HOME | DD

Description

WARNING: The following text contains mild mentions of sexual abuse and strong language. Reader discretion is advised.

Tired paws trudged along the earth, their nails nearly forming tiny rivets in the dirt with each step, becoming more and more sluggish with every stride. The tall male whom the paws belonged held his head low as he walked, a distant, hollow look glazing his once vibrant blue eyes. Where was he even going? He couldn't say at this point. Sleep had evaded him ever since he left the swamp, and all he could do was fill his days with endless walking, mind numb and heart shattered. He should've been home, with her... with his children. Had they been born yet? Was Ophelia doing okay? These thoughts cycled around his mind over and over, consuming him like a plague, stripping any chances of sleep or relaxation away from him. He couldn't go on like this forever. He needed to do something, come to some kind of conclusion on what he would do with himself now before he keeled over from the exhaustion. He couldn't just wander aimlessly for the rest of his life, but how could he ever go home and face her? Face the consequences of what he had done? Face his children, the ones he promised to help raise before selfishly leaving their mother to do it on her own...

The male stopped and sighed before slowly raising his head to take a look at his surrounding. Funny how one can become so unaware of the changing landscape when their mind is in a haze. Somehow he had found himself on high grounds, in an area with little tree coverage and sharp, jagged stone dotting vast mountains. A cold wind ruffled his fur and whistled in his ear, something he had not even taken notice of until that very moment. Dark clouds covered the sky, the smell of rain soon to come saturating his nostrils. But he didn't bother to take cover. Instead he slowly sat his weary body down on the rocky surface and stared off into the distance at nothing in particular. He deserved to be drenched in freezing rain, he decided. Hell, he deserved a lot more than that. While his heavy eyes were open he saw only images of Ophelia, of what his pups might look like, of... of his encounter with the young she-wolf in the woods. He thought it would help the pain, what he did, but it only made it far, far worse. His eyes began to burn with the sting of tears. Crying had always been seen as weakness in the eyes of his father, and so he learned how hold it in over the years. But his father was gone from his life now. It's not like there was anyone around to witness it anyway. Hot and heavy tears began to brim in his eyes, then slowly the sobs came, silent at first but growing louder with each heave. His father had been right about him all his life. He was failure.

Unknown to Roman, the figure of a slender she-wolf was heading in his direction. It was Kaya, a stranger to him who had taken a moment to slip away from the watchful eye of her mother and that raven to spend some time alone. Her mind, too, raced with her own set of problems: leaving Onni, learning of her past and preparing for an unknown future. Some of the things her mother said in her stories had been... concerning to say the least. She couldn't quite agree with her beliefs, that they had hailed from a "supreme" pack filled with only the best blood, but she was still her mother. And that had to mean something, right? As Kaya reached reached the crest of the mountainside, a place she often liked to visit for some alone time, she was greeted with the sight of another wolf, back turned to her and... wait, were they crying? It was interesting that, ever since leaving her pack and having only the company of her mother and her feathered minion, she was becoming more fond of meeting strangers. Where she once treasured being completely alone, she soon came to realize that it was only because it was forced onto her to socialize as part of being in a pack. Though she had been all alone for nearly a year in the past, she was far too busy just keeping herself alive to crave companionship. But now that her mother ensured she was well fed, the isolation she felt from only having her mother --who was far more formal and ridged than most others, far too much like herself-- was beginning to dawn on her. While she kept a safe distance just in case this stranger (who was much larger than herself) was the violent type, she hesitantly called out to him.

"Hey there... are you alright?"

Startled by the sudden voice --a real voice this time-- Roman quickly stood to his feet, furiously wiping away at the tears with a paw. "Y-yeah, I'm fine," he choked in response before turning to see who had talked to him. As his eyes met her own, his blood went cold. It was her. The she-wolf from the cave all that time ago. Almost simultaneously, Kaya's eyes went wide before her brows scrunched together and lip twitched in fury. If looks could kill, Roman would've died a violent and bloody death. Teeth now bared, Kaya spat out a single word, voice dripping in venom.

"You."

