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carvingbackbone — even if you have to crawl..
Published: 2008-03-22 01:35:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 1540; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 17
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...the mountaintop shall always await your arrival with unfailing patience.I liked the B&W version better; tell me which you prefer
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forgive my mindless ramblings
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I've got to get up.
I can't stay here. I've dug my fingernails into the ledge, knuckles have long-turned white. Each finger slipping off, one at a time.
No one's at the top. No hand to cling to.
No one is below me. No cushion to be caught.
But, I am Kristie
I never give up.
So, I've got to GET up. Must stop the vicious spiraling circle, collapsing and suffocating -- smothering my very existence. Drowning me out.
My world is built on change. It's taller than the Great Wall, every brick a symbol of transformation, an attempt to tip the scales. Each a mark of an attempt often tried and failed. But an attempt no less.
'I can't be this unsturdy. This cannot be happening.'
no, it cant be.
and, now its my turn to stand up, fight, and do my part to KEEP it from happening.
i didn't have a choice then. but i do now.
i've had the choice before, but i wasn't ready.
gave it my all. every last breath... every. Last. Breath.
...beee..eee......ep. ..beep.
I'm still breathing now.
And, I've got to get up.
I've got to change this.
'now i've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
so when i'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you pick me out. oh, how I long to be found.
the grass grew high, I laid down.
now i wait for a hand to lift me up! help me stand.
i've been laying so low.
don't want to lay here no more.'
break the circle. make a new ring. repair our ONE cell in the sea. anew.
It's not easy being me
...THAT WON'T EVER STOP ME!
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Comments: 48
just read all the previous.love your wry expression,beautiful face,and scrapbook.stay just as you are.youre ok.
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aw thank you very very much
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my beautiful kristie minus the fang piercings...your so strong.
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fang piercings, hahaha. so long ago that shot was taken, lol. not really, that was before all my hair was chopped off, too, lol
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i told my mom i wanted fang piercings and then i had to show her what they were..and she told me no, and that if i did it anyhow without her consent she'd put me out...lol...oh well.she told me as long as im living with her i cannot get any fang piercings..but i could pierce the hell out of my ears..lol..so i guess thats what i'll do.
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hahaha, it makes me laugh when you call them fang piercings instead of snakebites, ...it makes me sound like I'VE got fangs, hahaha... like i'm evil.
aaaha, that could be one hell of a metaphor considering some of my homocidal parts evidently. i really am a monster; it's been proven.
get your septum pierced!!! oh she'd looooove that! i don't know many black sistahs with their septums done. that's such a white people thanggg. you'd be hotness with a septum done, ha. i'd love it.
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whats a spetum piercing? i should totally do it..haha..is that an ear piercing? its gotta be an ear piercing...when i call them fang piercings its because snakes have fangs, it has nothing to do with you being a monster or anything..i don't have monsters for friends..and trust me all of us have some evil parts..earlier today one of my parts told my therapist to fucking piss off. and there have been worst things said...sigh...
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hahaha, a septum piercing is def not the ears, lol -- it's the middle part of your nose cartilidge -- a lot of people refer to it as the "bull piericing". and i was just teasing about the fangs/monster stuff -- really just poking fun at me where i could because i could and not cuz of you. and who knows, maybe your therapist really needed to piss off, lol. at least they didn't say i'm going to kill you. two points to team krystle! woot woot!!
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babyface you are just too much. know that i am forever here for you because i see right through your humor. laughing so you don't have to cry. i totally understand. know that i am here...i can't make it any more clearer...your my angel.
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you always see right through me.
you amaze me and caught me today as i started to fall. thank yuo endlessly my beautiful girl
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Gosh, your skin looks so jaundiced here...
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yeah, i think it was the yellow lighting -- not me personally, lol
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Oh okay! I wasn't sure, I know when I was quite underweight my skin went a very funny colour (kinda greyish yellow)... in fact some people still say my skin looks odd.
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nah, i'm as pale as pale gets, but never been yellowed as i've seen others... my skin's never changed coloring, but i've had some other discouraging effects from being unhealthy
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Glad you have not been yellowed! Though, as you said I bet you have suffered many other unhealthy effects. I also guess starvation effects people differently. Some people lose their hair - others go yellow! and some go yellow and hairless! (joke)
Seriously though, It is awful what this does to our body.
Yet it has never been enough to stop me
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You have amazing inner strength - i have every faith it wont stop you
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wow.
thank you.
every time.
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Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to celebrate; watchers and art appreciators big and small,
The celebration of someone we all know and love,
Kristie.
Someone stronger than I believe, than most of us are.
To have been held on the ground but by sheer will has risen farther than us all.
Ladies and Gentlemen, do you see what we have been blessed with?
A beautiful girl who has done so much for many, even the darkest hours we only see through a computer screen.
Help her stand, people!
Everyone, please take her hand.
On this horrible mountain, we all cling to the edge at some point or another.
And we all, must pull ourselves up.
Proud, we are, at this lovely lady.
I know I am.
Smiles and support we had all received,
Sometimes only good wishes.
Cherish them, Ladies and Gentlemen.
For you will find no other beautiful person..
Like Kristie.
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...just, how... how do you do it to me?
i don't deserve this.
but am still left too stunned to speak.
...why can we not fave comments??
or people?
