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paranoidgirl
♀️
[361155]
[2003-02-27 21:41:05 +0000 UTC]
"Emilie"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 12; Deviations: 0; Watchers: 17
Watching: 33; Pageviews: 6268; Comments Made: 240; Friends: 33
# Comments
Comments: 65
aaahhh your critique of what'shisface's poem, thesis, i think?
i appreciate it.
and i'm sorry, if i'm allowed to be, for silly people being silly about it.
please come critque my work if you want to.
or not.
if it doesn't sound very extra corny, i value your critiquing and commenting on so many pieces, it's really nice :]
keep it up,
funny faces and pancakes.
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I truly enjoyed your analysis of Evad's "Thesis Deconstruction" which for some reason I keep wanting to type "Deconstructing Antithesis" but that's a different pome I'm sure. I'm really glad to have made discovery of you page. I consider Evad to be pretty darned gifted, but you offered some really amazing insight. So thank you for that too! ciao bella!
®rz
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the 18th poem was perfect for my birthday, simple and complete and letting me know that there are people in the world who arent out to get me because they havent left the house
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Hey
Thanks dearly for the critque/commment. Its too bad that I already submitted it into the contest but I am using this for a valuable lesson (as I need a lot of those).
To answer your question, I made the lines as short of possible because I wanted for it to be an easy read. For an odd reason, I've grown fond of short pieces of poetry, especially those with short lines (such as yours) so I was trying it out myself. Also, the third and fifth lines of each stanza are suppose to rhyme. I don't think I successfully mastered that.
And good point about the stanza with the layer of air. I guess it completely slipped my mind while I was typing it, and now I feel like a dumbass when I've alrady submitted it, but this is learning. Thanks for the tip, I will change it in my documents.
Thanks again for the critques. Have a good one, and good luck on your papers.
Happy early birthday.
--peace easy
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thankyou for your comment on 'Lydia'
it was an impulse - spitting out the emotion if you will. I'll go back and refine it later
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Thanks for comment on Wrecked. If only everyone could be so helpful.
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thanks for the fave. i am not much for punctuations....
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this (what would you do) was just something i put together when i was in an odd place. ok, bad place, but anyway, when i wrote it, the most important line was 'what would you do if it was the end'. and i was asking what would you do if it was the end of my life, but i didnt put that because i wanted to see what would happen if i left it, and i wondered if anyone would get it. alot of it was written about one friend in particular, but it was mostly an attempt to not si.
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oh, i totally understand that, and i understand what you meant about "what would you do if it was the end [of my life]" i guess i just didn't know what else to say...i mean, i've written the same thing, you know? at emotional times in my life. i wish you wouldn't take it in the wrong way, and i really hope you're feeling better. hey, i mean, i know this isn't really something of that sort, but if you ever feel like you just need to vent at someone, just send me a note, and i'll talk to you, if you'd like. *hug*
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you have one of the coolest avatars i have even seen!!!! clap:
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Link of the Night! While JB's away, I'm taking over for him (with permission). Even though it's made DTF, this is simply too amazing to read just once. See what I'm talking about and check it out!
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hey
love your honesty, and i will try to clean that poem up a lot more... thanks for having confidence in me, because, truthfully, i don't think i can stray away from them. hope you're doing well.
-- peace easy
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Hey thanks for the comment on my monkeys! I know that one that I had to rotate sticks out like a sore thumb but I wan't thinking of it at the time; I was just wanting to put the best pictures up for people to see. Perhaps I will make another one. Thanks again!
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thanks for critiquing!
it... sorta made sense...
i was basically trying to represent an image i had, nothing more.
not really comparing the cowboy to the sky...
i think i have to clear the end up a bit, it's not clear that meant the sunset to be limp like a ball melting on a tightrope, not the cowboy.
i'll see what i can do though 
cheerio
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thank you ever so much for watching me, i enjoy it... sounds strange... enjoying some one watching you. ha... im so glad you take the time to look at my work. oh yea, i had to but extra "u" on," stuck on youu " because there already existed a title with just one "u" and so i was unable to send it in like that.
anyhow, thank you, i really appreciate all your kind words.
bye bye
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Thanks as always for your comment. Not as incisive as usual but great. And of course the favorite consider my ego thoroughly stoked!
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whoa! i am on your watch! what did i do to deserve such?
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you're watching me!!! I'm reading your stuff!! wweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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w00t for Fresno! Well, not really... Have you ever been here?
Thanks for your comments, too!
Also, I really like your icon. ^.^ Andy Warhol is a mastermind.
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hey sorry for me taking forever in thanking you, my excuse is that i've been sitting exams and have only just finished them. anyway thank you very much for your advice on [link] & [link] as always your comments and criticism is lightyears ahead of the vast majority of people on this site.
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Thanks for your comments. I agree with you on "dampen / my spirits". I more or less assumed that when writing a poem in four minutes, one or more cliches would sneak in; if there's only one that's annoying, I consider myself ahead of the game. Still, I'll sort out something better to put in there. Thanks again.
