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bugsymoron — Come with Me by-nc-sa [NSFW]
Published: 2009-06-18 17:30:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 314; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description Come - with me.
You and I can step out of this world
and into each other's.

Your body tells me you need me now
Warm in my cupped hands, I drink it in
Bitter sweet, I'm going under for seconds
Third time comes more naturally
Tongue thrashing your skin.

Writhe and roll on white tiled floor
Glistening wet from highs and lows
My trinkets shine and glimmer on my door
Quivering truly at your service, my tricks
keep you begging on knees for more.

Your strength echoes my every last gasp
Every grind tightens grip as I swing from below
Your breath exhales through my rattling bones
Escaping from my every opening and pore
You inhale, to rise me up once more.

Hit me hard and heavy a final time
In sweet stupor sinking me right on spot
And while I'm bathing in the afterheat -
Taste the pie, make love to the pie,
Become the pie; Consume the pie.

After the grand feasting of ourselves in all
Nothing left to scrap; there is no more,
But tangled bodies discharged on the floor.
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Comments: 15

prissy-in-1984 [2009-07-09 06:55:07 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic piece. I love the climax it is incredibly vivid, really jumped out at me because the climax of the sex is like the climax of the poem, and it wasn't a sort of typical climax, it came sort of round a corner all of a sudden and when my eyes followed the letters "H I T M E H A R D A N D H E A V Y A F I N A L T I M E", I was in fact in as you say in your poem in "stupor". To me the entire composition and imagery radiates so naturally, as if you weren't lead up to a challenge in the first place. And yes, I did picture you in this poem, your spirit and your breath just permeate through this piece...well done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bugsymoron In reply to prissy-in-1984 [2009-07-09 07:32:10 +0000 UTC]

My goal was to recreate the real thing, and I think from your feedback on it, I got it right If you read my previous comments on this, you know I had a huge fear of just posting this up, cause it was so unlike me. But now it's one of my personal favourites, cause I wrote for the first time of an experience I haven't experienced, which is something that a writer should know how to do. And cause I did it without making a fool of myself (this said after all opinions came back on it) I feel I can do so much more you know

Thank you for taking time to comment

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Dixie26 [2009-07-07 17:09:52 +0000 UTC]

I really like this! It's great. REally great.

The only thing I have a question with is the pie part. Could you explain it to me?

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bugsymoron In reply to Dixie26 [2009-07-13 18:02:14 +0000 UTC]

This can be interpreted openly to the reader.
For me, pie's the metaphor of that nirvana aspired for at the heighest form of pleasure. I sort of imagined the pie being the product created by sex, complete bliss which consumes the one - or two here - who make it in the first place. They become so familiar to this that they can use it any way they want once they're confident in their state of mind and body.

Hope that made sense, even vaguely

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Dixie26 In reply to bugsymoron [2009-07-21 00:12:11 +0000 UTC]

I understand it, and it works well as an image if that is what you have in mind. I think I would just use something else as my image, and it would be perfect in the reader's eye, whatever they choose, pie or otherwise. Well done.

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RavenCalhoun [2009-06-21 17:48:44 +0000 UTC]

I love the vivid imagery you've used in this. for someone who doesn't normally write about this subject, you've done exceptionally well. I love it!

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bugsymoron In reply to RavenCalhoun [2009-06-23 16:04:02 +0000 UTC]

Aww thank you that's really encouraging! I'm glad you love

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vishy13 [2009-06-19 07:45:04 +0000 UTC]

heheh i agree very vivid. Wow you really thot this thru huh? Btw Ali read it to

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bugsymoron In reply to vishy13 [2009-06-19 10:04:08 +0000 UTC]

Thought it through? Reading it over, I can't half believe I wrote it tbh Guess writing can bring out other sides to you eh You already knew this one though, and so did Ali

Anyhow I'm very glad you like

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Aedammair-Feline [2009-06-18 23:46:17 +0000 UTC]

I like this dear
And the last little stanza, wow.
I think you pulled this off nicely.

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bugsymoron In reply to Aedammair-Feline [2009-06-19 03:00:01 +0000 UTC]

Aww thanks sweets! It was hard to begin with, cause I'm a very reader-conscious writer, but as I kept going I just let go of my inhibitions. Although, they came back when I posted it up here all the nervous feelings and what to expect in comments...
Your comment therefore is really a sweet surprise Thanks for that

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Aedammair-Feline In reply to bugsymoron [2009-06-21 12:41:55 +0000 UTC]

Ohh, you're welcome dear

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gneralshock06 [2009-06-18 23:14:07 +0000 UTC]

nice, quite vivid imagery

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bugsymoron In reply to gneralshock06 [2009-06-19 02:53:33 +0000 UTC]

Thanks dude I didn't know what kind of comments to expect for this, but it was leaning towards the worst kind

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gneralshock06 In reply to bugsymoron [2009-06-19 08:24:51 +0000 UTC]

don't worry, most people are kind in their comments and if they have a problem they simple offer up a critique

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