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tendoIIar
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[41272376]
[2016-12-20 21:15:04 +0000 UTC]
"He looked at me like I was"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 34; Deviations: 4; Watchers: 754
Watching: 804; Pageviews: 15234; Comments Made: 4137; Friends: 804
# Interests
Other Interests: d# Comments
Comments: 2995
" Hey, what are you waiting for? What do you stall for? We won the war, what was it all for?! We studied, and we fought and we killed, for the notion of a nation we now get to build! For once in your life, take a stand with pride, I don't understand how you stand to the SIDE! "
This comment is for ic/ooc thoughts only.
DO NOT REPLY HERE, but feel free to reply to any of the 'entries'.
👍: 0 ⏩: 10
" I'm a horrible person. I deserve to die. All I ever do is ruin lives and make things worse. For instance, my wife. She was happy before I came along. She loved life. And then I walked into her life. Of course, she was completely love struck by my charm and looks, which I will admit to having, but then after she married me, she realized how awful of a man I am. I'm sure she constantly regrets taking my hand in marriage. Why wouldn't she? It's not like I ever did anything for her. I'm just a selfish bastard who takes, and takes, and takes. I could never make time for her. I even ended up cheating on her and allowing our son to die, only to come crawling back to her side, begging for forgiveness like the horrible man I am. She should have left me. "
" Or, for another example, John. He was leading a relatively calm, hopeful life. He would have grown up into an amazing man. He probably would have done better things than I did, anyways. But because of me, he chose to stray from the safe parameters of social norms, and instead brought myself, another man, into his heart and bed. And worst of all, I encouraged this behavior, just because of my own selfish need for the affection I had been denied as a youth. I grabbed him by the hand and made him follow me into the revolution, and now he's dead because of it. I practically killed him. I killed my best friend. "
" I'd say that I should kill myself just so I could see him again, but I know that wouldn't happen. Men like him are in heaven, whereas me... It's most certainly go to hell to pay for my sins. Not that I don't deserve it."
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" I really am just an annoying bastard orphan, aren't I? "
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Nobody likes you, immigrant.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
actually, the entire federalist party absolutely adores me
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Sorry, but no. I don't fight children.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Wtf don't
you're such an ass
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" I don't understand why so many people care for me and have become close to me. John, Laf, Herc, George, Eliza... Everyone who I've ever become friends with. Why? Why do they care? I'm not exactly 'friend material'. All I do is ruin lives, honestly. My father, my mother, John, Eliza, Angelica... I'm the reason all their lives went to shit. My father had a good idea though; he left before I could make it worse. I'm surprised everyone else hasn't done the same, especially John. "
" They really should. It'll make things a lot better for them. "
" Hah, or maybe I should just follow in my cousin's footsteps and make it more simple for everyone. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 3
Goddammit Alexander if you die then I'll kill myself I promise...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
( Alexander visibly flinched and looked down at the ground, breaking eye contact with Laurens. )
( A moment of silence followed, before a quiet sob left him. )
" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... John, please, I-I don't... I'm... Ple-Please don't do anything to yourself... "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*John immediately regrets what he said*
*John pulls Alexander in to his arms*
I didn't- I- I meant I would be lost without you Alex
*John starts tearing up*
I-I'm so sorry Alex....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
( Alexander didn't hug John back, nor speak. He just stayed silent, letting out the occasional sniffle or sob. )
( He felt horrible. He was horrible. Moments like this was what was driving Alexander over the edge. )
( No matter what he did, somebody always seemed to end up in pain some way because of it, and he didn't understand why. He was trying his hardest, but nothing seemed to ever go right. )
" Don't be sorry... It's-It's not your fault. Not at all. It's all my fault, John. "
" D-Don't... Don't even worry about it, alright? "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*John felt a little hurt that he didn't hug back but he didn't show it*
*John felt horrible about what he said and then started to cry*
N-No it is my fault... I should have watched what I said...and I should have cheered you up instead of making you cry I'm soo sorry Alexander...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
( Alexander went rigid for a moment before gingerly wrapping his arms around Laurens and hugging him. )
( He brought his voice down to a soft, smooth tone; one he almost never used. )
" No. It's not your fault, Laurens. Nothing that goes wrong is ever your fault. You're... Too good for this world, John. You never cause any problems, and all you do is focus on the needs of others. "
" To blame you for anything that goes wrong would be like... Killing a mockingbird. It would be a sin. "
" My problems aren't at all your fault, they're mine... Hah, most problems are my fault. We're polar opposites in that way. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Alex...I"m not the person who you think I am... neither am I this perfect human being...
