yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-15 05:25:19 +0000 UTC]

Hey! I am not dead...ish....yet haha. Thank you for even saying hi! I miss talking with you!!!!

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-15 20:36:36 +0000 UTC]

Gato blocks me and suddenly you come back from the dead?!? *death-gripples*

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-15 22:50:00 +0000 UTC]

What? Gato blocked you??? Why? Is she ok??? Haha, I am sorry I have been gone for so long... been crazy few years haha... still is crazy

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yamata In reply to yamata [2015-06-16 02:00:13 +0000 UTC]

Been a while yes. I first wasnt on as much since my Dad died and my friends on tumblr and skype helped me through it (literally, like sent me food in the hospital that I was staying at while my dad slipped away over the course of a few weeks), then because I was homeless, then because I was sick and busy working, then because I had not laptop at all, then because I was in and out of the hospital and still am haha.... well the in and out of the hospital is the usual for me, just more so than usual.... Recently on my birthday was hospitalized with kidney and bladder failure... then nervous system problems... and more fun stuff... they say my thyroid is rejecting vitamins or something? Soooooo organs sometimes want to shut down haha. But I am going in once a week and getting injections and help and have a nice job as a tattoo artist again. I am still homeless but not in nearly as bad of a situation. I am sorry I took such a long break. DA just doesnt work well on my phone as Skype and tumblr so it was much more difficult to be on. But I am happy to see you are still around.
As for the you being abusive whore... that... seems oddly out of character for you? JK JK, I cannot see you as being malicious ever seriously... Was it a case of things spiraling out of control after a misunderstanding? I havent talked to Gato in hella long time.... Im sorry... I dont even know if she likes me any more.... I just missed you and her and everyone else very much....

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-16 01:24:28 +0000 UTC]

because i am an emotionally abusive whore that scared her cuz i loved her and i don't take being ignored and abandoned very well and cuz i linked her journal to somebody asking them to help me with a soul-crushing response to it since i wanted her to hurt as much as she hurt me. *shrugs* and yes you have been gone too long...i thought you were dead...i honestly never expected to see you again...  *clings tightly*

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-17 04:47:46 +0000 UTC]

Been a while yes. I first wasnt on as much since my Dad died and my friends on tumblr and skype helped me through it (literally, like sent me food in the hospital that I was staying at while my dad slipped away over the course of a few weeks), then because I was homeless, then because I was sick and busy working, then because I had not laptop at all, then because I was in and out of the hospital and still am haha.... well the in and out of the hospital is the usual for me, just more so than usual.... Recently on my birthday was hospitalized with kidney and bladder failure... then nervous system problems... and more fun stuff... they say my thyroid is rejecting vitamins or something? Soooooo organs sometimes want to shut down haha. But I am going in once a week and getting injections and help and have a nice job as a tattoo artist again. I am still homeless but not in nearly as bad of a situation. I am sorry I took such a long break. DA just doesnt work well on my phone as Skype and tumblr so it was much more difficult to be on. But I am happy to see you are still around.
As for the you being abusive whore... that... seems oddly out of character for you? JK JK, I cannot see you as being malicious ever seriously... Was it a case of things spiraling out of control after a misunderstanding? I havent talked to Gato in hella long time.... Im sorry... I dont even know if she likes me any more.... I just missed you and her and everyone else very much....

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-17 19:39:14 +0000 UTC]

according to her i spiraled out of control and became a completely different person  which she still hasn't cited as to when  did or what i did, but apparently saying "i love you" and wanting to give her things is fuckign terrifying to her...i wish i had known i coulda tried to send you money thru paypal..if you have a card...where are u currently staying??in a shelter? in a car? please stay safe. i just thought you already faded away because i never recalled seeing anyting announcing you were leaving and i'm so sorry what happened to you and your dad. if there's anything i can do please tell me

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-18 03:09:59 +0000 UTC]

