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Description
I'm leaving comments on for this. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I just hope that sharing my experiences can help others learn and grow as their own person.

Originally when I drew this, it was vent art.

But how could something so positive and pink be vent art?!

Well. . .

I'm a victim of abuse. I've been through alot of crap, more than my fair share. Mental, Psyichal, Sexual & Emotional abuse are all things I've expererienced for 20+ years. Last year I broke down and I got very suicidal, I was lucky to have the people around me because without them I would've done something stupid, I infact tried doing something stupid.
So I decided to change, and I worked hard for it.
In the middle of last year, July, my father died. He was the main source of abuse that I had (not sexual, he'd never do that).
And as cruel and as horrible as it sounds. . .when that happened. . .I felt free. For the first time in my life I felt that no one was gonna try and kill me anymore. I could leave the house without worrying about his car being there or him aiming a gun at me.
Its been. . .nice.

Suddenly alot of the things I was trying my hardest to change just *poofed*, they left. I realized that the majority of the negative problems coming from me was stemming from him. But that wasn't all the problems. My father had a very obvious personality disorder and most likely inherited that and ontop of all the trauma I have its. . .allways going to be a flaw of mine. Other people look back in their lives and see fun times with their family but, I don't have that. Honestly I barely have any positive memories. But I was trying my hardest to be optimistic and positive through all of that, and it was working!
A few weeks ago I was given some pills, essentially they were beta blockers. My body has never been able to handle anything like muscle relaxers or pills for depression, the last time I had something like that I was close to a heart attack. The doctor new this and gave me a small dose of them to try but, that small dose was enough to fuck with my body and my mind. I couldn't feel my arms much, and I kept sleeping. And even though I was trying to be my normal positive self, I couldn't. I went from being able to be the confident happy fun person I was to suicidal in just a few days. My cat noticed this (her name is Magic), and one night she came to hang out with me, I think she knew that I was going to try something stupid that night. She was right. I couldn't sleep, the thoughts of ending it all were strong and I decided to get up and get a knife. Magic on the other hand had plonked herself right infront of my door and, if you've ever had depression or a pet, you're not going to move it. You let the cute animal sleep where it fucking wants or you're pure evil.
She stopped me, she knew.

I told a few of my closer friends and they made sure I was safe over the next week even if I was a little bit of a bitch to them (sorry : ()

She hasnt come back to my room since because she knows she isn't needed now, why? I'm not on those pills.
I spoke to the doctor, and hes given me some different pills to try. Within 2days of taking those instead the depression fucked off and I was able to finish this picture the way I had intended it to be.

With all the things I have whitnessed and been through there is only one thing I want to do now, laugh with people. Have fun with people. Make positive memories to replace and destroy the negative ones but, with all the things I've seen and the personality disorder I have the only way I can do those things is to hide them. The people around me talk about their families and I love it so much! I know some of them feel so bad about it knowing how I've been treated but I love hearing about their stories, because I can't share mine.

To hang around these people, to cope with the messed up mind I have I have to see the world through

"Rose tinted glasses"

I'm ok now

This is still vent art in a sense but, its positive now.

Back to acting like a spoilt brat lol

Pretty happy with how this turned out! Theres something that bothers me about the face but I don'tknow what it is but hey I'm improving slowly. Since last year pink has been my favorite colour and to make something as beautiful as this makes me incredibly happy. It remidns me of Ouran High School Host Club and I just want to put kiss kiss fall in love on repeat while looking at it xD

Just to note: I used the rose brush in clip studio paint and traced the roses and coloured them in, I didn't draw those lmao

Huemi & Art -

Description
I'm leaving comments on for this. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I just hope that sharing my experiences can help others learn and grow as their own person.

Originally when I drew this, it was vent art.

But how could something so positive and pink be vent art?!

Well. . .

I'm a victim of abuse. I've been through alot of crap, more than my fair share. Mental, Psyichal, Sexual & Emotional abuse are all things I've expererienced for 20+ years. Last year I broke down and I got very suicidal, I was lucky to have the people around me because without them I would've done something stupid, I infact tried doing something stupid.
So I decided to change, and I worked hard for it.
In the middle of last year, July, my father died. He was the main source of abuse that I had (not sexual, he'd never do that).
And as cruel and as horrible as it sounds. . .when that happened. . .I felt free. For the first time in my life I felt that no one was gonna try and kill me anymore. I could leave the house without worrying about his car being there or him aiming a gun at me.
Its been. . .nice.

Suddenly alot of the things I was trying my hardest to change just *poofed*, they left. I realized that the majority of the negative problems coming from me was stemming from him. But that wasn't all the problems. My father had a very obvious personality disorder and most likely inherited that and ontop of all the trauma I have its. . .allways going to be a flaw of mine. Other people look back in their lives and see fun times with their family but, I don't have that. Honestly I barely have any positive memories. But I was trying my hardest to be optimistic and positive through all of that, and it was working!
A few weeks ago I was given some pills, essentially they were beta blockers. My body has never been able to handle anything like muscle relaxers or pills for depression, the last time I had something like that I was close to a heart attack. The doctor new this and gave me a small dose of them to try but, that small dose was enough to fuck with my body and my mind. I couldn't feel my arms much, and I kept sleeping. And even though I was trying to be my normal positive self, I couldn't. I went from being able to be the confident happy fun person I was to suicidal in just a few days. My cat noticed this (her name is Magic), and one night she came to hang out with me, I think she knew that I was going to try something stupid that night. She was right. I couldn't sleep, the thoughts of ending it all were strong and I decided to get up and get a knife. Magic on the other hand had plonked herself right infront of my door and, if you've ever had depression or a pet, you're not going to move it. You let the cute animal sleep where it fucking wants or you're pure evil.
She stopped me, she knew.

I told a few of my closer friends and they made sure I was safe over the next week even if I was a little bit of a bitch to them (sorry : ()

She hasnt come back to my room since because she knows she isn't needed now, why? I'm not on those pills.
I spoke to the doctor, and hes given me some different pills to try. Within 2days of taking those instead the depression fucked off and I was able to finish this picture the way I had intended it to be.

With all the things I have whitnessed and been through there is only one thing I want to do now, laugh with people. Have fun with people. Make positive memories to replace and destroy the negative ones but, with all the things I've seen and the personality disorder I have the only way I can do those things is to hide them. The people around me talk about their families and I love it so much! I know some of them feel so bad about it knowing how I've been treated but I love hearing about their stories, because I can't share mine.

To hang around these people, to cope with the messed up mind I have I have to see the world through

"Rose tinted glasses"

I'm ok now

This is still vent art in a sense but, its positive now.

Back to acting like a spoilt brat lol

Pretty happy with how this turned out! Theres something that bothers me about the face but I don'tknow what it is but hey I'm improving slowly. Since last year pink has been my favorite colour and to make something as beautiful as this makes me incredibly happy. It remidns me of Ouran High School Host Club and I just want to put kiss kiss fall in love on repeat while looking at it xD

Just to note: I used the rose brush in clip studio paint and traced the roses and coloured them in, I didn't draw those lmao

Huemi & Art -