*John wiped the tears off Alex's face with his sleeve*
Alex I care about you and it's not just me that cares about you...Laf,Herc,Angelica,Eliza,and all your children do too... And it hurts to see you like this Alex...it truly does...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" But you- you are perfect! You're the most perfect man I've ever met, and I'm... I'm me. I'm possibly the worst person to have ever existed, and yet... You care about me. So, so many amazing people care about me. I don't understand why! "
" All I'm doing is making everything worse! If I had just- just died as a child, the world would be a better place! "
" Yet here I am... Still alive... "
( He sniffled and looked away from John, his eyes full of what could only be described as regret. )
" You shouldn't be so concerned about me. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm not perfect nor are you the worst person to have ever existed!
I care about you because you're the closest friend I got...no you're more then that to me!
You've made things better here in America, you've even started the first national bank of AMERICA!
And you're the first Secretary of Treasury! If you've died as a child.. America would probably not be the same...
Nether would I and I can most likely speak the same for everyone else...
Alexander...I love you with all of my heart...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" You're right, John. If I died as a child, things really wouldn't be the same. "
" They'd be better. "
" You probably would've been able to find a nice lady instead of pining over me all this time... Eliza would've found a husband that could provide for her, Angelica would've met someone else who was her type... Washington would've been able to lead better, considering he wouldn't have any distractions. "
( Alexander laughed softly in an almost sarcastic way, and wiped a few fresh tears from his cheeks. )
" I guess there's no way to fix all of that now, though... "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Alexander, things would be horrible...
Eliza would never find a husband because when you walked into that room that night you'd made her heart go boom...
Angelica would never have at type because she would have never realized it...
Washington would most likely be dead due to Lee's arrogance...
And I like men and I'd rather be with you then anyone else...
*John looked straight into Alexander's eyes*
What is there to be fixed Alex?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
//...
//she kind of just.. stares at him, narrowed eyes, pursed lips
//slooowly walks towards him
//and then backhands the shit out of him
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
( fucking SCREAMS )
( and falls to the ground,, because the ham is weak )
( holding his face in pain )
" what tHE FUCK, ANGELICA?? "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
congratulations.
you see,, my favorite thing is that as i was writing this you were writing this sweet adorable starter of which i didn't deserve
so w/o checking which one i replied to it looks like ham just greeted her all nice and she responded by fuckinG SLAPPING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM I'M SO SORRY
//she is unfazed by the scream
//watches the weak man fall
// g l a r e
"i literally should be asking you that. did you just vaguely consider hanging yourself ? "
// she scoffs
"for fuck's sake, alexander. i get that you've fucked up but you can't say things like that. you can't even consider things like that. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
[ NONSTOP ]
I'M CRYING BC JUST IMAGINE THEM LIKE
ham: angelica!! :^D how have you been?? i brought you roses and-
angelica: /backhands the shit outta ham
( angelica you're not helping )
( he's saying that he's depressed and suicidal and you backhanded him )
( puts a hand to his face, gingerly pressing it against the red welt her hand left )
" and you expect hitting me will make me stop thinking about it? because i can assure you, after an entire life of being beaten by people who i wanted to trust, it most certainly does not help! as a matter of fact, it makes it worse! "
( he mad )
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
congratulations.
"i brought you roses!!"
"i brought you this hand"
//angelica = possibly unaware of the severity of this situation
// also angelica = gives zero (0) fucks and is done w/ this man's moping yesterday
" my intention was to slap the stupid out of you, since you're obviously full of it right now. "
// deadpan.