I am right now, staying on my friend's floor for a week or two. Hopefully I can figure something out soon enough haha. Just doing my best to stay optimistic haha. Life has been rough, but that doesnt mean it doesnt have it's upsides. I still love making art, and the fact I am still able to do that is a plus. My dad died pretty young in reality, and pretty quickly. He was a healthy muscular REALLY REALLY tall (so tall that they didnt have beds in the hospital to fit him properly, they had to prop up his legs so he would fit haha) bodyguard, but he got an infection which when he got to the hospital got worse. He ended up with MRSA, then a blood clot, that gave him a stroke that left his brain mush... He could only feel pain and had very little memory. He went from a picture of good health that everyone strives to be to the worst possible state in a matter of days, then he passed away after a few weeks. He was young. I am still young and have a ton of medical issues of my own. No sense in being grumpy and upset constantly about it haha. I mean I still get depressed from time to time, but I do my best to remember that I am still alive so I still have a chance... I went through some really really REALLY dark times and I dont want to do that again... it only makes it worse you know? 

As for Gato, I am sorry. I really dont know what to say. I dont know her side of the story and I wish I could help in one way or another... Like I said I havent talked to her in at least a year. I have sent her a message or two via skype but I dunno if she is ever on. Just try to remember the good times and grow from the experience... I know that sucks to hear... but I dont really know much else that I could say or do.... 

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-18 04:47:38 +0000 UTC]

you have it worse than i do..you don't need to be trying to comfort this crybaby. and by all means ,if you are interested, get her side i don;t want you to think i'm trying to turn you against her and she always has her skype set to "offline" BY CHOICE as she put it. i'm glad you are still alive though..i wish i could see your art..*hugs weakly*

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-18 16:03:23 +0000 UTC]

Haha, having it worse is a matter of perspective. Everyone hurts and to them that is what is important because empathy and understanding only goes so far, so to each person their own personal problems often are the most important. Being a crybaby isnt bad either. We all need to have a cry now and then, just as long as you can pick yourself up afterwards. *hugs* Feel better. I wish you the best dear. 
As for her being offline by choice, she often does that. I remember when we used to chat on msn and such, she was almost always "offline" and I accepted it because that was how she needed to do things to get through her life.  Sometimes being able to pick and choose when is best to chat with people is for the best.  Never knowing when you want to be left alone until it is too late or when you need to be able to talk to just a person or people at a time without interference can be her way of controlling her social life. We all need some control in our life after all. I am not defending her, because I do not really know what happened. But what I am trying to do is maybe make it a little easier to see where she was coming from being offline. 
I dont know really what went down, but I hope that things do get resolved. If not I hope you both can have your memories of the good times and be able to smile about it in the end. I care about you both. I know I wasnt around, but I did think of the people here on DA often and I am happy to find out you thought of me too. Thanks

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-18 17:35:20 +0000 UTC]

funny because i can see she's been keeping in touch with other people. the people she was talking to while she,now admits was avoiding me. see i thoguht it was just me the whole time. that she was either dead, or hurt, or unable to get on, but then i see shes been messaging and faving shit. she always has her skype set to offline so she isnlt overwhelmed by all 77 contacts tryn to talk to her all at once. ever sinc ei got skype i've only had 5 contacts and nobody had been talkign to me. turns otu she wasn't completely gone., she was just avoiding me. and she said i was "too erratic and manic to be trusted and she never trusted me" yet she ha dno problem saying "i lov ethis girl. i adore this girl" and giving me her address to send he rthe helmet she needed for her cosplay. and ha ssinc ebeen tryign to move, i guess, to make sure i don;t send a bomb to her house, because i am totally someone who would do that in all the years she;s known me. my "good times" with her only serve to make me wonder whenthe fuk i actualy was just a fleeting entertainment for her because i was totally easy to give up when i outlived my usefulness to her. i don't even care to fix these typos. hope you can decipher them. i would gladly trade physical conditions with you. at least then it would be "normal" to feel helpess and worthless. i honestly donlt give a shit about my health, that;s why i;m big as a fucking car. i hate myself so fucking much and this only proves why there is literally nothing good about me. every friendship has a timer and  she rage-threw hers out the window. i figured yours went off but i must have hit snooze and slept through it. i didntl know you couldn;t be on, but i;m glad you;re back not for my sake, (it gives me closure at least) but for anyone else who's been missing you too.