Horror in his eyes, the male's jaw went slack. He searched for his words, to say something, anything in response, but they simply would not come. The female stalked towards him, fire in her eyes and a snarl emitting from her throat. "W-wait, I swear it wasn't what it looked like!" Roman said with desperation lacing his words, but the she-wolf didn't even seem to hear them. She lunged towards him as Roman flinched in response, not even attempting to move or block her but merely bracing himself for what was to come. Teeth fully exposed, Kaya was right in front of him now, ready to sink her teeth into is flesh as Roman closed his eyes and waited for the blow. But it never came. Kaya suddenly sat back on her haunches and stopped mere inches in front of him, teeth still primed but a look of panic in her eyes, as she was afraid to get any closer. Her fear of large males was still too much to overcome, even in spite of the rage simmering inside her. "You fucking piece of shit," she snarled. "What the fuck do you want from me?! Why are you here?!"

"P-please," he retorted. "I had nothing to do with what happened to you."

"Bull-fucking-shit! Just because you didn't get involved does not mean you are innocent! You could have done something, anything to get us out there! But instead you left us in the clutches of those monsters. To be tortured and harassed, to be..." She couldn't even say the next word. It would mean reliving what had happened to her, reopening those barely scabbed over wounds.

A few years prior, shortly after Roman had left his family pack, he encountered a rowdy group of rogue males. They were crude, violent, ill-mannered, and certainly not the characters he would've hung around prior to leaving. But while they could've killed him simply for the hell of it, there was something about him that they liked, and so they offered Roman --or rather gave him an ultimatum-- a spot within their gang. A fresh loner with no where else to go and no purpose in life, he had obliged. For the rest of the winter he found refuge with the gang of rowdy males, and if he was being halfway honest, he enjoyed being a part of their crew. He liked doing whatever he please. After living his life with endless rules, schedules, and expectations, he could finally be free amongst them. While it was tough at times, as long as Roman was respectful and did whatever the crimson-eyed Alpha told him, life within the gang had its perks. It wasn't until the warmer weather began to melt the snow away that things changed. Talk of 'gathering' females began to excite the rowdy group. The Alpha talked of forming a harem, a foreign concept for Roman but seemingly harmless at the time. One day they decided to put their plan into action. Being naturally lazy, Roman stayed behind to guard the camp while the rest of the boys went off in search of mates. He didn't quite understand what they had planned to do, and quite frankly he didn't care. He simply rejoiced in the silence and took a nice nap. A day later, the gang returned with two young and horrified looking females in tow. A blonde colored one and a dark-pelted one, the very one that stood before him. In that moment it had dawned on him: they hadn't been looking for females to join the small band, they had been looking for prisoners.

Roman's ears flattened in dejection as he remembered the sound of their terrified screams as they were forced into a dark cave where they were to remain until the males decided they were done with them. He didn't agree with the deplorable act at all, but when he suggested anything of the sort he was reminded that the only way out of that pack was death. That he would learn to adhere to their ways or be ripped apart. So Roman pretended he understood, acted like he their yelps of pain as they were forced to mate didn't sicken him. Convinced the rest of the gang that he couldn't wait to have his turn... And then on a dark and moonless night, he disappeared from their territory and ran away as far as he could, leaving the young females behind to endure it all. He felt nausea twist his empty gut as he was forced to recall the memories he had tucked away into his deepest corner of subconscious.

"I-I... I'm so sorry. You and the other one--"

"Ayana," she snapped. "She had a name. It was Ayana. But you wouldn't know that; they never bothered to learn our names."

"You and Ayana shouldn't have gone through what you did. I wish I could have done something to free you but--"

"You wish?!" Kaya growled, teeth baring fully once more as Roman twitched away from her. "You didn't even fucking try! I saw you that day. The day they murdered our family and took us hostage in that cave. Your eyes held sorrow in them and your face twisted in disgust, and I knew you were not like them. I looked at you every change I got, I felt a glimmer of hope that maybe you do something to help us. But each I time I glanced in your direction you looked away. I thought--" her voice threatened to crack and she paused for a moment to collect herself. "I thought that maybe you would help us escape. But you didn't. Ayana and I were shoved into that cave and I never saw you again."