// let him be mad tbh
" you're surrounded by people on a day-to-day basis who love you, who would be lost without you, and you're contemplating something as grim as taking your life? "
//sighs;; calms down a little, her expression fades from anger to a softer one of genuine concern. her voice is somewhat more gentle.
" isn't it obvious that despite whatever mistakes you've made, they don't make anyone -- your friends, your family, your wife -- love you any less? we're still here for you, we're still going to be here regardless. not having you here wouldn't make anything better and i have no idea where the hell that idea even came from. "
//she looks like she wants to touch his shoulder or something but refrains considering she slapped him like 10 seconds ago and the last thing he prolly wants is for her to touch him
" this isn't like you. why would you think things like that? "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" why would i think things like that? why would i think things like that? "
" angelica, all i do is ruin lives! you, of all people, should know this! "
( he shakily gets to his feet, never breaking eye contact with angelica. )
" all i do is make people's lives worse. that's quite literally all i do. "
" there would be so many good people still alive and happy if it weren't for me! i know you'd be much better off, eliza would've married someone who could actually be there for her, and laurens... he would still be alive and well. "
" but no. i came along and made everything worse. "
" and that, my dear friend, is why i should've died alongside my mother. "
" really, it would've made everything a lot better for quite a few people. "
( laughs softly and looks away from her )
( get this boi some help )
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
//she listens to him, frowning with her eyebrows furrowed
//get this boi some help indeed
" you're ridiculous. "
//she scoffs, shaking her head
" look at me. "
//waits until he does
" everyday, as i suffer a practically impassive and dull marriage, i still look forward to you sending me a letter. hearing how you're doing, what plan you're working on, how your family is. "
" eliza would never have met someone like you at that stupid winter ball, because even she knew from the moment she saw you that you were the one. otherwise, she would have married for the same exact reason that i did. can you imagine? "
" and were you in south carolina when laurens was shot? no? then drop it. it was absolutely beyond your control and you know that, alexander. "
" if you weren't here, i can swear to you that our lives wouldn't have been anything less than dull. and that's just talking about the people around you - what about that damn legacy you keep talking about? who knows what would've happened if lee had led that army by washington instead of you? "
" if you trust me enough as you say you do, if you really do consider me your intellectual equivalent, then you'll trust me when i say that you not dying feverish at your mother's side was a blessing. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Charles Lee !! yO I WAS READING THIS JUST FINE BUT THAT LAST LINE HAS ME MESSED U P
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[ NONSTOP ]
you're welcome
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Charles Lee !! delet ur account no dont actually do that
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
" Jefferson is actually really hot. I'd probably let him fuck me if the opportunity arrived. But I'd still hate the damn man. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" gross i'd probably catch something from you "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" i'm perfectly healthy thank you very much "
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
" I do try to act fun loving when I'm around other people. When I'm around my friends and family. And I suppose I am fun loving; I like to enjoy life. But I never let them see past that. Not even my wife. Not even John. "
" I can't let them. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
" man, john has a really nice ass... "
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
💋{ vocal equivalent of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
"oh- did i really make that noise? i meant to say-"
"who's this 'john' guy"
"tell me everything about him and his ass"
💋{he has this. interested expression on his face
💋{as prince of lust he's obligated to know about every nice ass ever
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" well if you insist on knowing- john is my closest friend. i'd like to say that we're in a relationship, but we're unfortunately not. "
" the only reason is that people don't take kindly to homosexuality in america. "
" but let me tell you, this man is damn fine. i can't even describe how great he is. you just- you have to see him to know what i'm talking about. "
( i wonder how john would feel about this conversation )
( alexander has this sort of far off, dazed look in his eyes,,, thinking about his bf )
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
" i'm talking like- like the best i've ever seen!! "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" really ?? "
" i think laf's is better though "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" ??? "
" no?? that's not true at all?? "
" he's got like... a nice butt, but not as nice as yours. "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" ??? no no "
" you're just saying that "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" i'm quite personally offended that you're not believing me... "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" it's only because you're saying i've got a better ass than laf "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
" i mean like - he's got a sweet ass, but you've got a better one, i'm telling you! "
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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