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-19 03:52:29 +0000 UTC]

Hey now... dont talk like that. You might think of it all this way now... but its up to you to make the change to thinking more fondly of the past. I am not saying you or her was in the wrong because again, I do not know her side of the story. I know that I have WAY WAY WAY more contacts than her if she only has 77 haha. But I also know it can get overwhelming.  I dont what was going through her head to make her act this way, and I am very sorry you are hurt. But trust me, you dont want to trade places with me in the least.  
I may be positive now but I was gone for a long while for a reason.  Between my dad dying and having only gotten to know him for 5 years (and let me tell you that was a blow that I dont want anyone to feel, feeling like I finally have a dad that loves me after 18 years of abuse and tears and scars only to have him pass away is the worst), to my health continue to deteriorate and keeping me in the hospital on and off, to loosing friends of my own... friends I have considered sisters and brothers to me for years.... whether because they passed away or we had a falling out... I know your pain only too well... and I wish it on no one. But I say this from the bottom of my heart dear. There are those who care about you, but if you do not care for yourself you make it very difficult to want to stay near. I know this because I had to overcome it. I will die, and probably without my surgery and my living situation, very soon, but I want to smile while I can... I want to be happy and make others happy and not dwell on misery but remember the good times.  I lost a friend because of her girlfriend, and at first I was very upset... it hurt knowing that what we went through meant nothing in the face of this new lady who hated me... BUT I stopped being mad... I thought about the fun we had, and I left my door open to her if she needs me in the future because you never know what can happen. I dont want to burn bridges... that is a very lonely life... and life is short so why not keep those roads open... just in case you know? 
So, what I am saying is... I know you hurt, I know you are sad, I know life is hard and feelings can hurt so much more than physical wounds... but I care about you as a friend, and I know others do. So think about the good. The good things about you, and the world, and your life, and EVERYTHING!!! UUUUUUuugghhhh I sound so super lame haha but its how I get through it you know??? 

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-20 03:06:49 +0000 UTC]

*hugs tightly* but that sthe thing. there ISN'T anything good about me..and when i try to mak epeople happy they "get scared and leave'  so there's even less to like. and i don;t see what; sso good about life when there;s beautiful bpeople liek you alway ssuffering and leaving it..i don't wan tyou to die.! i need you.! othe rpeople need you! take me instead! i swear, i wonlt be missed for very long!and fuck tha tbitch hard in the ass. anyone that looks you over fo rANYTHING is garbage. let her blow in the wind and get crunche dby a car and scoot away slolwy and stupidly, she is dumb and poop and peepe flavored! an di hat eher! *gentle cuddles*

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2015-06-20 14:17:13 +0000 UTC]

Haha sweetie its fine! You say there isnt anything good about you but if that were the case then gato and I and others would never have even talked to you at all. You said yourself you try to make people happy, that is a good thing. There are a thousand and one other things as well! You just need to think about them and work to make them more apparent! All things in moderation as well, if it is a matter of you trying to make her happy and that scared her off there are any number of reasons why. But dont look at it as a bad thing, but as an experience you had. Like is full of experiences and you learn and grow from them.  Please, try to think of the things you are good at. Even if it isnt "good at" but that you enjoy! Im not "good" at much, but I do know what I enjoy doing and I work at it, that is a good thing I think about myself and you can too. Just a matter of putting in the effort haha... and I am so super lazy... so if I can anyone can! 
Haha, I forgive her. She... is in just a different place in her life now and doesnt need me. That doesnt mean it doesnt hurt! Because trust me it does... but I have enough negativity in my life to dwell on it, plus it does me no good to mope.  I have much more important things to worry about in the long run you know???
And as for the dying thing, I hope I dont... at least not yet. BUT you never know... I mean there is only so much I can do right now. I dont have the funds to keep going to the hospital but I dont have the health not too so it is kinda sucky... again I try not to dwell on it though.  I have a job I enjoy, I have lovely friends, I have a cat who is my baby and I love so much, I have a boyfriend who for the past 2 years has gone above and beyond to take care of me regardless of how horrid I can be and how much work I am, I still have the ability to do art, and I am still alive. Mind you I did not have all these things for a long while and I have to work to keep them. I just started my job again because I am forcing myself to work, technically the Doctor says I should be bed ridden. I have a note that says I should never be left home alone because I cant do anything for myself haha... ugh but that is depressing and costly... SO I WORK! And I found a job that I love and have done before. My boyfriend and I fight... but that is a relationship for you. We both are so stressed from bill, being homeless, my health and everything that it puts a major strain on our relationship.  Mind you we work through it because we care.  Everything good takes effort.... and that includes you! You are good and you have good qualities you just need to put in the effort to look for them and hone them to PERFECTION! jk jk ok maybe not perfection because I dont know about you but I am far far FAR too lazy for that nonsense!!! but really... even if my organs continue to shut down and I do pass away, it doesnt mean that it would have been better if it were you, it means that I was happy to have known you and you get to remember me and carry my memory with you. That is amazing to me. I have had to work through my own mortality a lot especially these last few months. I push away my boyfriend from time to time because I dont want him "wasting his time" on someone who might die soon, or hurt him if I do pass away.... but he always says I can live on in those who care. Its a small thing to say but a big hope for someone like me.... I mean... I dont want to go yet but knowing that people will remember me for years mean even if I only live this long I am kinda still alive everytime people replay my memories in their heads.  That includes you!!! So you have great things in you, dont let them go to waste by over looking them.  I know you do. 

