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He turned and just…looked at me.

Once again the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach appeared, like it always does when he’s with me. I can feel my cheeks heat up under his soft stare. I try my hardest to smile, though inside this is literally just tearing me apart.

I try to stay away from him. I try to not like him. Try to not let him have my heart unknowingly. It’s a battle I’m having against myself. Half of me wants to be with him, wants to give him my heart and love him to the fullest extent; the other not wanting to get myself more interested than I already am.

The fact is, I love him. I am head over heals in love with this boy who sits across from me. I want to be with him every waking moment of the day, though I know this is just hurting myself even more.

It’s hard enough to live with the fact that I can’t have him. That he can possibly never be mine. Now I’m realizing that I need him. I seem to need his company; to stare into his light blue eyes.

The girl that he talks about… I’m sure she’s beautiful. Someone I could never compare to. Someone who is lucky enough to call him her own.

I stare at him, as he just sits there, staring out the window, his lemon yellow hair stunning in the light.

He has a soft smile resting on his lips, as do his eyes. They have this sparkle of joy in them; happiness.

“Hey… Namine?” His sweet voice calls to me.

“Hm?” I answer my pulse racing. This is ridiculous. I get excited at the smallest things from him. Don’t I realize what I’m doing to myself? Don’t I understand how much this is going to hurt later on?

“What are you thinking about?” He says softly.

I could never tell him the truth. I wouldn’t allow myself, though a part of me had an urge to just spill it all out. To tell him how much I love him. How much I want him.

“Nothing…” Was all I could stammer.

Usually when I talk to Roxas, I always seem to be laughing and smiling. I try my hardest to accept that all I’ll ever to be to him is a friend, and that a way of doing this is acting the part. If I am around him more I'll get used to being with him without my heart racing.

This was just and excuse to be with him, and I knew it. Though I wanted to believe that I would be able to do that; be able to no longer have my breath taken away when he gives me that crooked smile of his, I knew that that would never happen. I don’t think I could ever stop loving him.

“What are you thinking about?” I whispered.

“You…” I wished he would say. I’d then jump into his arms and tell him. Tell him that I love him. Tell him that I want to be with him forever.

I shoved that thought aside, and tried to focus on what he was going to say, not what I wish he would.

He sighed. “I think I finally got it right Nam.”

“What right?”

“This girl. I think she… might be the one.” He smiled, still staring out of the window.

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I letting myself get torn apart bit by bit, leaving me with all of these scars? Why don’t I just stop all of this now?

Because you don’t want to lose him. The voice inside my head answered, which was true. The only reason I keep hurting myself; keep making things harder, is because I don’t want to lose him.

“Good for you Rox.” I smiled.

He turned his head, his spiky hair swishing to the side like it always does. He gave me a smile.

Once again my heart stopped for a moment, and I tried my hardest to ignore it. I sighed and leaned back, my head resting against the wall.

His expression changed. “You okay?” He asked me.

No, I’m not okay. I couldn’t be farther from okay than I am right now. My heart aches knowing that I can never have you, and yet here you are, right in front of me.

He stood up from his chair and then walked over and sat down next to me on his bed.

I closed my eyes, fighting myself inside, and sadly, losing the battle.

“Namine?” His voice seemed to echo through my head. Ignore it; I told myself, just ignore it.

Then suddenly, I felt something soft brush the skin of my cheek. My eyes fluttered open, to find that it was the back of his fingers, barley skimming the side of my face.

My heart seemed to skip a beat, and I could feel my cheeks heating up once more.
Why is he doing this? Doesn’t he notice how hard this is for me? Doesn’t he know that I look at him all the time? Doesn’t he realize at all how I feel about him?

This was just too much for me. I had to tell him.

I sighed. “Roxas…”

Just then I heard his phone ring. I closed my eyes, and felt him slowly sit up off of the bed, and walk slowly out of the room. I let out a heavy sigh, as if I had been holding my breath.

I could hear him, his voice somewhat echoing in the large, empty house. I tried not to listen in on his conversation, but it was rather hard since his voice was the only thing making any noise.

“Yea, I’ll see you in a bit… Okay… Sure.” I could hear him say. I wondered who he was talking to.

“No problem… I love you too… Bye.” Ouch. That hurt. My chest tightened once hearing those words, and I could feel a slight pain. Heart ache.

Then I could hear his foot steps brushing against the carpet floor, back towards the room.

