apricotpoet [2004-02-06 14:38:33 +0000 UTC]

It still didnt work. .... how the heck do you get it to indent?

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apricotpoet [2004-02-06 14:37:45 +0000 UTC]

There are supposed to be spacs between the poem and the lines I'll take you there.

Sort of like this:
In dreams of dark velvet I'll take you there
And lips made to melt I'll take you there
You will find no limits I'll take you there
To what you have felt In dreams of dark velvet

I've built you a bridge I'll meet you there
To sensations unknown I'll meet you there
So free your mind I'll meet you there
Or go it alone I've built you a bridge

In hidden crevices I'll consume you there
If only you knew I'll consume you there
Ecstatic delight I'll consume you there
What these hands could do In hidden crevices

What is pleasure I'll teach you there
And what is pain I'll teach you there
Each become one So ask me again

But for some reason no matter how many times I re-submit it with the correct spacing it seems to come out wrong.

Thanks anyway all

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thesedoors [2004-02-05 16:43:41 +0000 UTC]

I like - all yes I do - I like. Wording words are fun!! Take care....

-Darrell

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badfinger [2003-04-07 10:49:19 +0000 UTC]

Very strong and a powerfull rhytmn!

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apricotafterthot [2003-03-10 20:33:05 +0000 UTC]

I like it too.
It's smooth
and powerful.

Thanks very much for your comments on my writing.

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selune [2003-03-05 17:13:02 +0000 UTC]

This could make an excellent song - all those rhymes, rhytm and repetition... Very, very impressive. And the language itself is sophisticated, with vivid imagery... Guess that dark velvet has always been a symbol of passion.
My respect,
SFF

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murphyx [2003-01-30 12:18:01 +0000 UTC]

I love this. The repetition brings the feeling across very well...

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