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2015-06-21 02:39:56 +0000 UTC]

i wish i could be like you and think all of those things but honestly there isn't much of anything good about me. if there were i wouldn't constantly be left behind. and i have an inkling if somehow everhting works out, after a while you will forget me to..and i will spend the years wondering what i did to piss you of so badly

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yamata In reply to LittleHouseCrafting [2013-03-25 02:08:30 +0000 UTC]

shhh you arent supposed announce when you stalk people... not like im stalking you too... that would be silly.... *shifty eyes*
Haha yes, It was awesome to meet you! You guys were epic! love love loved you as our "neighbors"

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LittleHouseCrafting In reply to yamata [2013-03-25 16:57:37 +0000 UTC]

^_^

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yamata In reply to LittleHouseCrafting [2013-03-25 21:04:22 +0000 UTC]

and I love your killer whales

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LittleHouseCrafting In reply to yamata [2013-03-25 21:05:49 +0000 UTC]

:3 Thank you!

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yamata In reply to LittleHouseCrafting [2013-03-25 21:16:20 +0000 UTC]

De nada! You guys are amazing with talent! Hope to see you again!

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LittleHouseCrafting In reply to yamata [2013-03-25 21:42:22 +0000 UTC]

Definitely! <3

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yamata In reply to LittleHouseCrafting [2013-03-25 23:32:47 +0000 UTC]

YAY!

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-23 01:28:18 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Lp-chan... Im sorry I havent been around!!! I still adore you and missed you!

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-01-23 02:30:48 +0000 UTC]

;-; i was worried you were dead! i haventl heard form you in forever! *deathhugs*

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-23 03:59:46 +0000 UTC]

Not dead, but i was close to it? that and i had death to people very close to me haha

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-01-23 05:49:52 +0000 UTC]

i wish i could trade places with him..to make you and so many other peopel happy

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-23 05:52:47 +0000 UTC]

Dont wish anything, You make many people happy and you are amazing. Dont ever doubt that

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-01-23 09:23:24 +0000 UTC]

too late, chick. i already know better.any happiness i bring to people is only temporary and easily forgotten after a few months

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-24 00:32:31 +0000 UTC]

dont say that!
If that was true I wouldnt remember you right?
I thought of you while I was away and you were the first person I talked to when I came back.
You are not easily forgotten

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-01-29 20:45:51 +0000 UTC]

;-;.....*hugs tightly*...*smooches cheek softly* ;3;<3

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-31 00:18:27 +0000 UTC]

*blush blush* mew mew

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-01-31 18:27:55 +0000 UTC]

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-01-31 19:59:12 +0000 UTC]

you so silly!

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-02-01 21:51:01 +0000 UTC]

---u--- no..i;m crazy <3

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-02-02 03:22:37 +0000 UTC]

crazy is the new adorable

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friendshipisfiction In reply to yamata [2013-02-03 03:14:38 +0000 UTC]

^3~ <3 crazy like a kitten-fox

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yamata In reply to friendshipisfiction [2013-02-03 03:55:21 +0000 UTC]

heck yea!

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