What should I do? I can’t tell him now. There’s no way. I have to get out of here.
Just then he stepped back into the room.

I leaned forward, and then jumped off the bed.
“Hey Roxas I gotta go.”

“Oh, erm, okay.” He scratched the back of his head, and looked up at me with his sparkling blue eyes. “You wanna ride home?”

“Oh no that’s okay. I can walk. It’s not that far from here.” I started out of his room. “I’ll see you later ‘K?” Say no, say no say no say no! A part of me chanted. Just stop it all right now! Don’t let it go any further!

“Yea, okay.” He said. “See you later.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Bye.” I said as I walked out the door.

Just then I saw a small car pull up in his driveway. Someone opened the door and stepped out of the vehicle.

It was her.

I turned my head the other way, and kept on walking.

Behind me I could hear Roxas’ front door open, and him cheerfully saying hi.

Just keep walking; I told myself. The sooner I get out of here the better.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him slowly walking down the steps of his porch, and met up with her. Then they kissed.

I closed my eyes, and then opened them, only looking straight ahead of me. I could feel the tears build up behind my eyes. I bit my tongue, trying my hardest not to let one single tear slip.

“Bye Nam…” I could hear him say faintly.

At that I ran out of his yard, and down the sidewalk.

I could hear faint foot steps behind me, but I just ignored them. I had to get home; or at least somewhere where I could be alone.

“Namine!” I heard him yell.

Yet this just made me go faster.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roxas,
I don’t know why I didn’t stop myself from letting this go on any further. I wanted more than anything to stay friends with you, but the harder I tried… The deeper I fell in love with you.

I can't keep doing this to myself Roxas. I have to leave, to get out of here. I already have too many scars. Your the only one who has enough of me; who could break my heart. The longer I stayed; The longer I stood next to you, the more aware I had become of this. Soon enough you were the only one who I wanted to be with; which made things so much more harder for me.

I’m probably going to be on the train once you read this. I plan on visiting my mom in Destiny Islands. Maybe I'll stay there for a while.

Though I don’t want to admit this; I’ll miss you. Thanks for being such a good friend.
Love,
Namine
P.S. I’m glad you found her…

Description
He turned and just…looked at me.

Once again the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach appeared, like it always does when he’s with me. I can feel my cheeks heat up under his soft stare. I try my hardest to smile, though inside this is literally just tearing me apart.

I try to stay away from him. I try to not like him. Try to not let him have my heart unknowingly. It’s a battle I’m having against myself. Half of me wants to be with him, wants to give him my heart and love him to the fullest extent; the other not wanting to get myself more interested than I already am.

The fact is, I love him. I am head over heals in love with this boy who sits across from me. I want to be with him every waking moment of the day, though I know this is just hurting myself even more.

It’s hard enough to live with the fact that I can’t have him. That he can possibly never be mine. Now I’m realizing that I need him. I seem to need his company; to stare into his light blue eyes.

The girl that he talks about… I’m sure she’s beautiful. Someone I could never compare to. Someone who is lucky enough to call him her own.

I stare at him, as he just sits there, staring out the window, his lemon yellow hair stunning in the light.

He has a soft smile resting on his lips, as do his eyes. They have this sparkle of joy in them; happiness.

“Hey… Namine?” His sweet voice calls to me.

“Hm?” I answer my pulse racing. This is ridiculous. I get excited at the smallest things from him. Don’t I realize what I’m doing to myself? Don’t I understand how much this is going to hurt later on?

“What are you thinking about?” He says softly.

I could never tell him the truth. I wouldn’t allow myself, though a part of me had an urge to just spill it all out. To tell him how much I love him. How much I want him.

“Nothing…” Was all I could stammer.

Usually when I talk to Roxas, I always seem to be laughing and smiling. I try my hardest to accept that all I’ll ever to be to him is a friend, and that a way of doing this is acting the part. If I am around him more I'll get used to being with him without my heart racing.

This was just and excuse to be with him, and I knew it. Though I wanted to believe that I would be able to do that; be able to no longer have my breath taken away when he gives me that crooked smile of his, I knew that that would never happen. I don’t think I could ever stop loving him.

“What are you thinking about?” I whispered.

“You…” I wished he would say. I’d then jump into his arms and tell him. Tell him that I love him. Tell him that I want to be with him forever.

