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carvingbackbone — beLIEver.
Published: 2008-01-27 00:16:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 1479; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 12
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The ultimate form of naivity.You knew it.
You saw the innocent.
The blind.
The pure.
The untainted -- minus the brainwashing.
You lied.
And lied, and lied, and lied again.
I beLIEved every word.
Took it with a smile; an "I love you". A thank you.
You were supposed to be the trustworthy.
The ONE person a child should NEVER doubt or question.
The rock.
The noble.
The honorable.
the honest.
You took one look at this face and saw the token to deception.
I wouldn't question, wouldn't doubt, wouldn't inquire.
Just a: Yes, Dad. Sure, Dad. Anything you say, Dad.
And bounce on my merry way.
I beLIEved you.
Every lie.
Each tiny and earth-shattering lie.
Dangling like fascinating sparkles before my eyes.
Hypnotic.
Stole my trust.
My respect.
My faith.
...beLIEf in almost anything at all.
I was just your pathetic, blind, innocent, naive, little beLIEver.
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Comments: 67
thank you for still sharing your thoughts and your empathies.
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You look beautiful!!!
Sorry it's been a long while since I've written!
How have you been!? I'm great!!! Just chillin and hoping to go back to the US in december!!! Wish me luck!
xoxo
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aw, i hope you make it back over here in december -- never you mind about not writing in awhile; it just makes the times you do that much sweeter
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this hits just as hard the second time.
"Each tiny and earth-shattering lie."
when someone means that much to you..a lie doesn't have to be huge to send your whole world crashing down.
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too bad all his lies were huge. they were only tiny to him.
...because he didn't care about us.
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people are blind.
because it's all about him.
and no one else.
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thank you for seeing through to the truth
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i wish neither of us did; but you are welcome none the less.
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i wish the same, but still thank you
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aw, and you are very very sweet!
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Whatever you do, don't let him ruin who God is for you.
Don't let that man mar the image of your true Father, who created you and loves you.
Whatever you do. whatever he did.
Don't let that ruin His love for you.
He is a sturdy rock, shelter, refuge.
that man isn't what a father is. he doesn't know what a father is. perhaps he never had one himself.
but God knows what it is to be a loving Father.
don't give up on Him
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...stunned speechless.
you're so right -- as always with your wise words.
i'm moved, touched, and looking to better things ((God; of course))
and i owe that re-direction of my focus to you.
thank you beautiful one.
truly
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you have no idea how happy that makes me.
how relieved i am
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aww -- i'm so truly glad then.
becuase i promise i meant every word.
you have blessed me with the infinite gift of always directing my eyes where they belong; and that's invaluable -- too great to give name or true enough appreciation to
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well then defintely give a big thanks to Him, because without His encouragement, I'm sure I wouldn't have ever said the right thing.
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i don't knooooow, i think you could've pulled that one easily on your own. you got it built-in ya 
buuut, God gets some credit too 
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i also have good parents.. and i'm always sad to hear when others do not.
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eh, we can't all luck out
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i have to say i'm lucky enough to have pretty dang awesome parents. they annoy the heck out me a lot but they are parents after all. 
though sadly i do relate in the friend sort of way. though we never see each other it still hurts to remember how it felt when i finally saw through the "brainwashing"
the betrayal is terrible and the stain of it is never quite washed out.
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i'm so grateful for your beautiful parents.
everyone has those "my parents are awful" moments -- but few genuinely are. i'm glad yours are genuinely good
brainwashing is the death of the mind to me. i don't know if i can ever trust MYSELF anymore or my own thoughts because i'm not sure if i'm filtering those thoughts through someone else's false teachings to me, or if i really DO have the story/feeling/etc. -- let alone trusting anything anyone ELSE says
blah, i'm done rambling -- hahaha
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aw, i'm so sorry that you even havet to know how i feel.
sometimes i hold firm in beliving that because of them is who i've become today -- but more often in not, to the degree their hurt has run, i question whenther i had the potential to be so so soooooo much more than i am now. i don't mind the experience and lessons living this way has taught me, but i also believe i would've learned and discovered many of those same things to build myself to be who i am without the unnecessary and extra suffering that this particular package has come along with
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yea. i have the same exact thoughts. i might have benefited from they're ..behavior in some ways..experience wise. but there's also a whole other side that i've missed because of that same behavior or...lifestyle i guess. *shrug*
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i hear you loud and clear.
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Rangers - A Fine Frenzy.
I'm listening to it right now. Amazing song. <33
Anyways, first; the superficial: I love your smile. (:
Now; the comments: I understand your commentary all too well, are you me?
My mother is just the same. Exactly the same.
And she denies it all, everything.
She acts like she's "Little Ms. Perfect" around strangers and friends. But family sees her true colors.
Gah..
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my mom does the identical thing -- but it's my dad's lies who are vicious and not just the pretend "everything's perfect" like my mind. his are coniving, hurtful, and brainwashing.
but, bleh to that.
thank you for enjoying my smile
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My mom's quite the sly one. -.-
And my grandmother always says, "Hopefully, she'll learn and stop. ."
I always respond, "If she hasn't learned by now, it's too late."
