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Bitter-Cherry — Carnation

Published: 2012-12-29 07:19:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 11033; Favourites: 362; Downloads: 51
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Description READ!!!

Strip goes with this, please read it.

Priscilla hastes in removing his shirt and Edward reaches to wrap his hands around her. There’s that look in her eyes again, the one Edward hasn’t figured out yet. He thinks it should bother him, but then he just thinks that it’s not fair how she still has her shirt on, wrinkled and disheveled too no thanks to his work. There are imprints of bite-marks on her collar and little dots of saliva soaking the fabric. The tantalizing line of her cleavage like always, beckons him. Edward eagerly moves to pick apart her shirt with long fingers and their rough, calloused tips. The offending shirt quickly relents, and drops to reveal two generous dollops of soft white flesh. His gold eyes drink in the sight of his wife; he’s entirely happy with how she’s not wearing a bra tonight.

Opening his lips to the shape of a circle, He presses his mouth over the hollow of her throat, over her collarbone, and then to her sternum -over the bone between her breasts and he hears her cry of relish.

She fists his hair with one hand and tugs at his ponytail with the other on instinct, giggling as the gold strands of hair tickle her chest. The scraping produced by her action leaves Edward with a soft hiss behind his teeth. Edward raises his face up to look at her.

There is a pressed smile on her lips he finds, before those lips are on his, and she’s shoving his back onto their bed, climbing over him with the mattress creaking under her knees. Edward tallies her force in fair play by coaxing her lips open and entering, stretching his tongue into her mouth as far as it will reach while slanting his jaw, covering her tongue with his and scraping the taste of her cool minty mouth. The sounds of their wet lips smacking together is addicting like hell.

She pulls apart, the red mass of her hair flying with her and he sees it again, that look. It’s a probing look that starts timid from his neck and ends bold at the scars curved over his right shoulder. She’s looking there too intently for it to be proper. And he thinks, damn it, because this is sex and not some examination, right? She’s not to go and pity him when she’s horny; when they’re both horny.

What’s more is that he really feels that the way she keeps doing this should bother him, yet for some reason it won’t.

When he decides to not look away as if mildly uncomfortable, deciding tonight to finally just look at her as she looks over the marks of his history, of his life as someone half-metal and all-alchemist, Edward finally realizes why.

This is sex. And in its purest form sex is nothing but exchange of information between bodies and minds. And Priscilla with her slate-blue eyes and that softly intent face follows the path of her own fingers as they trace along his scars, as they brush gently over the pinked tissues that will never, ever leave him. It’s not close to pity. The scars are telling her about him.

She’s learning.

By [link]

Priscilla's RP Blog: [link]


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Comments: 38

Edwardcrusher [2015-02-02 03:58:58 +0000 UTC]

Wow......you good at writing........wow.

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TheDus100 [2013-07-05 09:38:50 +0000 UTC]

T-T so lovely *-*

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tansyuduri [2013-06-28 02:48:21 +0000 UTC]

Very good writing!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bitter-Cherry In reply to tansyuduri [2013-07-03 02:59:00 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, she did a great job.

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filiafairy [2013-03-05 22:18:45 +0000 UTC]

I love this picture, and I love reading this! I added it to favorites a long time ago, and going through my favorites, I stumbled across this and fell in love again! I just love it!

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Tigrette-of-Fire [2013-01-05 07:03:03 +0000 UTC]

Aww, very sweet. Not to mention I LOVE the black and white with the hint of color. One of my favorite effects

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Frog-Girl25 [2013-01-01 11:06:51 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful

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EclipseProductionnX3 [2012-12-30 21:36:09 +0000 UTC]

great job here XD

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grimmee [2012-12-30 20:08:46 +0000 UTC]

love it

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landra15 [2012-12-30 05:58:51 +0000 UTC]

wow, such detail and love!!

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AJInu-Okami [2012-12-30 03:16:39 +0000 UTC]

Chika chika boing boing!

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EnvyFangurl07 [2012-12-30 01:20:39 +0000 UTC]

for some reason i think that they are both scared...then again im just weird like that

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Bitter-Cherry In reply to EnvyFangurl07 [2012-12-30 01:22:04 +0000 UTC]

Scared of what?

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EnvyFangurl07 In reply to Bitter-Cherry [2012-12-30 17:03:09 +0000 UTC]

heck i dunno...like they feel like theyre veing watched....or maybe its that crucal "first time"

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Bitter-Cherry In reply to EnvyFangurl07 [2012-12-30 19:46:04 +0000 UTC]

Yeaaaaah no... that's why I asked everyone to please read the stuff in the description.

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EnvyFangurl07 In reply to Bitter-Cherry [2012-12-30 19:47:56 +0000 UTC]

okay...sorry

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MoonDancer89 [2012-12-30 01:17:23 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful work~!!

