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AkaiTaiyo — Do you remember I love sunflow
Published: 2010-05-29 19:55:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 977; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 5
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Description Do you rememer I love sunflowers?
Laying late in my bed
And waking up to your kisses

Do you remember I like staying up late
And thinking how it would be being in your arms
Feeling your skin under tips of my fingers
And smell of your hair when you come close

Even now I stand up alone
Imagining how it would be
How it would feel
Taste
And sound

I wonder does it echo
When I would feel it
Or maybe it just fades away
Is it intense
Or just plain painfull

Wonder is it warm
Or does it feel like a cold water
Is it sweet?

I want to wait
I want to sense
Finally and fully
Utterly and completely

Your regret
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Comments: 29

NekoMarik [2011-10-10 23:11:44 +0000 UTC]

This has been featured here: [link]

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NekoMarik [2011-10-03 16:18:28 +0000 UTC]

This is very well-written, but starting at, "I wonder does it echo," the lack of punctuation seems very stark. In the previous part of the poem, it flowed very well, but after that line the flow is a bit jumpy and snags every other line.
The last line, simple as it is, and without the period, kind of serves as a slap in the face to the reader- i like it. It really brings out the hurt in both the speaker and the spoken-too.

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to NekoMarik [2011-11-11 22:08:44 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow I am sorry it took me this long to reply, I kind of neglected my account here.
Thank you very much for your feedback, and reading it back it seems to me now you got a point there.

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TheseKrimzonFlames [2010-07-06 21:49:20 +0000 UTC]

Ach. Well done.

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to TheseKrimzonFlames [2010-07-06 22:12:33 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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GuendaKawaai [2010-06-16 15:56:33 +0000 UTC]

so sweet and delicately written,
try and live without regrets though, what is done is done, it's time to start a new day

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to GuendaKawaai [2010-06-16 16:11:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for comment and for the advice as well, I will try

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GuendaKawaai In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-06-16 19:04:21 +0000 UTC]

no problem!! life isn't worth living if you are scared to try new things

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anasthinkings [2010-06-06 08:03:49 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful.

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to anasthinkings [2010-06-07 19:17:57 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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anasthinkings In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-06-08 17:30:46 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

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Razor13 [2010-06-03 17:35:12 +0000 UTC]

They're not my favorite flowers, but the poem itself is very amazing.

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to Razor13 [2010-06-03 17:42:24 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. Yeah I understand they're not everyone's favourite flovers it just holds some kind of dash of past and nice memories for me I suppose which is a reason more to love them.

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Razor13 In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-06-03 19:09:20 +0000 UTC]

Everything we care about holds some sort of significance for us. I have memories of a friend attached to them. It's amazing how tall they can get!

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Castx13 [2010-06-03 16:14:04 +0000 UTC]

Wow, what a Powerfull Poem, I dont find too many of them on DA, or any where. (But i could be looking in the wrong places) Still, I like your style and ability to convay a emotion from your reader.

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to Castx13 [2010-06-03 17:41:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for such a great comment.

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EllenEinkauf [2010-05-31 17:16:39 +0000 UTC]

absolutely beautiful. is this written after a breakup and because you are missing someone and afraid to forget what that feels like?

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to EllenEinkauf [2010-05-31 18:50:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the comment, and yes you're right it's after breakup.

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EllenEinkauf In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-05-31 22:48:36 +0000 UTC]

that is me right now, my bf broke up with me exactly a week ago from now. it hurts, i want him back so bad

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to EllenEinkauf [2010-05-31 22:51:18 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I understand that.

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EllenEinkauf In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-06-01 00:41:47 +0000 UTC]

im sorry... it's not a good feeling at all

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Marusska [2010-05-30 18:17:21 +0000 UTC]

This is amazing. I do love sunflowers too and the emotions seem familiar. Great work!

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to Marusska [2010-05-30 18:20:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much

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Marusska In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-05-30 19:00:26 +0000 UTC]

Np!

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RavenousCountess [2010-05-30 10:23:07 +0000 UTC]

This is impressive! I love how sensitive, heartwarming and sweet it it.

It's painful how much the first part reminds me of someone. It's not a bad thing, just very intense. Beautifully written!

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to RavenousCountess [2010-05-30 16:04:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment.
Really appreciate it.

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RavenousCountess In reply to AkaiTaiyo [2010-05-30 19:21:48 +0000 UTC]

You are most welcome! ~

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Marsali-x [2010-05-30 06:27:04 +0000 UTC]

Sends a shiver down the spine. Well done!

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AkaiTaiyo In reply to Marsali-x [2010-05-30 06:28:40 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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