For a moment, Roman was silent. He stared at the ground around her paws, eyes hollow and full of shame. "You don't understand," he whimpered in desperation, "there was nothing I could've done. They would have killed me if I tried to help you! Believe me, I was just as scared as you were--"

"Don't you fucking dare!" she snarled with fur standing on end as her jaws moved closer to him. "You have no idea what we went through! No idea what kind of pain and suffering we endured. They forced themselves on us. Forced us to conceive their children. I was the lucky one; my body never took to carrying their offspring. But Ayana, her small and delicate frame did, and when the time came her body simply couldn't birth those large brutes' pups. She died, you know. In a pool of her own blood right in front of me. The only one I have ever loved. So don't you dare fucking say you understand what I went through because you never could."

Roman didn't think it was possible for his already shattered heart to break even more, and yet as he listened to the she-wolf speak about the torment she and her partner had it endured, knowing he never even tried to stop it, the pieces crumbled away into nothing. He could see the pain in her eyes as she relived her nightmare. He felt it, too. The tears once more brimmed in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks staining his fur. Somewhere in the distance thunder rumbled as cold drops of rain began to fall --or maybe they had already been falling and he simply failed to notice. "I--" he hesitated for a moment, looking for the words to convey the remorse he felt. But there truly were none. If he could've turned back time, changed what coward he was he would have. Was. But truth be told, he was still a coward. He had ran away from his family to escape responsibilities, ran away from the gang of rogues out of fear when could've done something to stop the females' torment, and now he was running away once more from the family he was supposed to be raising. And for the first time in his life, he realized his father's words were never meant to hurt him, but rather make him understand that he needed own up to his fallacies.

"You're right..." he muttered softly. "I can't understand what you went through, and I should've tried to help. But I was too damn selfish to think of anyone else but myself. And I will never forgive myself for it. I'm so sorry for leaving you two in that hellhole."

"I don't forgive you either. I never will. Ayana might still be alive if you had intervened, but it's too late for that now. And now you are going to live with the awful thing you did for the rest of your life. I hope you never forget what you did, never forget what a coward you are. And I hope it eats you alive."

The dark pelted she-wolf stared him down for a moment with sharp, intense eyes, hoping that the tears streaming down his face were genuine and that he felt even an ounce of the pain that she had to suffer through. With one final huff she turned away having had more than enough of the bastard male before her. They were all the same in her eyes; arrogant and selfish males, caring only about themselves and doing as they pleased. Just because he hadn't partaken in that twisted pack's brutalities didn't make him any less guilty for being a bystander.

"W-wait!" he called out after her with watery blue eyes. "B-but I-I never did anything to you!"

Kaya stopped for a moment as the rain picked up, the steady sheet nearly drowning out the sound of his voice. Her bright yellow eyes met his, only this time the burning rage inside them had subsided. They were hollow and mournful. Empty. Stripped of the light which once gave them life.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she replied flatly. "You didn't do anything. You could have, but you didn't. And because of that two lives were destroyed."

She was gone. As unexpectedly as the dark-pelted female had appeared, she slipped away into the dark and dampened terrain leaving the sodden and sobbing male to soak in freezing rain. Part of him wanted to chase her, to beg for forgiveness and make her understand that he was truly sorry. But he would never had that chance again. She had been right -- he would live with the awful thing had done for the rest of his life. All the awful things he had done in his life. His heart began to throb in his temples and the tears continued to flow down his face. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Each breath was sharper and shakier than the last, and it was becoming more and more difficult to pull life-giving oxygen into his lungs. What the hell was this feeling? He remembered the last time he had cried quite clearly; the night he left his family alone, just like he had done to Ophelia and his unborn children. Only it hadn't hurt nearly as much as this. Didn't sting him like the dark-pelted she-wolf's did... And in that moment, he knew.

It was time to go home.

I swear Roman will be better after this >_>

Summary - Roman meets a ghost from his past which leads him to a revelation: it's time to grow the fuck up.
This ended up being longer than anticipated (sorry guys) but it's absolutely worth the read!

Also I'm stupid proud of how this came out I played around with my style a bit and while shading is my downfall this ended up looking so much nicer than I thought it would!

--
Word count: 2,780
Antler count:
+2 Rendered bust
+2 Registered character cameo
+8 Short story (2000+ words)
Total: 12 Antlers for Kaya and Roman!
--

Description

WARNING: The following text contains mild mentions of sexual abuse and strong language. Reader discretion is advised.

