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british-doll — Angel
Published: 2008-01-15 23:38:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 274; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 4
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Description
Ropes of hope and rarely seen placesan angel found me hiding here
a scarf around my neck, just waiting
for someone to share my secrets with.
'all's well' she whispered in my ear
'if you keep up what you're doing'
my scarf removed, coffee demanded,
this little song began to play.
'you're mine,' she said, 'my little lady,
one of my own whom I clasp to my breast'
confused yet somehow satiated,
because losing my way way never my plan.
'what comes next' my question then
to her was asked succinctly.
'a day of rest' was her response 'get back, get back
to the normality of life'
hiding in a secret place, where no-one else could find me
not it seems we're found, the world watches through our window.
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Comments: 8
first off let me apologize for not reading these sooner but i tend to pay little mind to dA if I'm not writing or have no messages (my vanity is repulsive i know haha). but this is more like it. this is so much different from what I'm used to reading from you. not only is your use of dialog new but the use of first person pronouns doesn't show up often in your poetry(at least not as prominently as here).
this is awfully playful and whimsical but a bit sad or maybe remorseful(wow a paragraph break from me, everything is new here). Perhaps melancholy is what ism looking for I'm not quite sure but although this is a happy poem i feel an underlying counterforce to that. one thing i am sure of is that I wish you would have used normalcy instead of normality. this is merely a personal preference and not at all a critique i just love the world normalcy. like most good things it was born out of war. think about it, the war thing that is.
there is a typo i spy in the last line of your third stanza no i could be wrong and missing a vital part of the artistic vision here but i assume your second "way" there should be a "was"
well done. cheerio!
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whoa! awesome comment!!
i'm really really glad you liked this, because i was so unsure if it was infact just a load of whimsical crappola!! I was deliberately trying to get through a poem without abusing "I" and clearly it worked 
i'll correct up the things you pointed out
and thank you, so much!!
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I hate "I". as one of its biggest users i can't stand it haha. this only happens in poetry though, my essay writing is completely devoid of such pronouns, my high school English teachers would be proud. It's hard for me to avoid it since i love to write point of view poetry, as i like to call it. it drives me nuts. anyway, before i go on forever, you're welcome. am i to understand from your comment that you were, in a sense playing god here? not in a true physical sense but in a metaphorical sense? if so i think i missed the mark just a bit. i saw this as a bit of introspection as the world stops to allow it. heh the magic of poetry i suppose
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Very well wrote, you have a good knowledge of rhythm and you use a great choice of words. Bravo.
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thanks very much 
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Not a problem...never a problem.
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it's certainly what I want to live right now...
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