Comments: 29
NekoMarik [2011-10-03 16:18:28 +0000 UTC]
This is very well-written, but starting at, "I wonder does it echo," the lack of punctuation seems very stark. In the previous part of the poem, it flowed very well, but after that line the flow is a bit jumpy and snags every other line.
The last line, simple as it is, and without the period, kind of serves as a slap in the face to the reader- i like it. It really brings out the hurt in both the speaker and the spoken-too.
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AkaiTaiyo In reply to NekoMarik [2011-11-11 22:08:44 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow I am sorry it took me this long to reply, I kind of neglected my account here.
Thank you very much for your feedback, and reading it back it seems to me now you got a point there.
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Razor13 [2010-06-03 17:35:12 +0000 UTC]
They're not my favorite flowers, but the poem itself is very amazing.
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Castx13 [2010-06-03 16:14:04 +0000 UTC]
Wow, what a Powerfull Poem, I dont find too many of them on DA, or any where. (But i could be looking in the wrong places) Still, I like your style and ability to convay a emotion from your reader.
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EllenEinkauf [2010-05-31 17:16:39 +0000 UTC]
absolutely beautiful. is this written after a breakup and because you are missing someone and afraid to forget what that feels like?
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AkaiTaiyo In reply to EllenEinkauf [2010-05-31 18:50:42 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the comment, and yes you're right it's after breakup.
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EllenEinkauf In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-06-01 00:41:47 +0000 UTC]
im sorry... it's not a good feeling at all
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RavenousCountess [2010-05-30 10:23:07 +0000 UTC]
This is impressive! I love how sensitive, heartwarming and sweet it it.
It's painful how much the first part reminds me of someone. It's not a bad thing, just very intense. Beautifully written!
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Marsali-x [2010-05-30 06:27:04 +0000 UTC]
Sends a shiver down the spine. Well done!
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