drawn. There are more rules to it, but that was simply an example of how fixed to a design classical poetry already is. -Which is what i suggest you use to impress a girl.
I'll admit, there are many kinds of poetry, but yours doesn't follow any of them, not clsoe enough to argue thats how it was supposed to be, it looks like plain loose ryhming, which is still no excuse. I'll admit, if you say that you wanted it to come out that way, its your thing, I'm only giving the most constructive crit I can. I hope you'll learn from this little lesson I was able to offer.
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Stop being anal, you wanker, Final Preacher. Who cares what you think? Just coz not everybody is a bloody pro poetry prodigy.
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Mr. Mrs. or Ms. pirate-soul,
I advise that you also carefully reread my comment with an open mind. I do apologise still; I tried to keep my opinion to a minimum, and give more priority to the rythmn and rhyme lesson. I also never claimed to be a 'pro poetry prodigy' myself, so I don't expect anyone to have to compare themselves with that level. However, I'd honestly be gratified if the readers of the incident comment whole-heartedly took the oppertunity presented to learn, and thus, find themselves one step closer to that level, - especially when they seem to enjoy writing poetry so much. Do you disagree? If not, please take back your rude comments about me. If yes, please continue this on my page, I'm sure this person doesn't want (in my opinon) a pointless debate when he'd rather stay focused.
Again, I stress, my comment was simply requested critisicm, he did, in fact, ask for it. If it was a little harsh, it's something to learn from. That is all.
P.s. ~thiefofcolours is a 'bloody pro poetry prodigy'. So sue me.
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See my comment on your account...
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btw... that doesnt mean i dont agree with ur comments. lol
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wow..... for what the fuck ever reason this previous comment shoed up on MY message list...
lol.. to the dude who wrote it... goddamn people like u kill art.
what ever happned to like... real feeling? natural? ne ways rawk on ladies and gents!
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simply commenting on someone elses page is advertisement alone
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yes nice work dude, next time PLEASE dont like.. fuckin advertsie your self - makes you seem soooo concited. but yeah nice writing. lucky jade dude.
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thank you for the comment on my poem, Ilike your work as well, sorry for not having the time to comment individually.
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hey, thanks for the comment on MorningAfter. i checked out your gallery and...+watch. :]
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Good stuff. I'll finish going through your gallery later.
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Hey dude, some nice work here. Some of the best work is in the simplist form (eg, some of Edgar Allan Poe's work). I'll be keeping an eye on you. I'm curious though, how long have you been writting for?
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Well ive only been writing for a few months really.
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You have a nice gallery and your poems are good too! We would like you to join our poetry club called There's a contest going on right now and we're always looking for new members with fresh ideas and writing. Anyways, take care, and stop by my gallery and enjoy yourself!
LLP
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wow your gallery is really nice...
and how i envy you
much love
chelsea
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Thanks I will. I would love to start sharing with you! I really appreciate it!
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you are a wonderful poet! i love your work...thank you for the nice comment on mine..im watching u
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hi, thought I'd stop by to say hi. I have to say, I'm not a big fan of rhymes but yours are so simple and straightforward, which is a good thing, so kudos for that.
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you write very simple, to the point poetry. i like that. not only that, it all has such a wonderful flow to it, and they all ring so true, almost each and every one of those poems has rang so very true to some past event, time, period of my life, that its amazing. it all touches me. good work.
(psssst.....youre on my friends list now
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hi, ive stopped by at your gallery by your request..
you write simple honest pieces that strike the heart and are very straightforward.
i agree with the others who have commented before me that you do have potential.
i will put a watch on you, chek in every now and then for any new deviations
dont hesitate to come by my gallery too, and comment/crtique in any way you see fit.
it would be a great chance to learn and improve.
thank you
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You've got a great gallery, and alot of potential. I can't wait to see more from you.
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You've got some good works, with some potential in your gallery... keep up the good work!
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I half to say ur a very good poet mabey we could exchange poems sometime keep the good work going
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your work is really good. very inspirational and moving.
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cheers for the comment, been reading your stuff, It's really good man, keep it up. I'm surprised you like'd mine really, it was only really a joke, it was done in about 10 minutes between maths and physics! I do find all poetry to be totally subjective though, some people like it other's hate it. Maybe I'll do another one one day...
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pretty awsome. good work. i think you should keep writing
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Like you asked .....
i checked your work out and its good to say the least..
i realy like your latest peice. pain of the heart ( my fav.)
some of them i wished you would have gave me more ...
but short and sweet. gives me all i need.......
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Thanx and im glad you liked them
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Hey, you have an awesome gallery! Keep up the excellent writing!
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Thank you for leaving me that comment... If you hadn't, I would never have gotten the chance to read such lovely poetry! I am thoroughly impressed.
-Shannon
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