I shoved that thought aside, and tried to focus on what he was going to say, not what I wish he would.

He sighed. “I think I finally got it right Nam.”

“What right?”

“This girl. I think she… might be the one.” He smiled, still staring out of the window.

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I letting myself get torn apart bit by bit, leaving me with all of these scars? Why don’t I just stop all of this now?

Because you don’t want to lose him. The voice inside my head answered, which was true. The only reason I keep hurting myself; keep making things harder, is because I don’t want to lose him.

“Good for you Rox.” I smiled.

He turned his head, his spiky hair swishing to the side like it always does. He gave me a smile.

Once again my heart stopped for a moment, and I tried my hardest to ignore it. I sighed and leaned back, my head resting against the wall.

His expression changed. “You okay?” He asked me.

No, I’m not okay. I couldn’t be farther from okay than I am right now. My heart aches knowing that I can never have you, and yet here you are, right in front of me.

He stood up from his chair and then walked over and sat down next to me on his bed.

I closed my eyes, fighting myself inside, and sadly, losing the battle.

“Namine?” His voice seemed to echo through my head. Ignore it; I told myself, just ignore it.

Then suddenly, I felt something soft brush the skin of my cheek. My eyes fluttered open, to find that it was the back of his fingers, barley skimming the side of my face.

My heart seemed to skip a beat, and I could feel my cheeks heating up once more.
Why is he doing this? Doesn’t he notice how hard this is for me? Doesn’t he know that I look at him all the time? Doesn’t he realize at all how I feel about him?

This was just too much for me. I had to tell him.

I sighed. “Roxas…”

Just then I heard his phone ring. I closed my eyes, and felt him slowly sit up off of the bed, and walk slowly out of the room. I let out a heavy sigh, as if I had been holding my breath.

I could hear him, his voice somewhat echoing in the large, empty house. I tried not to listen in on his conversation, but it was rather hard since his voice was the only thing making any noise.

“Yea, I’ll see you in a bit… Okay… Sure.” I could hear him say. I wondered who he was talking to.

“No problem… I love you too… Bye.” Ouch. That hurt. My chest tightened once hearing those words, and I could feel a slight pain. Heart ache.

Then I could hear his foot steps brushing against the carpet floor, back towards the room.

What should I do? I can’t tell him now. There’s no way. I have to get out of here.
Just then he stepped back into the room.

I leaned forward, and then jumped off the bed.
“Hey Roxas I gotta go.”

“Oh, erm, okay.” He scratched the back of his head, and looked up at me with his sparkling blue eyes. “You wanna ride home?”

“Oh no that’s okay. I can walk. It’s not that far from here.” I started out of his room. “I’ll see you later ‘K?” Say no, say no say no say no! A part of me chanted. Just stop it all right now! Don’t let it go any further!

“Yea, okay.” He said. “See you later.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Bye.” I said as I walked out the door.

Just then I saw a small car pull up in his driveway. Someone opened the door and stepped out of the vehicle.

It was her.

I turned my head the other way, and kept on walking.

Behind me I could hear Roxas’ front door open, and him cheerfully saying hi.

Just keep walking; I told myself. The sooner I get out of here the better.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him slowly walking down the steps of his porch, and met up with her. Then they kissed.

I closed my eyes, and then opened them, only looking straight ahead of me. I could feel the tears build up behind my eyes. I bit my tongue, trying my hardest not to let one single tear slip.

“Bye Nam…” I could hear him say faintly.

At that I ran out of his yard, and down the sidewalk.

I could hear faint foot steps behind me, but I just ignored them. I had to get home; or at least somewhere where I could be alone.

“Namine!” I heard him yell.

Yet this just made me go faster.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roxas,
I don’t know why I didn’t stop myself from letting this go on any further. I wanted more than anything to stay friends with you, but the harder I tried… The deeper I fell in love with you.

I can't keep doing this to myself Roxas. I have to leave, to get out of here. I already have too many scars. Your the only one who has enough of me; who could break my heart. The longer I stayed; The longer I stood next to you, the more aware I had become of this. Soon enough you were the only one who I wanted to be with; which made things so much more harder for me.

I’m probably going to be on the train once you read this. I plan on visiting my mom in Destiny Islands. Maybe I'll stay there for a while.

Though I don’t want to admit this; I’ll miss you. Thanks for being such a good friend.
Love,
Namine
P.S. I’m glad you found her…