Tired paws trudged along the earth, their nails nearly forming tiny rivets in the dirt with each step, becoming more and more sluggish with every stride. The tall male whom the paws belonged held his head low as he walked, a distant, hollow look glazing his once vibrant blue eyes. Where was he even going? He couldn't say at this point. Sleep had evaded him ever since he left the swamp, and all he could do was fill his days with endless walking, mind numb and heart shattered. He should've been home, with her... with his children. Had they been born yet? Was Ophelia doing okay? These thoughts cycled around his mind over and over, consuming him like a plague, stripping any chances of sleep or relaxation away from him. He couldn't go on like this forever. He needed to do something, come to some kind of conclusion on what he would do with himself now before he keeled over from the exhaustion. He couldn't just wander aimlessly for the rest of his life, but how could he ever go home and face her? Face the consequences of what he had done? Face his children, the ones he promised to help raise before selfishly leaving their mother to do it on her own...

The male stopped and sighed before slowly raising his head to take a look at his surrounding. Funny how one can become so unaware of the changing landscape when their mind is in a haze. Somehow he had found himself on high grounds, in an area with little tree coverage and sharp, jagged stone dotting vast mountains. A cold wind ruffled his fur and whistled in his ear, something he had not even taken notice of until that very moment. Dark clouds covered the sky, the smell of rain soon to come saturating his nostrils. But he didn't bother to take cover. Instead he slowly sat his weary body down on the rocky surface and stared off into the distance at nothing in particular. He deserved to be drenched in freezing rain, he decided. Hell, he deserved a lot more than that. While his heavy eyes were open he saw only images of Ophelia, of what his pups might look like, of... of his encounter with the young she-wolf in the woods. He thought it would help the pain, what he did, but it only made it far, far worse. His eyes began to burn with the sting of tears. Crying had always been seen as weakness in the eyes of his father, and so he learned how hold it in over the years. But his father was gone from his life now. It's not like there was anyone around to witness it anyway. Hot and heavy tears began to brim in his eyes, then slowly the sobs came, silent at first but growing louder with each heave. His father had been right about him all his life. He was failure.

Unknown to Roman, the figure of a slender she-wolf was heading in his direction. It was Kaya, a stranger to him who had taken a moment to slip away from the watchful eye of her mother and that raven to spend some time alone. Her mind, too, raced with her own set of problems: leaving Onni, learning of her past and preparing for an unknown future. Some of the things her mother said in her stories had been... concerning to say the least. She couldn't quite agree with her beliefs, that they had hailed from a "supreme" pack filled with only the best blood, but she was still her mother. And that had to mean something, right? As Kaya reached reached the crest of the mountainside, a place she often liked to visit for some alone time, she was greeted with the sight of another wolf, back turned to her and... wait, were they crying? It was interesting that, ever since leaving her pack and having only the company of her mother and her feathered minion, she was becoming more fond of meeting strangers. Where she once treasured being completely alone, she soon came to realize that it was only because it was forced onto her to socialize as part of being in a pack. Though she had been all alone for nearly a year in the past, she was far too busy just keeping herself alive to crave companionship. But now that her mother ensured she was well fed, the isolation she felt from only having her mother --who was far more formal and ridged than most others, far too much like herself-- was beginning to dawn on her. While she kept a safe distance just in case this stranger (who was much larger than herself) was the violent type, she hesitantly called out to him.

"Hey there... are you alright?"

Startled by the sudden voice --a real voice this time-- Roman quickly stood to his feet, furiously wiping away at the tears with a paw. "Y-yeah, I'm fine," he choked in response before turning to see who had talked to him. As his eyes met her own, his blood went cold. It was her. The she-wolf from the cave all that time ago. Almost simultaneously, Kaya's eyes went wide before her brows scrunched together and lip twitched in fury. If looks could kill, Roman would've died a violent and bloody death. Teeth now bared, Kaya spat out a single word, voice dripping in venom.

"You."

