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Blueskye27 — a cold night
Published: 2009-01-09 23:44:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 546; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 2
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Description
a cold nightI can’t get warm
a worn brown
blanket, an old
lover, hugs me
as I turn up
the heater and
wander the
house
stopping at the
window to watch
the rain
the streetlights
bounce off a
pool of night
water
and I see
us there in
the reflection
a rolling
flame wrapped
in two scented
skins
and I
wonder
where you are
it’s a cold night
I can’t get warm
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Comments: 49
this is a magnificent circle of sorrow, sorry for that...
It is beautifuly sad.
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Thanks, Erik. I'm glad you like it.
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a rolling
flame wrapped
in two scented
skins
You are just full of these amazing descriptions.
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You've managed to convey the sense of loneliness, yet hopefulness at the same time. I can see the scene perfectly in my mind. Actually, I think I've acted out that scene!
You always write so well about things I can relate to!
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Thanks, Julie. I'm so glad it comes across like I meant it to.
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I love how it comes back to the way it started- such a great pattern. 
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I'm so glad you like it. Thank you.
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a rolling
flame wrapped
in two scented
skins
I like that a lot
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The internal turmoil is very well suggested here - the ideas of warmth and need and loneliness and all move well together throughout the poem 
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Thanks, Dave. Trying to write my way out of this little slump.
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Thanks, man. I'm feeling so uninspired....
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in terms of form or in terms of content?
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Well, since I never worry about form, that would be content.
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Yes...
How are you, Kate?
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Hmm... Doing better. How are you?
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I like how you have it 'turn-about.'
gah...sorry. I'm going to have to come back to this; distractions abound!
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ok. After re-reading it, I think I quite like this piece. It's like a happy melancholic poem, if such a thing is possible.
The lines:
"the rain
the streetlights"
Tripped me up a bit. I think it was from lack of punctuation, but adding it in would do a disservice to the poem as a whole.
The imagery of an olde blanket being an olde lover is great; I'd never thought of it that way before.
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I'm glad you like it. I'll look at it again and see if I can make it a bit easier to read.
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I think maybe adding an extra (empty) paragraph between the two might work. That shouldn't interrupt the flow any, but it separates the two ideas.
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You're welcome. Wish I was better with words.
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