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Aw dont say that,love. You deserve everything that I say and more. Actually I had alot more to say but my computer shut down for awhile and I forgot >.>
But I would fav you as well if we were allowed to favorite people.
Have a good day,
~<3 Laura
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aw, you ARE my fav 
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*Squeals in joy* Aww thank you! :3 *Does the same* <3
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it's more a goofy pigface snort than a smile 
haha, but thank you so sweetley
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The glamour:
I love your piercings! [Yes, I know I've said it before.
The...Something:
Lol, this put a smile on my face. This is uplifting, y'know, today, for me, has been a truly great day; I think life will be different beginning now. (:
But, I am Kristie
I never give up.
Best line EVER.
I am so proud of you.
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eek
but i am so very very happy that this made YOU happy. i wanted to put someone out there more hopeful after such wrenching difficult submissions that are painful to post. so, something uplifting, was a must
thank you beautiful. for every word
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Of course! I love them! 
Yay yay yay, yes they did!
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hahaha, WOOT! happiness all-around
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But, I am Kristie
I never give up.
That put the BIGGEST smile on my face.
And its still there
I'm so proud of you, honey !
You are strong.
And you can make it.
And you know it.
You're amazing.
I am so so happy for you.
That you'll never give up.
You are absolutely astounding, dear Kristie.
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aw, mannndieeee - you have no idea hw happy that makes ME to know that it made YOU happy
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aw this makes me just..happy...to say the least.
i love that it's not one of those super encouraging things talking about how strong someone is
"I'm not as strong as I thought."
love it.
it's just different then so much of the sort...not sure how to word what i'm thinking/feeling here...
but im forever and a day glad to know you're not giving up.
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aww...
to me, this is what i'd call "realistic optimism" it's not one-sided 100% positive bologna built on perfection and the ultimate all-can-be-beautiful-and-bright nature. it's acknowledging the TRUTH, which may not be ultimate optimism (("I'm not as strong as I thought")) .. but that being that honest, it makes the hope, strength and light seem actually TANGIBLE and not some lofty dream or unattainable wish. it becomes something within reach when we're not fooling ourselves preaching solely goodness that none of us can truly just hop on-board and believe in. if we could, we'd all do it. instead, we've got truth and we've got the hope that surrounds it. that is one way to ensure you'll NEVER lose.
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i envy the fact that you put that all into words so, so much.
i couldn't agree more. it's not humanly possible.
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ah yay yayy yayy!!
that's made my day to know you agree and that i made sense with what i'd wanted to say
my eyes are wayyy sleepy ((they're telling me so)), so that must mean my minds' just as slow. i'm always grateful when my hazing foggy brain still manages to pull out a deep thought i want articulate clearly
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yes it boggles my mind how even when we can be sooo tired..things make sense. sometimes more then they do when i'm not about to fall asleep at the keyboard
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ohhh my gosh i SO understand you there.
i'll type things compkete falling asleep between words withing a sentence, wake up, finish and crash, wake and type a few more, crash, a little more, crash.... little ... SEND!
and then i'll come ack the next day and read it going "oh mannn, this out to be terrible"... and i read and i'm like, 'oh my gosh! i'm effing BRILLIANT!'
and then i go read something when i was fully awake, charging with brainpower and so confident in my full-attention i'm giving....anddddd.... i re-read and it make NO sense, it horribly articulated, points gone astray, sentences not even sentences, typos galore and of course the kinds that change the whole context of the sentence... and yeah, it's as bad as a third grader the day before school lets out. 
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ahaha yess! and what really bugs me..is late at night..i'll type out a super long msg/journal..then press a button..and *poof* its gone.
and im wayy too tired to type it again...haha!
yes! i do the SAME EXACT thing!
what the effff hahahaha
goodness gracious yes its quite scary to me..amazing the things ones mind does at the wee hours of the morning compared to the afternoon
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This makes me feel better for you, and gave me a sliver of motivation for myself. That, and the expression on the left makes me smile a bit
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i knew if i was starting to make my bestest worry to much, i needed to tap into something strong and uplifting and level the scales.
and, my pig snort face on the left gives me a rather good chuckle now and then too
i was just off to write a return note to you, but now i feel sad knowing that i left ya on such a high note 
thank you for the fave though- that made ME smile
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Lol, you're welcome. It's more of an "orly? I am not impressed" look, which is pretty funny. Tough Kristie, hee-ya 
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omgomg, you're so hilarious -- in a tacky, goofy, and rather cheesy way
it's my "pscht, you have NO idea what i'm really thinking" fave. don't mess with this. back off boyyyyy
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Uh hun honey. Don't you be frontin wit tis. I'll cut joo. I'll cut joo good lol. Joo get up out my grill now fo I have to hurt joo.
Sorry, my inner hair-stylist got out lol. IDK where she comes from sometimes.
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she don't need no man. She do fine all by huself. Stop tryna change the subjec. Why you all up in my grill?
I'm sorry, forgive my sense of humor, but I find the idea of "ghetto speak" hilarious, much like I do the "gay man lisp." I mean, both are so staged. No one really talks like that naturally. So...yeah, maybe I'm being evil, but hopefully my humor doesn't seem to cruel lol.
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noppppe.
i'd offer my own that'd put you to shame ((my skills run MADDD deep yo)) if i had the spark in me to do so
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lol, you must do it some time XD
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