Horror in his eyes, the male's jaw went slack. He searched for his words, to say something, anything in response, but they simply would not come. The female stalked towards him, fire in her eyes and a snarl emitting from her throat. "W-wait, I swear it wasn't what it looked like!" Roman said with desperation lacing his words, but the she-wolf didn't even seem to hear them. She lunged towards him as Roman flinched in response, not even attempting to move or block her but merely bracing himself for what was to come. Teeth fully exposed, Kaya was right in front of him now, ready to sink her teeth into is flesh as Roman closed his eyes and waited for the blow. But it never came. Kaya suddenly sat back on her haunches and stopped mere inches in front of him, teeth still primed but a look of panic in her eyes, as she was afraid to get any closer. Her fear of large males was still too much to overcome, even in spite of the rage simmering inside her. "You fucking piece of shit," she snarled. "What the fuck do you want from me?! Why are you here?!"

"P-please," he retorted. "I had nothing to do with what happened to you."

"Bull-fucking-shit! Just because you didn't get involved does not mean you are innocent! You could have done something, anything to get us out there! But instead you left us in the clutches of those monsters. To be tortured and harassed, to be..." She couldn't even say the next word. It would mean reliving what had happened to her, reopening those barely scabbed over wounds.

A few years prior, shortly after Roman had left his family pack, he encountered a rowdy group of rogue males. They were crude, violent, ill-mannered, and certainly not the characters he would've hung around prior to leaving. But while they could've killed him simply for the hell of it, there was something about him that they liked, and so they offered Roman --or rather gave him an ultimatum-- a spot within their gang. A fresh loner with no where else to go and no purpose in life, he had obliged. For the rest of the winter he found refuge with the gang of rowdy males, and if he was being halfway honest, he enjoyed being a part of their crew. He liked doing whatever he please. After living his life with endless rules, schedules, and expectations, he could finally be free amongst them. While it was tough at times, as long as Roman was respectful and did whatever the crimson-eyed Alpha told him, life within the gang had its perks. It wasn't until the warmer weather began to melt the snow away that things changed. Talk of 'gathering' females began to excite the rowdy group. The Alpha talked of forming a harem, a foreign concept for Roman but seemingly harmless at the time. One day they decided to put their plan into action. Being naturally lazy, Roman stayed behind to guard the camp while the rest of the boys went off in search of mates. He didn't quite understand what they had planned to do, and quite frankly he didn't care. He simply rejoiced in the silence and took a nice nap. A day later, the gang returned with two young and horrified looking females in tow. A blonde colored one and a dark-pelted one, the very one that stood before him. In that moment it had dawned on him: they hadn't been looking for females to join the small band, they had been looking for prisoners.

Roman's ears flattened in dejection as he remembered the sound of their terrified screams as they were forced into a dark cave where they were to remain until the males decided they were done with them. He didn't agree with the deplorable act at all, but when he suggested anything of the sort he was reminded that the only way out of that pack was death. That he would learn to adhere to their ways or be ripped apart. So Roman pretended he understood, acted like he their yelps of pain as they were forced to mate didn't sicken him. Convinced the rest of the gang that he couldn't wait to have his turn... And then on a dark and moonless night, he disappeared from their territory and ran away as far as he could, leaving the young females behind to endure it all. He felt nausea twist his empty gut as he was forced to recall the memories he had tucked away into his deepest corner of subconscious.

"I-I... I'm so sorry. You and the other one--"

"Ayana," she snapped. "She had a name. It was Ayana. But you wouldn't know that; they never bothered to learn our names."

"You and Ayana shouldn't have gone through what you did. I wish I could have done something to free you but--"

"You wish?!" Kaya growled, teeth baring fully once more as Roman twitched away from her. "You didn't even fucking try! I saw you that day. The day they murdered our family and took us hostage in that cave. Your eyes held sorrow in them and your face twisted in disgust, and I knew you were not like them. I looked at you every change I got, I felt a glimmer of hope that maybe you do something to help us. But each I time I glanced in your direction you looked away. I thought--" her voice threatened to crack and she paused for a moment to collect herself. "I thought that maybe you would help us escape. But you didn't. Ayana and I were shoved into that cave and I never saw you again."

