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blackwinged-neotu — anorexia_face your inner monster

Published: 2013-03-11 19:15:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 5403; Favourites: 87; Downloads: 7
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A2-colour-pencils-selfportrait from august 2012 (shortly after my hospital-thing).

i hate mirrors. they show a wannabe truth, which is at least a big lie.

all the stress, pain, depressive individuality being let me hunger myself nearly to death; and i didn't even recognize it until i was told to eat.

but nevertheless over the time (and with the help of a few beloved people) i've learned to accept myself.
although not to 100% yet...

neo
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Comments: 51

blackwinged-neotu In reply to ??? [2022-02-18 07:14:40 +0000 UTC]

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skykunthedragon [2015-11-13 09:19:12 +0000 UTC]

Wie so oft ein sehr emotionales und aufreibendes Bild das mir sogar etwas Angst macht. Könnte man echt als Gemälde in ein Horrorspiel packen weil es echt so wirkt als wäre es unwirklich... Wie geht es dir aktuell denn so?

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to skykunthedragon [2015-11-22 14:41:46 +0000 UTC]

kranke zeiten führen zu kranken bildern.
bei mir hat sich nichts geändert.
wobei.... doch; es geht bergab, heh....

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skykunthedragon In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2015-11-22 20:18:48 +0000 UTC]

Bitte melde dich mal in WhatsApp

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jakrocker17 [2015-07-18 14:33:58 +0000 UTC]

I just found out my fiancé is borderline anorexic. It's tough news.

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to jakrocker17 [2015-07-18 17:44:12 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry to hear that
Hope they'll be better and healthy again soon

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jakrocker17 In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2015-07-18 21:52:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so very much!

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A-Long-Story [2015-05-07 01:55:41 +0000 UTC]

This is really poignant for me. I am currently trying to figure out how to talk to my roommate as he looks somewhat like this, and has expressed to me that he feels he looks like Alfred Hitchcock. Beautiful piece of artwork, I hope it was helpful in your journey. 

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to A-Long-Story [2015-05-10 11:32:46 +0000 UTC]

Thx for your feedback.
I hope your roommate is going to be healthy again. I know it's really hard...

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starfire-zorua [2014-03-12 09:35:46 +0000 UTC]

Oh gosh, this is so depressing but so beautiful at the same time. This is a true gift, good sir...Damn, my eyes are misting over.

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to starfire-zorua [2014-03-12 17:18:00 +0000 UTC]

thx for your statement.
hope it wasn't too disturbin'...

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starfire-zorua In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2014-03-12 21:31:27 +0000 UTC]

No, definitely not! It really makes me scared to think of how easily it is to get to that stage.

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to starfire-zorua [2014-03-12 21:41:20 +0000 UTC]

i think one of the most enemies of us is the media today.
then all the mental illnesses like depression, self-hatred, frustration and so on

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starfire-zorua In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2014-03-12 22:37:04 +0000 UTC]

For most cases, yes, but for some, it was because of voices in the head.

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to starfire-zorua [2014-03-13 17:07:57 +0000 UTC]

yep. i totally can imagine what you mean
*listenin' to mine right now*

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1bookfish [2013-09-29 00:47:40 +0000 UTC]

Oh my, incredibly touching piece! I love that it's a guy and not a girl. Although I am a girl myself, I understand that eating disorders are not only something girls struggle with, but boys as well. 

Although it is brilliant and emotional, I would probably put a moderately mature warning on it under "ideologically sensitive material" as a way to hide it and write "TRIGGER WARNING (or TW) : EXTREME THINNESS" or something along those lines. I definitely don't meant to be critical at all of this picture, it's just that the sight of someone who looks as though they're skin and bones can be very triggering for some people  

But honestly, this is one of the best pieces on eating disorders I have ever seen. It's very emotional and relatable to anyone who has struggled with one. 

I am very glad you are getting better, even if you haven't completely accepted yourself yet. I haven't either; it's a very difficult thing to do, and it's a slow process, but I know that it's possible. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you stay strong  

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to 1bookfish [2013-09-29 17:35:11 +0000 UTC]

thx for your long and honest feedback.

the reason i didn't mark it as mature was that i wanted to show the cruelty of anorexia as it is.

but i'll think about a change, if it's disturbing like that.