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can't teach an old dog new tricks.
but actualllllly that's not true. tell your mom to watch the film "what the bleep do we know" ... and she'll see she really CAN change old patterns and stop repeating cycles that become automatic and robotic.
i think she could change.
for you if not herself
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She doesn't care about anyone except herself. :\
I have many proofs of it. Many.
I wouldn't know how to find it. Have you shown it to your dad?
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my dad could care less about movies and it takes thought. he'd fall asleep and hate anything that isn't sports or work.
even mentioning it to him, i'd get an eyeroll and some smartass comment -- even if i said it so innocently or gently.
but, if you watched it with her; you TOO could benefit -- EVERYONE can. everyone. it's amazing.
you can get it on netflix; some video stores have it. it's available online, too. i could find links to it all if you want or you could look yourself too
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Well my mother is a woman [phew 
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You're so beautiful.
Fathers can be so difficult sometimes.
I wouldn't know the depth, but parents don't get anything most days.
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aw, thank you for trying to understand -- and for the fave.
.....my dad's not just "out of touch" -- he just takes full advantage of everything and everyone. i think he 'gets it' -- but too well. will use any and everything and everyone to his advantage. .... .and will lie and deceive the whole way through it and insist his innocence and "saintly-hood".
and, of course i still live with him, and not that he'd ever read this, but if he did, not only would be deny it all to the death ((another brainwashing lie)) .. but then he'd murder me.
probably literally
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I hate trying to relate to people , because most people don't much want to hear it, but my mom is like that.
She insists that she does everything with good intention and acts like she's this wonderful, beautiful person.
But she just manipulates everyone into loving her so she can control them.
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sadly, that's just how my mom is too. she just gets off WAY more innocent than my dad -- but that's mainly because my dad's lies are more vicious and conniving that my mom's more simple world of deceit by pretend. they each live in their own fantasy world, but almost share the same one; becuase they'll forgive one ANOTHER to the death. while the rest of us have to sit back and take it because there's not a blessed thing we can do abuot it.
...i'm so so sorry you have to understand this even a little
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same here.
no one should ever have to suffer anything.
especially you.
I hate that you could be suffering.
I don't know my dad that well.
My mom pretty much had my mind warped against him for most of my life.
Then, when I met Curtis, he showed me how much my dad really loved me.
And now, we're starting to hang out more and get closer.
I know my mom doesn't like it, but too bad for her.
She took him to court 11 times in a few months to try and keep him away from me permanently.
I remember lying in bed and hoping she'd won for once so I wouldn't have to sit there and listen to her cry.
But now I know they were selfish tears. And I'm glad she never won.
OFF TOPIC MUCH.
eek.
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i've kept this comment, too, in my inbox for a very long time, praying the magic words would come to me in response to something so strong.
i can never bear giving a half-assed reply, when there's something so tugging on my heart like this.
yet, not matter how many times i come around; there just aren't words comforting, consoling or understanding enough. it all just sounds cold and meaningless when i try.
but really i'm just so so sorry you've had to go through all that;
i can't even imagine the wear and tear -- and just the tug-of-war you must've gone through.
oh sweetheart, i wish i could take all that yuck away, but it's in the past and all i can do is be the bestest friend from afar i can be to make your NOW wonderful
I LOVE you darling. to the end of earth and back.
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aww,honey.
thank you so much for your care. (:
but I haven't many regrets from my past.
aside from my crazy mother, I had a wonderful childhood.
so many great memories that many people would only dream of having. (:
I wish I could take away all your yuck.
all the pain you've suffered
all the indignations and abuse.
I'm sorry you ever had to endure any sort of agony in your life.
you're so wonderful and you deserve nothing less than the best.
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well you KNOW i love this one haha. i don't love that i share my same sort of feelings towards my father also but i love that someone sort of understands how i feel.
so seriously.
thank you.
:]
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aw, i just appreciate that you DO understand and we can completely connect without words.
means everything right there.
everything.
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i know seriously.
gives me more comfort than you know :]
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aww -- i couldn't agree more
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I wish I couldn't understand how you feel all the time. 
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oh man -- i've had a bunch of those instances too 
...but i hate that you have to understand any of this too
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But the saddest thing is, is that i still tlak to him. I love himt oo much to let him go, even though I never know when he is telling the truth or not. ='[
It makes me sad to know that you feel what I have, and vic versa. I suppose I'm young, there's many more downfalls ahead.
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i'm the same -- with all the friends whom i KNOW are lying. i have two very different actually pathological liars who are in denial -- but i'd tune out their lies and pretend like i believed them.
but, with my dad, i have to talk to him, every single day. ... i don't have a choice out of that one.
and i don't think i could ever trust a word he says. ever
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I know. I feel like I can't turn my back on them. They need help... but I never know how to help them.
I'm re-gaining my friendship with my daddy. He's been really good lately. I miss him a lot. Only get to see him weekends. I love him lots. The only family member I've ever had issues with was my grandma. But it's not because she lies, it'e because she constantly talks shit on my mom. =[
i'm so sorry about your father. It must hurt a terrible amouny. =[
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