Comments: 50
LivingDreamer97 [2013-08-07 20:14:36 +0000 UTC]
This is very cool and makes you think. A lot like the riddle "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
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Ricardo-Orozco [2013-03-04 07:11:23 +0000 UTC]
I enjoyed every line of this short story. I want to write one just as inspiring as this one .
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taoMega20 [2012-10-20 04:34:21 +0000 UTC]
i think this story is beautiful
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sherlockholmes34 [2012-10-13 18:25:34 +0000 UTC]
Very well. You had an intruiging comcept.
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Sigma-Echo-Seven [2012-08-15 04:17:49 +0000 UTC]
Your description of the man in the first paragraph and the girl's response in the final one are remarkable!
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KelaLewis-Morin [2012-08-10 22:52:48 +0000 UTC]
nice well done I like this piece very original and creative
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Tei-rei [2012-08-05 08:00:19 +0000 UTC]
Wonderful piece and great concept behind it. My two little nitpicky things are spacing and capitalization. Other than those, great job.
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hefeigal [2012-08-02 23:36:16 +0000 UTC]
Nice work! I like the flow of the piece, and it's very dramatic!
I hate to nitpick,but I feel as if the line " "Where is it if we can't touch it?" he snickered and coughed out those many years of cigarettes" should be written, '"Where is it, if we can't touch it?" He snickered, coughing out countless years of cigarettes'. But it is your piece, and I don't mind if you don't take my suggestion!
Its a great piece nevertheless!
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JhansiKiRani123 [2012-08-02 20:24:46 +0000 UTC]
Really deep and emotional! You're an EXCELLENT writer! I sure hope I can write as good as this some day!
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skyright [2012-07-27 14:23:01 +0000 UTC]
An absolutely amazing piece!
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one-rosy-cheek [2012-07-27 03:56:38 +0000 UTC]
You are extremely talented. Your descriptions and imagery are just wonderful.
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Jacob-C-Wolf [2012-07-27 03:39:46 +0000 UTC]
Amazing work. Very lovely short story and how you seemed to show that everyone's heaven is different. I loved the intrigue. Good style too.
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Kymira12 In reply to BathroomStallStories [2012-07-27 13:48:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for taking a look and you're very welcome! ^.^
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rachelthepessimist [2012-07-26 22:55:49 +0000 UTC]
Very original! Also very well written, I love the description and detail!
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Glasddraig [2012-07-26 19:14:49 +0000 UTC]
How can this only have 15 faves and 180 views?
Personally, I enjoyed how metaphorical it is. "Heaven is a sunflower patch". The symbolism makes it, and hits Purgatory right in the heart. The meaning, everything.
Thank you for this piece. Keep writing!
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tatterdema1ion [2012-07-26 09:42:11 +0000 UTC]
This is incredible. The characterization of neither the man nor the girl as being particularly loathsome or wrong or right or true was masterful. They both sit as people, albeit with great depth. And the manner in which both are jaded only differently really struck me. Furthermore, the style was such that the brief yet utterly profound story was not at all interrupted. Wonderful job; please keep up the excellent work.
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SubjugatedSandwich [2012-07-26 04:44:31 +0000 UTC]
That was so deeply meaningful. I especially love that last line, "...and you can touch a sunflower patch." It really drove the idea home.
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Animalgirl567 [2012-07-26 03:09:06 +0000 UTC]
I really like it. It really grabbed me. The idea is just amazing!
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Kitsukamichan [2012-07-26 02:52:56 +0000 UTC]
I thought it was very good. I'm no good of an writer, and I draw quite often. This pulled me out of my artist block. So thank you!
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