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1bookfish In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-09-29 18:03:04 +0000 UTC]

Ah, I see, well I understand that completely ^.^ it can be very cruel, so I see your point. Do whatever you like, it is YOUR art, after all xP 

I apologize if I seemed a bit critical  

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to 1bookfish [2013-09-29 18:39:07 +0000 UTC]

never mind.

your words were well chosen

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TIINArt [2013-04-20 17:46:58 +0000 UTC]

This was utterly touching piece with the text alongside with it.Good job

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to TIINArt [2013-04-20 18:28:52 +0000 UTC]

thx

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ghostlyfears [2013-04-03 02:19:46 +0000 UTC]

amazing. there is so much power is this drawing

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to ghostlyfears [2013-04-03 03:55:38 +0000 UTC]

thx

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YuzaiNo [2013-04-02 12:44:41 +0000 UTC]

Ein sehr.. kann man es so sagen ..gutes Bild, der Inhalt wiegt mehr als die Technik, was wohl der Grund ist warum ich´s jetzt schon zum dritten mal angucke.
Jeder hat wohl einen anderen Bezug zu Spiegeln, was wohl ein merklich interessantes Thema ist *_* erinnert mich jetzt wo ich drüber nachgedacht habe an meinen Menschenfresser XD;;;;
komm wir wollen jetzt auch nicht tranig werden. *Mundwinkel hoch tacker*

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to YuzaiNo [2013-04-02 19:26:14 +0000 UTC]

hochgetackerte mundwinkel....mh...
das wär doch mal ne gute idee fürn bild.
oder gleich ein cosplay
danke dir fürs feedback.
hoffe dir gehts soweit gut

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YuzaiNo In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-04-09 22:51:23 +0000 UTC]

oh ja ein creepy cos wäre doch mal nett ~
gerne : ] guck mir deine Zeichnungen immer wieder gerne an nur meist bin ich dann doch etwas lazy was zu schreiben lala
Jor man schlägt sich so durch ; ) aber so ein foxface wie ich macht das schon.

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edogori [2013-03-22 20:08:31 +0000 UTC]

Er sieht etwas bleich aus er sollte mal höhen Sonne tanken
tolles Bild Illi!!!!

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to edogori [2013-03-22 21:51:28 +0000 UTC]

danke dir
und ja, sonnenbaden...war noch nie meine stärke.
ich verkohl immer gleich

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edogori In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-03-23 10:44:38 +0000 UTC]

Oo ich stell mir jetzt eine verkohlte Illi vor XD

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mjoelke [2013-03-12 15:21:40 +0000 UTC]

was mir bei der coloration aufgefallen ist, ist dass die striche teilweise kreuz und quer gezeichnet wurden. bei so hosen oder so macht sich das glaub ich auch ganz gut aber ich weiß nicht ob es nicht besser wäre, bei geraden flächen, wie eben bei den wänden, die striche nur in die richtung zu machen, wie das wasser halt runterinnt. also hier in dem fall nur senkrecht. allgemein mein ich, die dreidimensionale figur die du ja erschaffen willst, so anzumalen, damit man die dreidimensionalität auch erkennen kann, also die striche formbedingt setzen. eine kugel malt man ja auch nicht nur mit senk/waagrechen strichen kreuz und quer an wenn man sie plastisch machen will, man geht ja auch ihrer form nach und das schlägt sich dann halt auch wirklich auf die plastizität aus.
(so oder so ähnlich hat uns das zumindest unser grafik malerei lehrer beigebracht )

keine ahnung, vllt sollte das ja aber auch mit absicht so gelöst worden sein wenn ja, dann entschuldige ich mich für meine kluscheißerei D:
Ich find das motiv auch sehr interessant, deine anatomiekenntnisse sind erstaunlich! "durchschimmernde" rippen zu zeichnen ist für mich eins der dinge die ich am meisten hasse und ...am wenigsten kann .. 8D
die glühbirne und die motten gefallen mir übrigens total
was ich mich aber noch frage...was ist denn das unten links? sieht aus wie so eine eingangstür von spongebobs haus XDD

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to mjoelke [2013-03-12 16:37:52 +0000 UTC]

*lach*
jetzt wo du das mit spongebob erwähnt hast, gehts mir nichmehr ausm kopf
das sollte ne toilettenschüssel sein; oder eher die klobrille.
die striche sind bewusst schlampig gesetzt, damit das chaotische, wirre rüberkommt.
selbstverständlich muss ich dir aber recht geben (bin hier schon wieder verblüfft drüber, wie schnell du gelernt und dich entwickelt hast. alle Achtung)

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mjoelke In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-03-12 16:45:38 +0000 UTC]

aaah !!!! für mich sind kloschüsseln klischeehafterweise immer weiß und da du die hier so dunkel angemalt hast (wahrscheinlich wegen der belichtung) hat mich das jetzt wohl etwas irritiert, ups :'D
ah, ok, na das chaotische hast du damit aber echt gut rübergebracht
und..das hat mir mein lehrer irgendwann mal beigebracht, sonst hätte es glaub ich eh länger gebraucht bis ich bei sowas von alleine draufkomm *lach*

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CreaLaillia [2013-03-12 11:15:16 +0000 UTC]

sehr.. berührend...
und so wahr...