For a moment, Roman was silent. He stared at the ground around her paws, eyes hollow and full of shame. "You don't understand," he whimpered in desperation, "there was nothing I could've done. They would have killed me if I tried to help you! Believe me, I was just as scared as you were--"

"Don't you fucking dare!" she snarled with fur standing on end as her jaws moved closer to him. "You have no idea what we went through! No idea what kind of pain and suffering we endured. They forced themselves on us. Forced us to conceive their children. I was the lucky one; my body never took to carrying their offspring. But Ayana, her small and delicate frame did, and when the time came her body simply couldn't birth those large brutes' pups. She died, you know. In a pool of her own blood right in front of me. The only one I have ever loved. So don't you dare fucking say you understand what I went through because you never could."

Roman didn't think it was possible for his already shattered heart to break even more, and yet as he listened to the she-wolf speak about the torment she and her partner had it endured, knowing he never even tried to stop it, the pieces crumbled away into nothing. He could see the pain in her eyes as she relived her nightmare. He felt it, too. The tears once more brimmed in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks staining his fur. Somewhere in the distance thunder rumbled as cold drops of rain began to fall --or maybe they had already been falling and he simply failed to notice. "I--" he hesitated for a moment, looking for the words to convey the remorse he felt. But there truly were none. If he could've turned back time, changed what coward he was he would have. Was. But truth be told, he was still a coward. He had ran away from his family to escape responsibilities, ran away from the gang of rogues out of fear when could've done something to stop the females' torment, and now he was running away once more from the family he was supposed to be raising. And for the first time in his life, he realized his father's words were never meant to hurt him, but rather make him understand that he needed own up to his fallacies.

"You're right..." he muttered softly. "I can't understand what you went through, and I should've tried to help. But I was too damn selfish to think of anyone else but myself. And I will never forgive myself for it. I'm so sorry for leaving you two in that hellhole."

"I don't forgive you either. I never will. Ayana might still be alive if you had intervened, but it's too late for that now. And now you are going to live with the awful thing you did for the rest of your life. I hope you never forget what you did, never forget what a coward you are. And I hope it eats you alive."

The dark pelted she-wolf stared him down for a moment with sharp, intense eyes, hoping that the tears streaming down his face were genuine and that he felt even an ounce of the pain that she had to suffer through. With one final huff she turned away having had more than enough of the bastard male before her. They were all the same in her eyes; arrogant and selfish males, caring only about themselves and doing as they pleased. Just because he hadn't partaken in that twisted pack's brutalities didn't make him any less guilty for being a bystander.

"W-wait!" he called out after her with watery blue eyes. "B-but I-I never did anything to you!"

Kaya stopped for a moment as the rain picked up, the steady sheet nearly drowning out the sound of his voice. Her bright yellow eyes met his, only this time the burning rage inside them had subsided. They were hollow and mournful. Empty. Stripped of the light which once gave them life.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she replied flatly. "You didn't do anything. You could have, but you didn't. And because of that two lives were destroyed."

She was gone. As unexpectedly as the dark-pelted female had appeared, she slipped away into the dark and dampened terrain leaving the sodden and sobbing male to soak in freezing rain. Part of him wanted to chase her, to beg for forgiveness and make her understand that he was truly sorry. But he would never had that chance again. She had been right -- he would live with the awful thing had done for the rest of his life. All the awful things he had done in his life. His heart began to throb in his temples and the tears continued to flow down his face. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Each breath was sharper and shakier than the last, and it was becoming more and more difficult to pull life-giving oxygen into his lungs. What the hell was this feeling? He remembered the last time he had cried quite clearly; the night he left his family alone, just like he had done to Ophelia and his unborn children. Only it hadn't hurt nearly as much as this. Didn't sting him like the dark-pelted she-wolf's did... And in that moment, he knew.

It was time to go home.

I swear Roman will be better after this >_>

Summary - Roman meets a ghost from his past which leads him to a revelation: it's time to grow the fuck up.
This ended up being longer than anticipated (sorry guys) but it's absolutely worth the read!

Also I'm stupid proud of how this came out I played around with my style a bit and while shading is my downfall this ended up looking so much nicer than I thought it would!

--
Word count: 2,780
Antler count:
+2 Rendered bust
+2 Registered character cameo
+8 Short story (2000+ words)
Total: 12 Antlers for Kaya and Roman!
--