Comments: 9
sammehsweet [2006-11-04 00:04:47 +0000 UTC]
I like this one alot - and the cat lover in me is currently doing her happy dance. This was most interesting plot I've come across in a while, and it was a delight to lean back in my chair and become involved in it. I have to say, truth is stranger than fiction! At least sometimes anyway.
The realism in this is really strong, and I like the way you keep mentioning places like the library, pawn-shops and gym because it really builds that picture of the area and helps cement that strength of place. It also added to make the cat seem more out of the ordinary when it cropped up, when you'd had the usual sights and sounds of the city given to you before. Upon mentioning finding the cat, this sentence:
'There is something in the sight of such a jet-black imp that I have always found to shake one out of mental lethargy, dragging a man toward a desultorily childish thrill of discovery. '
Awesome sentence, jumped right out of the page and -demanded- me to make sure you got credit in its authorship. The language and sound of this is wonderful. Stunning.
Okalies, back to critiquing. I like how you've successfully captured the character voice, especially the little asides and colloquialisms worked well , the one about strange things always happening when you're meant to be elsewhere, was good. These really worked in speaking to the audience, as did your use of first person also go hand in hand with it. Also, thumbs up in being able to weave in your pro vocabulary without losing that said individual tone. Now -that- takes alot of talent.
Your description is strong, as mentioned, because of your language and I think you kept it evenly balanced. It was enough to always provide image building in your audiences mind. Very effectively pulled off.
In all, well done, nothing at all strikes me from it that needs work! A soild piece!
Sammi
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Koolaidmaid [2006-10-13 16:37:40 +0000 UTC]
I love how you painted this tail for the reader. Love the idea of the black cat and how it tied everything together. Sorry my comment is not so indepth this time. Head cold zaps rational thoughts. *chuckles* I loved it though.
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AngelicAzriel In reply to Koolaidmaid [2006-10-13 20:02:31 +0000 UTC]
XD Aww, thanks. Actually, this was a true story, with absolutely no exaggerations whatsoever - it was like it was just dropped into my lap!
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AngelicAzriel In reply to Koolaidmaid [2006-10-17 03:02:53 +0000 UTC]
LOL I certainly hope my previous life consisted of something a little less contrived.
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AngelicAzriel In reply to Koolaidmaid [2006-10-20 04:22:32 +0000 UTC]
LOL You're welcome to take a crack at the ol' angel squad any time you like - I loved the Chip N' Dale pics. I hung one on my wall for a while, even.
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Koolaidmaid In reply to AngelicAzriel [2006-10-20 22:02:15 +0000 UTC]
LOL. You did?! *grins* Would be fun to make a collection of them. hehehe
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