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ZOE-Colonel [2013-03-12 09:47:12 +0000 UTC]

Usually skinny guys would care about gaining more weight and muscles, and become desperate as things doesn't work out, but I think things partly have changed, as some media support trends that emphasis on decreasing stereotypes of sex in a partly questionable way, such that problems of females start more frequently getting problems of males too. What a pity!

I'd recommend some sports, but not to look good, but to feel good. We are used, especially these days, to focus on our eyes, the way things look, the way things attract our visual attention. But that's complete nonsense. A body isn't placed within a 2D environment supposed to be stuck at the same place forever. Your body isn't a catalogue and it isn't a photograph nor a movie (think for example of porn, nobody who has a satisfying sex life would choose some of the most used position, because usually you don't show off your pussy to a camera while you engage with your beloved one in your own bedroom : S ). Thus, it isn't something to be looked on, to be admired all day long, however, it's the one thing that makes it possible for you to engage with the world around you. This is why you should start focusing more on movement, getting acquainted with your body, the way it moves, it feels etc. I'd recommend swimming or climbing. Bouldering is becoming more popular now. If you choose swimming I'd save every now and then some money to spend it on a professional teacher. You will feel totally knocked out afterwards, but it's totally worth the money, and you have some new inputs to make your routine spicy. So enjoy yourself and start having a good time!

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to ZOE-Colonel [2013-03-12 16:34:52 +0000 UTC]

wow; thx for your feedback
i love to swim (especially diving), but haven't been for years now.
guess i'll take a trial again when it's warmer again

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ZOE-Colonel In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-03-13 08:58:46 +0000 UTC]

Nevertheless, I would spend, as I said, every now and then some money on a professional trainer. Taking a single hour only will change a lot. Trust me on that.

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dancinghobonamedbob [2013-03-11 22:50:35 +0000 UTC]

Wow, usually I drift away from macabre but this was so touching it was an instant fav. Not only is your talent exceptional but the meaning and power behind your work is so apparent it demands attention. Ironically I just finished an extensive essay about how little attention the male side of anorexia is receiving and what a growing problem it is. The more vocal people become about this the easier it will be for people to fight it. Thanks for posting this

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to dancinghobonamedbob [2013-03-12 08:46:05 +0000 UTC]

thx for your feedback

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dancinghobonamedbob In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-03-12 21:24:12 +0000 UTC]

Sure thing^^

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TheseAreOurSecrets [2013-03-11 22:32:33 +0000 UTC]

I love this, I especially that a male was used since the common assumption is that only females suffer. This is great!

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to TheseAreOurSecrets [2013-03-12 08:43:29 +0000 UTC]

thx
and you're right. usually, just females are the main topic

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Vampirkaetzchen [2013-03-11 21:09:38 +0000 UTC]

das Bild sieht extrem genial aus..
die Art, wie du es coloriert hast, lässt es irgendwie etwas dreckig wirken, was hier denke ich doch recht gut passt. Das ganze Bild überhaupt hat eine sehr erstaunliche Wirkung. Macht einen richtig sprachlos.

Nur nicht aufgeben! *drück* Irgendwann kannst du dieses Monster besiegen.


achja: die Motte! ich liebe sie ;A;

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to Vampirkaetzchen [2013-03-12 08:45:01 +0000 UTC]

wow, danke dir :]
das mit dem verschmutzten Effekt is dir bisher als einziges aufgefallen; freut mich dass es ankommt.
und motten sind klasse *g*

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nemunri [2013-03-11 19:58:37 +0000 UTC]

"i've learned to accept myself"
awesome : D

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to nemunri [2013-03-11 20:10:04 +0000 UTC]

kinda...
a little

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BloodyDarkSanity [2013-03-11 19:29:32 +0000 UTC]

*hugs*

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to BloodyDarkSanity [2013-03-11 20:09:28 +0000 UTC]

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Ranshiinsitha [2013-03-11 19:28:01 +0000 UTC]

touching, it hurts so much...im not anorexic (i eat like a cow when im depressed but i never gain fat) but one of my closest friends is, and i'll show her this, it hurts so muh to see somebody going through this and not being able to do a damn thing about it!!.

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blackwinged-neotu In reply to Ranshiinsitha [2013-03-11 20:08:09 +0000 UTC]

thx for your comment.
i hope, your friend get's well soon

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Ranshiinsitha In reply to blackwinged-neotu [2013-03-12 00:45:13 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome, and i hope you do aswell

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