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Alicia-Cloutier [2012-12-29 20:10:16 +0000 UTC]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Really love PrisxEd <3

So cuuuuuuuuuute

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EweLamb-Lover [2012-12-29 19:55:52 +0000 UTC]

this is amazing as..........as ANYTHING!!

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catlover236 [2012-12-29 19:37:44 +0000 UTC]

That was so amazing <333

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LadyDonna100 [2012-12-29 18:25:55 +0000 UTC]

That was beautiful

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MystiQueen [2012-12-29 13:18:32 +0000 UTC]

Just plain beautiful <33

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alexis0599 [2012-12-29 11:40:37 +0000 UTC]

Amazing. Plain amazing!

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11chiyochan [2012-12-29 09:52:42 +0000 UTC]

WEEEEH THEY'RE SUCH BABIES <33

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spritekun21 [2012-12-29 09:04:45 +0000 UTC]

Oh my goodness... So... so... BEAUTIFUL!!! ;3; I just love how only the eyes are colored and the expressions and then the little story that goes with it... just... oh my goodness... So much love

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Celia-Alva [2012-12-29 08:36:41 +0000 UTC]

Whoa....that was just....

...amazing!

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SomeRedDame [2012-12-29 08:27:53 +0000 UTC]

Eh... nnnot my style of writing, to be sure.
But the art is gorgeous. Love the softness and the fluid lines. Very nice!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sanjumanj In reply to SomeRedDame [2012-12-29 21:14:53 +0000 UTC]

What exactly do you not like about the writing?

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

SomeRedDame In reply to sanjumanj [2012-12-30 22:37:26 +0000 UTC]

If Bitter is right and you just wanted feedback, then I suppose the thing that most stuck out to me is that the writing feels very.. sterile? Like it's somehow too detatched from the subject to be accurately describing such an intimate act. ( Not to be mean, but the only thing that comes to mind that I could liken it to is an autopsy report; distant, cold, clinical, and.. well... )

In some areas, it is genuinely unnecessarily detailed. Details that take time to read ( Opening his lips to the shape of a circle, He presses his mouth over the hollow of her throat ) and can come off as extremely awkward ( Why specify the shape his mouth opens into? The hollow? Hollow like wood? I thought the neck was soft... ) which can detract from the heat you're trying to build in the reader.

( These questions are not necessarily the first the reader would say aloud, rather they're background thoughts-- again, which deter greatly from what you're trying to accomplish, which is sensuality and warmth. )

Some of the best erotica that hits home is because you can sense an undercurrent of raw hunger, the heat that drives it. Whereas this piece lacks that particular kind of warmth because we're too distracted by a barrage of details. With so many, it's hard for the reader to differentiate which is necessary and which is not-- which is normally the author's job-- because otherwise it all eventually runs together and becomes "noise". There's a point where it IS quite nice, but too much feels like monotony.
Does that make sense?

I hope this helped a little. Clinical stuff aside, you have some beautifully creative phrases and a wonderful vocabulary.. it's just a matter of when more is less and less is more.
So please keep at it!

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sanjumanj In reply to SomeRedDame [2012-12-31 03:54:08 +0000 UTC]

This is a mule account, my main one's on bitter's page hmm you can try and guess which but yes, I'm trying very hard to improve as a writer. I don't have much experience --a pathetic amount actually. Something I regret. =_=

I kind of want to hire you as a beta now. or at least keep you as a friend. Please tell me if that's okay. I really like people who make me grow in my writing.

I get what you mean about the clinical quality. ;; OTL Totally. That's not how I want to keep my erotica at all.

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SomeRedDame In reply to sanjumanj [2012-12-29 23:02:19 +0000 UTC]

...I'd rather not do that.
Let's just focus on enjoying the artwork instead.

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Bitter-Cherry In reply to SomeRedDame [2012-12-30 20:07:25 +0000 UTC]

She wrote the drabble, she probably just wants feedback.

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SomeRedDame In reply to Bitter-Cherry [2012-12-30 22:07:19 +0000 UTC]

Ah..

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Bitter-Cherry In reply to SomeRedDame [2012-12-31 00:54:30 +0000 UTC]

Yeaaah, I'm not much of a writer myself, not yet at least but hopefully I can learn some stuff.

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SomeRedDame In reply to Bitter-Cherry [2012-12-31 02:38:34 +0000 UTC]

Roleplay helps a lot! There's many different writing styles you can interact with! ( It's fun when you can identify someone you know just from the way they write or describe things, heh! )
From there most people start writing their own private stories.

English classes SUCK for learning how to be a writer. ( At least rudimentary English classes.. when you get into college and Creative Writing, it's a bit better. But the government-mandated stuff here in the states? Horrible. )

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DukeAgent17 [2012-12-29 07:30:22 +0000 UTC]

o///////o This made me blush like crazy.

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path-o-logical [2012-12-29 07:28:01 +0000 UTC]

I really like the description here, and it was very tastefully written. The picture is great too of course.

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arukath666 [2012-12-29 07:26:27 +0000 UTC]

beautiful!

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