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Concerning your comments on my deviation entitled "Fairy and Stream", thankyou for taking the time to comment. Personally I had a problem trying to blend in the girl to the background. I think the wings look fine, but the contrast between the highlights of her face and her black wings clash. Problem was I didn't notice this until after I submitted it.
Thankyou for the critique though, however I love to add in an element of fantasy to my art as much as possible and I think that her being a fairy explains why the roots are so large behind her.
Take care.
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I love your writing style! You're so cryptic and, well, GOOD!
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hahahaha
and on that note (d#), i'm having campbells tomato soup for dinner probably.
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You're one of my favorite persons to recieve comments from, so that works out. although i rarely take your advice (as you also fail to use your enter key ) i like seeing it, a lot.
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hello! thanks for your comment. it's actually not about two lovers, but it is two people. love has nothing to do with this one...
i just posted a new version, i did try to add something to the last stanza... and the rest.
cheers
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lalalalalala
~paranoidgirl
Emilie Hanson
.. is Deviously Annoying
.. is a deviant since Feb 27, 2003
.. has 1,000 pageviews
lalalalalala
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Thanks a TON for your comment! for EVERY comment you give me. I like the way you dish it out. If I could comment on your commenting though, I'd like you to make friends with your return carriage/enter key
I would smile at your creative writing teacher. When I write I believe in using rhyme as a grace note, a shade, not a form. I'd rather have a great rhyme once where it works than twenty everywhere in a poem that's forced.
You're right about the varying degrees of poeticism in the verses. Perhaps in awhile (the poem is still "freshly written" in my mind) i'll go back and take a closer look at it.
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Thank you for your comment. It's very handy to know. (Though, I've just woken up about 5 minutes ago, so I don't actually know if I'm awake or not yet....)
I understand what you're saying, I will make some changes, if I ever actually wake up.
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Hey
Thank you immensly (did I spell that right?) for the critisism. It's a refreshing change from most of the people who comment on this site, and I love the fact that you took out your time to read and carefully consider my work.
From your work, you pull off the free-verse style beautifully, something I wish I could do and will try my hand at in the future. The poem took a little more than three minutes to write, and I kind of enjoyed the fact that it was raw and rhymed and wasn't completely fathomed.
I liked the word "heaved," because kind of tells how the leaves fall at a force. It's suppose to imply that the wind, which comes from the sky/heavan does this, so I was trying to imprint this image into the reader's mind.
And I think I'll keep the last two lines as they are simply because of the fact that it rhymes. I know, it's stupid and all but the part I was most proud of when completing this piece was the fact that it rhymed. Which ruins the meaning somewhat but I'll keep it for now.
I will, however, do two things you thoughtfully suggested and I will place your name under "edit" in the description. I apologize for not practicing everything you suggested, but I will take all of them into consideration next time I write/expiriment (especially the free verse/non-rhyming method though I'll have to practice a lot with that).
I'd like to state lastly that I greatly appreciate your thoughtful critisism. It was a pleasure seeing and reading your comment, and I appreciate the support you continue to give. I apologize that I am not as much of a critque as you are, but you should know that your work doesn't need any from the begining.
And that's the truth.
-- peace easy
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i, as a matter of fact, DID see a movie. I watched Spirited Away again on DVD because it is the best movie ever and now I am in an excellent mood.
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Hey
I'm so sorry. Man, I feel so stupid and like a bitch now. I'm terribly sorry. I never knew who they were so I wasn't able to get the joke. So sorry...
-- peace easy
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simon and garfunkel?
who are they? i never ripped off any, but if its similar, i'd like to know, if you dont mind. not trying to be rude or anything. but thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.
-- peace easy
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Thanks for your absolutely amazing comment on Paper Hello.
I'm going to remove it and reupload it since its edited beyond spelling errors. I took a lot of your thoughts into account and changed the wording in a few places.
I kept the double penetrate but changed a few more things. I think meanings might be a bit clearer now and the listener has been removed as a concrete character.
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Oh yes, also, on the form quality. I was referring to this idea of using the same word (or the hominym, there was no determining factor there, as long as they had the same sound) to end two lines in a row.
I've used it twice in my other poetry on fallacies, intentionally, and both times I got criticized for it. Then I wrote the meta-poem "He didn't like the way he said those words." Which got a good review from somehow who'd criticized me before.
It occured to me after i'd written weight that i'd used the same device. But where before it was like a grace note, a little flare touch in the poem, in Weight it IS the form of the poem. Word, repeat, different word. Word, repeat, different word.
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Thanks for your beautiful comment. Where Is Allen is a piece that I wrote, fallacies is my old devart account. So I'm not really reacting to other's writing, it was something of a continuation of a thought process of my own, something I'd never fully wrapped up I guess. Bits of it kept passing out.
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Thank you so much for you're comments on Eomaia, it was a great help, everything you said was right. Im a big dunce when it comes to punctuation so thank you again!
//lena//
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sorry that i took so long to thank you for the comment on [link] but heres a late thank you. i shall be returnign the favour, probably tomorrow or tuesday evening.
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+devwatch.
from the few pieces i've had the pleasure to glance over tonight, i must say that i am very impressed. i'll look at them all in detail a little later and leave some words of praise. welcome to da.
and i like your icon, btw.
-- peace easy
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